Jet Connect - a Clayton QANTAS?

[Capt Claret]

In any evacuation, the cockpit crew are REQUIRED to assist - so that "dirty big bullet proof door" will NOT be closed.

but in the technologically superior BAe146, the only way for the tech crew to exit the flight deck when the hoards are busting to get out, is out the C screens.

Because that wizzard of modern British Engineering, the enhanced cockpit door must be opened into the galley through almost 180 degrees, to let the svelt types exit the flight deck. Pitty the poor F/A who gets slammed into the galley carts and squashed a la Sylvester the Puddy Tat.

[lame]

True.

However in defence of Kaptin M, that was not the point he was making.

If the PA was thus "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways to leave this aircraft" , then it is incorrect, as he stated.

IF they said "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but in an emergency there are only 6 ways for you as passengers to leave this aircraft", that would be correct.........

[Bombay]

You know, when I used to have trouble sleeping, I used to read the telephone book, or get my wife to talk about communication and compromise in order to help me nod off.

Now all I have to do is read this thread. Trouble is, reading it also makes me look for a gun.

Bombay

[lame]

I thought this was one of the better threads.........

Here are some similar announcements, including the one that started this thread, however it must be a different type of Aircraft.


Real flight announcements

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."

Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land ... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted."

From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry ...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!

Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!"

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.

Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."

[proplever]

Just out of interest, Capt Marvey, if this is the second most anal thread in your opinion, which thread takes the prize as the MOST anal.

BTW, this thread is pretty anal.

[Argus]

Kap M

Back on page two

QF Cabin staff are, on average, a good 20 years older than their asian peers and have been doing the job a long time. They are sick and tired of it and view the pax is something less than important. They won't resign because the perks are too good and they can't be sacked/moved sideways because of Australia's labour laws.

I see some of the usual suspects are attempting to defend the indefensible on QF flight service.

I will not fly with QANTAS, especially on long haul routes.

It's not because of the flight deck crew (some of whom are my former colleagues) or engineering staff. It's because the standard of QF cabin service is way below what the competition offers.

I work for myself. I stand or fall on the quality of service I provide for my clients, most of whom are satisfied with what I do. When I'm paying top dollar for Business Class travel to/from Europe, I expect to receive in flight service that represents value for my hard earned money. Unfortunately, when compared to the likes of Cathy, Lauda (Austrian), JAL, Air Canada and even BA, QANTAS doesn't get to first base.

I don't expect forelock tugging servitude from cabin staff. But I do expect basic manners, a customer focussed approach to reasonable requests and flight attendant availability throughout the flight/sector. In my experience, QANTAS fails on all three counts. Rather than getting on with the job and maintaining the revenue flow, the Australian based cabin crew are more interested in preserving the Public Service attitude of "rights", "entitlements" and "hard won" employment conditions.

Qantas was ranked fourth in the 2004 Skytrax Airline of the Year survey. But the survey methodology goes to much more than cabin service.

Skytrax also surveys cabin service as a specific item. According to the Skytrax web site, the cabin service survey criteria are:

*Service Efficiency;
*Staff Cabin Presence;
*Service Attentiveness;
*Staff Friendliness;
*Consistency among Staff; and
*Sincerity and Attitude of Staff

The Skytrax 2004 survey results for cabin staff are due this month. However, in 2003, Qantas failed to make the Global Cabin Service Top 10 - see http://www.airlinequality.com/main/vote_staff_1-04.htm

Qantas (and some other large airlines) have 'risk averse' employees who are firmly focussed on entitlements. If that's your bag, fair enough - not all of us are destined to be Richard Bransons. But attempting to stifle enthusiasm, initiative and energy of the competition is just a little precious, especially when the product on offer from Qantas is so fatally flawed.

[lame]

How to use these emergency exits in the event of a terrorist being on board.

[QFandlovinIT]

It is amazing how many tossers have NO IDEA of heavy jets ops all think they are experts.

[Wizofoz]

Qfandlovingit,

It’s amazing how many supposedly educated pilots can’t put together a comprehensible sentence in English!

(Have another go lad!)

[Razor]

The most annoying thing I see with these so called Crew Safety Professionals is how many of them need to do a resit of the door drills even after watching a video, being given a demo by the instructor, being in the job for a number of years and stressing out in the tea room prior about how hard it is.
Give me a break. It is not that hard and if you are like that in a controlled environment then how are you going to be when it gets tough.

[mainwheel]

LFS

Is VB the only carrier in aodaliya that takes advantage of the CAR requirement of number of safety exits that relates to "trained" person's numbers. No sexism allowed here.

Or is there really a career there, eventually becoming a FSD or Food manager or Head manager.

Is Jetstar (little taa) demanding the same dress standards whilst wearing uniforms from their career girls. G-Strings?

Now that would be more appropriate feedback on the original topic.

[Bombay]

Thanks Everybody for clearing up my query on page 4 of this thread.

Kaptin M is indeed THE MOST BORING PERSON ON EARTH.

Give that man a medal.

Bombay