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It's impossible, I've tried it

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It's impossible, I've tried it

Old 12th Jul 2001, 09:28
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Post It's impossible, I've tried it

You know the old cliche about waving a red flag in front of a bull? Well I heard something the other day that I just had to see for myself. Apparently you can't sneeze and p!ss at the same time. Apparently. So you see.....I hadda try it. Of course I was at work. Minor detail. P!ssing isn't so hard but sneezing on demand is. This was shaping up to be a major exercise and I wasn't likely to get an educational grant for the research so I used by employee ID instead to get a discount on a sachet of pepper from the airport kiosk. Thats sort of like a grant I figured. So off I trotted to the mens room to snort pepper and p!ss...not necessarily in that order..well maybe, thats what I wanted to see after all.

Thinking that I was a smart kinda fella I thought I would make sure to fill the bladder on the way to work. Didn't want to run out half way through the experiment now did I? So I had pulled into the local office supply shop and bought one of those 20 gallon water machine refills of water and drank the lot in the car on the way to the airport. Needless to say by the time I had the pepper in hand I was busting. Major p!ss erection on the go! Now the boys will know what sort of trouble that is when you have to pass a sample standing up. You sort of instinctively want to hold the cup upside down cause its going to be going up........well thats another story altogether.

So there I was boner in one hand, leaning forward so far that my head was resting on the wall above the toilet trying to push my wang far enough down so that I could actually go into the toilet AND trying to sniff this pepper from a sachet in my left hand at the same time. God its hard to pee in that position never mind sneezing. However when you have to go as bad as I did it was going to take more than an untimely hard on to stop me.

Big sniff of that ground up white pepper....oh yeah...push a bit harder...here it comes...look out.......AAAAACCCCCHHHHOOOOO!!! "God bless you" I heard from the ladies next door.

Well its true, can't be done. Let me tell you what DOES happen but. Couldn't help my head wanting to go back at the peak pressure point of the pre sneeze movement. Had nothing more to spare on the willy angle displacement given the ridgity of the tissue. Thus as head cocked back willy angle decreased causing momentary alteration of stream trajectory. In the nano second during pre sneeze rearward head travel I was still able to pass a sample but unfortunately I had no further control over its destination and I hit the back of the toilet seat. Then as mooted earlier I was unable to continue sample deposition at the moment of sneeze release. I was also unable to keep my head in its rearward position and as I had started this exercise from the all to familiar "forward leaning 'cause I have a p!ss fat" peeing stance my head was thrust forward back to its starting positon on the wall ( and dam near through it I might add) causing a momentarty "dear in headlights" response from yours truely. So much for Newtons law, which ever one it was, that says for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Sneeze should have blown my head so far back that my neck would have broken. And get this. Not only can't you p!ss when you sneeze but you can't stop yourself from p!ssing when the sneeze is over, assuming you were p!ssing when the sneeze started. Needless to say I had staggered back from the dunny when I hit my head and then in a fit of continued sneezing (makes mental note to NOT inhale entire contents of sachet next time) continued to pee in erratic fashion all aroung the general area of the cubical I was occupying. Whats more I have discovered that tan coloured uniform pants are not good for consealing those nasty ole wet spots on the front of your trousers! Had to spend an additional five minutes under the hand dryer with my crotch shoved up in the air stream trying to dry the bloody things before I walked down the concourse past my passengers to the plane.

Did I learn much from all this?

Hell no.
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Old 12th Jul 2001, 10:12
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Join Date: Jun 2001
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That is about the funniest dam thing i have ever heard. But once, just by chance, i did sneeze while p!ssing, needless to say, the stream stopps flowing, then resumes after you are done. However I think this is a harder task for a gentleman than a ladie. The back of the Toilet seat wont get wet anyways.

Cody

[ 12 July 2001: Message edited by: Copter Cody ]
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Old 12th Jul 2001, 14:46
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It is quite easy to belch and fart at the same time, and so funny and satisfying.
 
Old 12th Jul 2001, 19:04
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Spruce:

Excellent ! I haven't laughed so much since Henry Wilt got himself tangled up on that rose bush
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Old 13th Jul 2001, 04:36
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Sneezing and farting.....now that reminds me of a time.............................
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Old 13th Jul 2001, 09:05
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Spruce - I read on D&G that you got a job with Virgin. I think you'll fit in very well!!!
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Old 13th Jul 2001, 17:31
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min
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Well...I nearly p!ssed myself laughing at this....thank god there was no pepper within 100 miles.....!
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