Just out of interest..

[jumpmaster]

I was reading an article in a newspaper today regarding the naming of new cars...i.e..what will apeal to the general public and make them want to own one. I got to thinking about how new aircraft or military eqpt are/is named and who decides etc..What will happen when we run out of birds of prey to name our new aircraft after..Can anyone think of any good names they would use????

ps..Just caught sight of Sophie Ellis Bextor on telly...god shes ugly!

[WE Branch Fanatic]

Easy, just re-use the old names!!!

Hence Phantom II
Eurofighter Typhoon
Sikorsky Seahawk

ETC

[Sloppy Link]

The US name their helicopters after Red Indian Tribes (you know, the people they subjugated for years and now try to appease their guilt by claiming their heritage as their own). The one exception is the Cobra that was named by the manufacturer before the Military had a chance. Can't see the rationale behind the French naming their helicopters Squirrel and Gazelle, neither creature known for anything special. Then again, nor are the French.

[doh-nut boy]

Can't help but be picky...........don't ever recall reading about the cowboys fighting the 'Sea Stallion' tribe nor John Wayne fighting to the death with the evil 'Hughs Defender' Chiefs.

Perhaps a bit before my time.

[left one o clock]

Nor, just to be a terrible pedant, did they fight the Cobras or the Pavehawks. Sorry.:D

[doh-nut boy]

Don't think the Sea Knights & skycranes put up much of a fight either.

Ok Ok I know Im a Prick!

OOOPS skycrane could be called a Tarhe? Correct myself before someone else does and gives me a slating

[nosefirsteverytime]

*Lone Ranger* Good God Tonto, what tribe is that on the next hill?

*Tonto* It is the fearsome "Huey" tribe!

*Lone Ranger* Geez, when the were handing out tribe names, these guys must've been out taking a pess.......

(I know I know, Iroquois!);)

[BlueWolf]

Now then chaps, there must be lots of inspiring and dangerous things we can name planes after.

Weather phenomena? Typhoon, Tornado, Hurricane all done - what about El Nino? La Nina? Occluded Front?

Hmm...dangerous people, maybe "Ninja" or "Assassin"...or even "Football Hooligan", "Thug", or perhaps "A s s h o l e". Think about that one, eh, the new Lockheed Martin 'A s s h o l e' Strike Fighter...a perfect complement to the Eurocopter 'Complete Bast@rd' Helicopter Gunship.

For those stealthy aircraft (and other sneaky systems, like submarines) we could have names like "Colesterol", "Prostate Cancer" or "Male Pattern Baldness"; or lots of other nasty things that creep up and bite one in the ar$e.

Yessiree Bob, the next generation of fiendish weapons to strike fear into the hearts of the Wests' enemies will have names like "Globalwarming", "Ozonedegradation", and "Klezwormvirus".


Wingman: "Red Leader! Bandits at four o'clock!"

Squadron Leader: (choke) "My God! A s s h o l e s!"

Wingman: (grimly) "Yes sir. Mark twos."

Squadron Leader: "And they're carrying wingtip-mount MotherInLaws...."

[kbf1]

You have heard about the new AAC operated WAH64 "Impotence " then? It strikes fear in the hearts of men and can only be flown aby split-arses.

Oh, and BTW BlueWolf, Sophie E-B is a babe and can have my children any day!

[canberra]

as far as im aware british military aircraft names are what manufacturers call them. to be pedantic the raf only had 1 sqn of f4s(74) rest were phantoms, is the army calling it apache or ah64?
and will people call it typhoon or eurofighter? we dont call tornados panavia or jaguars sepecat so i think weve got to start calling it typhoon, if anyones looked at it lately the name on the side is eurofighter in small letters and typhoon in large letters. personally as the germans hate the name typhoon i think we should call it typhoon every time!!!!!!!!!!!

[ORAC]

Phantom FG Mk 1 = F-4K.
Phantom FGR Mk 2 = F-4M.
74 Sqn = F-4J(UK).

Numerous components were built in the UK, including rear fuselage sections, fins, rudders, tailcones, stabilators, wing leading edges, brakes, INS, radar (Ferranti) etc - but all aircraft were built by MD in St Louis, who called them F-4s.

[Sam Vimes]

How about these slightly more cynical names:-

The Compromise.

The We didn't want it but the government did, so now we're buying what we did want but years late.

The Delivered direct to storage cos we can't get anyone to fly them (or afford it).

The Gotta gettem flying but can't use them cos there's no radar in.

The No you can't buy C17s even though they're exactly what we need cos the'y're American and what would airbus do?

There are loads more I could think of but I don't want you to get bored.

Seriously though, why has no one resurrected the best of them all, the Spitfire? Perhaps because theres nothing as good come along yet?

Sam

[solotk]

I remeber a Newnight interview between Paxman, and a retired former CAS , at the height of the "Wot the bleddy hell are we going to call it?" EuroFrightener fiasco

There was a learned discourse from the CAS with intelligent observation and questioning by the boy Paxman, which ended with the CAS exclaiming in exasperation........

"Frankly we should just call it Spitfire II and have done with it"

Probably sold a damn sight more as well :D

[Talking Radalt]

The "Dyson Triple Cyclone" search radar.......picks up everything.:p

(Oh and kbf1 I agree. S-E-B is 100% babe, giving Kylie a run for her money in the babe stakes. I'd crawl a mile over broken glass to poke a matchstick in Sophie's poo.)

[HectorusRex]

BlueWolf, enuff of the hillarity!
The winter woes are obviously upon you.
Back on-track again, and why perpetuate the name of a previous lame duck, as Typhoon 1 was not a success as a fighter aircraft, and found its niche in life as a fighter bomber, and only then because of a huge amount of grunt from its Napier Sabre engine.
A complete re-design produced the Tempest, but which was almost too late for war service.:p

[teeteringhead]

But you would not believe the names that are REALLY considered. I heard from a guy who was in the MoD when the RAF EH-101 (EHI-01?) was to be named, even though the RN had already decided on Merlin.
The categories considered by the Airships were:

a. Names from mythology.
b. Names of winds.
c. Previous Westland Aircraft
d. Beginning with W for alliteration - also like Wasp/Whirlwind/Wessex.

The names ACTUALLY on the table were:

Excalibur, Cyclone, Gryphon (this was before Bell 412 Griffin), Lysander, Valkyrie, Westminster, Wyvern and (I'm not making this up) Zephyr!

The inclusion of the last makes me wonder about the registering of names as trademarks, and if this is ever a factor. The Bristol Car Company "owns" the old Bristol aircraft names, and have produced four-wheeled Britannias, Brigands and Beaufighters. So perhaps "Spitfire" now belongs to Triumph (whoever they belong to now).

[As an after thought on Triumphs, without stretching translation too far, "Triumph Acclaim" can be rendered in German as "Sieg Heil"!!!];)

[BLW Skylark 4]

How about "Puff" or "Gust" - after all, they are following the trend started by Hurricane, Whirlwind & Typhoon etc.?

[ORAC]

Since we're not building many ships any more, why not take over the RN "Weapon Class" Destroyer names (e.g. Battleaxe & Broadsword)

"The British Broadsword" has a certain ring to it. :D

[BEagle]

EF2000 Bureaufighter was named 'Typhoon' after a meeting between 'them-who-Brazil-beat' and others some years ago..........

UK: "We need a name for this new jet. We don't think that Spitfire II would be terribly suitable, so we suggest following on the 'wind' tradition started by Tornado. How about 'Tempest'?"

t-w-B-b: "Nein. We are with this not happy being. Verdammte Englanders did my father in his Me-262 mit ein Hawker Tempest shoot down. Ve suggest Sturm!"

UK: "No, sorry old chap. Too many memories of Storm Troopers goose-stepping across Europe..... We'd prefer 'Hurricane'"

t-w-B-b: "Nein. This is not possible."

UK: "OK - something else then. How about 'Typhoon'.....?"

t-w-B-b: "Nein! You had those in the Second Weltkrieg. Ve do NOT vant unser aircraft so named being....

UK: "Ah - but you had a 'Typhoon' or rather 'Taifun' as well. Me 108 Taifun, if you recall....!"

t-w-B-b: "Himmel! Sie haben recht. Ve did indeed. Perhaps ve can consider this?"

UK: "OK - perhaps. Or what about 'Cyclone'? No-one had any aeroplane called 'Cyclone'?"

t-w-B-b: "Hmm. Sehr interesting. Zis ist perhaps OK. Ja - ve are liking 'Cyclone', oder, wie sagt man auf Deutsch 'Zyklon'. Ve can fur das singleseaterflugzeug 'Zyklon A' have, und fur das doppelseaterjagdbomberflugzeug, vielleicht 'Zyklon B'......"

UK: "Ahhh - we don't think that would be a terribly good name. We want to sell our jet overseas. We don't think that 'Zyklon B' would go down terribly well with some of our potential customers. Such as Israel....."

t-w-B-b: "Ach so. Perhaps then ve should decide on 'Taifun'!"

UK: "Yes. Typhoon it is then. Spot of lunch, old chap?"

t-w-B-b: "Danke"

[Talking Radalt]

If it should be named after winds how about:

Fart, Botty-Burp or Trouser-cough?

:p

[Arm out the window]

In the tradition of naming helicopters after indigenous tribes, the Australian Army seriously considered calling the Aussie version of the Bell 206 the 'Kalkadoon'.
Luckily, sanity prevailed and they went with the American name, Kiowa.
Nothing wrong with the sentiment, but there has to be at least a little bit of 'coolness' in an aircraft name.

Another thing to consider is that in an era of increasing awareness of the possibility of language offending people, we should move towards more politically correct aircraft names, in line with the euphemisms used by politicians - 'Intervener', or 'Acceptable Collateral Damager', perhaps.

[Archimedes]

When the RAF were about to buy the F-111, it was realised that the dear old Americans hadn't given it a name. Someone decided that it must have a name (after all, there could be terrible confusion as to whether it was the F-One-Eleven, F-One-hundred and-eleven, F-Treble-One or the F-One-One-One), so a name was decreed.

MoD decided that if a joint effort with the Aussies was undertaken, then the Americans might be persuaded to adopt the name themselves.

This seemed a good idea, but the Aussies weren't quite as helpful as their Airships hoped. As well as Taipan (rejected on the grounds that it sounded Vietnamese and the Americans might not like it - seriously!), the Aussies gave 17 other names - all of which were aborignal, including Malonga (Eagle), Galawindi (Firestick) and Thanggamau (a helpful note in the files says 'pronounced Thugamau).

Their Airships rejected this and decided that the traditional name for bombers (based on towns up until the V-force) was too dull. Nevertheless, they thought that Richmond would fit the bill in this category. By 1967, they had a list of names as follows:

Merlin
Warrior
Richmond
Scorpion
Thunderstrike
Panther
Thruster :eek:
Odin
Firebolt
Typhoon

Firebolt was rejected since it was too much like 'Firebar' (the Yak-28), and signals of Fiebars in the wrong place could start a war. I won't give the whole list of towns suggested in lieu of Richmond- but:

The General Dynamics F-111 Harrogate?

By February 1967, DCAS had a list, drawn up on the premise that the RAF's strike aircraft should all be named after birds of prey. In order of preference, they were:

Merlin
Buzzard
Osprey
Shrike
Harrier
Gyrfalcon
Goshawk
Sparrowhawk
Kite
Hobby
Perigrine
Kittihawk

DCAS decided that he liked Merlin best, so, that was that...

Until a civil servant pointed out that we don't give names to aircraft until their first flight of either the prototype or the first production aircraft. The matter was dropped - and so, shortly afterwards, of course, was the UK buy of F-111s.

Sorry for the length - I'll get me anorak - but shows how awkward the process can be. Does this mean that Benson now houses a super-secret strike aircraft disguised as a helicopter?:rolleyes:

[teeteringhead]

Merlin has obviously been top of the list for some time!! I heard tell that at the MoD meeting I referred to in my earlier post, the then ACAS (TJ??) wanted it to be called EH-101.

Some other blustering top-neddy said we couldn't possibly NOT name an RAF aircraft. Whereupon ACAS apparently said nothing, but got up and pointed at a picture of a VC-10 on the wall!:)

[BEagle]

VC-10? Vickers FunBus!!

Well, it was once...........

Shouldn't the Merlin have been EHI-01 (European Helicopter Industries Type 01) but some politico couldn't read and referred to it as EH 101? So that's what it became. Rather like LBJ with his SR-71 statement which changed the real name of the RS-71 overnight?

But as for very silly names, I understand that Their Airships wanted to call the HS 1182 'Tercel'. Fortunately it became 'Hawk' instead........

[PlasticCabDriver]

To stray firmly and deliberately off topic again:

Jumpmaster, I couldn't agree more

Talking Radalt

S-E-B is 100% babe, giving Kylie a run for her money in the babe stakes. I'd crawl a mile over broken glass to poke a matchstick in Sophie's poo

You need to spend less time looking at the radalt and more looking out of the window, are you blind!? :cool: Give Kylie :p a run for her money - ha! Aussie sex goddess with an arse sculpted by all the angels in heaven, or a gangly tart who got her whiny voiced mum kicked off Blue Peter?

I'd crawl a mile over broken glass to sniff the exhaust of the van that takes Kylie's knickers to the laundry.

How about the EH 101 "Freak"? Has a certain ring to it...

[doh-nut boy]

PCD

Quite right too, S-E-B is indeed a ropey trollop with the dress sense of a charity shop worker. But surely the gentlemanly thing to do would be to slip her one anyway?

If Kylie is so high on the ratings list where is her mate Natalie Imbruglia.

Id give a toe from each foot and hammer my fingers flat just to hear the rattle of the keys of the launderette mentioned in your post. Have given serious thought to becoming a full time stalker.