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Crewmember Sex Alert!

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Crewmember Sex Alert!

Old 14th Apr 2004, 23:04
  #1 (permalink)  
quidquid excusatio prandium pro
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 351
Crewmember Sex Alert!

This just in from the FAA, having sex all night, the night before a flight, may cause dangerous levels of fatigue that would render aircraft operation unsafe. To this end, the TSA is being supplied with a new device at all airport security checkpoints, able to detect even minute levels, in crewmembers who may have illegally engaged in layover madness.

The name for this clever new device is, tentatively, the ‘Penalyzer’, or the ‘Dick-ta-Phone’. The FAA is currently soliciting other suggestions from any and all interested parties.
bugg smasher is offline  
Old 14th Apr 2004, 23:53
  #2 (permalink)  
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: About 3000 below Midhurst SID I reckon
Posts: 691
Dear Sirs

Following recent news on PPRuNe regarding a new FAA regulation, please accept my resignation.......

Hey does this count if the night before was with the captain???

What is this device exactly? A sniffer dog on heat?
sixmilehighclub is offline  
Old 15th Apr 2004, 11:22
  #3 (permalink)  
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 827
I believe it's technically called "the moment when all the april fool emails float back up from the bottom of the net a couple of weeks later"
steamchicken is offline  
Old 15th Apr 2004, 11:37
  #4 (permalink)  

Rotate on this!
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Aberdeen
Age: 59
Posts: 402
so presumably......

"Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the Captain speaking. As you may have guessed I didn't get any last night......."
SLFguy is offline  
Old 15th Apr 2004, 14:29
  #5 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: down below
Posts: 88
Having sex all night! This is bullsh**.

Men just crap on about doing it all night.

The average man lasts about 11 minutes.

From my experience pilots certainly aren't better than the average man.

So I don't think the detectors will have much work at all.
gatfield is offline  
Old 15th Apr 2004, 14:49
  #6 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: undiclosed
Posts: 27
How are they ever going to stop the fleet air arm from having sex all night? First they rule out Rum, next So*d*my.. they've only got the lash to keep them entertained before flying. Hoon had better sort out some gimp suits for them.
ssultana is offline  
Old 15th Apr 2004, 14:54
  #7 (permalink)  

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Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: On the beach
Posts: 383
Is the lash bit a new innovation? When I did my RNFS I was told that it was 'rum, bum & gramophone records'. (I didn't join....).

Gatfield - maybe it's just you?
Biggles Flies Undone is offline  
Old 15th Apr 2004, 14:56
  #8 (permalink)  

Just Binos
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Mackay, Australia
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Posts: 1,397
Gatfield is not having a good day.

(11 minutes? Does that include the bottle of wine beforehand?)
Binoculars is offline  
Old 15th Apr 2004, 16:18
  #9 (permalink)  
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: undiclosed
Posts: 27
BFU, I believe the lash, was historically used for discipline (as used by William bligh on HMS Bounty but became a popular form of entertainment and in some cases pleasure. Reports are that the new aircraft carriers coming into service will have a whole room dedicated to these pursuits, including a 'bed of nails' and a 'mini-dungeon' to boot. Although rumour has it that the forthcoming defence review includes recommendations that the studded dog collars should be dropped to save money and the whips could be made of plastic instead of the proposed italian leather.
ssultana is offline  
Old 15th Apr 2004, 22:51
  #10 (permalink)  
quidquid excusatio prandium pro
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 351

Eleven minutes is plenty get get two bottles down, and a have a leisurely time of it at the workbench as well. No wham, bam, thank you ma'am for me. Noooo Sir.
bugg smasher is offline  

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