Capt: "I've been up all night."

F/O: "Why's that Skipper?"

Capt: "Bloody F/A banging on my door all night."

F/O: "What did you do about it?"

Capt: " I eventually let her out. I needed to sleep."

"Terrain, Terrain!" (from GPWS)

"Shutup Gringo!".

Late 50's on a Mickey Mouse DC3 ex-Kunnunura.

New stewardess asks the boys if they would like a cup of coffee.

Grunt of acknowledgement from the grumpy old ****** in the LHS.

'And how would you like it Captain?'
'Same as me wimin...hot and sweet!'
And with an angelic smile, 'Would that be black or white?' .

Captain after CRM course.. "Well as far as I can see, instead of me turning to an FO and saying, "You're a ********", I should now turn to him and say.." I think you are a ********..what do you think?"

Old Classic captain answering an interphone call.....

" Heaven,...God speaking! "

On answering the interphone:

"The flightdeck is currently unattended. Please leave a message after the beep..."

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ATC: "All aircraft go around"

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Mobile phone makes that dit-dit-dit noise in the headset speakers. Captain subjects crew to an outburst directed at whichever passenger brought the thing on board and then: "oh sh!t" turns around, takes his mobile out of his bag and says: "don't I feel like the village idiot!"

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CPT to FO after hard landing: "I think my fillings have come out"

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FA to crew mid-south Indian Ocean: "I'm always amazed how they get those bouys (waypoints) all the way down here"

Hard Landings!
 

Female FA to Captain after a day of hard landings by the flight crew "Gees, captain if you boys are going to make more hard landings it would be appreciated if you could give us girls some advance notice so that we can wear our sports bras!"

"In my life, I've had 17 cars and 7 wives. Ya know, in each case, 4 of 'em were my own".

Three of the most dangerous things in aviation:

• Two Check Captains flying together

• A doctor in a Bonanza

• Hostie with a chipped tooth!

"Goggles on, chocks away.... last one back's a homo!"
(Black Adder series)

Old captain I used to fly with when asked by FA (female) how he liked his coffee would reply, "Like my women, hot, white, sweet and weak."

The immortal words of PW at 200 feet, having once been chided for not giving enough support during his sim cyclics:

"Stick with it!"

Chieftain outclimbing a preceding twin otter on departure out of a CTAF and intercepting a similar outbound...

"ABC, just coming inside you now"

Hope he took precautions.

FO to Captain at 500ft after takeoff on a 4 hour sector:

"we there yet?".

F/o handing over control after landing - "your problem!"

On engine shutdown - "well, another win for the insurance company"

Flight attendant after landing - "holy s#&t Captain, was that a landing or were we shot down?"

Captain clicking A/P out:

"Motion coming on!"

I'll never forget conversing among a small group of pilots at a flying school when a fresh student just came back from his first 'low level' beat up around the training area. He was ecstatic and couldn't contain himself with the excitement of this low flying thing.

Amongst this group was a rather senior crop dusting guru, after listening for a little while to the students' story the croppy asked "how high were you?"

"500 foot" replied the student.

"500 foot" quipped the croppy "you need bloody oxygen up there, come with me boy i'll show you some low flying"

When they got back the student was rather quiet, pale and didn't know what part of the airframe to start clearing the foliage from!

Out of context - sorry, but to inspire confidence....

Busy location, newly rated Approach controller - v. busy scenario, sh!t everywhere - approaching saturation.

Turns to adjacent controller and says

" Hey XXXXX, what do you think about these two?

Response "Yeah let 'im go mate - he'll be OK".

"Alpha Bravo Golf climb to FL270"

"Oh - you meant those two"

Destroyed!!!!

or

"Would like controller assistance with your arrival maam or would you prefer to do it yourself"

Flight instructor to student: Please describe ground effect for me.

Student: (In a very cocky tone) I think you'll find it's called GRAVITY.

Saggi1:

By my handle, you can tell my plane. Did one of our crews really say that? And when? I'm not on a witch hunt, but PC is so much a part of the USAF, I'm surprised.

BTW: Darwin Control? or Pilot?

GF