ATC adding random words to transmissions

[Planet Express]

A mate of mine told me (over a frosty amber at the pub mind you) that after being cleared to line up at a GAAP he was told:

"XXX cleared for take-off, muffins."

He read back the clearance minus the muffins comment, hurtled down the runway and never heard anything else abnormal from the tower. He remains stumped to this day.

Is this B/S or is there some credibility to his ramblings??

Also merry Christmas to all, enjoy your holidays and stay safe


P.E.

[Hugh Jarse]

Crew Adding Random Words To PA's

I have heard that sometimes the cabin crew and tech crew throw down the gauntlet to each other with the challenge of including a selected word in the PA.

I have heard words such as intransigent, vulva, yum-cha and patty-cakes 'slipped in' on the odd occasion

"Of course I would never endorse or participate in such mischievous activity, Colonel Sanders".

Merry Christmas

[Binoculars]

If we tell you that, we'll have to kill you.

[Kaptin M]

Overheard last week

Bing-Bong.

"Hello (actually, "mushi mushi")?"

"Hello, Captain, service finished, please give me arrival information."

"Okay, landing time is hoobldegibbledywoblle, weather fonatseyhobgoodblanketybloobedygimgamgom during descent flunkblaketydogwhatsclinkclankoops....okay?"

F/O now p!ssing himself!!

"Um, sorry, please repeat."

"Which part did you miss?"

"Sorry, please say all again."

Request accomodated!!

F/O now totally useless to accomplish any useful duties.

There would be ABSOLUTELY zero credibility to your mate's ramblings, P.E..

ATC'ers & Flight Crew have NO sense of humour - at all.
Work is serious sh!t, ya know!!

[sinala1]

I have heard words such as intransigent, vulva, yum-cha and patty-cakes 'slipped in' on the odd occasion

We challenged our flight crew to use the words "Penetrate" and "Moist" in their PA... the captain came to the party (rather easily too, I might add) by telling the SLF that we were going to "penetrate some rather moist cloud, so it may get a bit bumpy on descent"

SLF could not understand why the CC were wetting themselves laughing in the galley

[Captain Stoobing]

One very imaginative flight attendant gave us " Gargantuan" to use in our PA. We were stumped up until the last leg our 8 sector 2 day trip the FO came up with ,

" Ladies and Gents BLAH BLAH BLAH, ( arrival info)........and for those of you staying in the area this weekend the airshow is on , with exotic and rare aircraft such as the B-64 Gargantuan on show.......blah blah blah"

Gold, pure gold. None of the passengers even blinked an eyelid. Just goes to show how much our PA's get listened to.

Have a good christmas.

Capt Stoobing.

[one ball]

penetrate some rather moist cloud

Hilarious. Puerile but hilarious. ROFLMAO.

Yep.

Anything to liven up your day.

Maybe the tower of power was left in the hands of the work experience kid while the ATCO went for a bog...

("Just sit there and don't touch anything, I'll be right back...")

I'm sure the tower-jockey was gutted when "muffins" was met with indifference.

[Crash & Burn]

Best one I've seen done was when the cabin crew nominated 'Rear Entry' as the flight crews PA phrase of the day.

The captain, not about to knock back a good challenge, came up with the following whilst inbound to XXX from the north:

"Conditions in XXX are fine with the wind from the north. Due to the northerly wind we'll be making the rear entry in XXX by flying down the western side of the airport before turning east and then north to land into the wind."

Cabin Crew were most impressed!

[Hempy]

Slightly off topic, but there were a couple of guys at Heathrow who set up a scam over the PA where they got the announcer to page their ethnic friends. My personal fav...

Makollig Jezvahted and Levdaroum DeBahzted

[Capt Claret]

In the good old days and a previous life, when first contact with Approach required a statement of in-flight conditions (IMC/VMC), he who named me commented that he'd always wanted to say on top and about to enter.

As I was an impressionable EFFO, and was just about to call Brisbane Approach, I said just that. Captain (G'day Rossco) p!ssed himself laughing!

[Jerricho]

Hempy, it happens more often than you would expect

[Chris Higgins]

St Louis Missouri, back in 1995..

ATC transmission:

"Waterski 1211, position and hold"

His response:

"Pull it out and hold it!"

[Matt-YSBK]

Talking of stange words i heard a loud quacking over XXX's radio call to radar on boxing day.

Cool reply from radar to a working quacker made the pilot sound a little confused.

[Atlas Shrugged]

Wouldn't be AeroDuck by any chance would it?

[willadvise]

He was probably mid conversation with someone, stoppped to give your mate his clearance, resumed his conversation but didn't release the PTT quick enough. I have done it myself a couple of times.

[Uncommon Sense]

Hmmm,

this isn't the once rumoured 'co-ord duck call' at SY TMA for YPEC DEP's is it?

[Matt-YSBK]

Dawat woud be tweling......

[BankAngle50]

Having worked in ATC before and flown in various parts of the world, it amazes me how anal my fellow Aussie flight crew are or have become. I’m not advocating the use of incorrect RTF, but for f-cks sake “lighten up folks!” You have your license, so as long as the comms are intelligible so what if now and then (conditions permitting) a bit of humor is injected. Would I advocate unnecessary additions in IMC on a busy approach freq—NO! Its like getting pulled up on a ck because you used “assigned” instead of “Cleared.” F_ck who cares? I remember my ATC trainer getting upset with a certain red tail B767 VH-OG- one day, after coping ear bashing whilst coorindating his arrival into ABCG (yes that long ago). The quote that followed "Ill stay out of the cockpit if you stay out of the tower" seemed most appropriate. If the ATC needs clarification, don’t worry, he/she will ask.

Whilst I’m at it; Who are the wankers (aka “The Guard Police”) terrorising any and all if a millisecond off carrier wave pulses on 121.5??? Does this just piss me off?? Do they sit there ready to pounce? I know our job is boring, watching LNAV/VNAV PATH trying to over speed in descent hour after hour but, do you really think the guy doesn’t realize he has just transmitted on guard or that the PNF/(PM) wont tell him? Is this some horrible task assigned by QF to its SO’s, perhaps they sit ready on the 3rd set to pulse “Guarrrrrdddd!!!!!” at a seconds notice. If someone accidentally Xmits on guard, for Christ’s sack give them a chance. If it happens more then once, I can understand a polite and helpful, “on guard buddy” transmission.

Perhaps we have made the easiest place in the world to fly a jet so nasty because its so fu_cking so boring?

[one ball]

Especially since these S/O twats don't even realise it ISN'T "guard" at all...

Plenty of threads like this one explaining just what "guard" actually means. Still, the morons persist with saying

“Guarrrrrdddd!!!!!”

but the thing is, most of the time, these other morons DON'T know they are on 121.5 when they call the company so they need something as a smack upside the head.

Letting someone know the freq ATC wants them contact on could be done with a one-sentence broadcast transmission to the other aircraft. It doesn't require a minute of back-and-forth.

Anyone else yacking on 121.5 (or 243) unless he's just taken a belly-full of AAA and is about to punch out is just pulling himself.

[Cactus Jack]

I thought that 121.5 was VB's chat frequency? I'm pretty sure they can't afford their own....