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lexxity 4th Jul 2006 20:19

Brilliant. :D :D :D

I do believe that Manchester attracts some stunningly smart@ss pax.

Down on B pier in T1 one hot and sticky afternoon and some guy comes up to me and at the top of his voice says to me "is there anything you want to tell me?"

Me: (very puzzled) No Sir. :confused:
Pax: Are you sure? (Very loud, at this point has the attention of a good majority of the pier.)
Me: I'm very sure. (More puzzled)
Pax: Only it seems to me that there is no aircraft for us to FLY ON! (V.V.loud and looking down his nose whilst checking that everyone is lookng at him.)
Me: So that big blue and white thing behind you is an apparition then?

Lots of sniggering and guffaws from assembled crowd, him bright red in face and slunk away.

The moral of the story? Nobody likes a smartalec, espcially one who can't get his facts straight.:ok:

johno617tonka 4th Jul 2006 20:52

some of the earlier posts have had me in stitches..... did anyone read the stuff in the tabloids about 'complaints' from passengers??
the best one was.... ( a flight to the carribean!)
" why has it took us 11 hours, when it only took the americans 3 hours ??":ugh: :ugh: :ugh:
(the hours may be slightly wrong but eh close enough!!)
the rest i can't remember but i bet someone can???

woolyalan 4th Jul 2006 23:15

hehe,
This thread proves the following:

1) No matter where you work, if you work with the public you will ALWAYS get asked stupid questions, n generally get an arsey f:mad: r

2) No matter where you are, if you need help from someone who works with the public, you will eventually recieve some sarcastic comment

You know who you are :p

flybywire 5th Jul 2006 09:12

Passengers will never stop amazing me...

Today on boarding in TLS a man with 3 heavy bags (one for himself, one for his wife and one for his kid) made a bad comment to me when I pointed out to him that NO, he could not store them in an empty trolley stowage in the galley, just opposite my crew seat.....I understand the new baggage policy can confuse people a little, but... :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

FBW

flybywire 5th Jul 2006 09:47


Originally Posted by blueloo
Cant bag out pax to much......how about crew too

Oooohhh yessss!!!

I have some of those as well!!!

This one happened about 3 years ago...

Paris Air Show. Fellow Crew member and I get access to the show during a non-public day thanks to the power of our airline passes. :E

ColleagueX, a N2 (senior in charge of Yclass) for a very well known charter UK airline, proposes to go and have a peek at the (at that time) brand new B777-300ER.
I have a special love for the 777 and, having worked on a previous model, I was explaining to him some of the features of the new aircraft, how great it is, differences with the 767 etc etc.

Now that was the day Emirates announced that they were going to buy many of those and other airlines were contemplating and about to make a declaration, so the area around it was full of professionals, airline bosses, airline photographers, journalists, anoraky know-it-all nerds and, of course, Boeing people.
All of a sudden he looks very serious and starts screaming...

<<You're righ! You're right! This plane is fabulous and will be so comfortable and safe...look!! It doesn't only have two wings, it has four!!!>> :ugh:
:{

That was such an embarassing moment, but boy it was funny!!:E :D

flybywire 5th Jul 2006 16:16


Originally Posted by Muttley Crew
I don't get it..... what was the funny bit??? :confused:
Yep, loads of great features on the newer 777s, though. They put a lot of thought into the fold-down tables in the galleys, hotter ovens, brighter lights, faster coffee machines, etc...:rolleyes:

The funny/sad bit is that for the first time in 7 years of flying he had realised that aeroplanes have a horizontal stabilizer+elevators!!! He thought that the 777 was extra special because had "4 wings instead of the 2 like the 757/767" :ugh: :{
So after that I decided it was useless to explain that the two big wings of the 757 are in fact only one anyway....wingtip to wingtip....too complicated :rolleyes:

Anyway, the reaction of the people around us was what you'd expect, lots of giggling....:E
But now it is not funny anymore :zzz:

flyblue 5th Jul 2006 19:30


But now it is not funny anymore

Don't get me started on the 777-300 :* I'd go off topic :(


great crew rests though... :\

SkyFish 6th Jul 2006 07:09

Jet Airways

CC: Sorry the menu has changed - all the chicken has been taken off the menu

Me: Oh, why is that?

CC: Due to the Bird flu outbreak - Would you like some duck terrine instead?

PAMCC 6th Jul 2006 12:22

Windows
 
Many many years ago in my mis-spent youth, I was CC for a charter co out of MAN. Late one night as we were taxiing out for dep (to somewhere in Spain) and I'm walking down the cabin checking seat belts, a womann tugged at my jacket and asked,

" 'Ere is there sommat wrong with this 'ere window'

Perplexed, I took a good long look at said window and replied that I couldn't see anything wrong with and asked why the passenger thought there was. She replied,

"Well, me daughter's been trying for ages, and she can't get it open"

I'll hold off on my reply ;)

flyblue 6th Jul 2006 13:11

-Hum, excuse me, is that right what the Capt just said, that it is -50 out there???


-Yes, it is right, it's -50 degrees outside the A/C


-You mean -50, like in "-50 degrees cold" ????


-Errr, yes


-Then how come we are not all dead yet????


AND

-'Scuse me, is this a Boeing or a charter???

sinala1 6th Jul 2006 18:52


Originally Posted by Flyblue
-'Scuse me, is this a Boeing or a charter???

Based on the question, I am willing to hazard a guess it was a charter, probably out of Manchester bound for Ibiza or somewhere similar :E

EI-CFC 6th Jul 2006 22:51


Originally Posted by SkyFish
Jet Airways
CC: Sorry the menu has changed - all the chicken has been taken off the menu
Me: Oh, why is that?
CC: Due to the Bird flu outbreak - Would you like some duck terrine instead?

ROFL - I don't know why, but that one really amused me :D

tuismile 8th Jul 2006 13:19


Originally Posted by Silberfuchs
Moral: Dont try and bullsh1t a bullsh1tter!

Quite true!!! I work for a charter airline also and I did a flight to PFO not long ago. Finished the meal service

PAX: Scuse me, I ordered a meal forme and my family we haven't got it yet..
CC: Have you got your tickets with you so I can just check please?
PAX. They're in my suitcase.
CC: So how did you check in then???
PAX: Well I was given mytickets at the airport and then I put them back in my suitcase
CC: I can't really give you a meal without seeing your tickets madam
PAX: Well can you go downstairs and get me suitcase and I'll show ya??

Did she order a meal????? OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!

cavortingcheetah 9th Jul 2006 10:47

:hmm:

Chomp a blood capsule, available from most joke shops, allow the goo to run down yout chin whilst feigning sleep just after dinner on a long haul. Allow harassed companion to field thought provoking questions from CC, who sometimes, at least, do not see the thought provoking humour in such an action:p

stevef 9th Jul 2006 11:07

Careful about gullspitting to pax, eh - I complained to a stew recently about the extremely feeble flow from the overhead air vents and was told that they're always like that. I didn't mention that I've been an aircraft engineer for the last twenty-seven years and know otherwise.

On the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...

Anyway, you do a good job under sometimes trying circumstances, girls (and boys)!

:^)

ShesGreatintheGalley 9th Jul 2006 13:54

PAX: what do you have to eat and drink?
CC: there is a menu just there in your seatpocket...
PAX: (pulling something out and reading it) "what? this? it dosent say food?"
CC: No, thats the sickbag...

flybywire 9th Jul 2006 16:21


Originally Posted by stevef
the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...

Lucky you!!!;)

On the A320/321s of an airline I worked for previously we used to have a proper "hail" shower from the vents above the main doors and pax used to ask us if that was because it was snowing outside....:confused:
Yeah...snow that magically enters the cabin at FL360 above the Alps...and with a sunny sky....Very dangerous!!!
Heard that many, many times....:ugh:

Bless them all :E

tuismile 9th Jul 2006 16:41

Flight from Cancun to LGW

PAX: 'Scuse me!!
ME: Yes Madam how can I help?
PAX: There's PETROL leaking from the roof. Look!!!
ME: Oh dear...Looks like we're going nowhere then madam!!!

angels 11th Jul 2006 09:03


On the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...
I once had the misfortune to fly on a Tower Air jumbo to BKK from LGW which had a vent that positively didn't like me. At least half a cup of water each time we rotated (the plane was so old it couldn't make to BKK in one go, we had to re-fuel in Bahrain).

The first time I got soaked I whinged to one of the CC who said, 'Don't worry, it isn't petrol (sic).'

Still, at 299 quid return I didn't moan that much! :}

BaronChotzinoff 14th Jul 2006 02:06

In the back of a BA flight recently I was sitting opposite a smart, clever-looking young man like Bamber Gascoigne. As passengers were loading, he suddenly became very agitated and started rummaging furiously through his wallet and suit pockets. "Oh, that bl00dy woman, what's she done with it, where is it, OMG, it's not here!" he was saying, over and over. The CC standing by asked him what was the matter. "The return part of my ticket! How am I ever going to be able to fly back now? That stupid woman at the desk didn't give it me back!"

"But this is a ticketless airline, Sir," replied the CC. "You turn up at the desk on time and hand your passport up." Eventually she managed to convince him that he'd only lost the internet printout and he calmed down.

But then it started again, muttering "That stupid woman, what did she do with it ..." and I thought it was really getting out of order, but the CC just ignored it. I think the other pax that were closing in by then calmed him down, or at any rate I was no longer party to his imagined persecutions from the mischievous stilettoed damsels of the check-in counter.

GLOBUSAIR 24th Jul 2006 23:36

Some more belters from pax
 
:rolleyes:

Me: Madam would you like a sandiwch.. the choice is Cheese or Ham..?
Pax: ooo, al take a beef..

Me: Would you like any tea or coffee madam?
Pax: oo, yes
Me: (Give me a clue then)

Me: Would you like a drink madam, the choice is Tea, Coffee, Orange Juce, Water, Beer or Wines
Pax: Coke Please
Me: Sorry madam its just the choice i gave you
Pax: ooo, apple juice please
Me: sorry madam its just Orange juice
Pax: ooo, do you have ginger ale
Me: OMG!!!!!!!! SCREAMING!!!!!

And how about some of the other things those lovable pax get up to...

Ever seen them staring at the washroom door.... i think they expect it to open on its own if they state at it long enough.

How about commenting on the size of the luggage bins... "my how these overhead lockers are getting smaller"... "actually madam, its just that passengers have decided to bring hold luugage into the cabin these days".

40 Minute flight to amsterdam; "do you have a pillow and a blanket and where are the tv screens?"

25 Minute flight from amsterdam to brussels; mid drinks service; "excuse me, will you be coming round again with a choice of tea and coffee?"....
"how about no"

..... the list is endless....

bluestar 26th Jul 2006 02:04

i had a man come up to me, earlier on we almost had to think about using 2 extension seat belts he was so large,(only joking) he said;

you know your seats are too small.

really!

or could it be your too fat, :} :E

i bit my tongue

EGBKFLYER 26th Jul 2006 08:53

I know him - he always sits next to me (if there's no woman + screaming snotty kid on the flight)...:ugh:

eidah 26th Jul 2006 09:11

Passenger sat by the overwing emergency exit

PAX can i sit next to the emergency exit
CC yes no problem
PAX is it drafty by the door
CC no madam but if it starts to make a hissing noise please let me know

exloadie 26th Jul 2006 09:28

pax arrives at 0808hrs for a flight departing 0810hrs when told he had missed the flight he replied "its only 8 mins past the plane doesnt leave till 10 past", check in girl asks didnt you read the ticket where it says check in closes 30 mins before departure?,"thats only for long flights im only going to isle of man"

Tombowler 27th Jul 2006 09:28

the 17% er's.
As many of us know.. only 17% of Americans have passports, it amazes my work mates and me alike as to how they even get to the airport in the first place. This is a classic example from an LAX flight.

(larger framed american lady.. staring at loo door.. occasionaly 'poking it)
pax.. hostess how do i open this door, ive tried pulling it and everything???

crew... you push it madam.. just like the door on your trailer, when you want to get out.

:D (crew was repremanded... needless to say not the right answer but funny) Shame it wasnt a flight to Charlotte.. the remark would have gone right over her head...

Thunderball 2 27th Jul 2006 22:02

Not really the right place for this, but mention of our friends in the USA reminds me of the Congresswoman who, after collecting her luggage off the carousel, got one of her staffers to write to the airline to complain that they shouldn't have labelled it "FAT" just because she is overweight.

(She was flying into Fresno Air Terminal in California, but the way).

ricciricardo 28th Jul 2006 08:40

Tasmanian Dollars
 
American pax on domestic flight SYD-Hobart (Tasmania) "Can I use Australian money in Tasmania or do I need to change currency"?
My reply "Oh no, they accept Aussie dollars happily as the rate is so good"!
Or " I arrived at the airport 3 hrs early and got a seat like this"!
Me "Well all the seats are the same shape and size but if you'd prefer a different colour I can move you"!

angeloflight 2nd Aug 2006 11:45

On a lunchtime flight at about 14:00

Pax: Excuse me, do you have a breakfast meal?

Me: Sorry sir, we'll be serving lunch shortly

Pax: So you have no breakfast meal?

Me: I'm sorry sir, but we only have lunch onboard since it is lunchtime

Pax: But in my time zone it's breakfast

Me: Sorry sir, but your time zone has changed, it's now lunchtime!



Pax on a flight to Nice with easyJet, boards and has bumble bee glasses, fur coat and jewellery up to her neck and rings of gold in every finger with a Gucci handbag. She looks up and down at the Purser and says;

"I don't think your uniform is very professional!"

Crew member says;

"Well it's my professionalism madam that stops me commenting on what you're wearing!"

Getoutofmygalley 2nd Aug 2006 14:03


Originally Posted by angeloflight
Pax on a flight to Nice with easyJet, boards and has bumble bee glasses, fur coat and jewellery up to her neck and rings of gold in every finger with a Gucci handbag. She looks up and down at the Purser and says;

"I don't think your uniform is very professional!"

Crew member says;

"Well it's my professionalism madam that stops me commenting on what you're wearing!"

ROFL! :D

My one yesterday was:

PAX: Have you any chocolate bars?

MEL Yes, I have Kit Kat, Mars or Twix

PAX: I'll have a Snickers please

I wanted to grab the twix and beat her senseless with it whilst screaming "I have no feckin Snickers, if I had Snickers I would have said"

And for those on this forum who might be pax, if you had been on my AGP flight yesterday and seen what the pax were like, you too would have felt the same way!

tart1 2nd Aug 2006 20:17

Please forgive me for the slight drift ........a lot of these comments sound like the customers we get where I work, so it is not only on board aircraft when people leave their brains behind!!

Typical conversation:

Customer: I've got an appointment with someone in the service department.
Me: What's the name please?
Customer: Well I think his name is Nick.
Me: I meant what is your name!! :confused:
............................................................ ............
Caller: Are you BMW?
Me: No we're Mercedes-Benz.
Caller: Well I need to speak to BMW. Can you give me their number??
Me: Er, sorry, no. I'm afraid I don't have it. (Thinks to oneself: do they think we are directory enquiries?) :oh:
............................................................ ..............
Customer: I've got a Mercedes car.
Me: (Thinks to oneself: well what a surprise, we don't get many of those in here!! :bored: )

WexCan 2nd Aug 2006 21:40

Currently working out my notice in a tech dept for a computer company before moving to EZY.

The classics:

I want to pay my gas bill.

My washing machine's broken and Rita said thay have computer chips in them so I should call you.

I want to reserve a room for tomorrow night. Oh this isn't the Hilton? Who is it? Oh. What's the number for the Hilton.

I has one guy who wanted to buy some potatoes. And he was serious. :s

A V 8 2nd Aug 2006 23:28

Many moons ago, my family and I were flying out of Manchester on a 757. My mum, who is the world's most nervous passenger, was becoming concerned about the amount of condensation dripping on her.

Passing CC noticed my frighened old dear and said, "Don't worry madam - that's just the life rafts drying out!"

I PMSL - Priceless :ok: :D

Impress to inflate 3rd Aug 2006 11:14

I fly Helis over the north sea. My fav comes from one of my old work mates who while flying in the Danish sector had the best inflight pax. The crew had just left a drilling rig 118 miles of the Danish coast, the rig had given the Capt and co-jo 2 plastic tubs with food and coffee. Ten mins into the flight an oily tapped the crew on the shoulder and said he needed a Cr%p asap. The crew advised our upset pax that they had just left the rig and why had he not done the deed earlier ! "Please sit down, we will be landing in 50 mins." Several mins later our brave crew had eaten some of the sandwiches when our upset pax tapped the crew on the shoulder again "I really really need a Cr*p and its coming out like it or not, what can I crap in !! " The crew looked at each other then looked at one of the plastic boxes that had not been opened. They opended the box only to find pudding..................................................... .........two choclate eclairs !! The two of them nearly died laughing. :D

Alex-AAE 3rd Aug 2006 13:46


Originally Posted by stevef
Careful about gullspitting to pax, eh - I complained to a stew recently about the extremely feeble flow from the overhead air vents and was told that they're always like that. I didn't mention that I've been an aircraft engineer for the last twenty-seven years and know otherwise.
On the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...
Anyway, you do a good job under sometimes trying circumstances, girls (and boys)!
:^)

Steve...... Can i ask what you wanted the crew memebr to do? Being an Aircraft Engineer for 27 years should you not have known that the crew member could do just as much as you could at that time? Just a thought. Alex

stevef 3rd Aug 2006 17:27

Hello, Alex. You're quite right; she couldn't have done anything. But, having been informed, I would have expected her to write it up in the Cabin Tech Log and/or mentioned it to the cockpit crew after landing. Then, someone like me would have fixed the snag! And, she obviously knew that the vents should operate better than they were and shouldn't have said that it was normal. It wasn't only my vent; several pax in other rows were fiddling with theirs.
Steve.

Biggles' Apprentice 3rd Aug 2006 17:35

A few yrs ago, out of DEN to LHR with good old Birdseed, the CSD suggested to me that they needed some assistance in cattle. A enormously obese couple (I am talking fatter than lard itself) with a 16 year old kid of Jupitean size (and all of them of obvious nationality) in the aisles, were causing absolute havoc on the "this seat isn't big enough... I got no room.... I got f***ing SFU next to my name....I should be in first... this is a s***hole limey airline" line of talk....both he and his wife was obnoxious to everyone around

The guy was rude beyond comprehension to all around and as he demand his upgrade...

After trying to be charm itself (a hopeless effort), I got rather exasperated and just said "Look, first is for those with a greed for money, not a greed for eating" and went back to the FD, leaving the CSD to upgrade the poor bloke sitting next to them on his own at the end....hehehehe!

dustybin 3rd Aug 2006 20:54

biggles, i loved that one:D I wish i could say what i thought sometimes. like the pax who kicked off the other day because we were delayed and had no sandwiches to SELL. They had been given food vouchers in the terminal but it was just a disaster we had no crap overpriced sandwiches to sell to them. It as my fault that she was going to a business meeting on an empty belly and was reporting me because of it, i nicely asked why she never spent her voucher on food in the terminal as she had 3 hours to kill but it was all my fault. Proberly had a G&T with it old bag.
we also had another pax kick off about having no crap sandwiches after a delay (i work for a LCC were you pay nearly £5 for a sandwhich),we explained that they had been on all day and we would not eat them so not wanting to sell them. she made a scene about how she worked for the HEALTH & SAFTY and needed food and in the end we thought we would pull the guilt trip. After her little show we went up to her and gave her my crew meal and explained that i would go without because she was so upset about it. The old bag eat every bit and when i took it away she never even said thanks. How can you win if we sold her the sandwiches she would end up with food posioning, but she is happy to let another person go without food how selfish? Health & safty my arse:yuk:

flyblue 3rd Aug 2006 22:18


I didn't mention that I've been an aircraft engineer for the last twenty-seven years

Steve, I think you should have, and surely your complaint would have been taken more seriously! I'm not excusing the fact that she didn't do anything about it, as she should have done. But passengers usually find a lot of very common things and occurrences on aircraft very odd and worrying, so knowing that you had a professional eye would surely have made a diference.

stevef 4th Aug 2006 07:38

Mmm, perhaps, Flyblue, but I don't like making people feel awkward or challenged, especially with others listening. Perhaps she did write it up afterwards, though. Anyway, a couple of pints after we landed soon got me back to a normal working temperature. :)
Steve.


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