For NWA Mech's moving to Minneapolis
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Joined: May 2001
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From: New Jersey Shore
For NWA Mech's moving to Minneapolis
This is for the hundreds of Atlanta, Georgia, mechanics and others who will
move to the Twin Cities as NWA closes its maintenance base there. This is
your lucky day!
First, the West Nile fever season here is really, really short. Ditto,
malaria and any other dread disease carried by mosquitoes. The bad news is
that you'll have to grow accustomed to hashbrown potatoes. Grits end at
Chillicothe, Missouri.
You no longer have to say,"y'all," the most worthless expression in the
English language. When you call your dog, for instance, just say, "come."
You don't have to say,"y'all come."
As mechanics, you'll have a field day taking care of your car from now until
spring (late spring, that is, for early spring is not spring,it is really
late winter). Remember that old Minnesota weather adage,"April showers bring
May plowers."
Sell your car. A Georgia car will not survive here. Your car will freeze to
death before Halloween. Buy a used car. If you buy a new car it will look
like a used car before they can dig it out of the display lot at the car
dealership.
At first, you may think snow is pretty. Snow is not pretty. By December you
will feel as if you are living in a black-and-white movie. And there is a
lot of snow. Deep snow. Deep snow that doesn't go away. The reason Northwest
Airlines paints its tails red is so they can find the damned things.
You will find new loves here. One of them will be underwear that goes all
the way down to your ankles. Any underwear above the ankle is considered
lingerie.
A few things you may not know:
Beer freezes.
A constipated dog is a good dog.
Ice fishing is a form of mental illness.
Sunrise and sunset are roughly an hour apart.
Jumper cables make an excellent wedding gift.
You will look forward to slush.
Kleenex is covered by your medical insurance.
You must also be aware that, contrary to southern cuisine,there is no
Minnesota cuisine. If it's dead, eat it.
When you pack to come to Minnesota, you need only to bring one short-sleeved
shirt (and that's only in case you want to fly back home for vacation).
Short-sleeved shirts are handed down here from generation to generation.
The short-sleeved shirt season begins July 26 and is pretty much wrapped up
by 3:30 on 28th.
You will have to change your allegiances to professional sports teams.
Doing the tomahawk chop simply will not play here. People will think you're
merely scraping your windshield.
We play a game here called hockey as well. Hockey coaches will kidnap your
children before they even start school, so beware. They'll return them In
April.
As for baseball, we never know if we have a team or not.
Moving on to religion. There are but two faiths here (pro-stadium and
anti-stadium). An agnostic is a person who doesn't care whether we have a
new stadium or not.
We have an excellent college system. Unfortunately, it's in Wisconsin, Iowa,
or the Dakotas.
Canadian honkers aren't something you see at a Winnipeg strip joint. They're
geese.
By law, every vehicle in Minnesota must have a hitch ball. Even hearses.
You cannot smoke anywhere in Minnesota. Unless it's dope, of course.
Minnesotans may laugh at you for your backward politics in Georgia. You can
stop that with two words: Pro wrestler.
Judy Garland was born in Minnesota and it took her 16 years of driving
through construction detours before she got to the Yellow Brick Road.
Minnesota has more than 10,000 lakes, hundreds of thousands of miles of
rivers and streams, millions of acres of forest, and one Krispy Kreme. Guess
where everybody wants to go.
And do not call the homicide division on a beer joint because of what you
see behind the bar.
That's merely a jar of pickled pig's feet. (See Cuisine comments above)
move to the Twin Cities as NWA closes its maintenance base there. This is
your lucky day!
First, the West Nile fever season here is really, really short. Ditto,
malaria and any other dread disease carried by mosquitoes. The bad news is
that you'll have to grow accustomed to hashbrown potatoes. Grits end at
Chillicothe, Missouri.
You no longer have to say,"y'all," the most worthless expression in the
English language. When you call your dog, for instance, just say, "come."
You don't have to say,"y'all come."
As mechanics, you'll have a field day taking care of your car from now until
spring (late spring, that is, for early spring is not spring,it is really
late winter). Remember that old Minnesota weather adage,"April showers bring
May plowers."
Sell your car. A Georgia car will not survive here. Your car will freeze to
death before Halloween. Buy a used car. If you buy a new car it will look
like a used car before they can dig it out of the display lot at the car
dealership.
At first, you may think snow is pretty. Snow is not pretty. By December you
will feel as if you are living in a black-and-white movie. And there is a
lot of snow. Deep snow. Deep snow that doesn't go away. The reason Northwest
Airlines paints its tails red is so they can find the damned things.
You will find new loves here. One of them will be underwear that goes all
the way down to your ankles. Any underwear above the ankle is considered
lingerie.
A few things you may not know:
Beer freezes.
A constipated dog is a good dog.
Ice fishing is a form of mental illness.
Sunrise and sunset are roughly an hour apart.
Jumper cables make an excellent wedding gift.
You will look forward to slush.
Kleenex is covered by your medical insurance.
You must also be aware that, contrary to southern cuisine,there is no
Minnesota cuisine. If it's dead, eat it.
When you pack to come to Minnesota, you need only to bring one short-sleeved
shirt (and that's only in case you want to fly back home for vacation).
Short-sleeved shirts are handed down here from generation to generation.
The short-sleeved shirt season begins July 26 and is pretty much wrapped up
by 3:30 on 28th.
You will have to change your allegiances to professional sports teams.
Doing the tomahawk chop simply will not play here. People will think you're
merely scraping your windshield.
We play a game here called hockey as well. Hockey coaches will kidnap your
children before they even start school, so beware. They'll return them In
April.
As for baseball, we never know if we have a team or not.
Moving on to religion. There are but two faiths here (pro-stadium and
anti-stadium). An agnostic is a person who doesn't care whether we have a
new stadium or not.
We have an excellent college system. Unfortunately, it's in Wisconsin, Iowa,
or the Dakotas.
Canadian honkers aren't something you see at a Winnipeg strip joint. They're
geese.
By law, every vehicle in Minnesota must have a hitch ball. Even hearses.
You cannot smoke anywhere in Minnesota. Unless it's dope, of course.
Minnesotans may laugh at you for your backward politics in Georgia. You can
stop that with two words: Pro wrestler.
Judy Garland was born in Minnesota and it took her 16 years of driving
through construction detours before she got to the Yellow Brick Road.
Minnesota has more than 10,000 lakes, hundreds of thousands of miles of
rivers and streams, millions of acres of forest, and one Krispy Kreme. Guess
where everybody wants to go.
And do not call the homicide division on a beer joint because of what you
see behind the bar.
That's merely a jar of pickled pig's feet. (See Cuisine comments above)
