Where to start.

1. The only welsh member of the ATC team trying to retrieve a sheep from the runway.

2. Runway blocked in "Britain in the Sun" due to
a. Bags of fruit all over the runway
b. Due to 30+ pairs of shoes left on the runway from protesting Morrocans.
c. Due to a German motorhome parked up alongside it.
There are some cracking ones in the log books

Scene: Liverpool 1980s, Royal Flight due in 20 minutes. Landing aircraft reports a suitcase lying on the edge of the runway. Soon declared a suspect bomb, so Royal flight diverts to Manchester. EOD men blow up the case, scattering underwear etc across the runway. Turned out that it had fallen out of the baggage locker on a departing Trislander.

At an airport I worked at once we had a report of someone wandering around one of the taxiways.

Turns it out it was a young lad with learning difficulties on his way to his first job who had been running late and decided to take a short cut across the airport, runway and all.

I can't remember how he got through the perimeter fence but it was pretty impressive.

Also had those nutty Plane Stupid protestors handcuff themselves to a taxiway and start playing crazy golf once. Their argument would have carried a shred more weight had it not later transpired that a few of them had got to the protest the day before by flying up for it...............

Edited because I just remembered another one....At another airport I worked at, we had a call reporting people seen running from an aircraft. Turns out that a flight that had arrived from Paris had landed and begun de-planing when 3 oriental gentleman decided to make a run for it on the walk from the bottom of the aircraft steps, to the terminal building. They managed to jump into the river and never heard if they were found.

ATC dealing with an Indian airline

ATC - instruction
Aircraft- confirm
ATC- affirm
Aircraft-confirm your affirm

:=

Liverpool
Lads from the neighbouring estate used to try to set the runway caravan on fire every so often.

didn't they have to move the police helicopter to Woodvale after enthusiastic locals in Speke started throwing Molotov cocktails at it when it was parked up near the old control tower?

They moved onto firing fireworks at aircraft on very short final for 27 from spotters mound when I was there......

Oh, and dumping the bullet ridden bodies of a couple of local dealers in the boot of a car and setting it on fire next to the Tower once!

Zebra crossing
 

A member of the travelling fraternity was found on the apron trying to find a way out, when asked how he had got there he advised that he came from the other side of the airfield but it was ok as he had crossed the runway on the big zebra crossing!

Lady tower controller on duty. Shorts 360 on final as a light aircraft pulls up to the hold line.

Aircraft ABC: "At rwy XX and I am able an immediate"

Tower. "Negative ! I can't get you off until I get my shorts down".

Oh very well.
Female radar controller at Luton: 'is it all right if I turn you on at 5 miles?'
Pilot: 'well we've never met but....'

Flaming Runways
 

I remember my (now retired) boss telling me a story from sometime in the 80s when he was tower assistant and a departing fast jet managed to jettison its drop tanks as it rotated, sending them sliding along the remainder of the runway and igniting as they went, leaving a pair of flaming streaks half the length of the strip.

How about an aircraft airborne with no pilot.
http://www.pprune.org/pacific-genera...ey-1955-a.html