Tech Log Entries

[Satis]

Anyone heard any good tech log entries. I know a buddy of mine got a bollocking from Q boys in BA for answering a long standing intermittant defect which was written up by a stroppy driver with:
Defect: Left A/P overshoots on altitude capture intermittantly.
Action: Crew changed. Ops now satis.

[CCA]

Entry :Pax lost dentures in toilet J
Reply :Went fishing for teeth sorry no bites

[gas path]

Defect: ASR raised due wake turbulence on approach
Action: noted and dont drive so close!

[greycone]

An old but good one......Pirep,#2 engine missing.Reply,#2 engine found on wing after exhaustive search.

[woftam]

#4 brake almost worn to limits
#4 brake almost changed.

cockroach seen entering forward galley
cockroach seen leaving forward galley

Captains seat uncomfortable
Captain changed

[Le Pen]

Hiya,

DEF: Captins pen holder missing
ACT: Nil stock, please use stowage behind L or R ear.

Love

Le Pen

------------------
Nil Fault Found.....My A**e

[greaseytech]

Another old but good one,
'Something lose on flight deck'.
'Something tightened on flight deck'.

Or Duct F****d. Replaced with unf****d item.

[gas path]

defect: capts seat squab hard and uncomfortable
action: swapped with f/os.


(that didnt go down too well with f/o!!!)

[Ailing Bob]

[ 15 September 2001: Message edited by: Ailing Bob ]

[The hippy]

dead mouse seen in radio rack
dead mouse removed, servicable item fitted.


nav. light half full of water
nav. light topped up

galley stowage needs painting badly
galley stowage already painted badly

unfamiliar noise heard from right hand engine
engine monitored and noise now familiar to engineering

[gaterbait]

IFF does not work in OFF MODE
Does this require a signoff?

[This message has been edited by gaterbait (edited 13 December 1999).]

[longarm]

Defect: Flight deck filthy, not fit for pigs.

Reply: Flight deck cleaned, now fit for pigs.

[CCA]

Defect:A/C failed to flair during autoland resulting in heavy landing.
Reply:Autoland not fitted to this A/C.

[Wiggly Amp]

Another Oldie but a personal favourite

Evidence of hydraulic leak on main landing gear

Evidence removed

[Pikvanman]

DEFECT.noise in first class cabin.Engineer who signed off this previously needs his ears testing.
ACTION.rectified louvre leak.Had a quiet word with aforementioned engineer,but!

[growler]

The following defect is true, the sign off was written on a photocopy of TLP and faxed to base as a joke.. Copy fell into wrong hands, got me in mucho trouble:

DEF: Ailerons stiff in both directions
ACT: Full and thorough aileron function carried out using both hydraulic systems and manual control,unable to fault. Max force reqd using manual control measured at 15lbf.
Suggest Captain takes body building lessons and stops wanking at night.

[Satis]

This one's for real on a Boeing bigjet in an Asian outpost. Written by local trained hero engineer!!!!
Defect: No.1 Engine fire alarm sounded during cruise. Throttle retarded and fire alarm stopped after a short period.
Action: Fire test carried out satis. Plse report further.

[Pikvanman]

There I was filling my face with a E.L.T sandwich(my reward from the nbr1 flighty for flashing my Gerber and extracting offending foil cos his oven wasn't hot)and discussing the layover crews bed hopping,when the lady F/O came to the galley and asked me to take a look at her seat!Well I can say that as she sauntered back to the flight deck it looked fine to me but of course it warranted closer examination.Anyway I completed the cabin log entry;IFE needs latino and mambo with the sign off,latino and mambo fitter off duty.(he,s the one with the shades and pink cadillac)Feeling in fine pencil whippin form I breezed up to the flt. deck and answered entry;f/o's map light lacks intensity and direction with ;directed map light at map intensely.
No doubt another reaming by Q.A. if they should come across it.But my stamp is very smudgy these days.

[Checkboard]

"Small cockraoch seen in fwd. galley"

"Cockroach measured, and found to be within MM limits."

[spanners]

From DC10 returning from JFK

"Nude copulating couple found in J Toilet, which set off smoke detector"

"?@£$%^%!!!!!!!"