A few jokes!
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A few jokes!
Plane Crash
An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers left, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, George W. Bush said, I am the President of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower, etc., and I am also the smartest president ever. So he takes the first parachute, and jumps out of the plane.
The second passenger said, I’m Rasheed Wallace, one of the best basketball players in the NBA, and the Portland Trailblazers need me, so I can’t afford to die. So he takes the second parachute, and leaves the plane.
The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said; I am the wife of the former President of the United States, I am New York’s Senator, and I am the smartest woman in the world. So she takes the third parachute and exits the plane.
The fourth passenger, an old man, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year old boy scout, I am old and frail and I don’t have many years left, so as a Christian gesture and a good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.
The boy scout said, It’s okay, there’s a parachute left for you. The world’s smartest president took my backpack.
Sniffer Dog
A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside.
The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline.
"Don't mind Rover," the handler says, "he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this."
He tells the dog, "Rover, search!"
The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy!"
He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival."
"Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler's arm.
The handler says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this, and the seat number."
"Wow!" says the first man.
Once again, the handler sends the dog to search the aisles.
Rover goes up and down the plane aisle and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back, jumps up onto the seat, and craps all over the place!!!!!
The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks, "What the heck was THAT for???!!"
The handler replies, "He just found a bomb."
Twist of the tongue
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'........... so she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed, bitch.'"
An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers left, but only 4 parachutes. The first passenger, George W. Bush said, I am the President of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower, etc., and I am also the smartest president ever. So he takes the first parachute, and jumps out of the plane.
The second passenger said, I’m Rasheed Wallace, one of the best basketball players in the NBA, and the Portland Trailblazers need me, so I can’t afford to die. So he takes the second parachute, and leaves the plane.
The third passenger, Hillary Clinton, said; I am the wife of the former President of the United States, I am New York’s Senator, and I am the smartest woman in the world. So she takes the third parachute and exits the plane.
The fourth passenger, an old man, says to the fifth passenger, a 10 year old boy scout, I am old and frail and I don’t have many years left, so as a Christian gesture and a good deed, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.
The boy scout said, It’s okay, there’s a parachute left for you. The world’s smartest president took my backpack.
Sniffer Dog
A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside.
The dog takes the middle seat, and his handler explains that they work for the airline.
"Don't mind Rover," the handler says, "he is a sniffer dog, the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, "Watch this."
He tells the dog, "Rover, search!"
The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy!"
He turns to the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her on arrival."
"Fantastic!" replies the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler's arm.
The handler says, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this, and the seat number."
"Wow!" says the first man.
Once again, the handler sends the dog to search the aisles.
Rover goes up and down the plane aisle and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back, jumps up onto the seat, and craps all over the place!!!!!
The first man is surprised and disgusted by this, and asks, "What the heck was THAT for???!!"
The handler replies, "He just found a bomb."
Twist of the tongue
A guy with a black eye boards his plane bound for Pittsburgh and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, "Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?"
The other guy says, "Well, it just happened. It was a tongue twister accident. See, I was at the ticket counter and this gorgeous blonde with the most massive breasts in the world was there. So, instead of saying, 'I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh,' I accidentally said, 'I'd like two pickets to Tittsburgh'........... so she socked me a good one."
The first guy replied, "Wow! This is unbelievable. Mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the breakfast table and I wanted to say to my wife, 'Please pour me a bowl of Frosties, honey.' But I accidentally said, 'You ruined my life you evil, self-centered, fat-assed, bitch.'"
Guest
Posts: n/a
A man walks up to a woman in his office each day,
stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of
air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer!!
The woman goes into her supervisor's office, tells him
what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a
sexual harassment suit against the man. The supervisor
is puzzled by this and asks, "What's sexually threatening
about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies, "He's a midget."
