On runway "obstructions". Heathrow one wet evening a constant stream was landing. The Captain of one flight rang with humble apologies: "Our First Officer insisted I rang to rell you that as we turned off the runway he saw a man laying on the centreline. I'm really sorry to have troubled you, blah, blah".

Plenty more had landed but we got a checker vehicle to have a look and, sure enough, there was a bloke laying on the runway! He wasn't injured but they took him to hospital, where he later died from pneumonia.

HD, tell 'em the one about the "chlorine at the door"...

You got me there TDM. Must have been someone else, or more likely my dead brain.

I always found that having a crew which failed to listen out - for a variety of reasons - would demand an inordinate amount of my attention. I'd have to continually check to see if their a/c was, for instance, likely to depart from controlled airspace or become a hazard to other traffic, particularly if vectoring was involved. Calling to see if they were back on used RT time which was always at a premium.

"chlorine at the door"...

HD, an AC story, thought it was on your watch:

ACA DC8F: "Ground, we need assistance, we got chlorine (?) at the door!
Ground: "you got what? "
ACA DC8F: "we got chlorine (?) at the door!"
Ground: "chlorine? Gas? You want the fire service?"
ACA DC8F: "Ground, er...anybody who can help...we got clawing at the door...the tiger's escaped..."

Hahahaha. No. I must have been on leave. Great story though.

An absolute classic!

'Hot' arrival
 

High and fast DC8 offered straight-in snatch for 10R with optimistic distance-to-touchdown. DC8 accepts. Joins loc, hot and high, really struggling to get onto the GS and get the speed off. Lands deep and fast followed by a screeching 'n burning Tom and Jerry arrival, taxying speed at the last block.

Tower: "Vacate left at the end there and contact ground…"
DC8: "er...Rog,…and that sure ain't no way to arrive at an international aiport…"

Anyone care to put RSPCA and chipmunk in to a Heathrow based ATC scenario?

1982, when I was at Stornoway - A friend who was a smallholder asked me if anyone cut the grass in the triangle between the 3 runways. 'No' I replied, 'Can I make some hay there?', he asked, 'Sure' I replied.


'OK, I'll send Donnie up with a tractor and cutter' says my chum. Knowing Donnie was not one of Stornoway's brightest sons, I told him to make sure that Donnie came to see me and I would brief him on the runway crossing.


Next day Donnie duly reported to the tower, 'You can cross the runway in front of the tower now, as there is nothing due for a while,' I told him, ' When you have finished, face the tower and flash your headlights and if you see my green lamp flash at you, then you can cross - if it is red, wait and eventually you'll see the green'.


Everything went as planned and then I went on leave. On my return the other ATCO ( Derek King ) says, 'Did you tell a tractor driver that he could cut the grass?'.


'Yes, you didn't mind did you?' I replied.


'Er, when he came back with his baler he crossed the runway straight in front of Loganair's Islander that was about to touchdown,so I chased after him in the Land Rover and asked him what the hell he was playing at?'.


He replied, 'The other fellow said it would be alright :ugh:

Favourite episode at "my" airfield was the summer of '76 (hot and dry) when the firemen in their mini van managed to set the grass area alight whilst bird scaring....their attempts to extinguish the fire using the van's floor mats having failed, they then failed to start the van in order to escape....a fiasco which took a while to write up in the log as I recall.

Coloured Radar
 

Red Devils paradropping under CAS, base 3500. Aircraft inbound to major international airport normally dropped to 4000. The Islander 'lift-attendant' made the occasional request for clearance up to FL120, in which case the aircraft inbound to that major international airport were cleared down to only FL130, naturally. One day, a clearance cock-up: paradrop from FL120, BAC111 cleared down to 4000 ft. On the way down:

BAC 111: "Hey London, we've just passed close to an Islander paradropping"
TMA-SW: "Roger, was it a red one?"
BAC-111: "Blimey, you've got good radar!"

TWA inbound to Heathrow from the west kept a little high due to paradropping at Farnborough. Given information on the Herc and TWA says: "Gee we can see them, one guy's boots are on fire".

Adam92... hope you have the picture that anything that can happen, does happen in ATC.

WOG
 

My Swanwick TC ATCO son tells me that in these PC times, management have forbidden the use of the term, WOG http://images.ibsrv.net/ibsrv/res/sr...s/censored.gif

Bizjet lands at Farnborough and as he taxies to the old south side enclave, announces he has 'lots of banging in the baggage compartment'. Tower controller declares ground incident, fire crews follow him until he has parked.
Phone call from the FBO asking why the fire crew, and on tower explaining said 'no it was lots of baggage not banging'!!

which reminds me of the handling agent calling to say one of the bagage handlers missing and to stop the departure - said handler found terrified in the hold :eek:

or the late call received from the handling agent requesting information passed to pilot that they have pets in the hold, which I guess wouldn't have otherwise been too happy

Wonder what's happened to Adam92? Perhaps he's run off screaming just like a lady news reporter in the approach room of a large airport back in the 70s. She was there to interview one of the ladies and whilst waiting AM, who was No.1 south, called her across.... "See that?" he said, pointing at the radar, "That's Concorde going ro New York".... "and see that?" "Yes", she said". "That's a Boeing 707 coming from Africa"... "Yes, yes" she said". And AM shouts hysterically: "And they're going to hit each other and there's nothing I can do about it". Oh my, the effect was dramatic. Funny, we never saw her again; she's probably in a mental home.

LOL this is too funny

Then there was the cargo 747 on the ramp who calls "Four burnin' and turnin', ready for the push". To which a BA 747 taxying behind replies "Actually, old boy, you've got five burning, your APU's on fire". :eek: