Even on planes you can get salads which are straight out of the fridge and those which have warmed up to room temperature.

Not really a daft comment as such, but I have my 5 year old daughter convinced that in order to get the aircraft to take off or land she has to press the up or down arrow (volume control) on the IFE handset. You should see her little finger jabbing away as we are racing down the runway :p.

I have posted this elesewhere but it's worth repeating:

I was flying dear old B. Cal from Gatwick to FFaM and sitting up the front. There were not many folk on board, so after serving us all an excellent hot breakfast, the stews congregated in the galley in front.

I was privileged to overhear this conversation......

"...and when I went there to the back row of seats, he had his willy out !"

"Och Fiona, whatever did you do ?"

"I said to him in a very stern voice: 'put that thing away, and I don't want to see it again until the end of the flight'"

There was a stunned silence, followed by giggles, and one very red-faced member of the CC departed the group, having realised all too late the implications of what she'd said.

pax comments on flight crew pa
 

On a recent flight to LHR, the captain made a pa regarding the weather in LHR... (I have flown a lot I have to say and always observed pas from other airlines and I have to agree that our weather reports can sound a bit silly)

So here is the pa (and it is the same every time): "Ladies and gents, we will shortly be arriving in LHR, we have made excellent progress. Just a quick update on the weather, the weather in London is fine,temperature 12 degrees with good visibility, scattered (or broken) clouds at 10,000 feet, 70 % humidity and a light breeze coming ...(hesitation)...from the south-east.

At this time, a pax sitting in the last row started shouting "Shut up, I am not gonna fly or sail home, I am gonna drive!!!"

I have to say, I agree with him...I think that just " It is cloudy and windy in London with temperature 15 C" would suffice.

On another occasion, the welcoming pa from the flight deck was "Ladies and gents welcome to bla bla bla... on behalf of MYSELF, thank you for flying XXX"

A pax, who was a linguist comments... I have never heared anyone that speaks himself and on his behalf at the same time!!!!

Two comments, Blue.

Those of us that understand the workings of weather will take advantage of the highest quality current forecast we're ever going to hear.

Agreed on the myself bit. But, if you're going to have a go at anybody's spoken English, you could have a little play with spellchecking.

WRT to the weather reports for passenger PAs, we're either working off the METAR or TAF that we picked up before we left or more usually, the ATIS.
Hence it can sound a bit weird. :D

Maybe it would be nice to avoid jargon and speak to everyone "as you would speak to your grandma?" so everyone understands???

Oh and sorry for the spelling, you see english is my third language... I have to be careful nevertheless so thanks for the remark.

And by the way, I didn't have a go at anyone... Our pax have had... on both occasions... I just happen to agree...

(And then some people only blame cabin crew for defending themselves straight away!!!)

Please don't - that sort of abuse tends to knacker the handset over time. It's a pain having to explain to the next passenger in that seat that they can't have any IFE for their flight as the handset's broken. Also, please can everyone return their handsets to the stowage when you're not using it, keeps them working a little bit longer........

"Please don't - that sort of abuse tends to knacker the handset over time"


Build 'em better.

kthxbai

If it can't take 30 seconds of prodding from a 5 year old girl once a year then it shouldn't really be on the aircraft.

Speaking of obtuse PA comments:

I cringe every time the F/As Pa; " you should now be comfortably seated..." What if I'm stuck in the middle seat between two large , smelly people? Should I ding the F/As and tell them I'm not comfortably seated?

or

"please ensure your seatbelt is safely fastened..." What, is there another way of fastening the seat belt?

or
"I'd like to welcome you aboard.." OK then, welcome me aboard, don't tell me you want to welcome me aboard. Is it you can't welcome me aboard but someone wont let you?

The story I heard, from more than one source, concerns a B737 on one of the first flights repatriating Vietnamese 'boat people' from Hong Kong. Returning to the aft galley after having completed the meal service, the girls were simply gobsmacked to see a Vietnamese gentleman taking a dump by the rear door. He had no idea that he was just a few feet from two khazis. ('Rest Rooms,' for the cousins.)

Perfect Putdown
 

Some years ago, waited several hours in a very snowy swedish airport for a BA flight to arrive from LHR. Delay was due to England's annual 1 inch snowfall.
Finally boarded, a very loud irate passenger berated a very young and nervous looking stewardess about BA's inability to cope with a few flakes of snow while the Swedes could cope with several feet every day. The poor girl, appearing to be about to burst into tears, replied "I know, and half way across we all had to get out and push."
Loud laughs from all within earshot and not another peep from pax.

Beautifully played. :ok:

How do you cc make it through a career without at least once being charged with causing bodily harm on some well deserving pax? Amazing!

We don't. We just blow a slide, pick up a beer and run away ;)

Yes, there is. For example tying it in a knot would not be safe if you needed to undo in in a hurry. In any case on the flights i have been on the request is to "please ensure your seatbelt is firmly fastened".

Oh for goodness sake! This thread used to be about having a bit of fun. Now there's more nit-picking going on than in a primary school with an outbreak of headlice.

Am I the only one who at first glimpse of the Eagle Jet International ad at the top of this page reads "Asian babes" and not "Asian bases"?

Must just be my filthy mind.

Anyway, please carry on with your stories and ignore the moaning minnies.

p-k-b

I spent a large part of a rainy weekend reading 855 posts. It took awhile longer than expected as I had to frequently translate English to Ugly American :D

CC - you folks are deserving of the award for the most patient and humorous people in the world. Well done.

Keep them coming, please.

I feel sorry for any passenger who has to encounter me when i'm tired... My last flight i managed to hit a poor unsuspecting pax on the head with a bottle of water and then half an hour later hit another pax with a bottle of orange juice on the arm. I wish i could have been able to blame turbluence of my clumsyness!

Both pax where very understanding after i had apologised a hundred times. Some days I'm glad i have a mob of blonde hair to hide behind!