Tanto per alleggerire la settimana!
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Tanto per alleggerire la settimana!
Aviation Jokes
alcuni sono proprio carucci...specie le 33 bugie più grandi dell'aviazione
Io penso di averle provate quasi tutte
alcuni sono proprio carucci...specie le 33 bugie più grandi dell'aviazione
Io penso di averle provate quasi tutte
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Just Around The Corner
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Letter from a retired airline pilot to his peers.
Here is a home study simulator course for those who still hunger for the romance and adventure of airline flying.
That "Romance and Adventure"will all come back to you if you follow the steps of this "practice trip" at home.
1. Stay out of bed all night.
2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair,in a closet,for nine or ten hours facing a four foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.
3. Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaner on hight ,out of sight but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night.If a vacuum cleaner fails,do the appropriate restart checklist.
4. Halfway throught your nocturnal simulator course,arrange for a bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three hours,simulating flying en eastbound flight into the sunrise.
5. Have bland overcoocked food served on a try midway throught the night.
6. Have a cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time.Ask your spouse to slam the door frequently.
7. At the time when your must heed nature's calls, force yourself to stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes,transferring your weight from leg to leg,easing the discomfort.Don't forget to wear your hat.
8. Leave the closet after the prescribed nine or ten hours,turn on your sprinklers and stand out in the cold and rain for twenty minutes,simulating the wait for the crew car.
9. Head for your bedroom,wet and with your suitcase and flight bag.Stand outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves,simulating the wait while the maid makes up the hotel room.
10. When your spouse inquires,"Just what in the hell have you been doing?" just say "Recalling the allure of all night flying to romantic places" as you collapse into bed.
11. If you are a purist,make this a two-day trip instead of a turn-around,and do this two night in a row.
Hope you enjoy your sim session
Nick 1
That "Romance and Adventure"will all come back to you if you follow the steps of this "practice trip" at home.
1. Stay out of bed all night.
2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair,in a closet,for nine or ten hours facing a four foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.
3. Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaner on hight ,out of sight but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night.If a vacuum cleaner fails,do the appropriate restart checklist.
4. Halfway throught your nocturnal simulator course,arrange for a bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three hours,simulating flying en eastbound flight into the sunrise.
5. Have bland overcoocked food served on a try midway throught the night.
6. Have a cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time.Ask your spouse to slam the door frequently.
7. At the time when your must heed nature's calls, force yourself to stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes,transferring your weight from leg to leg,easing the discomfort.Don't forget to wear your hat.
8. Leave the closet after the prescribed nine or ten hours,turn on your sprinklers and stand out in the cold and rain for twenty minutes,simulating the wait for the crew car.
9. Head for your bedroom,wet and with your suitcase and flight bag.Stand outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves,simulating the wait while the maid makes up the hotel room.
10. When your spouse inquires,"Just what in the hell have you been doing?" just say "Recalling the allure of all night flying to romantic places" as you collapse into bed.
11. If you are a purist,make this a two-day trip instead of a turn-around,and do this two night in a row.
Hope you enjoy your sim session
Nick 1
Join Date: Apr 2005
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Pilot converting from dc9 like steam gages to glass cockpit:" now I know what a dog feels like watching tv!"
The 3 things you don't want to hear on the flight deck:
FO: I have an idea
Capt: watch this
Nav: oh ****
Santa IR is due and he's walking to his reindeers sleigh beside the FAA examiner who is carrying a shotgun on his shoulder.
Santa: Why are you carrying a gun?
FAA examiner: I really shouldn't tell you but you are gonna lose an engine on take off!
Ciao e buona giornata!
The 3 things you don't want to hear on the flight deck:
FO: I have an idea
Capt: watch this
Nav: oh ****
Santa IR is due and he's walking to his reindeers sleigh beside the FAA examiner who is carrying a shotgun on his shoulder.
Santa: Why are you carrying a gun?
FAA examiner: I really shouldn't tell you but you are gonna lose an engine on take off!
Ciao e buona giornata!
Join Date: Feb 2008
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Il decalogo:
1. Se spingi la cloche avanti, le case diventano più grandi; se tiri la cloche verso di te, diventano più piccole.(A meno che tu non insista a tirare la cloche verso di te, in tal caso diventano grandi di nuovo)
2. Volare non è pericoloso; precipitare invece lo è.
3. Volare è la seconda più grande emozione conosciuta dall'uomo. Atterrare è la prima!
4. Tutti conoscono già le definizione in base alla quale un “buon atterraggio” è uno dopo il quale si può lasciare l'aereo sulle proprie gambe.Pochi però conoscono la definizione di “grande atterraggio”: è uno dopo il quale si può utilizzare l'aereo un'altra volta.
5. L'elicottero è una collezione di tante parti rotanti che vanno a sinistra e a destra e di altrettante parti che vanno su e giù; tutte che cercano di assumere un moto casuale. Gli elicotteri in realtà non volano, semplicemente sono cosi brutti che la Terra li respinge.
6. Impara dagli errori altrui. Non vivrai abbastanza a lungo per farli tutti tu.
7. Un pilota maschio è un'anima confusa che parla di donne quando vola, e di volo quando è con una donna.
8. Fai di tutto affinché il numero dei tuoi atterraggi sia uguale al numero dei tuoi decolli.
9. Non lasciare mai che un aereo ti porti in un posto in cui il tuo cervello non sia arrivato almeno cinque minuti prima.
10. Fidati del tuo comandante, comunque allacciati sempre la cintura di sicurezza!
Buoni atterraggi a tutti
1. Se spingi la cloche avanti, le case diventano più grandi; se tiri la cloche verso di te, diventano più piccole.(A meno che tu non insista a tirare la cloche verso di te, in tal caso diventano grandi di nuovo)
2. Volare non è pericoloso; precipitare invece lo è.
3. Volare è la seconda più grande emozione conosciuta dall'uomo. Atterrare è la prima!
4. Tutti conoscono già le definizione in base alla quale un “buon atterraggio” è uno dopo il quale si può lasciare l'aereo sulle proprie gambe.Pochi però conoscono la definizione di “grande atterraggio”: è uno dopo il quale si può utilizzare l'aereo un'altra volta.
5. L'elicottero è una collezione di tante parti rotanti che vanno a sinistra e a destra e di altrettante parti che vanno su e giù; tutte che cercano di assumere un moto casuale. Gli elicotteri in realtà non volano, semplicemente sono cosi brutti che la Terra li respinge.
6. Impara dagli errori altrui. Non vivrai abbastanza a lungo per farli tutti tu.
7. Un pilota maschio è un'anima confusa che parla di donne quando vola, e di volo quando è con una donna.
8. Fai di tutto affinché il numero dei tuoi atterraggi sia uguale al numero dei tuoi decolli.
9. Non lasciare mai che un aereo ti porti in un posto in cui il tuo cervello non sia arrivato almeno cinque minuti prima.
10. Fidati del tuo comandante, comunque allacciati sempre la cintura di sicurezza!
Buoni atterraggi a tutti
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A military pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 that had one engine shut down. "Ah," the fighter pilot remarked, "The dreaded seven-engine approach."
Marco
Marco
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questa mi è successa veramente
Io: "XXX Ground, Cessna 1234, over the xxx, inbound for landing"
Tower: "Cessna 1234, maybe XXX ground doesn't care of what you said, but I'm the tower, I care!"
Io: "XXX Ground, Cessna 1234, over the xxx, inbound for landing"
Tower: "Cessna 1234, maybe XXX ground doesn't care of what you said, but I'm the tower, I care!"
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Vabbè, se la si mette su questo piano... Preferivo Giorgione, tuttavia...
Controller: "Air Force 53, it appears your engine has... oh... disregard, I see you've already ejected."
-------
Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller: oooohhh! You have traffic!
-------
Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Center"
-------
Student Pilot: "I'm lost; I'm over a lake and heading toward the big E."
Controller: "Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar."
(short pause)...
Controller: "Okay then. That lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you turn to
the big W immediately ..."
-------
Tower (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots."
Pilot: "This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and 170 knots...But we are flexible."
Tower: "We too. Reduce to 173 knots."
... L'ultima...
B737 Speedbird 367: "Amburgo TWR buongiorno, Speedbird 367 richiede rullaggio dettagliato"
TWR: " Speedbird 367 non è mai stato ad Amburgo prima?????
B737 Speedbird 367: " Ohh si, molte volte... Ma era nel '44, sempre di notte... E non sono mai atterrato!!"
Controller: "Air Force 53, it appears your engine has... oh... disregard, I see you've already ejected."
-------
Controller: AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller: oooohhh! You have traffic!
-------
Cessna 152: "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Center"
-------
Student Pilot: "I'm lost; I'm over a lake and heading toward the big E."
Controller: "Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar."
(short pause)...
Controller: "Okay then. That lake is the Atlantic Ocean. Suggest you turn to
the big W immediately ..."
-------
Tower (in Stuttgart): "Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots."
Pilot: "This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and 170 knots...But we are flexible."
Tower: "We too. Reduce to 173 knots."
... L'ultima...
B737 Speedbird 367: "Amburgo TWR buongiorno, Speedbird 367 richiede rullaggio dettagliato"
TWR: " Speedbird 367 non è mai stato ad Amburgo prima?????
B737 Speedbird 367: " Ohh si, molte volte... Ma era nel '44, sempre di notte... E non sono mai atterrato!!"
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two ships 104 cross- country flight to ramstein:
f104: ramstein I-2001 +1, we have a problem....
twr. i-2001 +1 state the problem....
f104: problem is......leader no radio....wingman.....NO ENGLISH...
f104: ramstein I-2001 +1, we have a problem....
twr. i-2001 +1 state the problem....
f104: problem is......leader no radio....wingman.....NO ENGLISH...
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Questa e' vera sentita in U.K...
App_ XY1234 descent 4000 turn right hed.320 clear for ILS
XY_ Unable ,too high for ILS
App_ Too high ?? Use the speedbrakes...
XY_ Speedbrakes are for my mistakes not for yours !!
Nick 1
XY_ Unable ,too high for ILS
App_ Too high ?? Use the speedbrakes...
XY_ Speedbrakes are for my mistakes not for yours !!
Nick 1
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Tornado Luftwaffe che in inghilterra fa un bomb run in un poligono e sbaglia clamorosamente il target.
Direttore del poligono: "German Air Force xyz, you missed the target!"
Pilota tornado:"Not at all, a german bomb on english soil is always a good bomb"
girano voci che sia una storia vera
100
Direttore del poligono: "German Air Force xyz, you missed the target!"
Pilota tornado:"Not at all, a german bomb on english soil is always a good bomb"
girano voci che sia una storia vera
100
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- "Center, Aspen 27 request FL580"
- "Ok, who was the clown requesting a climb to Flight Level 580?"
- "Ahhh (southern drawl obbligatorio), that was Aspen 27, type SR-71, and we're requesting a descent to Flight Level 580..."
- "Ok, who was the clown requesting a climb to Flight Level 580?"
- "Ahhh (southern drawl obbligatorio), that was Aspen 27, type SR-71, and we're requesting a descent to Flight Level 580..."
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sentita su milano info
Non è divertentissima ma strappa sempre un sorriso mentre si è in volo...
A\M :" Milan Info I-TO goodmorning"
ATC :" India TANGA oscar goodmorning to you go ahead.."
mi sa che il controllore quella mattina stava ancora pensando alla notte prima...
A\M :" Milan Info I-TO goodmorning"
ATC :" India TANGA oscar goodmorning to you go ahead.."
mi sa che il controllore quella mattina stava ancora pensando alla notte prima...
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Radiotelefonia....
_ Charlie Capodichino (sulla frequenza APP.) tra 10' a terra, ci potreste venire a prendere per accompagnaci al bar ?? Oppure se quacuno ci potrebbe portare due brioches sottobordo ..(silenzio)
_Charlie ci siete?Rispondete? (silenzio)
_Charlie avete sentito? Qualcuno risponde? (silenzio)
_Charlie ??? (silenzio)
_C..
_ (altro aereo ) Ma nun te pija er dubbbio ??? (fine)
Nick 1
_Charlie ci siete?Rispondete? (silenzio)
_Charlie avete sentito? Qualcuno risponde? (silenzio)
_Charlie ??? (silenzio)
_C..
_ (altro aereo ) Ma nun te pija er dubbbio ??? (fine)
Nick 1
