Relationships and Aviation

[svenfly2]

I just heard that the union in our airline has a 75% divorce rate. Just flew a 14 day trip where every captain either is going, or has been at least once, through a divorce. I asked them for advice and any books to read to try to prevent this from happening. This is the list I have so far, please add what other ones could help. Thanks in advance,

5 Love Languages - Chapman
Stop Worrying and start living - Carnegie
First Class Marriage - Zimmer
The Bible
Hold Me Tight - Johnson

[Intruder]

Maybe talk to your wife when you're home, and save the books for on the road...

[LTCTerry]

I had been married - second time - for five years when I was deployed to Iraq for a year.

Two years after I was back I went to Germany for a year, that turned into two years.

R&R from Iraq took place in Ireland, a country my wife had always wanted to visit. I was able to make a number of short personal or professional trips back to the US from Germany, and my boss always allowed a couple days over weekends to/from on the temporary duty trips (Helped living close to Atlanta).

I've been happily married this time far longer than the happiness lasted the first time. I tell people "I'm married to someone who likes me, and it only gets better from there."

My advice? Real/genuine communication rather than superficial platitudes. "What do you think about...?" "Please explain how X works..."

A team of equal partners who decide how to share responsibilities is well on the way to success.

I remember pre-return training the first time I was deployed overseas in the '80s. The basic substance was "your wife ran the house just fine for six months while you were gone; don't go home and try to tell her what to do." If you are going to be on the road a lot, see if she's willing to be the check writer/etc. for the family.

If you want to read, I like the advice above to read on the road. You could get two copies of a book and read to each other, or discuss the content.

Too many hours of "hi honey, love you, miss you, honest, cat pooped in the garden, need stamps, gotta go, bye" is not good.

Priorities for flying: aviate, navigate, communicate. Relationship: communicate. repeat.

Good luck!

PS My wife has no interest in flying an airplane. Our first date, though, was a ride in a 152. She's happily flown in singles, twins, and gliders with me. I'm an incredibly lucky guy!

[redsnail]

svenfly2,

Has your company got data as to why these marriages have failed? It is a very high rate.

While the books are good but effective communication between the 2 of you will determine whether or not your marriage succeeds.
What do you want from your marriage? What does your wife want? Ask her. ;)
Make time for each other, date nights, whatever works. :ok:

I am confident your marriage will survive and be happy because you care. ;)

[+TSRA]

Of all the guys I know who have ended up divorced through aviation, the origin point is often an already poor relationship exacerbated by time away from home or another pilot or flight attendant got between the sheets. I've never once seen or heard of a relationship which was strong end because of aviation. In saying that, a pilot who jumps ship every two years to get on the next bigger, shinier airplane may be sanding down their relationship due to financial concerns.

The rate, I'll agree, is way too high. So high in fact that here in Canada (and I'm sure elsewhere) we have a term for it: AIDS, or Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome. Bad taste, I know, but...

Perhaps this divorce rate says more about us in a general, disposable society frame than a group of aviators.

[Amadis of Gaul]

The absolute leading cause of divorce is marriage. I've been able to avoid the latter, thus also avoiding the former.