Virgin Atlantic PA
 

If there were any staff on board when the cabin purser announced the film that was showing - a while ago - he would tell you who was starring in it and include the names of the staff /positioning crew as being in the film. No-one ever asked who these people were as far as I know.

Was quite funny when you heard your names read out!!!

This is an apocryphyl one I know, and attributed to a well known US airline. After a particularly heavy and bouncy landing, the announcement was 'Ladies and gentlemen, please remain seated with your seat belts fastened while captain kangaroo bounces whats left of the aircraft to the gate. Thank you for flying with us.'

I liked it anyway.

No-one's interested in hearing from the flight deck these days anyway.

I can't be bothered talking to the SLF, nor can most of my colleagues.

That's a bit of a statement. For example, I am interested in hearing from the flight deck. And on those rare occasions where flight deck crew go the extra mile and point out interesting or obscure points of interest on the way, I'm sure there are many more people who listen in

Heard on one flight:

"This is the Captain. I'll be flying you to Frankfurt. In front of me I can see pretty flashing lights, lots of switches and funny-looking dials. This is my first time in the flightdeck of a jet...."

(short pause, passengers looking worriedly at each other. PA continues)

"....today. I've been flying jets for 20 years. Now I've got your attention, please give equal attention to the important safety information our cabin crew will now give you. Thank you."

Egyptair 707, late 70's.

Inadvertent slip on the PA while on approach.

"Please fasten your seatbelts tightly as we will be landing short at Cairo"

I recently flew with BA from Heathrow to Geneva and then back again the following day. Same captain for both flights, which I hadn't experienced before. How did I know? Well, I recognised his name. But also because his pre-flight PA was almost word-for-word identical on both flights - right down to the intonation, method of introducing the safety demonstration and the jokes! I couldn't help wonder whether it's always the same. Is this something cabin crew have to get used to? ;)

And it was very good. Practice makes perfect, I guess.

N49,

Yes, quite a lot of pilots make the same announcement every time. That's why you rarely see us in the cabin laughing at their jokes, as we've heard it lots of times before (and a vast majority isn't funny anyways :})

Gg

Who's Flying?
 

Can never understand why Captains' come on the PA and after introducing themselves, say something along the lines of: "I'm Capt Bloggs and alongside me on the Flt Deck is F/O Richard Cranium, Richard will be flying us to xxxxxxxx today." The average SLF hasn't a clue as to why the F/O is "actually" flying the aircraft, in fact I'm sure that some pax are quite perturbed that the Capt appears to be handing control to the "copilot"! Surely there is no need to announce that this is the F/Os "leg", unless the Captain is worried that if anything untoward should happen during the flight it will be attributed directly to him!! As to information about the flight that is relayed over the PA is anybody really bothered who passes the info as long as they know how long the flight is, what's the local time on arrival and the weather at destination?

I see StickItUpYourYoke has been banned PNG, but I do agree with what he says, though not necessarily the way he said it.

When I'm half-way across the Atlantic, enjoying the IFE, I really do not appreciate the movie being interupted, just so that I can be told that we will be arriving three minutes early/late and that it's raining in Newark/Manchester.

Flying from Tokyo to Taipei, the track takes you past an active volcano called Sakurajima near Kagoshima, Japan. Usually it emits a long plume of smoke but has been known to erupt occasianally with some spectacular fireworks. As we were flying past, the Captain drew the attention of passengers on the left hand side of the airplane to the smoking mountain. Half way through his announcement, the peak erupted - sh!t, yelled the Captain; did you see that!? (I think Old Fella might know who I'm talking about).

I haven't heard it done for a while, but a QF skipper used to always get his F/O and S/O or S/O's to join him in 3 or 4 way banter during introductory P/A's.
It would go something like,

Capt: Hello ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain and my name is X
F/O: Hi all, this your F/O and I'm Y
S/O: And I am your S/O Z.
Capt: So Y, what is the weather for our flight expected to be today?
F/O: Fine weather for today, X.
Capt: Great so the flight should be smooth. Z, what is our expected flight time?
S/O: 12 hours and 10 minutes, X.
etc etc.

It was very entertaining and the passengers seemed to really enjoy it.

Stick it
 

With an attitude like that we don't want to hear much from you either! Bet you're happy to take the SLF's money - meagre as you may consider it.

Whenever I fly with a crew who can't even be bothered to make the vaguest effort to be pleasant I make a mental note to avoid their company whenever possible in the future though it is usually unnecessary as the company is often not around long enough for it to be an issue.

Pity that so many people consider even basic customer service to be demeaning - they are also, in my experience, usually the ones who are the most demanding when they are being served. Happy flying, Captain - on freighters, perhaps.

QF
 

Sorry, Qantas.

http://www.pprune.org/cabin-crew/372...fety-demo.html

About five years ago, flying back into Birmingham from Copenhagen with SAS...

Captain comes over on the PA just as the aircraft is exiting the runway 'Welcome to Manchester, thank you for flying with....' which was drowned out by a fair number of now rather confused passengers exclamations of surprise!

The captain then continued, somewhat sheepishly, 'My apologies, it was Manchester I went to yesterday, today we have landed at Birmingham International Airport'.

I've noticed that over the past year or so there seems to be a culture of self-congratulation breaking out on the PA. A recent BA flight to JFK:
30 minutes out PA: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we will shortly be landing in New York and I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the crew for all their hard work....
Take your seats for landing PA: "Cabin Crew, thanks again for all your hard work.., please take your seats for landing...".
Finally, from the flight deck: "Cabin Crew, thanks very much for all your hard work, doors to manual..."

Not sure whether this was commonplace as i only had one chnace to fly in the finest passenger aircraft ever made.

Concorde approaching JFK.

"ladies and gentlemen, because of her delta wings concorde has a higher approach speed than other aircraft. However this isn't a problem as our engines can produce a lot more reverse thrust than most.

A few minutes later we touch down and the aircraft slows down so quickly most passengers wish they had tightened their belts a bit more because they have to extract their noses from the seat in front. Followed by us turning off the runway with most of it unused

Clareprop,

I always cringe when that happens. Makes me embarassed. Thanks should be given in private and face to face, not over the pa.

Gg

Glumgirl

maybe you don't find the jokes funny after you have been on your feet for 12 hours which is understandable.

But we're p1ssing ourselves up front.

Glamgirl,

I agree..firstly I should say that on most of the flights I take, the crew do a very good job and when I thank them, I mean it. However, that's me as the customer thanking them. Ritually thanking each other out loud three or four times over the PA just seems a little odd. My late BA SCSO father-in-law (who retired in 1980) would not have known what to make of it all...:p

BetpumpS,

As long as you're amused, that's all that matters, I suppose.

(btw, you spelled my name wrong...:oh:)


The one that really gets me is this one from a couple of our Captains:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to xyz, bla bla bla.... If you've got bags to pick up look for flight number xxxx. Talking of bags, Cabin Crew, doors to manual and cross check".

It was funny the first time I heard it, but at least one of our Captains has said this on every after landing pa for as long as I've been with the company. Anyone got any new "jokes" I can supply him with?

Gg

Glamourgirl,

sorry about the typo

I think that it is inappropriate for the FD crew to "thank" the cabin crew for all their hard work. After all, the cabin crew are paid to do a job. They do it excellently, so it really is cringe-worthy and not a little patronising for pilots to make such announcements. What would be the reaction if the purser announced "didn't the captain fly well today?" I wonder...Couldn't you tell them that it doesn't go down well in the cabin?

Glamgirl, you must hear the same jokes over and over again ;) It's quite easy to over-step the line between a making few witty comments and sounding liking an idiot. The bags joke isn't very funny....

Nicholas,

of course we get paid to do the job, but it is still nice to be thanked on the PA once in a while. I am not sure if this is some long standing tradition, but I have heard it on lots of airlines.

I don't see why it should bother pax if not overdone.

Bondim - trust me, it doesn't look good. If the captain wants to thank the crew for their efforts, he should do it after the flight once all the passengers have disembarked. It's hard to explain, but it basically comes across as a public display of "aren't we great".

Please don't get me wrong: I am not for one minute suggesting that praise shouldn't be given. It is very important for a leader to say 'well done', but there is an appropriate time and place.

Bondim,

What if you were a passenger on a flight where a crew member was rude to you, lazy, couldn't be bothered, and at the end of the flight the Captain/First Officer/Purser said "thank you Cabin Crew for all your hard work" (or similar). It wouldn't make you feel good and you'd think that it was all wrong...possibly. I know if I had a bad crew as a passenger and this happened, I would be even more upset, because that crew member in particular obviously didn't work hard/well.

This is the main reason as to why praise should be done in private, hope this clarifies.

Gg

Hard Landings
 

PIK/LON late night, I looked out the window on approach and we appeared to be very high. Suddenly dropped pretty fast, hit runway with a couple of thumps, then everything went into reverse with a roar. Aircraft shaking like crazy, stuff going clatter in the galleys. Left runway last exit almost on two wheels. SILENCE FROM THE F/D, but the No.1 opened up the F/D door and shouted "Let's have a big hand for that man!" As you may imagine there was a huge cheer form the cabin. A bit of a "red necker" for the driver, who was our Chief Pilot. LUCKILY for the reputation of the carrier, there was only crew on board that night!

bondim
 

"it is still nice to be thanked on the PA once in a while..." but why on the PA, why do you need for the thanks to be done so publicly? I can promise you it certainly doesn't go down well if some of the passengers feel they've not had a great flight (Glamgirl's point).

As you've probably guessed I'm another who doesn't like it...I would hope that a good, hard working crew were thanked after the trip by their Captain and/or Cabin "Chief", and I certainly thank the Co-pilots I fly with for looking after me :ooh:..but I wouldn't dream of thanking him/her on the PA....IMHO it just sounds crass and just a little bit "luvvy".

Not forgetting the biscuits
 

On GB flight during the cruise addressed to my daughter who was working as a member of the cabin crew: "This is the captain speaking- Cxxxx (my daughter), will you please put on the kettle!"

Some years ago flying ORD to IAH on CO on a 735.
Cabin crew was excellent...first to start the safety briefing we heard a loud piercing whistle on the PA followed by "hey, up here!!!" Certainly got everyone's attention. During the part of the O2 mask and "put your on first before helping someone else"...the FA at the front of the cabin held up a baby that was on a lap in the front row. Of course everyone was paying attention.
But the best part had to be upon landing in IAH...it was a very "firm" touchdown. As we exit the runway the flight attendant makes the PA: "ON behalf of Continental, your flight crew and the people that installed the speed bump at the end of the runway, welcome to Houston." When the laughter died down, she continued: "Here at Continental we are proud of our pilots, so we just wanted to say that the hard landing was not the captain's fault. It was also not the first officer's fault. No, that hard landing was due to the ass fault (asphalt)." Very funny.

One of the funniest I heard as SLF was the usual announcement followed by "and I'm sure you'd like to congratulate ****** who is getting married on Saturday. ******, is it true about the strawberry yoghurt?"

(Followed by a scream from the back of the cabin)

On a flight SYD-CHC a few years back, as we crossed the west coast of NZ, we were informed by the slightly effeminate male Pursar that we would shortly be "Passing over Ass...I mean Assing over Pass, I mean, Passing over Arthurs Pass!".

Seemed to have been an unintentional faux pas, but it had a few of us looking at each other to see if we'd all heard the same thing. :ooh:

I personally am not a fan of the 'thanks for your hard work' PA.

I understand it is well intentioned and usually made in the spirit of good CRM, however I find that it is better saved for the crewbus or the walk to the carpark.

On the other hand, there have been a few occasions where it has been appropriate and appreciated - and followed by applause from the passengers - however those occasions usually follow an emergency.

A few years ago on GEM flight Liverpool to IOM.

During taxi out Pilot: Thanks for flying etc.

Today we are expecting severe thunderstorms and as a result there will be no cabin service.

But it is xxxx's birthday so I would like everyone to congratulate her, please stand up xxxx so everyone can see you.

Now please fasten your seat belts firmly as it may get a bit bumpy.

and later

Sorry we've tried to avoid the worst thunderstorm by going towards Dublin but we can't so everyone please strap in firmly we are going to have to go through it.

Which we did and after 15 mins we arrived shaken but not stirred.:D

I don't like it because it is not sincere. If you sit behind a locked door how do you know if the cabin crew did a good job or not?

well the funniest announcement I have heard and I believe it was a faux pas was,

Dear passengers we have arrived at XXXX we understand you have a choice of other airlines and have chosen XXXX and appreciate your business and hope you will fly with us again... once again from theheart of our bottoms we would like to thank you you for flying XXXX. Have a good day!!!

:ok:

yup,you guys are right -the 'well done cabin crew, hard working team etc 'is patronizing and embarassing,

b/rgds,

olster(pilot,apparently)

About five years ago...late night flight out of Nice to Luton.....

Skipper with maybe the strongest Ozzy accent I've ever heard comes on the PA and announces that the C/P is called Susan and will be " flying us back to Luton tonight.....although when we get there I'll probably have to park the aircraft on the stand "......

Wasn't on a plane, but a train but this always makes me smile. I was on a the Waterloo to Weymouth train and we were delayed by about 30 mins. The conductor came on the PA and says:

Ladies and Gentlemen, i'm very sorry for the delay to this service.... we're on the line behind a 70mph train........ this is a 90mph train so God only knows what they were thinking when they did the schedule today..... i've told them time and time again, but do they listen?!!!

There were a number of equally amusing anouncements that I now forget but it certainly calmed a lot of people down given the Friday rush to get home from the city.