Unusual Radio Transmissions

[150 Driver]

About time the forum was lightened with some humour, so here's an idea. - let's share some true life radio transmissions that brightened up the day.

Ones where someone listening, not aware of the full facts , would choke on their cornflakes.

For starters, here is my favourite from a month ago, I was number two in traffic.

(To me from ATC) GABCD, can you slow down your approach to avoid catching the jet in front'

(From me) 'Affirm'

(From jet) 'Can you confirm the type of the other traffic'

(From ATC) 'Cessna 150'

I should add that the jet was in the circuit, downwind, ATC were directing me to a straight in approach.

[Big Pistons Forever]

Heard last last year at my home drome

Tower: ABC cleared to land runway XX

ABC: (uncertain voice from a solo student) UMMMM can I take off first, ABC ?

Tower: ABC hold short of runway XX Sorry about that ! you are the last airplane I have to work before my shift ends and I got ahead of myself !" break XYZ cleared to land runway XX

[Saab Dastard]

The ATC forum has a long-running thread on "radio humour":

http://www.pprune.org/atc-issues/59309-atc-humour-merged.html

SD

[gingernut]

Me: "Golf India Lima descending F**KING HELL..."
Barton Information: "I take it you've seen the police helicopter."

[thing]

Me last week calling inbound in a 172 landing on a 9,000' runway.

ATC 'Be advised. Runway 04 now has a 1 knot tailwind component.'

Me 'I think I'll just about cope but thanks for the heads up'

ATC, stifled laughter with 'No 1 to land.'

[gasax]

SAS flight incoming to Britain. Blah blah, what service do you require? SAS eh... what services are available? Basic, Traffic or Deconfliction. Oh that last one sounds quite good.

SAS deconfliction service, immediate turn 30 degrees left, descend FL 90, reduce speed to 250kts..........

[Tom!]

I usually ask for the best service :}:O

[Mach Jump]

Air UK F27 lined up on Rwy 21 at Humberside.

Tower: UK *** Cleared for takeoff Rwy 21

UK***: Are you aware that the is a skein of geese flying down the runway centerline at low level?

Tower: (without a pause) Standby, I'll ask them to squawk!


MJ:ok:

Ps. Not an apocryphal story, I was there at the holding point. Graham Knight - one of the sharpest controllers I've ever had the privilege to work with.

[Pilot DAR]

Standby, I'll ask them [geese] to squawk!

Don't laugh.. I was 50 miles east of Quebec City, flying a transponder equipped wood and rag plane, inbound at 150 knots, and 5500 feet. The radar controller said to me: "... look off to your right a mile or so, it looks like there is a flock of geese there. There was! There is some high ground between he and my location, and his radar showed them at 50 miles out!

[flybymike]

Ah....Air UK, F27s....heady days....

[thing]

Graham Knight - one of the sharpest controllers I've ever had the privilege to work with.

I use Humberside radar quite a bit and there's usually the same quietly laconic voice on there, won't be him I suppose if he's on tower? I usually get the same 'voice' crossing Doncaster as well, some Liverpudlian who's always glad to talk to someone!

[Mach Jump]

Ah no. The Air UK F27 days are long gone, (1980s) and I heard that Graham went off to teach at an ATC college.

Anyone know his whereabouts now?


MJ:ok:

[londonblue]

In one of my very first lessons from out of Elstree my instructor spoke to Luton to tell them we would be doing some upper air work in the vicinity, basically over the Hatfield disused. (As it happens Luton's runways are the same orientation as Elstree's.)

Once we had finished, and were back at Elstree my instructor radioed Elstree to say we would be landing on runway 08. Unfortunately he hadn't changed frequency from Luton, and managed to put them in a panic thinking a C150 was about to land, and were busy trying to tell us to keep clear as they had an A320 coming in to land!

I also remember taking my wife for a flight once, and her headset wouldn't work properly: she could hear me, but I couldn't hear her. I told her to use the intercom in the plane because I would hear that.

At that time we were also tuned in to Stansted to keep a listening watch. We were also discussing the irony of the fact that we were tuned in to Stansted given that we were due to fly out of there a couple of days later for a holiday. We were also saying how excited we were about said holiday.

The next thing I heard was Stansted saying, "G-XXXX, just to let you know we can hear every word of your conversation".

Oops!

[thing]

she could hear me, but I couldn't hear her.

Someone ought to market that snag, they would make a fortune.

[Heebicka]

me to LKKB TWR: LKKB TWR , OK-KAL good morning.
TWR: OAL morning, go ahead.
me: cessna blahblah,altitude blahlblah, squawk blahblah request to continue to Romeo and outside of mCTR as usual.
TWR: eveything is correct except I see you as OK-TEK not OK-KAL on secondary.
me: that's correct,thank you for informing me which plane I am flying today.


.
.
40 minutes later, returning to mctr.
.
.
me: LKKB TWR, OK-KAL good morning again.
LKKB TWR: go ahead OAL
me: three minutes to romeo, request to continue romeo LKLT as usual with max altitude 2000.
TWR: thats correct but you are still sitting in OK-TEK...

[thing]

that's correct,thank you for informing me which plane I am flying today.




I can get my mitts on ten different aircraft, I often forget which one I'm in so now make a concerted effort to look at the reg plate that's usually stuck on the dash somewhere before I press the idiot button...

[Heebicka]

sticker is just above altimeter, in both of them. No idea why I did it twice during one flight

[thing]

I'm not criticising by the way, I've done it many times myself!

[India Four Two]

One I shall treasure for ever. Me in the backseat returning to Tauranga after my first and so-far only flight in a Spitfire.

TWR: ABC, opposite direction traffic, inbound, 1500', a Spitfire.
ABC (quick as lightning): Tally-ho the Spitfire!


... flying a transponder equipped wood and rag plane, inbound at 150 knots, ...

Pilot DAR,

Wood and rag, 150 kts? Do tell!

[+TSRA]

India Four Two,

That would have been a gorgeous flight if you were coming in along the coast from either Waihi or Maketu - very jealous. I did my flight instructor rating in Tauranga - such a beautiful spot.

[Silvaire1]

Pilot DAR,Wood and rag, 150 kts? Do tell!

Sounds like a Bellanca.

[Pilot DAR]

Wood and rag, 150 kts? Do tell!

Yes, Bellanca Viking, with the power well back...