London ATC

[PODKNOCKER]

I probably fly the worlds most expensive aircraft but we are using the cheapest headsets money can buy. When in London FIR all the other aircraft are loud and clear but the controllers sound like they have their heads in a bucket of cotton wool. Have you got headsets even cheaper than ours ? We keep adjusting the volume down when other aircraft transmit, then miss clearances from London. What would be the ideal Mach/IAS in the climb and descent as far as ATC are concerned ?

[bill]

5kts faster than the bloke behind you!

[Dunx]

May have something to do with the fact that a single controller may be controlling on two or more frequencies (bandboxing) and the re-transmissions through the various NATS relay stations tend to sound rather tinny!!

[Mr Chips]

It may have something to do with the fact that we HAVE got our heads in a bucket of cotton wool - its a fashion statement!!!!

[ATCO Two]

Hi PODKNOCKER,

World's most expensive aircraft? Good to have a B 2 pilot in our midst then. Only 1.3 billion dollars a piece! Fnar! Fnar!

[Pheasant Plucker]

Podknocker - Our headsets may not be the cheapest (though they probably are), but they are almost certainly the oldest (check out Robin Williams in Good Morning Vietnam, the headset he uses is the same kind I use!).

[MIKEY]

Your lucky, I use the worlds least expensive radar

[Pheasant Plucker]

Not had a good day Mikey?!

You should have invited the 't@#t' over to the tower......easier to swing a punch that way