YYZBeacher
26th Oct 2009, 19:55
Some of you may have seen this, but it's probably the most accurate long haul pilot simulation home-study course available :}
The Original Long-Haul Pilot Home Study Simulation Course
1. Lock yourself in the under stairs cupboard at home for 8 hours at a time staring at a wall, strapped into your most uncomfortable chair, scanning the wall from side to side to simulate “in-cruise” behaviour.
2. Have your partner knock on the cupboard door twice during your confinement, delivering with a growl inedible tray plated food, spilling pop onto your shirt. Remind him/her not to respond to any call you make to them for up to 30 minutes. This will simulate the in-flight dining experience.
3. Shine two flashlights in your eyes for 10 minutes, rubbing them until bright red, to simulate nature’s wonder of an Eastbound Atlantic crossing sunrise. Make sure they water before stopping their irritation.
4. When it comes time to answer nature’s call, wait until it is almost too late and till you can't stand the discomfort any more, leave the cupboard, then stand outside the washroom door for at least 8 minutes, transferring your weight from foot to foot, to stop the embarrassment of letting go down your leg. Don’t forget to put on your hat before relieving yourself.
5. After eight hours in the cupboard, get your rollerbag, and put on full uniform before standing on the front lawn. Switch on the sprinklers and stay put until thoroughly soaked. This will simulate the wait for the hotel transport at destination.
6. Return into your house. Wait outside the bedroom door for 30 minutes soaking wet and completely exhausted to simulate the wait for the maid and housekeeping staff to get your room ready. When your partner asks “What the hell are you doing”? Tell them you are simulating the glamour of flying to exotic places in the dead of night.
7. Just as you think you are going to faint from exhaustion, fall face first, soaking wet, into bed. Have your partner turn up the volume on the TV in the next room as high as it will go, along with making intermittent hammering noises as you try to rest. This simulates the 5-star hotel experience and considerate neighbours next door.
8. Take a freezing cold shower after a few hours interrupted sleep, and go downstairs. Give your partner $30 for slamming in front of you a cup of cold coffee and a stale bagel to prepare yourself for the 5-star lounge service on a trip.
9. Repeat twice each week for a month for the full experience.
The Original Long-Haul Pilot Home Study Simulation Course
1. Lock yourself in the under stairs cupboard at home for 8 hours at a time staring at a wall, strapped into your most uncomfortable chair, scanning the wall from side to side to simulate “in-cruise” behaviour.
2. Have your partner knock on the cupboard door twice during your confinement, delivering with a growl inedible tray plated food, spilling pop onto your shirt. Remind him/her not to respond to any call you make to them for up to 30 minutes. This will simulate the in-flight dining experience.
3. Shine two flashlights in your eyes for 10 minutes, rubbing them until bright red, to simulate nature’s wonder of an Eastbound Atlantic crossing sunrise. Make sure they water before stopping their irritation.
4. When it comes time to answer nature’s call, wait until it is almost too late and till you can't stand the discomfort any more, leave the cupboard, then stand outside the washroom door for at least 8 minutes, transferring your weight from foot to foot, to stop the embarrassment of letting go down your leg. Don’t forget to put on your hat before relieving yourself.
5. After eight hours in the cupboard, get your rollerbag, and put on full uniform before standing on the front lawn. Switch on the sprinklers and stay put until thoroughly soaked. This will simulate the wait for the hotel transport at destination.
6. Return into your house. Wait outside the bedroom door for 30 minutes soaking wet and completely exhausted to simulate the wait for the maid and housekeeping staff to get your room ready. When your partner asks “What the hell are you doing”? Tell them you are simulating the glamour of flying to exotic places in the dead of night.
7. Just as you think you are going to faint from exhaustion, fall face first, soaking wet, into bed. Have your partner turn up the volume on the TV in the next room as high as it will go, along with making intermittent hammering noises as you try to rest. This simulates the 5-star hotel experience and considerate neighbours next door.
8. Take a freezing cold shower after a few hours interrupted sleep, and go downstairs. Give your partner $30 for slamming in front of you a cup of cold coffee and a stale bagel to prepare yourself for the 5-star lounge service on a trip.
9. Repeat twice each week for a month for the full experience.