Tech log entries

[spannerhead]

We have all heard the old ones such as....
Entry:
No 1 mainwheel nearly worn to limits.
Reply:
No 1 mainwheel nearly changed.
And
Entry:
TCAS inop.
Reply:
TCAS not fitted to this A/C.
Any new ones????????

[Chilli Source]

"Cockroach found in first class galley."

"Relocated to EY galley as reqd."

CS

[lame]

Reports were better in the "good old days"?

Had a DC4 once reported " #2 engine missing ", reply was " #2 engine found in it's normal place. plugs changed ".

[redtail]

- "Lav E seat broken"
- "Replaced seat, op checks ok"

- "Passenger lost denture down Lav E"
- "Oh well"

[DoctorA300]

A good collauge of mine retaliated with this
bauty a few years ago on a SAS 767-200ER in Sao Paolo ( or Rio, I forgot)

- Crew Bed too hard -
- Bed checked for 4 hours w.o.r. -

[Heavy FCC]

Co-pilot stick hard to move. Action taken was removed and replaced stick "actuator"(co-pilot). This one was used a few years back in a USAF C-17.

[spannerhead]

Had the classic nearly worn to limits again last night.
Another recent one I had (and this is true)
Forward toilet sink blocked.
Human excreata removed from waste pipe (engineer vomited).
The engineering that went into designing the A321 bog and they crap in the sink????????

[Cat1234]

Recently asked by a pilot what the transponder half (1/2)switch does, gently reminded him he had two transponders and the half switch would allow him to switch between them.

[Coriolis]

Couldn't resist more oldies...

Q. Mouse lose on flight deck
A. Mouse tightened

Q1 Oil leak from #3 engine
A1 Oil leakage normal
Q2 Normal oil leakage absent from engines 1,2 &4
A2 (not reported)

------------------
Ground tested, no fault found

[SnapOff]

Tech Log entry : See cabin log.
Reply: Cabin log seen !

[This message has been edited by SnapOff (edited 10 February 2001).]

[It's Not Working]

For some unfathomable reason this subject tickles my ribs. I can only offer this ‘very slightly off-topic’ addition.

Military airbase, mid 70s, deepest Oxfordshire. Erk leaves management radio on wheel of VC10, waves said 10 off, looks around, sees radio and says, ‘Oops!’

Radio packed off to 3rd line maintenance with job card reading, ‘Flat Battery.’

Or so the story goes.

[TwoDeadDogs]

hi there
On a slightly aside note,once upon a time,the phrase "**** Off" was written in the exhaust stains on the side of a jet trainer.It was only visible from the cockpit of another aircraft when they were in close formation during aerobatic practise.Pilot not amused.After he complained,it was simply transferred to the other exhaust.
regards
TDD

[PILLOW]

On a B707

Entry ... Throttle levers like a bunch of banana

response ..... Flt engr called up by Chief f/engr

entry ...... cockroaches sighted in cockpit .
response ..... 1 caught 2 ran away

[MR FIXIT]

This happened to me in the late sixties:

TECH LOG ENTRY: This cockpit is so dirty that it is not even fit for pigs to sit in.

REPLY: Cockpit cleaned and now fit for pigs to sit in.

Next day I was called by the Chief Pilot for a reprimand but we ended up having a good few tinnies that evening.

REMEMBER FLYING IS THE SAFEST WAY TO FLY

[Rob_L]

This January, First officer found seated in dark cockpit reading check list by torchlight.
Looking up how to get power on.
Engineer flicked on battery switch for him.
Apparently he gets paid as well!!!!!!!!!!

[spannerhead]

Recently
F/O alone on flight deck. Apu running.
He's been there 15 minutes. Asks the engineer if he knows how to shut the apu down. "well the captain normally does that"
Yes these guys do get paid????