Many years ago at an airfield somewhere in the "Middle East" there was a "Hicks-from-the-Sticks" Freighter who called:

"Four burnin' an' turnin' ready for the push"

To which a BA captain taxying behind replied:

"Actually, Old Bean, you've got five burnin' an' turnin', as you so quaintly put it. Your APU is on fire"

You gotta love them ol' Southern country boys.

It always amazes me that in these stories there is always a BA Captain to hand when a slack jawed American needs to be put in their place.

The country boys do provide some entertainment though.
"N123AB no speed restriction, climb FL100"
"Okay let the horses loose and up to the ton, 123 ayy bee"

"Charlie Charlie"...

Let me guess..

100 % Brits who have posted here so far??

Slasher might take exception to being called a Pom!

Lets not go down the road of El Al missing some passengers after taxiing at JFK and some wise guy on ground frequency telling them to check the ovens!

Crewmeal.

Not funny.

Hope the person concerned got to meet an unemployment queue shortly after.

Ready doesn't always seem to mean ready to some. Ask the pilot "report ready", back comes the reply "ready". Instructed to line up after the landing and the aircraft lines up at the correct time. Good stuff, plan A seems to be working. Landed aircraft vacates so aircraft cleared for take off. "Oh sorry the cabins not ready yet". The next transmission is to tell the inbound at 3 miles to go around. WHY LINE UP IF NOT READY? When questioned pilots reply that we are ready and we thought the cabin would be ready by the time we were cleared for take off.:ugh::ugh::ugh:

Mind you I keep saying to pilots "taxy forward". As if they could or would taxy backwards in normal operations.:ugh::ugh::ugh:

Terrain Safe happens in En Route too

"Big jet 123 ready for descent"

"Big Jet 123, descend FL 200"

"Ah Big Jet 123, roger....do you want us to descend now?"

Or the bunch of knobbers that I hear most days checking in after departure from London Stansted "xxx123 with you HokeyCokey 5A departure passing 3 thousand for x thousand WITH IDENT" .... Please stop it, it's only valid for identification when it's been requested.

It's all a bit of a laugh on the flightdeck to extract the urine out of our non standard peers. However the way some of you go on about it is quite entertaining. Aviate, Navigate, Communicate. There's a reason why communicate is last. Hopefully all the non standard guys are better at the first two and laughing at biggles who level busts, incurs runways or has a CFIT every time they land, but thankfully performs the radio to the required ICAO phraseology standards

LOKI

Yep been there and heard that too.

We're surrounded I tell you!

And what the h... is fully establisher om the ILS?
Either established or not established....

What annoys me even more than most of these non-standard phrases is the number of pilots who check in on busy frequencies without so much as a nano-second's worth of waiting and listening before transmitting. Recently, I've had a pile of pretty important comms interrupted by people who just can't wait to have a chat with me. Please; wait five seconds after a freq change before transmitting.

Amazing how more flight hours are flown in N America than the rest of world combined, yet we somehow make it work without resorting to the anal radio pedantry that seems to be a requirement to exercise the privileges of a CAA ATPL license; and do it with the lowest accident rate of any jurisdiction. :rolleyes:

I hate the "fully ready" stuff...
But when a pilot reports ready for push-back and you see bridge still connected, or cargo door opened, and when there's not enough time for sarcasm... I must admit "call me back fully ready" is tempting :(

or
"ABC 123 cleared for t/o"
"Cleared for t/o ABC123"
2 seconds later
"rolling ABC123"

ah damn... that's the way you do it :E

Que?

Always thought that 'Ready upon reaching' was bona fide, a means to let ATC know that on reaching the hold there'd be no delay from our side, hence making it easier for him to plan his landing/departure sequence. Happy to be educated..? :confused:

On an aside: some places in the world anything other than the severely non-standard 'Charlie-charlie' will have the controller mystified :E

And therein lies the rub...the ICAO document isn't controlling, it is guidance and is superseded by a locally published variation.
My personal peeve is the dicks who use 121.5 as their own little chat channel...but normally a German is nearby to sort them out....:E

I think we should add to this...who has heard the best PA on an active frequency? and what lies and useless info did it contain, and did anyone offer congratulations?:E:E:E

Midland 9 in the Bravo cul-de-sac transmits PA on Heathrow Delivery "Our departure is delayed by ATC". Pilot informed "if you cared to request start you will note that there are, in fact, no ATC delays". Uh oh.

The best PA I got was from a BA pilot approaching STU who started a good 2 minute waffle about the weather in Heathrow, how long they could expect to hold, a few interesting facts about Wales and then some more waffle.

It was almost interesting, but it took me a long time to sort out the mess that 2 minutes of blocked frequency caused.

I did respond by telling him it was a lovely PA and that I hoped he could do it just as well for the passengers when he tried again in a minute.