Barney_Gumble
18th Feb 2003, 17:25
Hi Folks
After posting about personal visibility minima this letter ended up in my in box today......It is quite long, but go get a coffee and sit down and enjoy. I had a good chuckle!
I hope it is a joke :eek: :eek:
Andy
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Letter To The FAA
February 5, 2003
Inspector Carl N Frank
Flight Standards District Office
Oklahoma City, OK
Dear Mr Frank:
Here is the letter you asked me to send you about my flight back in December. First of all, I would like to thank that very nice, older fellow you had with you yesterday, you know, the one who took my student pilot's license and told me I wouldn't need it any more. I guess that means that he is giving me my full-fledged pilot's license. After all that happened yesterday, I have earned it. You should watch that fellow though. After I told him about the flight, he seemed quite nervous and his hands were shaking. He said he had never heard anything like it before.
Anyhow, here is what happened. The weather has been so bad here in Ardmore since I soloed last week that I had not been able to go flying. But yesterday I wasn't about to let low ceilings and visibility, and a little freezing drizzle stop me from flying up to Oklahoma City and back. I was pretty proud of having soloed in only 6 hours, so I invited John Winters, my next door neighbor, to go with me. We planned to fly up to Oklahoma City Will Rogers airport, which, as you know, is less than 100 miles from Ardmore. There is this excellent restaurant on Meridian just north of I-40 that serves absolutely wonderful char broiled steaks and the greatest mixed drinks.
Well, on the way to the airport the road was icy and our car slid in the ditch. I can see why they say that the most dangerous part of a trip is the drive to the airport. My neighbor was a little concerned about the weather, but when I reminded him once again about those steaks and the booze that we would soon be enjoying, he seemed much happier.
When we arrived at the airport there were still a few snow showers around but the freezing drizzle had almost stopped. I checked the weather and was assured that it was solid IFR all the way. I was delighted the weather was so good. When I talked to the man who runs the airport, I found out that the airplane I had been flying was covered with ice. You can imagine my disappointment. Just then a friendly young line boy suggested that I take one of the airplanes that was in the hanger. I told him to pull one out. I saw immediately that it was very much like the Cessna 150 I have been flying. I think he called it a 337. He told me it was also made by Cessna. I noticed right away that it had two tails, but I didn't say anything because, well, I was in a hurry. Oh yes, it had a spare engine too.
I unlocked the door and we climbed in. I began looking for the place to put the key. Now I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but it shouldn't be necessary to get out the airplane manual and follow the checklist just to fly an airplane. That's ridiculous. I never saw so many dials and needles and knobs and handles and switches. As we both know, they have simplified this a lot in the 150. I forgot to mention that I did file a flight plan with the guy in the tower. He said I would need to because of the weather. When I told him I was flying a pressurized Skymaster (that's what is said on the control wheel) he said it was all right to go up Victor-163 all the way. I don't know why he called it a victor, I guess that's just his pet name for an interstate highway. And besides, it is I-35 Not 163. But those fellows try to do a good job. They told me a lot of other stuff too, but you know how much red tape there is when you deal with the government.
The takeoff was one of my best, and as I carefully left the pattern just the way the book says it should be done, I noticed that the Skymaster doesn't climb as good as the 150. The tower told me to contact Fort Worth Center. I dialed in the frequency that he gave me but it seemed kind of silly to call them since I wasn't going to Fort Worth. Just then there must have been some
kind of emergency because a lot of airline pilots began yelling stuff at the same time and made such a racket that I turned my radio off. You'd think that those professionals would be better trained. I-35 was right under me, and since from that I knew that I was on course, I went right on up into the clouds. After all, it was snowing so hard by now that it was a waste of time
to look outside, you could only see about a quarter of a mile. Going into the clouds was a bad thing to do, I realized, since my neighbor undoubtedly wanted to see the scenery, especially the snow cover on the Arbuckle Mountains ahead of us. But everyone has to be disappointed some time, and we pilots have to make the best of it, don't we?
It was pretty much smooth flying, and with the ice and snow that seemed to be forming all over the windshield, there wasn't much to see. I will say that I handled the controls quite easily for a pilot of only six hours. My computer and pencils fell out of my shirt pocket once, but sometimes these things happen I am told. I don't expect you to believe this, but as one time my pocket watch was standing straight up on its chain. That was pretty
funny, and I asked my neighbor to look, but he just kept staring straight ahead with sort of a glassy look in his eyes. I figured that he was afraid of heights, like all non-pilots are. By the way, something was wrong with the altimeter. It kept winding and unwinding all the time.
Finally I decided we had flown about long enough to be in Oklahoma City. I had it all worked out on my E6B computer. I am a whiz at that computer, but something must have gone wrong with it, since when I came down to look for the airport there wasn't anything there except a lot of houses. Those weather people had sure been wrong too. It was real marginal conditions,
with a ceiling of about 100 feet. You just can't trust anybody in this business except yourself, right? Why, there were even thunderstorms going on, with an occasional bolt of lightning. I decided that my neighbor should see how beautiful it was, and the way the lightening seemed to turn that snow on the roof tops all yellow; and the roof tops were so close that it looked like you could just reach out and touch them. But I guess he was
asleep, having gotten over his fear of height, and I didn't want to take him up.
Anyway, just then I had an emergency. The front engine ran out of gas. It really didn't worry me since I had read the book, and knew right where the other ignition switch was. I just fired up the spare engine on the back and we kept on going. This business of having two engines one in front and one
in back, is really a safety factor. If one quits, the other is right back there ready to go. Maybe all airplanes should have two engines. You might suggest this and get an award (we could split the cash). As pilot-in-command, I take my responsibilities very seriously. It was apparent that I would have to go down lower and keep a sharp eye in such bad weather. I was glad that my neighbor was asleep because it was pretty dark under the
cloud, and if it hadn't been for the lightning flashes it would have been hard to read the road signs through the ice on the windshield. The landing lights were not very bright either, You would think they would have melted
the ice that covered them but they didn't. Several cars ran off the road when we passed, and you can sure see what they mean about flying being a lot safer than driving.
To make a long story short, I finally spotted Tinker Air Force Base, and since we were already late for cocktails and dinner, I decided to land there. It being an Air Force base, I knew it had plenty of runway, and I could already see a red-colored light in the control tower, so I knew they were still celebrating Christmas and we were welcome. Somebody told me that you can always talk to these military people on the international emergency
frequency, so I tried it, but you wouldn't believe the language I heard. Those people ought to be straightened out by somebody, and I would like to complain as a taxpayer. Evidently they were expecting somebody to come in and land, because they kept talking about clearing the airspace for some damned stupid, incompetent SOB up in the clouds.
I wanted to be helpful so I landed on the taxiway to be out of the way in case that other fellow needed the runway. A lot of people came running out waving at us. It was pretty evident that they had never seen a Skymaster land on a taxiway before. That general with the nasty temper was real mad about something. I tried to explain to him in a reasonable manner that I didn't think the tower operator should be swearing at that guy up there, but
his face was so red that I think he must have a drinking problem.
Well, that's about all. After your two FAA inspectors left, the weather got really bad so I got one of the Air Force guys to drive me to where I could rent a car to drive back home. I never did get my steak and drinks. My neighbor stayed there at the hospital there in Oklahoma City. He can't write you a letter just yet because he's still not awake. Poor fellow, he must
have the flu or something. Let me know it you need anything else, and by the way, send my new pilot's license airmail special delivery.
Very truly yours,
Thurman J. Mudbojne
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After posting about personal visibility minima this letter ended up in my in box today......It is quite long, but go get a coffee and sit down and enjoy. I had a good chuckle!
I hope it is a joke :eek: :eek:
Andy
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Letter To The FAA
February 5, 2003
Inspector Carl N Frank
Flight Standards District Office
Oklahoma City, OK
Dear Mr Frank:
Here is the letter you asked me to send you about my flight back in December. First of all, I would like to thank that very nice, older fellow you had with you yesterday, you know, the one who took my student pilot's license and told me I wouldn't need it any more. I guess that means that he is giving me my full-fledged pilot's license. After all that happened yesterday, I have earned it. You should watch that fellow though. After I told him about the flight, he seemed quite nervous and his hands were shaking. He said he had never heard anything like it before.
Anyhow, here is what happened. The weather has been so bad here in Ardmore since I soloed last week that I had not been able to go flying. But yesterday I wasn't about to let low ceilings and visibility, and a little freezing drizzle stop me from flying up to Oklahoma City and back. I was pretty proud of having soloed in only 6 hours, so I invited John Winters, my next door neighbor, to go with me. We planned to fly up to Oklahoma City Will Rogers airport, which, as you know, is less than 100 miles from Ardmore. There is this excellent restaurant on Meridian just north of I-40 that serves absolutely wonderful char broiled steaks and the greatest mixed drinks.
Well, on the way to the airport the road was icy and our car slid in the ditch. I can see why they say that the most dangerous part of a trip is the drive to the airport. My neighbor was a little concerned about the weather, but when I reminded him once again about those steaks and the booze that we would soon be enjoying, he seemed much happier.
When we arrived at the airport there were still a few snow showers around but the freezing drizzle had almost stopped. I checked the weather and was assured that it was solid IFR all the way. I was delighted the weather was so good. When I talked to the man who runs the airport, I found out that the airplane I had been flying was covered with ice. You can imagine my disappointment. Just then a friendly young line boy suggested that I take one of the airplanes that was in the hanger. I told him to pull one out. I saw immediately that it was very much like the Cessna 150 I have been flying. I think he called it a 337. He told me it was also made by Cessna. I noticed right away that it had two tails, but I didn't say anything because, well, I was in a hurry. Oh yes, it had a spare engine too.
I unlocked the door and we climbed in. I began looking for the place to put the key. Now I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but it shouldn't be necessary to get out the airplane manual and follow the checklist just to fly an airplane. That's ridiculous. I never saw so many dials and needles and knobs and handles and switches. As we both know, they have simplified this a lot in the 150. I forgot to mention that I did file a flight plan with the guy in the tower. He said I would need to because of the weather. When I told him I was flying a pressurized Skymaster (that's what is said on the control wheel) he said it was all right to go up Victor-163 all the way. I don't know why he called it a victor, I guess that's just his pet name for an interstate highway. And besides, it is I-35 Not 163. But those fellows try to do a good job. They told me a lot of other stuff too, but you know how much red tape there is when you deal with the government.
The takeoff was one of my best, and as I carefully left the pattern just the way the book says it should be done, I noticed that the Skymaster doesn't climb as good as the 150. The tower told me to contact Fort Worth Center. I dialed in the frequency that he gave me but it seemed kind of silly to call them since I wasn't going to Fort Worth. Just then there must have been some
kind of emergency because a lot of airline pilots began yelling stuff at the same time and made such a racket that I turned my radio off. You'd think that those professionals would be better trained. I-35 was right under me, and since from that I knew that I was on course, I went right on up into the clouds. After all, it was snowing so hard by now that it was a waste of time
to look outside, you could only see about a quarter of a mile. Going into the clouds was a bad thing to do, I realized, since my neighbor undoubtedly wanted to see the scenery, especially the snow cover on the Arbuckle Mountains ahead of us. But everyone has to be disappointed some time, and we pilots have to make the best of it, don't we?
It was pretty much smooth flying, and with the ice and snow that seemed to be forming all over the windshield, there wasn't much to see. I will say that I handled the controls quite easily for a pilot of only six hours. My computer and pencils fell out of my shirt pocket once, but sometimes these things happen I am told. I don't expect you to believe this, but as one time my pocket watch was standing straight up on its chain. That was pretty
funny, and I asked my neighbor to look, but he just kept staring straight ahead with sort of a glassy look in his eyes. I figured that he was afraid of heights, like all non-pilots are. By the way, something was wrong with the altimeter. It kept winding and unwinding all the time.
Finally I decided we had flown about long enough to be in Oklahoma City. I had it all worked out on my E6B computer. I am a whiz at that computer, but something must have gone wrong with it, since when I came down to look for the airport there wasn't anything there except a lot of houses. Those weather people had sure been wrong too. It was real marginal conditions,
with a ceiling of about 100 feet. You just can't trust anybody in this business except yourself, right? Why, there were even thunderstorms going on, with an occasional bolt of lightning. I decided that my neighbor should see how beautiful it was, and the way the lightening seemed to turn that snow on the roof tops all yellow; and the roof tops were so close that it looked like you could just reach out and touch them. But I guess he was
asleep, having gotten over his fear of height, and I didn't want to take him up.
Anyway, just then I had an emergency. The front engine ran out of gas. It really didn't worry me since I had read the book, and knew right where the other ignition switch was. I just fired up the spare engine on the back and we kept on going. This business of having two engines one in front and one
in back, is really a safety factor. If one quits, the other is right back there ready to go. Maybe all airplanes should have two engines. You might suggest this and get an award (we could split the cash). As pilot-in-command, I take my responsibilities very seriously. It was apparent that I would have to go down lower and keep a sharp eye in such bad weather. I was glad that my neighbor was asleep because it was pretty dark under the
cloud, and if it hadn't been for the lightning flashes it would have been hard to read the road signs through the ice on the windshield. The landing lights were not very bright either, You would think they would have melted
the ice that covered them but they didn't. Several cars ran off the road when we passed, and you can sure see what they mean about flying being a lot safer than driving.
To make a long story short, I finally spotted Tinker Air Force Base, and since we were already late for cocktails and dinner, I decided to land there. It being an Air Force base, I knew it had plenty of runway, and I could already see a red-colored light in the control tower, so I knew they were still celebrating Christmas and we were welcome. Somebody told me that you can always talk to these military people on the international emergency
frequency, so I tried it, but you wouldn't believe the language I heard. Those people ought to be straightened out by somebody, and I would like to complain as a taxpayer. Evidently they were expecting somebody to come in and land, because they kept talking about clearing the airspace for some damned stupid, incompetent SOB up in the clouds.
I wanted to be helpful so I landed on the taxiway to be out of the way in case that other fellow needed the runway. A lot of people came running out waving at us. It was pretty evident that they had never seen a Skymaster land on a taxiway before. That general with the nasty temper was real mad about something. I tried to explain to him in a reasonable manner that I didn't think the tower operator should be swearing at that guy up there, but
his face was so red that I think he must have a drinking problem.
Well, that's about all. After your two FAA inspectors left, the weather got really bad so I got one of the Air Force guys to drive me to where I could rent a car to drive back home. I never did get my steak and drinks. My neighbor stayed there at the hospital there in Oklahoma City. He can't write you a letter just yet because he's still not awake. Poor fellow, he must
have the flu or something. Let me know it you need anything else, and by the way, send my new pilot's license airmail special delivery.
Very truly yours,
Thurman J. Mudbojne
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------