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Hot Jelly ?

Old 10th Dec 2001, 12:29
  #1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: The Daylight Saving Free Zone
Posts: 731
Smile Hot Jelly ?

Found this one today ...

Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana.
He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a worst job experience" contest.

Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the
water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater.
This $20,000 piece of sh!t sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose.

Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.

What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my a$$ started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done.
In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my a$$ was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my ass.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.
As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't sh!t for 2 days because my a$$hole was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your a$$!
sprocket is offline  
Old 13th Dec 2001, 05:13
  #2 (permalink)  
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Brighton le sands
Posts: 26

I can relate to that a little....

some years back while working in the tiny pacific island of Fiji , I took part in a yacht race to a tiny island way off shore and
decided to spend the night ashore after the usual celebratory drinks , had my jeans/t-shirt on to fend off the mosquitos and went to sleep under the tropical stars in a hamock.....only to be awakened in the middle of a VERY dark night by strange movements INSIDE my jeans , picture this...2 large native rats crawling up trouser leg to crotch area , wearer of trousers wakes up and rats decide to flee , hard to do now since wearer of trousers is now sprinting/screaming through shrubs and bush in pitch black darkness while trying to remove rats via open zipper....managed to get one of them out and "chuck" it away ("propelled" is a better word) before tripping/falling aver and squashing the other , result..?..gonads and bum all warm an squishy now from soft limp furry creature and its previously internal assets.

still got the scars on my legs from the tearing shrubs and i can still hear the bellowing laughter from 30 other people who came to the "rescue".....some of whom may even be reading this [email protected]

[ 13 December 2001: Message edited by: X-dash8thrasher ]
X-dash8thrasher is offline  
Old 13th Dec 2001, 05:27
  #3 (permalink)  
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: due south
Posts: 1,333

You were lucky it wasn't a coconut crab looking for nuts.
henry crun is offline  

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