Best, most embarrassing or funny PA speech?
Join Date: May 2004
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......''Ladies and gentlemen please remember to take your personal items with you and parents don't forget your children''.
.
One Captain at BA used to do one PA only (much to the relief of the pax).Across the Atlantic at the given time you would hear ''half way'' and the interphone replaced.
WTDWL.
.One Captain at BA used to do one PA only (much to the relief of the pax).Across the Atlantic at the given time you would hear ''half way'' and the interphone replaced.
WTDWL.
Join Date: Nov 2004
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best one i heard was...
as plane lands and pax get up to get bags etc as we're taxing to our stand...
"ladies and gentleman, please sit down as in the history of aviation a passenger has never got to the gates before the plane, thank you".
as plane lands and pax get up to get bags etc as we're taxing to our stand...
"ladies and gentleman, please sit down as in the history of aviation a passenger has never got to the gates before the plane, thank you".
Join Date: Apr 2005
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After the heavy landings we sometimes get on the smaller aircraft i heard one landing pa start with;
"Ladies and Gentleman while we taxi whats left of the aircraft back to stand..."
and we did get a few laughs! x
"Ladies and Gentleman while we taxi whats left of the aircraft back to stand..."
and we did get a few laughs! x
Join Date: May 2004
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Never said/heard this one, but read it in one of those funny PA emails that you get every now and then - follows on from the above PA:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we ask you to please remain seated whilst Captain Kangaroo bounces whats left of the aircraft to the gate. Once we arrive and the smoke has cleared, you can pick your way through the wreckage to the cabin door."
Particularly funny, although obviously I would never use it!
"Ladies and gentlemen, we ask you to please remain seated whilst Captain Kangaroo bounces whats left of the aircraft to the gate. Once we arrive and the smoke has cleared, you can pick your way through the wreckage to the cabin door."
Particularly funny, although obviously I would never use it!
Upon touchdown after a particularly interesting down and up again and around and around approach to Carcasonne Airport , France enthusiastic applause erupted. A PA immediately followed: Ladies and gentlemen, please do not applaud- on exiting the aircraft just throw money! 
Join Date: May 2005
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Flying up from Gatwick to Manchester last night,on landing and while taxinig to the gate the captain finished his address by saying "please remain seated until the aircraft has come to a complete standstill and the engines are turned off, this is because we may have to break quickly causing you all to roll to the front of the cabin, landing at my door and impeding my exit from the aircraft"
Made me laugh after a pretty taxing couple of days wee done BA.
Rob
Made me laugh after a pretty taxing couple of days wee done BA.
Rob
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Northern Ireland
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I think the funniest announcement ive ever heard was on an easyJet flight to Belfast years ago.
Upon landing and taxi to the terminal. The cabin crew proceeded to welcome us to Belfast, and told us to, " be sure you take all your personal belongings with you from the overhead lockers and under the seats, and women, this includes your husbands and children...... because we cannot sell them.
The cabin was in stitches. Fantastic.
SAVAGE
Upon landing and taxi to the terminal. The cabin crew proceeded to welcome us to Belfast, and told us to, " be sure you take all your personal belongings with you from the overhead lockers and under the seats, and women, this includes your husbands and children...... because we cannot sell them.
The cabin was in stitches. Fantastic.
SAVAGE
Join Date: Aug 2002
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In memory of my mate John
Ladies and Gentleman welcome to XXXX where the local time is XXXX. pls remain seated until the a/c has come to a complete stop and the seat belt sign has been switched off. For those of you who wish to help the cabin crew with the cleaning and turn round duties of the a/c pls stand!!
the cabin laughed but no one stood up!
Ladies and Gentleman welcome to XXXX where the local time is XXXX. pls remain seated until the a/c has come to a complete stop and the seat belt sign has been switched off. For those of you who wish to help the cabin crew with the cleaning and turn round duties of the a/c pls stand!!
the cabin laughed but no one stood up!
Join Date: Apr 2005
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Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to Sydney, please remain seated, finger still on talk, yeah Sharon my f*cking husband is cooking dinner, whoops, until the aircraft has come to a complete stop and the captain has switched off the fasten seat belt sign.
God I loved Ansett!
God I loved Ansett!
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Worst-Class wrote:
That's hilarious!
Well, the other day I was especially bored and when the 200th call came through I answered,
"Hello this is the front cabin, there's no-one here at present to take your call, but please leave a message and your position abd we'll get back to you. BEEEEEEP...."
The problem being, he left a message and then hung up before I could reveal the joke! Is that funny or scary? he's actually been with the company about 18 months!!! I explained that none of our aircraft have answer-machines...hope it sank in!
"Hello this is the front cabin, there's no-one here at present to take your call, but please leave a message and your position abd we'll get back to you. BEEEEEEP...."
The problem being, he left a message and then hung up before I could reveal the joke! Is that funny or scary? he's actually been with the company about 18 months!!! I explained that none of our aircraft have answer-machines...hope it sank in!
On the interphone...
Welcome to Telstra, you can make your selection simply by speaking. To announce cabin secure, say 'cabin secure'. To speak to the Cabin Manager, say 'Task Master'.
Im sorry, I did not understand your selection. Please hold, while you are transferred to the next available Flight Attendant. Your call may be monitored for the entertainment of the flight deck crew. We expect to answer your call in approximately, 45 minutes.
Welcome to Telstra, you can make your selection simply by speaking. To announce cabin secure, say 'cabin secure'. To speak to the Cabin Manager, say 'Task Master'.
Im sorry, I did not understand your selection. Please hold, while you are transferred to the next available Flight Attendant. Your call may be monitored for the entertainment of the flight deck crew. We expect to answer your call in approximately, 45 minutes.
Join Date: Dec 2001
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have heard one flight attendant once starting her intro to the safety message frustrated by all of the suits keeping their heads in Financial Times and Time Mags on every flight -
Join Date: Mar 2005
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When I was a fresh faced junior down the back of an EZY 737, the Senior made this PA;
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome onboard the fairyland express to Barcelona. My name is Jayne and I am the high preistess on this flight.
Joining me in the cabin are two very glamourous stewardess's. In the middle is Princess Kirsty, and at the back is a right old queen Peter"
EVERY pax turned to the rear and saw me with my jaw on the galley floor and turning bright red.
On the up side, I got 3 phone numbers from cute guys.
When out on the service, she also used to say to me when she saw a passenger with a horrid shirt on "Oh my god, Peter, that's that shirt you've been, looking for. Excuse me sir, we are dying to know where you bought that shirt from, Peter has been looking for one like that for ages."
Also she always insisted on calling everyone, including the Captain "Flower" or "Treacle." One miserable captain barked back "I am NOT your flower" to which she replied "F*** off then."
God I miss her.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome onboard the fairyland express to Barcelona. My name is Jayne and I am the high preistess on this flight.
Joining me in the cabin are two very glamourous stewardess's. In the middle is Princess Kirsty, and at the back is a right old queen Peter"
EVERY pax turned to the rear and saw me with my jaw on the galley floor and turning bright red.
On the up side, I got 3 phone numbers from cute guys.
When out on the service, she also used to say to me when she saw a passenger with a horrid shirt on "Oh my god, Peter, that's that shirt you've been, looking for. Excuse me sir, we are dying to know where you bought that shirt from, Peter has been looking for one like that for ages."
Also she always insisted on calling everyone, including the Captain "Flower" or "Treacle." One miserable captain barked back "I am NOT your flower" to which she replied "F*** off then."
God I miss her.
Last edited by ezpz; 27th Feb 2006 at 11:01.
Join Date: Mar 2005
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It's not a PA, but bloody funny anyway. I heard about a CSD who had a jacket thrust in front of his nose by a very rude club passenger in the front row. The CSD opened the wardrobe, leaned inside and shouted "Make sure you get this jacket cleaned and pressed by 2 o'clock!".
Join Date: Aug 2005
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Company newsletter quoted a flight attendant saying:
" A smoke detector is fitted in the toilet compartment which is located in the seat pocket in front of you."
I would have hated to be the one cleaning the cabin on turnaround!
" A smoke detector is fitted in the toilet compartment which is located in the seat pocket in front of you."
I would have hated to be the one cleaning the cabin on turnaround!
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How about this excerpt from a safety spiel aboard the 'love' airline:
.........and should this flight become a cruise, your seat cushion becomes a flotation device........
maybe not original, but it was the first time I heard that one.
.........and should this flight become a cruise, your seat cushion becomes a flotation device........
maybe not original, but it was the first time I heard that one.