Family/relationships in regards to flying

[Jimmbo]

Hello all,

I'm wondering what effect working fulltime in aviation has on your personnal lives in regards to relationships. Have those with successful marriages made sacrifices to limit where they work both in location and career, or have their partners followed them to wherever they have to work?

In my particular circumstances my partners concern is that the training costs so much that I would not have much choice in which job I take (knowing full well even getting an offer of a fulltime contract is a feat in itself). With not wanting her career to suffer because of mine, this would result in her staying at her job and location, and us spending large periods of time apart for an indeterminable amount of time.

I've read through several of the stickies from start to finish so I'm aware of the daily lifestyle of a pilot, but I couldn't find much specifically dealing with this kind of issue.

Would appreciate anybodys personnal experience they're willing to share.

[redsnail]

Be prepared to have to live in "digs" if you'll be several hours away from your residence. Depending on where you both are career wise, it may be easier for you to be the one living in digs.

It gets harder to shift around once your partner is established in their own careers and/or kids are in school.

[dan1165]

I had to divorce cause of my flying job :} ...

[no sponsor]

The best aircraft to fly for a living is the one closest to your house. I have spent a long time living away from my young family, and whilst you might get a good nights sleep, it is difficult, expensive (petrol, paying for digs - a second set of bills to pay to your normal residence).

Rostering can be difficult, and if you get 2 days off, finishing on a late and starting on an early with 2 long car journeys to get home and back, then it isn't much life. In fact, time to get home, have an argument with the wife, say bye to the kids, and set off back to your digs for your 4am report.

It is not a sustainable life.

However, if you can't stand the sight of your wife, and your kids drive you mad, then it could be the life for you. I heard of one captain in my company who purposefully applied to a base away from home so he could get away!

[Jimmbo]

Thank you for the replies guys.

Am I right in the saying then that its unrealistic to think that you can tailor your flying career to suit your partners location? Aren't some flying instructors or parachute pilots those that did not try airline flying so they could have a stable working location/day?

As I said before, I've read about the constantly changing shifts of flying, and as I currently work shifts I dont see this as a problem. But I would obviously want to avoid living in digs apart from my partner for a large period of time.

[Bealzebub]

This is a difficult question to gave any sort of meaningful answer to. A successful relationship is always going to involve compromise on both sides if it is has any real chance of success. Aviation isn't particularly unique in that regard. What effect it might have on one set of relationships is very different to the effect it has on another. The same is true of people who work in the military, teaching, business, government, medicine, almost anything in fact.

A commitment to a career is something that has to be balanced and measured within a personal relationship, be it to a partner, children, parents, or friends. Inevitably a demanding career (or conversely a demanding personal relationship) is always going to involve sacrifices, major lifestyle adjustments and some serious compromises. Often times these things cannot find a compatibility between the participants, and something has to change. It is impossible to suggest a formulae for success, because the complexity of individuals and their interactions with others and their lifestyle/needs, is simply too varied.

Speaking simply about flying careers, you would need to narrow that down still further. A career in the RAF is a very different beast from a career flying short haul for a national carrier. Similarly long haul and short haul are different types of day to day operation, within the same overall career title.

To give you any sort of answer, I would suggest that you decide what is right for you in your circumstances. It is quite true that unless you are exceptionally lucky, you will make many personal sacrifices in pursuit of an aviation career. Of course the word sacrifice has to be put into context. This will not be the sort of sacrifice that a military family faces each time a family member travels into a war zone for a 6 month tour of duty. These are simply choices of money and lifestyle disruption.

In the circumstances you describe, your partner is quite right to be concerned about the training costs having an imperitive bearing on the sort of job you might be offered. In fact they would be sensible to give serious consideration to the fact there might not be any offers at all for a very significant period of time at the conclusion of training. Would this type of financial millstone place an unacceptable burden on the relationship? It is something that is very probable, rather than remotely possible.

Parachute jobs and with all due respect to instructors, instruction are not for most people long term careers in themselves. They are usually stepping stones or a means to an end. Certainly if you are happy with doing this type of work as a career, or part time in conjunction with another career, that is fine. In such circumstances I can't really see what your problem is?

In reality here, I assume we are talking about airline flying. As a full time career (and apart from those concluding such a career) that is a highly demanding, intensive, disruptive and often insecure lifestyle. It would involve a great deal of patience, planning and compromise from those involved. It certainly will place pressure on relationships, and of that there is no doubt. Nevertheless people still manage quite successfully to have partners, children, friends and happy fulfilling lives. There are many advantages and opportunities that the job and the lifestyle bring with it. Balancing that, there are also difficulties, pressures, disappointments, adjustments and compromises that come with the job.

There are always choices to be made, and there is a very real requirement to be adaptable. There may well arise occaissions when you have to live in temporary accomodation, be it a hotel or "digs", simply because the nature of the job and the career that encompasses the job is structured that way. To be honest, whilst accepting the peculiarities and vagaries of aviation as a career, I don't think in many of these regards it differs from so many other walks of life. However if there are aspects of the things I and others have mentioned, that you feel simply would not work for you, then no this wouldn't be a good choice of career. As a choice it comes with absolutely no guarantees, and an enormous amount of financial risk. The opportunities are out there, but they are often very elusive and sparce. If you think you can find an easy resource and tailor it to suit you, you are (unless as I already said very lucky,) labouring under an illusion. It is a career that will tailor you, and will expect you to adapt to fit.

[Jimmbo]

Thank you for the post Bealzebub, I found it very useful.

You're correct in that I'd prefer a fulltime career as an airline pilot, but to make the relationship work would require some compromise on my part. Thanks for the advice.

[the_weakest_link]

Hiya,

Depending on how you see your career (ie airline or private jets) there can be other options to the "normal" airline roster. For instance if you (and your partner) can cope with longer periods at home and away, then the private jet world can see you with rosters such as a month on followed by a month off. The company/owner pays your accomodation while you're working (so no extra costs) and then you get a nice long period at home to make up for it. It's not for everyone of course, but it can work out for some of us.

TWL.

[Andy05]

just a quick question,
how do you get private jet work?

Thanks

[captain_rossco]

We'll be fighting most of our careers to avoid

Aviation
Induced
Divorce
Syndrome

Good Luck!

CR

[BelArgUSA]

Divorce is often mentioned as a natural consequence of the life of airline crews. Looking at the statistics of divorce in the regular population, I personally do not consider high divorce rates a specific problem with airline pilots or cabin crewmembers.
xxx
Obviously, one out of two marriages end in divorces, and you do not need to be a pilot to suffer that sad statistic. Obviously, divorces are common with couples who married young, or are frequently separated. Yet, I know aviation couples that have a better marriages than many non-aviation couples.
xxx
I only got married once, quite late in life, to a young lady who was 25 years younger than me, who was of another country and culture than my own, and who had absolutely no interest in aviation. We lived 2 years together before being married "on papers", and I lost her as she passed away in a car crash, after a wonderful 10 years of life together. There was never an indication that out marriage would ever have failed.
xxx
Her only interest in airlines was free or reduced travel benefits, she never failed to take any opportunity to travel with me when I worked an interesting flight with a long layover, and we made frequent vacation trips as well to far away destinations. She knew many if not all my crews, and was friends with all of them, as I know the spouses of all my pilots.
xxx
Statistics being statistics, now a widower, I do not wish to remarry again, and prefer to continue my relation to my wife by visiting her at the cemetery and bring her flowers every week, as I did when we lived together. Social life, yes, I occasionally love company for dinner to a nice restaurant, or a night at the opera or a symphonic concert, one of them is a widow of a pilot who was a close friend of mine. And we can talk about the good old days... I rather stay alone for the rest of my days.
xxx
Recommendations - Think twice before getting married. Consider a trial period before making a decision. Speaking as pilot, how about you wait to be more mature (and a captain) before marriage...? It worked for me.
xxx
:ok:
Happy contrails