Overheard a mate of mine calling for taxi clearance at Elstree last year...

Mate: "G-ABCD, request taxi for Denham"

Controller: "Taxi for Denham? Do you want a taxi to Denham or wish to taxi to the runway...?"

Mate: "Request taxi for Denham"

Controller: "Errrr.... taxi down to the apron and ask at Firecrest for the number of a local firm"

Mate (now realising his mistake in request): "Oh! See what yer mean now! No, I would like taxi instructions for a VFR flight to Denham"

Controller: "Thought so" :}

VFE.

gearboxes
 

yes and no.

There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid answers.

glf

Wow funny your comments guys.

today I flew in France, I was near Chambery, Annemasse in fact.

I flew my 300 NM for my CPL course. What a funny day!! normal it was Sunday so more relax....

Annemasse (near geneve) (it was an airfield without AFIS or controler just air to air)

me : "F---- from X to your airfield FL 65, overhead X etc"

a young female voice " runway 12!"

me " :confused:....(surprised) Err well...runway 12...F----"

me " So, do you have the QNH of your area please ?"

......

.....

30 second later " no!"

me " :confused: Errr ok..." (in the cockpit, we laughed a lot.) (who is this "controler" ? lol)

Well after the landing, in fact it was a young 16 years old who spoke to give a few informations, but it was illegal, because it is an uncontrolled airfield, A/A.
It was the secretary... i think for a summer job! Anyway it was funny... it made my day.

A student of mine recently completed first solo. Being of the restricted ilk a friend of mine sent him off for the big occasion.

Upon landing and vacating the runway the tower controller offered his hearty congratulations etc to which bloggs replied "thanks, I was f**king sh*tt*ng myself".

I think the call it release of nervous tension or something like that.

He wasn't sh*tt*ng himself at the end of second solo so we are making progress!

Overheard by a colleague's student turning downwind yesterday for a touch and go while I was at the hold: 'G-XX Touch and Wind'. I will forever regret not announcing over the RT that I was suffering from a touch of wind that day myself.

I was in the traffic pattern, downwind for the active. I had only like 4hours in my log book.

My instructor said, "If I pulled the power now what would you do?"

Not thinking, I looked off to my left, found a good field and said, "Goin' over there."

"Cessna XXXXX short final runway XXX" my instructor said to the tower. He turned to me and said, "What's wrong with this spot right there"

I looked over and there was the airport right next to us..."Ohhh.."

Wow did I feel stupid, the runway was only off to my right a half a mile away yet I started desecending to a damn field with rocks in it. :ugh::ugh:

Why did your instructor call 'Short Final' when you were still on the downwind leg? :confused: ;)

"I looked over and there was the airport right next to us..."Ohhh..""

Were you the only a/c in the pattern? :uhoh:

Don't worry, it's a very common situation. At least, after only 4 hours, you had the presence of mind to find a field which you felt 'confident' about getting into and didn't freak out (until you got low enough to see the rocks!!). There will come a point where you will look around a tad more.

I've only been instructing for about 3 weeks, but already had a chuckle...
A trial lesson last Sunday; a big bloke enjoying himself in our AA5 turns to me and says 'are you allowed to fly on your own, then?'
Well, to be charitable, I guess he just doesn't know anything about flying...
:)
Cheers,
TheOddOne

The only other aircraft in the pattern was flying an extremely long downwind leg, and we had plenty of room to make a short final...and the ATC was fine with it.;)

An air cadet who i was training for solo was having a few problems.
He looked up at me and said;'Sir, when i go solo can you come with me'

Another air cadet once asked me how much breathing time we had when the canopy was closed

When I was preparing for CPL the FAA required that a pilot flying for hire, with "corrective glasses required", needed to carry a spare pair "in case", unless he demonstrated the ability to land without his eyeglasses.

But just a week or two before my flight test the AOPA convinced the FAA that this rule contributed virtually nothing statistically to flight safety, and the pilot should be the judge of whether he should carry a second pair.

So - while out with my instructor for a final pre-check ride, I said "I wonder if I can land OK without glasses", and put them in my pocket. I'm quite nearsighted, and could see the panel pretty well, so I pointed the plane toward the airport heading and cruised along several minutes.

Finally I said - "Where's the damn airport?" My instructor pointed toward 11:30 - I squinted and said "OK I see it now!" - I entered downwind and landed uneventfully.

My conclusion is that I should never fly solo - I should always have someone along to point out the airport to me if I lose my glasses. :O

"But just a week or two before my flight test the AOPA convinced the FAA that this rule contributed virtually nothing statistically to flight safety, and the pilot should be the judge of whether he should carry a second pair."

Well, it is not a surprise that FAA has accepted that... :rolleyes: thanks god I fly under JAA.

Whilst instructing from Belfast in 74 I had a student who was a farmer with the biggest hands I'd seen on a human being.

Trying to teach powered descents I demo'ed various rates at various speeds, on trying to emulate them himself it was evident that the sheer size of his hands were not going to permit fine tuning.

When, out of frustration I finally asked him to demonstrate a speed and rate of descent of his choosing his reply was ...................'Sure I think we're going down fast enough!'


You can't argue with Irish logic!:p

Overheard on RT

ATC: 'G-XX, I've just had XXXX paradrop centre on the phone, they are NOTAMED active all day to FL150 and you just flew through there overhead at 1000 feet'

G-XX: 'It wasn't me, I was at 2000'

'If the engine fails and the propellor stops, will it still be invisible?'

During pre-flight inspection, I notice fire extinguisher securing bracket to be faulty. Upon pointing it out to my student:

'We could stop it moving with wire'

Whilst doing some circuit consolidation stude says "G-XXXX downwind glideless touch and go" - made I chuckle...

Was about to do an intro flight with a student who had the flight bought as a present from her boyfriend. There was a wee bit of a delay from my last lesson, so I did the paperwork from my last flight and was just about to do all the paperwork for the next flight before heading out to meet the student. I was in the ops area and was just about to sign the a/c out when the boyfriend popped in just as ops were telling me which aircraft to take. I then quickly introduced myself to him and told him that I would be out to talk to his girlfriend in 2 minutes.
That was fine and he stayed in the ops room-
I wasn't sure which aircraft ops had told me to use, so I turned to ops and said
"would you like me to take Mike November"

I could see the boyfriend looking a bit puzzled and just after ops confirmed the aircraft, he interjected and said-

"oh no, it's not Mike, her name is Jennifer"

priceless.:rolleyes:

Me, to a trail lesson student: 'If you tell me where you live, we can fly by your house'.

Student: 'Why?'

Me: 'Well, some people like to see where they live from the air'.

Student: 'No, I said Wye, it's about 20 miles from here'.

(this should be really be in the stupid things instructors say thread...but I don't want to start one)

A Very Civil Pilot
You don't need to start one.... Just add it on here ;)

http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=268705