Mrs Bloggs 'At Home' Etiquette/Protocols

[teeteringhead]

Surely, if one wishes to address one's servants, one does so via one's butler. ..... generally true ....... but there are times when personal contact has its place :E

[goudie]

I'm sure Beagle would agree with you TH. I most certainly do, though a little unsure as to why:confused:

[Pontius Navigator]

goudie, I hope you mean that in the proper way.:}

[maxred]

Well spotted the gypsy - it was white, looked liquid, the bottle was clear, and it made her violently ill:uhoh:
If only I had introduced Le Pinot Grigio to the chatterers - would now be retired in some overgrown vineyard, with Mrs Maxred a recovering wine sponge:cool:

[BEagle]

goudie, perhaps when droit de seigneur is involved....???

...it was white, looked liquid, the bottle was clear, and it made her violently ill...Sounds like normal reaction to a 'vintage*' St Panteleimon or Aphrodite White...:yuk:


*in this context, more than a couple of days old....:hmm:

[goudie]

droit de seigneur is involved.

Beagle, Quite right, status does have it's privileges.:E

[oxenos]

Droit or doigt?

[chopd95]

Re "vintage wines"

On a visit to the Farmers Wine Factory in Malta ( Marsovin was the posh plonk) - the chap greeted my party order with a big smile and said "Ah signor, you are very lucky man, these are fresh wine - feel the bottle - is still warm" !

As for doit or doigt - reminds me of a tale told by one of our "coastal" brethren, Shacks at Ballykelly

Our Coastal Hero strikes gold and takes local Fair Maid for a late evening drive in his car. Pulls into a leafy glade and , as matters start to get steamy, and CH pops a button or two on FM's blouse:

FM: "you must be an officer then"
CH: "yes, but how can you tell"
FM: "Ah you've started at the top, the NCOs always start at the bottom"

[BEagle]

Ah yes, chopd95, a typical kipper fleet encounter. Or so I'm told....

Wasn't Ballykelly the place where the plastic sergeants used to 'fraternise' with the locals from some shirt factory; once they'd 'met' every individual fabric cutter, they'd call "SHIRT!".

Marsovin, yes, a particularly delicate little number...not! I recall my first encounter in Sliema with that alleged wine. A crew meal at the Pasta House, where the lasagne had the temperature of thermonuclear plasma! So a huge gulp of Marsovin to put out the fire....mistake - big mistake! I could hardly see for the tears. Then a few Jaegermeisters with Richard at the City Gem, before the bus back to Luqa. Fortunately we weren't flying the next day!

Innocent fun, happy days..... When Once We Had an Air Force.

[Pontius Navigator]

the lasagne had the temperature of thermonuclear plasma.

That was to sterilise the flies in the meat.

[chopd95]

Flies and meat, christ PN you were lucky!

[BEagle]

I don't know about flies in the meat, but there were a few dubious looking curly black hairs in the pasta....:eek:

[Pontius Navigator]

Dental floss?

[Wwyvern]

Ref the cry of "Shirt".

I was told that when a fair maid had "met" the individual members of a Shack crew, she was entitled to cry "Crew".

[oxenos]

The establishment where "Shirt" was played was the Maiden City Bar in Londonderry, frequented by crews on the JASSEX at H.M.S. Sea Eagle. I imagine the "Maiden" bit was entirely fictional. I believe the shout was not "Crew", but "Shack", though I never went there myself, of course.

[TheChitterneFlyer]

I recall my first trip into Hong Kong as one of the crew of "Fat Albert". The "Staish" was the Captain of our crew and that he'd been sidelined for an evening out with OC RAF Kai Tak.

Meanwhile, our "Co" had arranged our own night-out by inviting a few nurses from the Military Hospital to accompany the remainder of the crew for dinner.

"Smart casual" was the order of dress for the evening; which wasn't too difficult, because the "Staish" had ordered us all to pack lounge-suits for the stop-over in Columbo where we were all invited to dinner at the Gall Face Hotel... that's a different story; however, back to HKG.

We were all booted and spurred to meet said nurses within a local, but very smart, bar in Kowloon. Our Co-Pilot knew his muse for the evening swaree and that the other three quickly paired-off with the remainder of the crew; the Nav, Loadie, and myself (Eng).

My partner was wearing a most delightful clingy silk cocktail dress; which left nothing to the immagination. All was going well until the Nav opened-up a packet of fags and offered them around the table (everyone smoked in those days). Not long after I'd lit-up I managed to graze my fag-end against that silky dress that my partner was wearing and that, being silk, it immediately melted a hole in it... bugger!

Our Co-Pilot was first to comment; saying that I should take the poor girl to a local tailor and have another one made to measure for picking-up later. Good call; however, he then went on to say (in well intentioned good humour)... Typical "Enlisted $hit"; can't be trusted with anything but a spanner! Her reply was... "You mean; you're not commissioned"? Err, no... exit said nurse.

After a short altercation with said Co-Pilot... exit Eng. Eng found solace in a bar just around the corner. Half an hour later... in came my three colleagues (without nurses); the Co-Pilot offering huge appologies; besides which... I had the kitty!

Not surprisingly, I can't remember much else about that evening.

Happy days...

[goudie]

During one the Britannia Dets to Kai Tak in the early '70's our young Eng Off gets himself invited to a party, laid on by some Brit female teachers. He pairs off with one, gets lucky and is invited back to her place.

When they arrive at her high rise apartment he realises he's run out of ciggies (Yes, everyone did smoke in those days). She tells him there's an all night corner shop 5 mins walk from the block. Off he trots, purchases ciggies, and makes his way back to the apartment block.

The Sikh security guard lets him in and he makes his way up to the 9th? floor to apartment number 37? Sh!t! He realises he's forgotten her apart. and floor number. Well he's had a few drinks!
After several trips to the ground floor, to start again, the Sikh guard asks him who he's trying to find. He then realises he doesn't know her surname either. The guard eventually asks him to leave, which he reluctantly does.

When he related this story to me over a few beers he said, ''and do you know what really bugs me, it's that she probably thought I'd chickened out and done a runner.'' We left Hong Kong a day later, so he never had chance to explain. Probably haunts him still to this day.:{

[Rossian]

...for single lads. Shirt was as often conducted in the Diamond Ballroom which as tad couther than the previusly metioned bar.
The next evolution after "Shirt" was the "grimmy contest". All chip into the pot and the aim was to dance with the most unprepossing young lady in the room, as judged by the "judging panel" at the bar and the winner used the pot to buy the next round of drinks. A certain naval lieutenant from 819 at BKY was waltzing (proper dancing was done in those days) his chosen past the bar area and the beady eyes of the panel.
The Lass says in a loud voice;

"Youse all are havin' a grimmy contest aren't ye?"

"No no not at all I asked you to dance because I I I...." and then realised the perilous path he was going down and stopped.

"Well" she said " if youse aren't , we are, and I've just won. Now **** off!"

The Ancient Mariner

[BEagle]

The 'grimmy contest' later developed into the 'pig pot'. Similar rules, but , shall we say, it involved an act rather more intimate than dancing...:ooh:

On one occasion (it might have been during the SAC Bomb/Nav contest at Ellsworth AFB, Rapid City?), it seems that the 'pig pot' had risen to several hundred dollars, yet no-one had summoned up sufficient courage to brave a...'liaison' with the spectacularly obvious potential target, later to be known as 'Mrs Doubtfire'...:(

Eventually one of the AEOs (it had to be, really) sidled up to the obnoxious mound of blubber and said "Look, K****, why don't we just say that we did the deed - and I'll split the pot with you 50/50?".....:uhoh:

I gather that she was less than impressed - but as for the eventual fate of the 'pig pot' in question, of that I am unaware.

[clareprop]

Sounds like normal reaction to a 'vintage*' St Panteleimon or Aphrodite White.

Ah BEags.... so many fond memories of tinctures emanating from that powerhouse of the exploitation of resin...

December 31st 1999. Around the world, rich men and women paid tens of thousands to attend the most lavish "turn-of-the-century" parties. Me? With comrades from Dhekelia CJATC, we drove to the mountains and in a little village the name of which I can't remember, we joined the locals for a three course meal with free beer, wine and brandy (from said Keo brewery) for about CY17.50. After dinner, the local girls (truly beautiful as they were under thirty and hence in their pre "Mae-West" condition) started to perform traditional dances. Having consumed considerable amounts of the aforementioned alcohol, in return, we treated them to our little tableau. And so, it came to pass that in a small hillside village in Cyprus, the locals now understand that New Year is celebrated in England with a rendition of that famous call-to-arms "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" complete with rather detailed arm, hand and finger movements.
To return to the thread, possibly not appropriate as an encore to an evening with Mrs Blogs...unless of course, she's a game old bird.

[goudie]

Swing Low Sweet Chariot"

clareprop I take it you did the humming and silent versions too?

[clareprop]

Of course.

Words, Dylan, Humming and finally Silent. It was during the latter phase that I felt we were perhaps pushing our luck with the local boys who appeared to be catching on.
The girls however...

[BEagle]

clareprop, perhaps the village was Platres, famous for the Trout Farm and restaurant?

'brandy' from Keo? Well, that's what they call it and at least it doesn't taste of pine resin. But it shouldn't really be thought of as anything resembling real brandy. However, in a brandy sour, served from Chris' plastic jug - the business!

[clareprop]

BEags,

No, Platres I know. It was just north'ish of Oroklini.

Oh yes, the Brandy Sour's...definitely "spesh for you...." from Dion's on the Larnaca Road.

[Pontius Navigator]

we joined the locals for a three course meal with free beer, wine and brandy (from said Keo brewery) for about CY17.50.

That's inflation for you. Thirty years previous the top dollar for a kebab at Niazi's was IIRC 15/6 and about 12/6 elsewhere. :(

[Fareastdriver]

I was told this by one of my crewmen in the late 70's so it must be true.
In the sergeants mess at Aldergrove was a certain WRAC who was known as the 'Kangerillor Kid' She was not only as ugly as sin she but could hurl down beer faster than any bloke in the mess

During a normal out of control drinking session one army warrant officer grabbed a bottle of whisky off the bar and declared. "That's for the bloke who has her."
Without batting an eyelid she grabbed another bottle. "And this one's from me."

[oxenos]

There was the occasion when ****** ******** walked into the bar with spectacularly ugly bird. He was duly presented with the pot. And then he introduced everyone to his fiancee.
There were also occasions when it was found that the girls were playing "Ghoul Pool"

[goudie]

Thirty years previous the top dollar for a kebab at Niazi's was IIRC 15/6 and about 12/6 elsewhere.
Which included a carafe or three, of free kokinelli

[Clockwork Mouse]

I think the restaurant you refer to up in the Troodos in Cyprus with the trout may have been The Mill in Kakopetria. An outstanding eatery!

[sisemen]

the other half were taught by a PI who turned FCO Official

Wander - and did he have a red silk lining to his greatcoat and was so far up himself he could see the soles of his own boots???

[jetslut]

I'd stumbled upon MM's thread early this morning due to a quiet day at Scruggs - The Preferred Purveyors of Aviation Propulsion to Her Majesty.
Unfortunately I'd been reading 'The etiquette of breaking wind' during a VIP visit to the teutonic version of 'Mission Control'. Our mostly sober and professional demur was somewhat compromised by myself helplessly sniggering, crying and incapable of coherent speech.:eek:
The result? Glad tidings did I not receive from the CEO and proceeded to give him a damn good listening to later in the day.
My deepest thanks to all that have contributed to the re-awakening my social deficits (Option for Changes was my demise 2ATAF). I later found that in the world of SLC and layovers that these wonderful values were mostly lacking, much to my dismay.
My sincerest thanks once more to all protagonists especially MM, PN, BEagle, Melchet. I haven't giggled so much in years.:D

JS

[Old-Duffer]

........ well Jetslut, you will have seen why this Thread has been one of the most popular in ages.

Perhaps the answer is to suggest to your CEO that he logs on and sees what he's missing. He certainly needs to get out more!

O-D

[Wander00]

Siseman - you may thinks so, I could not possibly comment

W

[Rossian]

.....that Mr Muscle mech, having drained us shamelessly of our social advice, will have the good grace to raise the prospect of the return match? Will Mrs MM wish to participate having dipped out on Part1 the first? I do feel that he ought to give us the likely date of the rematch so that we can get our ducks in a row(I don't believe I said that)ready to dispense appropriate wisdom.
Only on Pprune is such a vast reservoir of experience and goodheartedness available - FOR FREE!!

The Ancient Mariner

[Old-Duffer]

........... right, Rossian. There is a different emphasis on being the Host to being the Guest.

Selecting the Guest list for a start.

I have given much thought as to how MM can capitalise on the 'relationship' with "down zipper Daphne".

The form of the invite, who to invite to 'freshen up' the atmosphere.

How to score social points (being on first name terms with the Lord Lieutenant is a good start!!).

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I see another 500+ posts as we run up to the rematch. Thinking caps on - Go!

O-D

[500N]

Old-Duffer

Only another 500 Posts ? I think we could go well over this.

As you said, for a start we need to assist with the invitation
and who to invite but then we would get to discuss the RSVP's,
then the catering, then the actual function and then the post op report.

And if "down zipper Daphne's" performance was similar to last time,
that is 50 posts by itself !!!

Looking forward to it.

[davejb]

A faint blush crept into her cheeks,
'Gosh', she simpered prettily, 'whatever must you think of me, my zipper stuck open again?'

Daphne did not, to Flight Lieutenat Captain the Lord Musclemech's eyes, appear to be THAT upset by her deshabille...

'Not to worry Daffers old fruit', he replied, 'my swiss army knife will fix that in a trice...'

20,000 Pprune onlookers groaned in unison, half wrote to their MP while the rest begain climbing onto the outrage bus that had brought them to the soiree.

(To be continued. (c) Mills & SAS productions).

[Rossian]

....settle I said. You've been at the red again. One can tell!

The Ancient Mariner

[davejb]

I assure you my blood pressure was fairly stable as I typed <g>

Now, where was I? Oh yes....

Daphne eyed the proffered tool keenly -

'Why MM, what a resourceful cove you are! Perhaps we could retire behind the aspidistra and, ahem, adjust my couture?' She allowed her fan to shimmer gently, her eyes meeting his momentarily before dropping demurely to puzzle over his footwear. 'Green wellies', she thought, 'how practical this man is!'

Captain the Honourable Musclemech followed her slowly, fingering the small corkscrew briefly before deciding on the spike as more likely to suffice.

Across the room Bentley, the butler, caught a faint giggle ....

(c) Cynthia Rampant, Mills & SAS, 2010

[Old-Duffer]

Last evening Mrs O-D, ably assisted by yours truly whose main function was to test the suitability of any liquid refreshment offered, had a little 'Mrs Bloggs at Home' sort of do.

Unfortunately, there were no unattached ladies with zippers in need of adjustment but as our preparations went ahead and then battle was joined, I had to smile as I recalled some of the amusing posts on this Thread.

So, guys and gals, thanks for all the comments over the past couple of months, as I've posted before; this has probably one of the best Threads on pprune for ages.

Christmas greetings and obtw, as one of my guests departed, he reminded me of an impromptu cocktail party we held on the village green a few years ago. General agreement is we need to start planning the 'impromptu' street party for the Royal wedding - can't wait for April 29 2011!! Map coordinates to be posted idc.

O-D - off to walk the dogs

[Melchett01]

So, guys and gals, thanks for all the comments over the past couple of months, as I've posted before; this has probably one of the best Threads on pprune for ages.

Hear Hear! A welcome return to the friendly banter that we used to have and love so much before it was taken over by aggressive willy-waving. Long may it continue - the banter, not the will waving. Although I think davejb might be about to enlighten us on that front.

If nothing else, I'd love to see this as a sticky, but I have to say a hard copy of this thread would have been a damn sight more informative than the CESR lessons we had at Sleaford Tech!

[Pontius Navigator]

The first thing to sort is the date.

Too soon and it would look too obviously duty. Too long and people might wonder.

Then there are 'no dates'. Easter is one and the Royal Wedding is one. 8th May is another.

[davejb]

Ah,
this is Mills and Boon, sorry, Mills and SAS, no actual willy waving is EVER allowed to intrude, it has to be a mere hint of a suggestion....

Like that chap on the Little Britain (?) sketches, I am prepared if need be to charicature Dame Barbara Cartland for another chapter or two...

Dave

(Her bosom heaved, he felt himself thrutching with ever increasing urgency...)

[Rossian]

....I like that word Dave. "Thrutching" brings all sorts of mental images to the surface (some of which will need suppressing).
However comma it being Christmas Eve, not in the workhouse, and having for a heathen been to g'daughetrs carol Service this afterrnoon in Brizzle, and feeling generally benevolent, I wish you all a good Christmas and a better 2011 - particularaly to the all worried folks at ISK.

The Ancient Mariner

[Neptunus Rex]

This one will run and run...!

(With apologies to Private Eye.)

[davejb]

Ah bless,
the one thin g Ian Hislop would not worry about is the need to apologise to his mighty organ <g>

'Might I press you to a small fancy?' Enquired the dashing young blade, his ostensible paramour felt her heart flutter before replying coyly - 'Well sir, I suppose I might partake of the merest touch of your - how should I put it - relish?'

Baronet Musclemech gazed into her doe like eyes in wonder, whilst using the spike on his Swiss Army Knife to spread the Patum Peperium over a handy oatcake, was there nothing that could daunt this lovely young girl?

(c) Mills and Hooligan, 2010

For anyone struggling to understand the social occasion described, this might help:

YouTube - Gay Bar Song - The Armstrong and Miller Show - S2 Ep4 Preview - BBC One (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2kD1YUtA5o)

Happy Christmas John, all the best to Colleen also, I guess you aren't sharing the bracing Kinloss weather just now.... -18 at Findhorn the other morning, Brrrrr!

Dave

[Cardinal Puff]

Beags

I don't know about flies in the meat, but there were a few dubious looking curly black hairs in the pasta....

aka Scroggs...

The Meaning of Liff (http://folk.uio.no/alied/TMoL.html)

[BEagle]

A splendid little book which I've had for years!

I particularly like 'Lossiemouth', 'Scrabster', 'Theakston' and 'Toronto'!

Happy Christmas!!

[NRU74]

Re: the 'Return Match'
I've been to five drinks parties between 18th and 26th Dec and at each one it was clear that the host was not a beer drinker.
I know that it is possible to buy Boddingtons/John Smiths/Carling/Stella and similar, at prices where the supermarket is almost paying you to take it away......but...
Can I make a plea to MM and ask him to buy some 'proper' beer for the return match and not take the cheapskate route and buy rubbish beer.

[parabellum]

Better still, go the Australian route and take your own beer!:)

[BEagle]

Beer served at an 'At Home'?

Oh dear, are there no standards?

Completely inappropriate at such an event. Perfectly acceptable at a barbi', of course, but simply not correct form for an 'At Home'...:=

[Melchett01]

I wouldn't go that far BEagle - not everybody - me included has what might be called a well developed palate. For instance I absolutely detest wine, it all tastes the same (tannin) and gives me ferocious hangovers in the smallest quantities. If I were invited to such an evening and knew before hand that it was going to be hours of something undrinkable followed by a serious hangover, I would really have to think hard about whether to go. Surely not a particularly good excuse for being anti-social, but I think the hostess might be a little surprised if I spent the evening asking for neat vodka as an alternative to the dreaded grape juice!

In the interests of that old Noo Lab favourite social inclusivity, I would always have a few beers on standby, albeit decent beers, served in decent glasses. None of the usual muck you get from an off licence, but something seasonally appropriate from a niche brewer.

Surely that would be a better way than either putting off your prospective guests before they even arrive or making them feel uncomfortable. Unless of course, you are holding an At Home under duress and are keen to minimise the number of attendees and further reduce the time those brave enough to attend spend with you!

[goudie]

albeit decent beers, served in decent glasses. None of the usual muck you get from an off licence, but something seasonally appropriate from a niche brewer. As one who has a preference for a good ale over an indifferent wine, which one usually gets on these occasions,
I must agree with you there Melchett01. Hook Norton, Shepherd Neame are two Breweries that come to mind.

I think Beagle is harking back to the 'Party 7' days:eek:

[BEagle]

Nope, Party Seven (with that awful sparklet dispenser thing) notwithstanding, offering guests a glass of some Camra-approved rectal-reaming ale, probably with bits of wood floating in it, just isn't done at such an event.

I can understand an aversion to the choice wines of the seventies such as grotty-Pedrotti, Hirondelle, Bull's Blood, Blue Nun or the Officers Mess 'wine from several countries' (aka the European wine lake) Dom Kellerstolz :yuk: - but that's about all. I don't include Kokkinelli in that list, of course, as it isn't really 'wine' as such...:uhoh:

Perhaps if you really cannot drink wine, then a gin and tonic or somesuch? If that's still too girly for you, then a scotch? Otherwise you'll just have to sit it out with the fat wheezy boys with their chits from Matron and drink water!

[larssnowpharter]

Perhaps if you really cannot drink wine, then a gin and tonic or somesuch? If that's still too girly for you, then a scotch? Otherwise you'll just have to sit it out with the fat wheezy boys with their chits from Matron and drink water!

One recalls taking then new wife to a 'meet and creep' at the Boss's house. No choices. He handed her a gin and vomit in a half pint mug! She, brave lassie, drank it.:eek:

And it was more gin than vomit.

In Belize the boys on orange juice certainly did have a chit but from the doc due to a certain medical consition that may or may not result in a tour extension if not cleared up.

[Old-Duffer]

Gentlemen, Gentlemen,

The purpose of an 'At Home' or whatever you want to call it, is to socialise with ones friends and colleagues etc: it is not a contest as to who can produce the strongest, most exotic brew leading to all sorts of hangovers (in whatever sense you mean that).

If you want to explore the boundaries of real ale etc, a boys night on the patio is the place.

Yours boringly,

Old Duffer

[goudie]

is to socialise with ones friends and colleagues etc:

Point taken OD. However, drinking one's favourite tipple, as opposed to sipping something one finds personally ghastly, does help lubricate the process. As we all know.:ok:

[BEagle]

Old-Duffer, quite so. The very thought of some uncultured oik quaffing beer at such a gathering....:eek: How dreadfully lower order.

Drink at an 'At Home' is merely a courtesy, not an enabling device.

[cargosales]

Old-Duffer, quite so. The very thought of some uncultured oik quaffing beer at such a gathering....:eek: How dreadfully lower order.

Drink at an 'At Home' is merely a courtesy, not an enabling device.

Yes, yes, old chap but things have moved on somewhat and we are after all in the 21st century now. Innit !

Surely it is 'a basic courtesy' in this new enlightened era to ensure that one's guests feel comfortable and relaxed? And why should that not extend to what they feel comfortable drinking?

When friends old and new, including those comfortable and those uncomfortable with formal gatherings, gather at Cargo Towers, we feel the least we can do is to put them at their ease with a glass of something they enjoy.

Obviously quality must prevail but I can think of quite a few guests who have been very relieved to have been offered a chilled Weiss bier or a decent bottle conditioned real ale, a quality non-alcoholic fruit juice [basic OJ just doesn't cut it these days] or similar, rather than something they didn't enjoy.

Plus, let's face it, when civvie guests come round at the same time as any ex-mil mates, the civvies need all the help and comforting they can get! Err, and ear plugs .. allegedly :O

[thing]

I remember working on a very big aeroplane in the 90's and there was a techy corporal who was a workmate of mine with the surname of a very famous supermarket chain who was in fact a member of said family. He regularly entertained the high and mighty and suchlike at his farmhouse. As he rightly said, treat everyone with courtesy and respect, expect the same in return and you can't go far wrong.

I well remember at a fighter staish in the 70's we had a visit from Roy Mason who was Minister of Defence at the time. He had a look round our Sqdn and greeted me, a lowly SAC at the time by name, shook hands etc much to the bemusement of the entourage. I of course had the advantage of my old man and he being old politico mates. I was asked by OC Admin later in the day in a very round about way whether 'I had his ear' which I found and still do rib burstingly funny.

[My T Hunter]

Originally Posted by BEagle View Post
Old-Duffer, quite so. The very thought of some uncultured oik quaffing beer at such a gathering.... How dreadfully lower order.

Drink at an 'At Home' is merely a courtesy, not an enabling device.

Beagle, you are Margo Leadbetter and I claim my £10.

[Melchett01]

Beagle, you are Margo Leadbetter and I claim my £10.

BEagle as posh totty? If you're correct, does that make the rest of us PPruners the collective equivalent of her long suffering and put up on husband Jerry? :E



Only kidding Margot!

[goudie]

Beagle, you are Margo Leadbetter

With a sprinkling of Hyacinth Bucket, pronounced Bouquet.

[chopd95]

CS,since when were those of us with certain antecedents required to join the "21st Century" - I have trouble remembering we are in it !

I find myself (troublingly) in the same corner as Beagle and OD - many and oft it was a choice? of gin, whisky, and water , with an orange juice lurking somewhere.
Only departure from that was at RN home, when whisky didn't feature.
Then of course the RN cockers P, where it was pre-mixed gin/bitters/water, until second jug onwards, when the water must have been on ration?

[ElectroVlasic]

The purpose of an 'At Home' or whatever you want to call it, is to socialise with ones friends and colleagues etc:

And in this case, to ogle a woman while your wife is at home with a sick child.

It's another proof point that these social conventions and protocols both promoted and mocked in these 500+ posts don't actually improve civility, all they do provide a facade for the lack of civility to hide behind.

At least the cave men were honest about what they were after.

Cynically yours,
EV

[Cardinal Puff]

Chop, Beags and OD off the guest list for one's At Home at one's brewery then....

[chopd95]

Agreed old chap!
And why did EV even bother to join in - T.....r

[Old-Duffer]

Sorry, EV - don't agree.

There is a difference between 'banter' and ribald comment and what actually happens on the occasion.

There is of course all sorts of innuendo but the overriding situation of an 'at home' is the entertainment of ones' guests and ensuring that everybody enjoys themselves. There will, sometimes, be a bit of showing off but I have never been to a social event of this sort where there has been any delberate lack of civility towards the guests.

As to 'ogling' the opposite sex, there is a world of difference between finding a member of the opposite sex attractive/personable and stepping over the line. The phrase; 'you can window shop but not buy' probably sums it up.

As for your complaint that MM left his wife at home with sick child whilst he went 'on the pull', is unworthy of you and you should retract.

Old Duffer - in pompous mode again.

[cargosales]

Ahh, I'm glad there is finally something on this thread upon which a peasant such as I can agree with my esteemed, if slightly anachronistic, elders chopd95 and Old-Duffer:

Very poor form ElectroVlasic. Very poor form indeed. Bad dog ! :=

Even us beer-loving oiks who have no standards whatsoever know better than to make such silly accusations in public :suspect:

[parabellum]

Even I, who is lucky to have a beautiful lady as my wife, would find it hard not to be drawn into conversation with an attractive lady standing there with her flys undone!

[Old-Duffer]

Ah Parabellum,

Whilst I have no doubt that the beautiful Mrs PB would be amused, should she notice you chatting with a lady in - shall we say - slightly dishevelled appearance: that amusement might not survive, if it were your flys that were unzipped, rather than the lady's.

And as for you Cargosales - who are you calling 'anachronistic elders'. I demand satisfaction and shall have my Second call on you at an early opportunity. And when I've finished giving you a good thrashing, chopd95 can deal with what's left. Damned impertinence of you youngsters, I blame the education system myself, and the Vote at 18, chunter, chunter, chunter.

Ah well time to walk the dogs and set them on any unruly peasants we encounter.

O-D : feeling better already.

[NRU74]

uncultured oik quaffing beerWe must all hope that at the return match the Colonel doesn't respond to MM's 'what are you having sir?' with 'I rather fancy a beer old boy'

[goudie]

...NRU74:ok:

[ElectroVlasic]

And why did EV even bother to join in

Educational purposes, yours and mine both.

I just found it interesting to read that some wrote this thread wasn't about willy-waving, but that's exactly what's going on. You even have official publications telling you whose willy gets waved first, etc.

As for my education, I see a lot of attempts to try to foist this type of social facade upon me and others by many of the ex-pats who've joined my soaring club, and now I know a lot more about where it comes from. Interestingly enough, they still haven't given up the fight, even though their attempts at "civility" hasn't made any impact on the "oinks" that form the vast majority of the club. They just stay on and make the rest of us miserable with all their preening and posturing and attempts to establish a social pecking order. I suppose we could come up with some some club rules to weed them out, but we're not like that here.

Oh, and as ghastly as it sounds, I've been UK soaring clubs and after everything has been put away, I've been served a beer, in a bottle no less, ye gads! I guess oinkism is overtaking the mother country as well. Keep fighting the good fight, chaps! Meanwhile, I'll have a beer when I want a beer, etc.

As to 'ogling' the opposite sex, there is a world of difference between finding a member of the opposite sex attractive/personable and stepping over the line. The phrase; 'you can window shop but not buy' probably sums it up.

"Ogle" has a pretty precise definition (here (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/ogle)) and I chose it because it fits the "look but don't touch" maxim, as opposed to "pulling" which does not.

Other folks comments here about having their way with the Col's daughter go a lot, lot further than what I said.

As for your complaint that MM left his wife at home with sick child whilst he went 'on the pull', is unworthy of you and you should retract.

In re-reading things, my intent did go astray. I incorrectly followed your comment about the purpose of the event, which was wrong. I'm sure it wasn't MM's intent for that to happen, I just found it curious after all the discussion of the protocols and the niceties, one outcome of the event (and the one attracting the most attention here) was in essence what I described.

[ian16th]

Rather severe thread drift, but a follow on from some of the Cyprus mentions in this thread:
http://www.channel24.co.za/News/International/Cyprus-beer-features-in-porn-film-20101228

[Old-Duffer]

EV,

Your comments above are both interesting and intriguing.

If you believe that the ex-pats to whom you refer, are of the type with whom you do not wish to associate and who make your members unhappy, then I suggest there are many remedies, depending on your position within the gliding and soaring community where you are resident.

First, if these dreadful people provide the money that keeps the club afloat, I’m afraid it’s hard cheese and you’ll have to tolerate their boorish company. The alternative of disconnecting the control cables seems rather excessive, given the sanctions you might (unreasonably) be forced to accept – like 15 years in the slammer!

Second, the people you decry are probably more amenable than most to compromise, if they are aware that their conduct is contrary to the social mores and behaviour that your club members wish. So why not approach them – reference to pprune will stand you in good sted!!

Third, messes within the services have codes of conduct, does your club? and if not, propose to your committee some sensible rules. However, if a group of friends prefer to stand at one end of the Bar and enjoy each others’ company, that’s probably the par for many other clubs. The main membership of this site are ex-service but are your troublesome ex-pats ex-service? If not it is rather difficult to ascribe a link between their behaviour and what you are reading in this Thread.

Tell those who offend your sensibilities that they are no longer welcome, refund their unexpired subs and invite them to remove their sailplanes forthwith.

The important thing is that this Thread is a light hearted subject and many of the comments are made tongue in cheek. In all the important/serious aspects discussed in this Thread, it is how to make ones’ guests ‘at home’ when ‘at home’ to ones’ guests, comfortable.

Old Duffer

[NRU74]

The important thing is that this Thread is a light hearted subject and many of the comments are made tongue in cheek.EV Please don't take this thread too seriously,

I've only made a few posts but all I'd add to OD's post is to say that not 'many', but the vast majority of the posts, are 'tongue in cheek'
As the 'yoofs' - with whom I deal on a regular basis in my work say - 'lighten up'

[Pontius Navigator]

Did we sort out a date for the return match?

How many ppruners should be invited to add weight and balance?

[Old-Duffer]

Langley,

Post 586 not understood.

Who is OldMetMan and what makes you think he's killing off this Thread?

O-D

[NRU74]

I am old Metman and I thort I had killed fred.Just another cr@p forecast really - we're all licking our lips looking forward to advising and helping to plan the return match !
Where are you MM ?

[forget]

You CANNOT allow an old Met. man to kill this thread off ..........

Please shut up then. MM = met man? No. :hmm:

[Romeo Oscar Golf]

Come on EV....I'm positively panting to read your response to Old Duffer. Five days plus should be enough, even for a non military person. I need to know where I've been going wrong for so many years and why my aircrew mates are such social incompetants.:rolleyes:
Ref Ian16th's link concerning the drinking of beer, if that method were to be introduced at "At Home" functions there is the possibility that beer drinking would become more popular on such occasions.;)

[cargosales]

If interested, GOTO

http://www.pprune.org/military-aircrew/329990-gaining-r-f-pilots-brevet-ww11.html

asof todays date


:confused: I was so I went but am still none the wiser

Perhaps you are somehow confusing return match with return key, as both are noticably lacking?

[davejb]

If this is a cryptic crossword, would somebody please publish the grid I'm supposed to be filling in?

Dave

[Old-Duffer]

Most of the last 15 Posts have gone completely over my head.

Can someone reassure me that I have not taken too much of a mind bending substance and that I will, eventually, get better.

Old Duffer (confused and disoriented)

[forget]

Quote: You CANNOT allow an old Met. man to kill this thread off ..........

Well you seem to have managed it. :ugh: Worst case of pointless thread disruption in a long time.

[Pontius Navigator]

Did we sort out a date for the return match?

How many ppruners should be invited to add weight and balance?


.... well?

[goudie]

Old Duffer, I must also have taken what ever it was you took. I too am rather confused.:confused:
I do recall imbibing a couple of Glenlivets but that's all.....................I think!

[Two's in]

O-D and for those of us not keeping up...

Where we are is EV imparted his views on the function and Social gatherings in general that drew some response from O-D and others, including a reference to "MM" in a post by NRU74. It seems that Langleybaston thought this was a reference to "Old Met Man" and off we went, 90 degrees to track.

To get back on track, we await some response to O-D's riposte to EV about clubs and socialising in general.

I would add that having had the pleasure to belong to numerous Messes, it is the one thing about being out that I still miss. There's something reassuring about having a "structured" place of entertainment where most members have a common or at least shared interest. This extends neatly to "at home" functions where the rules as such simply ensure the evening is not some anarchic vomit-fest but a pleasant social interlude. If you really can't stand the thought of polite company, you can always reply-

"Frogmilla and I will be unable to attend the evening of the 7th due to a prior Badger-baiting appointment with our drug dealer,

Regards,

Sqn Ldr X"

[NRU74]

including a reference to "MM" in a post by NRU74. It seems that Langleybaston thought this was a reference to "Old Met Man" and off we went, 90 degrees to track.
Yep, to avoid thread drift I should have said Musclemech to distinguish him from Yellowbelly

[Pontius Navigator]

Yep, to avoid thread drift I should have said Musclemech to distinguish him from Yellowbelly

or belly up

[BEagle]

From Dec 2010:

I hope that I managed to keep the light blue end up, such that I might get invited back next year... when the grand-daughter will be that little bit older....

If musclemech is still PPRuNe-ing, may we enquire how the grand daughter is looking these days?

[Barksdale Boy]

Have just spent a delightful couple of hours, seven years on, enjoying this thread, surely one of PPRune's finest, the peevish contributions of Thomas Coupling and EV notwithstanding. MM, where are you? I'm in desperate need of an update on rural Hampshire ex-service social mores (for which I await a German translation).

[langleybaston]

Was it really that long ago?

One nice custom which we have kept going in Metman's civvy street is calling on brand new neighbours with a pot plant or a bottle and offering help if required.

Then bugger off smartish, really smartish, and see what transpires.

We were thus decently treated on all of the overseas patches where our wanderings at Her Majesty's behest took us.

[Pontius Navigator]

MMs final post was his after action report amp. We might deduce that Mrs MM met Miss Blue Eyes with predictable results.

[thegypsy]

PN

I am inclined to agree with you that MM has left Mrs MM and moved out of the area ( thrown out more likely ) with said granddaughter and is persona non grata in the whole of Hampshire.

PS I have an O Level in Latin by the way.:{

[Wander00]

On my last tour, some 24 years ago, a fellow wg cdr's wife often appeared at the door in an apron and yellow marigolds (not JUST them you understand) - closest I came to a social blunder was nearly addressing her as "Hyacinth", and Mrs W could barely suppress a giggle as she knew how close I had come to doing that.

[BEagle]

Wander00, that reminds me of the 'breakfast' scene in McVicar, when Roger Daltrey is served* by Georgina Hale - who is wearing nothing but an apron....:ok:


*In more than one way....

[thegypsy]

I reckon that it went to MM's head moving into this idyllic village in Hants crammed to the gunnels with retired Senior Officers and him coming from the ranks and not doing Latin at his " Secondary Modern " and that his background as what BEAGLE would no doubt describe as an OIK came to light after he absconded with perhaps Mrs Bloggs or some other loose woman who was taken in by his charm long cultivated to hide his somewhat dubious background:D

[Wander00]

Funny, mention of cards - just went to check something in my old log book, and there sellotaped to the front of it was the last extant card of "Mr I Wanderoo RAF". "Cards" had certainly gone out of fashion when I rejoined in 1980

[Pontius Navigator]

Wander, and by 2000 every man and his dog with access to the Strike Command printers had printed cards - Flt Lt P Prune, Ops X 3, HQ etc etc which they would drop wherever they visited.

[BEagle]

Someone gave me one of those RAF 'business' cards once - it wasn't even printed on proper card....:=

Anyway, back to the thread - still wondering how Mrs Bloggs' grand-daughter grew up...:E

[langleybaston]

Cards!

The Met Office, in its remorseless drive to forget what it was invented for, decided c. 1980 to issue all regional P Met Os [and both C Met Os] with business cards.
I am guessing that, of a print run of, say 100, for each post I filled: 1 Group Bawtry, Leeds Weather Centre, Cardiff Weather Centre, HQRAFG and Brize, I dropped a round dozen in total, ever.

I wish that I had kept them, to use as notelets, reminders and thin wedges.

Daft.

My solicitor has instructed me to say nothing on the subject of Miss Bloggs, even if I knew anything, which I deny.

[BEagle]

...to say nothing on the subject of Miss Bloggs, even if I knew anything...

Why doesn't that surprise me? The poor little lady could probably have only tolerated a very few enthralling tales of weather-guessing before finding a polite reason to chat to someone else about something more interesting - such as bus spotting...:hmm:

[langleybaston]

How nice to meet a bus-spotter. And do you do single deckers as well as your doubles and bendies? If you get bored there are always Eddie Stobarts of course.

[Melchett01]

Why doesn't that surprise me? The poor little lady could probably have only tolerated a very few enthralling tales of weather-guessing before finding a polite reason to chat to someone else about something more interesting - such as bus spotting...:hmm:

I've had some very interesting discussions about tephigrams, contrail formation and mixing condensation levels. Admittedly, it never got me anything other than a nice certificate, but it was more interesting than buses. I'm more an Underground man myself.

[Basil]

How can an 'At home' 'Regrets only' run to 31 pages?
Dress? Well, she's clearly a bit formal but the dress should suit the occasion:
Evg: Lounge suit.
Day: Lightweight, blazer, sports jacket, planters.
Tie? refer to line 2 - probably yes.
(If she wants morning, white tie, DJ she'd say so.)

I'm only a working class boy and I can figure that out . . .
Have to say that the first time one of our children received an 'At home' I did an :rolleyes: and explained.

[Pontius Navigator]

Lounge suit, oh, so noughties, seems to have declined to sweater, no tie now though a jacket is still a possibility.

This change of standards no doubt following the dress down that we see on the TV every night.

Mind you, with the Donald, ties may make a come back. Power fashion suggests single colour tied long so the tie covers the fly viz Tony Bliar and the Donald.

[teeteringhead]

access to the Strike Command printers had printed cards Ah - the dreaded "official Business Cards". And also "Compliments slips"; although these have (at last) become useful.

Literally days before I finally finally retired last year, I received a new box of compliments slips. Must be hundreds of the things. Blank on the back, make excellent note pads/shopping lists or similar. Many thanks (in my case) Cranwell Graphics - they'll keep me in scrap paper for years.

Most recent/wackiest use? Turned (with the help of scissors and sellotape) into a moebius strip to amaze the Grandteeterette - well she had just got a cup for maths at school!!

[ORAC]

Digressing slightly - California is the only place I've ever received an official invite stating no suits, jackets or ties. They took their casual seriously.........

[57mm]

That would be Aussie formal then?

[ICM]

California casual? For the final Dining-Out night during my time on Exchange there many years back, the Squadron Commander ruled that dress for the chaps would be "Business Suits." This caused so much consternation amongst blokes saying they did not own one that the instruction changed to "Mess Dress" - for they all had that.

[BEagle]

Aussie formal?

Some RAAF mates were guests at a barbi' in the UK a couple of years ago. Noting the chilly weather and overcast sky, one chap turned to his hostess and announced "We're not used to having to wear sweaters at a barbi' - in Oz it's usually just singlets and thongs!"

There was a sharp intake of breath from the hostess - until it was explained to her that 'thongs' are also the Oz term for flip-flops!

[Wander00]

Never forget an American colonel from Alconbury turning up to a wing party in our MQ at Wyton in jeans, cowboy boots and leather bomber style jacket, and he and his fellow colonels and their ladies all pushed off at about 9.30 pm, even before the desserts were out

[langleybaston]

AFCENT had a permanent Met Subcommittee, primarily in the hunt for the elusive interoperability, which was no nearer achievement after many years.

To be honest, the meetings were jollies, with colonels and majors, civvies and sidekicks and of course a "Ladies Programme". Versailles, Ramstein, Lahr, Heidleberg, round and round it went.

Then came JHQ with the Brits hosting. My boss, SASO Tim Thorn, decided that we would wow the assembled hordes so I was give free reign, culminating with a dinner in the Mess, with all the silver, flower ladies, band and the dogs danglers.

The briefing for the AFCENT meeting which was issued about 6 weeks in advance was careful to stress "lounge suits" in order to find a lowest common denominator. It was not low enough.

Waste of breath. Among the sartorial rudenesses [which is what it was] appeared a lime green ill- fitting "sport coat" on a German, no tie on a USA field ranking officer, ladies in jeans, a rustic pullover and mansandals.

In those days we had proper RAF professional catering and Mess staff. God only knows what rabble they thought they were entertaining. SASO was kind enough to gloss over it, but the Mess WO never looked at me thereafter without glazed eyes.

[Wander00]

Bet TT had something robust to say.....

[Wander00]

It was the custom at larger stations for OC Admin, or even the staish, to host a top table for the Command Accounts Inspection Team. On one station that had better remain nameless, we all turned up in suits and ties as did the hosts, except Mrs OC Admin, who arrived in a low cut top and toreador pants! She then, in a voice that would have cut concrete, described her husband's small sailing boat being dragged to the bottom by the Sandbanks chain ferry, and rising leviathan-like from the depths on the ferry's return trip. Could have died for the guy.

[Pontius Navigator]

How does cutting concrete equate with cut glass?

Just curious where this fits with perceived pronunciation.

[thegypsy]

PN

I guess she smoked 60 Senior Service a day?

[Pontius Navigator]

Smoked?

Gillian Talyforth springs to mind.

[Chugalug2]

May I recommend this innovative one handed tray for both food and drink? Like all one's formal occasion prerequisites, it is featured on the well known South American River site. Naturally the formal version is priced at somewhat of a premium to the informal one. That is of course only right and proper, and the extra cost should be borne willingly as a statement of one's inherently superior breeding:-

https://www.amazon.co.uk/RoyalVKB-Balancing-Handed-Serving-Black/dp/B00151W9U2

It has the singular advantage that the more it is loaded then the more stable it becomes. Thus augmenting it with a somewhat larger plate than one's hostess might be minded to provide is highly recommended and as demonstrated by that great epicurean, Alan Partridge.

[BEagle]

That thing is:

- 40cm in diameter
- Made from plastic
- Intended to be used by those serving, rather than by those being served.

Then there are these: https://www.wineware.co.uk/fortessa-stackable-oval-pass-plate whose design, at least, precludes the likelihood of some frightful oik using a beer glass or, perish the thought, the vulgar American (a tautology, I admit) habit of drinking direct from the bottle...

[Pontius Navigator]

some frightful oik . . . perish the thought, the vulgar American (a tautology, I admit) habit of drinking direct from the bottle...
In one restaurant I complained to the maitre d' that one of his sommelier had deposited a bottle of beer on a table near us. Regardless the sommelier should have decanted the beer into a glass. As bad as asking for a well done steak and iced water.

[Chugalug2]

Quantity has a quality of its own, Beags! A bunch of grapes, a few crisps, and a roll? You've got to be joking! Mine is indeed for serving, oneself! As to quality:-

Stainless steel, high-grade plastic.
Non-slip coating ensures that glasses can't slip on the tray.

Class!

[Tankertrashnav]

it is featured on the well known South American River site.

Also available on Amazon :p

[langleybaston]

any colour you want so long as it's black.

[George K Lee]

In one restaurant I complained to the maitre d' that one of his sommelier had deposited a bottle of beer on a table near us.

Errrm... did you check out the attire of the staff? If the attire status was NONE then the "maitre d" is the bouncer.

[Roadster280]

That thing is:

- 40cm in diameter
- Made from plastic
- Intended to be used by those serving, rather than by those being served.

Then there are these: https://www.wineware.co.uk/fortessa-stackable-oval-pass-plate whose design, at least, precludes the likelihood of some frightful oik using a beer glass or, perish the thought, the vulgar American (a tautology, I admit) habit of drinking direct from the bottle...

Quite so. It seems the Americans invented the concept of dispensing with adverbs too.

[Octane]

I have to thank you all for such a wonderful entertaining thread. I've been a PPruner for 15 odd years but somehow missed this one.

I have just spent a couple of hours reading it from beginning to end.
I am a civilian and Colonial (NZ) to boot so a lot of what was discussed was new to me. (I do know how to hold a polite conversation and can operate cutlery so I probably would have held up pretty well at the "do").
Earlier on reading the thread I spilled my coffee on the keyboard, then as it became sunny and hot I've spilled and sprayed beer about. My stomach hurts..:}

Couple of comments;

1. Where is MM?! Highly disappointing to have vanished of the face of PPrune as he has. Follow up's are required..! Did it end in divorce, does he have 3 kids now to the the Colonel's granddaughter? or maybe the lady with the wardrobe malfunction?!

2. Bus14, I know it's been 7 years but you posted:

"I also have a rather dog-eared copy of 'On Commisssioning', 69 pages of A4 issued to me on graduating from the OCTU Henlow in 1977.

Its foreword reads:

'This book has been written to help you during the initial phase of your new career in the royal Air Force, whether you have joined us from civilian life, or from non-commissioned service. It attempts to guide you in two matters; that of being an officer holding the Queen's Commission, and secondly, the rules and customs which govern an Officer's Mess.

It is designed to be a guide. In every large organisation the rules and customs of the members will change from time to time. So it is with the Royal Air Force. Do, therefore, regard this book as a guide and not as a gospel. We are constantly endeavouring to make sure it is accurate, but if you should come across a point which you believe to be incorrect you should bring it to the attention of your Flight Commander.'

I shall be making use of 'On Commissioning' on this very day as I RSVP to an invitation to an evening reception for a junior colleague's wedding. The event is not without its 'bear-traps' as the dress code is 'formal attire' - bearing in mind that many of the guests will be young airline cabin crew and their partners, the interpretations should be interesting, to say the least."

Was there a chapter titled "Dining In Nights"? In particular detailing appropriate/ expected behaviour relating to "Carrier Landings" etc?! (I have RAAF mates from school so I know what goes/ went on...!)

3. I knocked on a front door some years ago to pick up a date. Very pretty girl xxxx opened the door with a smile and immediately, immediately! I noticed her fly was fully undone revealing lovely red panties! A bit shocked, I blurted out "Are you extra warm or just pleased to see me?" (obviously watched too many movies..) Huh? she replied so I nodded to her crotch and then we both burst out laughing! Sadly nothing further of note to report... bugger!

Thanks again for a most entertaining couple of hours..

Cheers

Octane

[Pontius Navigator]

In one restaurant I complained to the maitre d' that one of his sommelier had deposited a bottle of beer on a table near us.

Errrm... did you check out the attire of the staff? If the attire status was NONE then the "maitre d" is the bouncer.

Oh George, how could you?

All diners were in formal attire (black tie), waiters in whites, sommeliers in black with gold stripe waistcoats and the maître d' in black tie. The oik with the bottle and no glass had black tie but had removed his jacket. He was at least told to wear it.

[goudie]

Many years ago Mrs G and I spent a warm Summer's day in London. As a treat we had booked afternoon tea at The Ritz.
When we checked into reception the chap behind the counter said to me, ''you'll be needing this sir'' and handed me the most ghastly tie I'd ever seen! Mrs G reckoned it was to impress upon me, never to arrive at The Ritz without a tie...whatever the weather.

[Pontius Navigator]

Goudie, and jacket.

Incidentally our afternoon tea was at 11am and we had booked 3 months prior.

Once told we needed jackets in the top bar in the Cairo Hilton: "Sorry old boy but our luggage is in Aswan" True, but we didn't have jackets with. We were loaned house coats.

[olympus]

Once told we needed jackets in the top bar in the Cairo Hilton

The Nile Hilton or the Ramses Hilton?

Back in the mid-seventies my then girlfriend and I arrived at the Nile Hilton expecting (hoping) to check into the room which had been booked by the company (just in my name). On presenting our passports to reception we were treated to much tutting and sucking of teeth and were told one room for the two of us 'not possible, not married...' etc etc despite it being a double room with two double beds in it. We agree to pay for a second room which satisfied the decency police and which turned out to be next door to the original room and joined by a connecting door!

[goudie]

Olympus. Basil Fawlty had similar 'decency' rules!

[GlobalNav]

In one restaurant I complained to the maitre d' that one of his sommelier had deposited a bottle of beer on a table near us. Regardless the sommelier should have decanted the beer into a glass. As bad as asking for a well done steak and iced water.

As opposed to bangers and bitters - both luke warm, I suppose?

[Pontius Navigator]

Olympus, same time 5 months before the war, Nile Hilton, fascinating time, guards everywhere. We were even driven through a couple of SA 2 sites and a tooled up airfield at Darawa as Aswan intnl was closed.

[BEagle]

10 years ago to this very day, musclemech was about to attend an 'At Home' invitation from the local colonel's good lady in the village where he and family lived....

Such an amusing thread from the days when PPRuNe was a far more light hearted site!

I wonder how the granddaughter fared in life some 10 years on?

[MPN11]

Thanks for bumping the Thread, BEagle ... I clearly missed it the first time round, and have only just reached Page 16!

What a masterpiece, and so familiar from my early days in that tasteful blue uniform! I will have to do some following-up with a couple of members who have posted.

PS: The OH and Phil Congdon were fellow Flt Cdrs on “Happy H” Sqn on IOT in the early 80s. Phil, during CESR lectures, used to demonstrate the correct way to eat a Mars Bar using a dessert knife and fork. Happy days!

[langleybaston]

Yes, a super thread. .My modest contribution.:

Berlin Melia a couple of years ago. Some rooms attracted what was called Club privileges, primarily breakfasting with fewer people fighting for the sekt, and a lounge wherein all manner of snacks, teas, coffees and beers were continuously available. A good perk at 1630 after a day walking to/ from Checkpoint Charlie or a day on the rivers and canals.

Not one day, but twice, we saw a Brit wifey eat crisps from a bowl with a tea spoon, little finger cocked. Have I been eating crisps coarsely all these years? Do tell.

[JENKINS]

Ten years on......

[Lyneham Lad]

Yes, a super thread. .My modest contribution.:

Berlin Melia a couple of years ago. Some rooms attracted what was called Club privileges, primarily breakfasting with fewer people fighting for the sekt, and a lounge wherein all manner of snacks, teas, coffees and beers were continuously available. A good perk at 1630 after a day walking to/ from Checkpoint Charlie or a day on the rivers and canals.

Not one day, but twice, we saw a Brit wifey eat crisps from a bowl with a tea spoon, little finger cocked. Have I been eating crisps coarsely all these years? Do tell.

Generally speaking, German hotel bars do provide spoons in the bowls of nibbles on the bar - the intention obviously being for the user to scoop some into the palm of their hand or whatever thus (hopefully) preventing germ-laden fingers contaminating the contents. The chances are that anyone plunging their hand in will be a non-German (& quite likely from our fair shore). Never saw anyone actually using the spoon to eat from though! :(

[MPN11]

The “Teaspoon Tactic” is not exclusively German, of course. I have encountered that on 3 Continents. What REALLY matters is how you use the spoon.

However ... CRISPS??!! Mon Dieu!!

[Barksdale Boy]

One of the all-time great PPRuNe threads!

[Tankertrashnav]

As bad as asking for a well done steak and iced water.

Slight thread drift, but what on earth is wrong with ordering well done steak? I'm a 'medium rare' man myself, but if you like your steak well done why shouldn't you order it that way? After all you are the one who is paying the (probably extortionate) price for the meal. If the chef is offended, hard luck, you are paying his wages after all. Afterwards you can celebrate by sipping your Courvoisier and Coke!

[MPN11]

In a similar vein, the South African habit of providing a tumbler of ice cubes to accompany a glass of white wine. I sort of see what they’re getting at, helping keep the wine cool outdoors on a hot day, but the idea of diluting a glass of ZA’s finest offends my wino’s sensibilities! 😀

[thegypsy]

I wonder if MM is now accepted in this rural idyll and has had an at home in his own property?

Did he ever come clean as to his previous life in the ranks?

[etudiant]

Slight thread drift, but what on earth is wrong with ordering well done steak? I'm a 'medium rare' man myself, but if you like your steak well done why shouldn't you order it that way? After all you are the one who is paying the (probably extortionate) price for the meal. If the chef is offended, hard luck, you are paying his wages after all. Afterwards you can celebrate by sipping your Courvoisier and Coke!

Read someplace that the lesser quality cuts were reserved for those who order 'well done' steaks, as the increased heating destroys the quality difference. Anyone from the restaurant business able to confirm?

[tarantonight]

Quite simple really, preload about 4/8 G and Ts before setting off (get wifey to drive if ness). Bounce through the front door gushing like mad trying to remain upright. Flirt like mad with the wife of regardless of age bearing or looks (the G and Ts will help). Feign interest in all the photos or pictures and wax lyrical with some tenously linked story about yourself helping other people and having no concern for your own advancement/safety. Drink heavily and ask for the music to be turned up and remember to take your own ipod, don't rely on their selection of Mary Hopkins et al. After about two hours of heavy drinking with Rage against the machine blaring in excess of 80 decibals ask for the keys to the Whisky or at the very least vintage port. Continue to drink, one of two things will happen 1. you will be asked to leave. 2. you will have a new bezzer. Either way you will have had a thoroughly good pissup. Don't be surprised in the morning when you find that you didn't actually morph into Pierce Brosnan, the wet patch in the wardrobe was not the dogs responsibility and the cat did not try to make a ham curry. Lastly the pool of vom in the hallway will be yours. Enjoy.

I think I was there😂😂

[Q-SKI]

Reminds me, as a newly commissioned and partly trained baby nav I was a civvie cocktail party. Drink was OK but other than that it was not the most scintillating event. Then I heard the words:

"Let's do a 180 and get the hell out of here."

I could not believe it. It was a couple of ladies, probably in their 40s. The clue was this was around 1962. I was too young to take advantage of the situation and a few years before Simon and Garfunkel.

can remember a situationally unaware navigator saying “let’s do a 360 and get out of here” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 🐅 🐅 tiger

[Barksdale Boy]

I once heard from someone who would have known that an erstwhile O/C 44 Sqn with links to cricket and show business said that - perhaps a touch before your time.

[zetec2]

Lets do a 180, are you sure they just didn't want a game of darts ?.

[Old Bricks]

Reminds me of crewroom conversation many years ago. Pilot: "What's the definition of gross stupidity?" Answer: "144 navigators." Question from recumbent navigator: "why 144?"

[Brian 48nav]

Old Bricks - you've got that old chestnut the wrong way round! In my day it was always the pilots that were regarded as thick- - especially in the Herc/Transport world!

[Old Bricks]

Brian 48nav - Ah, that would account for it. This was a Phantom nav - obviously a complete different life form to the Herc world. Many apologies.

[Strumble Head]

Ladies and gentlemen, I have to register a gentle complaint about this thread. It is addictive and should be banned.
I logged into PPRnNe yesterday evening simply to see if I could find from 'informed sources' whether our illustrious leader was taking the icecream van to Brussels. Over two hours later, I had to tear myself away to join an online business meeting, arriving late.
And I still don't know if MM has been welcomed into the bosom of his village, or has been drummed out of the brownies.
Perhaps this could indeed form the basis for a 'project' (as I believe the luvvies call them) to be taken to Netflix?

I did my time at Cranwell in the late 80s, and thereby experienced the end of an era. I read the book, did not buy the hat(s) but did succumb and buy the overcoat. Which attracted disbelieving looks and suppressed sniggers when worn in civvy street in the 90s.

[langleybaston]

I think I was there😂😂
A Hunter pilot at Gutersloh [2 or 4] had a variation on the wet wardrobe. He drew back the duvet at the foot of the bed and watered his wife's feet..
After the second occasion she told the other wives, mine included.

[MPN11]

... but did succumb and buy the overcoat. Which attracted disbelieving looks and suppressed sniggers when worn in civvy street in the 90s.
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Whatever possessed you to do that in public? Or was your time at Cranwell in a kitchen in a Catering role?

There is no point in having social standards when they are treated so casually!

[Tankertrashnav]

In my day it was always the pilots that were regarded as thick-

Just in case anyone hasn't heard this one. During Confrontation in the 60s a Javelin nav ejects over Borneo and lands in the jungle (luckily in a clearing). Follows a path to the nearest village, on the outskirts of which is a food stall. A sign on the stall reads "Navigators' brains, ten coconuts a pound - pilots' brains 50 coconuts a pound. Indignantly the nav asks the bloke behind the stall why pilots' brains are so much more expensive. Unusually for a cannibal the bloke speaks English, and replies "Have you any idea how many pilots you have to catch to get a pound of brains?"

[Hydromet]

Just in case anyone hasn't heard this one. During Confrontation in the 60s a Javelin nav ejects over Borneo and lands in the jungle (luckily in a clearing). Follows a path to the nearest village, on the outskirts of which is a food stall. A sign on the stall reads "Navigators' brains, ten coconuts a pound - pilots' brains 50 coconuts a pound. Indignantly the nav asks the bloke behind the stall why pilots' brains are so much more expensive. Unusually for a cannibal the bloke speaks English, and replies "Have you any idea how many pilots you have to catch to get a pound of brains?"
Ah, yes, and most of them have never been used.;)

[BEagle]

There was, of course, the jolly jape played on newcomers to the squadron - the boss's wife seduction routine. Some (person formerly known as a WRAF officer) would pretend to be the boss's wife, so when the JP/JN was invited over to have drinks, she would pretend to be very lonely and.....missing her husband's attentions. Dressed in something rather revealing, she would play the part for a while until the boss and his real wife appeared, along with most of the squadron.

This worked well until the victim was tipped off and told that the boss's wife was somewhat impatient and liked to 'talk dirty' from the outset....and it was the real boss's wife who greeted him at the door. A veil must be drawn over subsequent events, but she had the good grace to explain that she knew all about this well-known wind up and was quite flattered by the JP/JN's attentions.

[oxenos]

"why 144?"
Working out of Cardiff,I once asked very Welsh senior hostess " what is the definition of gross ignorance". "I don;t know" says she.. "144 Welshmen " says I. " 144 - that can't be right, we've only got 130 seats."

[binbrook]

TTN
Some years ago, just after the Sandys axe, the Long General Duties Guided Weapons Course (easier to say LGDGW) was big enough to have 2 sets at Henlow. The A Set was inevitably all the navs plus the few pilots with degrees. The B Set was just as much fun.

[Barksdale Boy]

BEagle

35 Sqn must have been more fun than one imagined!

[Melchett01]

What a blast from the past! Marvellous to see this resurrected. PPRuNe at it’s finest!