Being a Pilots Wife

[Mrs Flypuppy]

Hello,

My husband is now in the middle of following his dream of becoming a professional pilot. I have supported him in this since he began and it has not always been easy living almost as a single mother. I was wanting to know if there are other wifes out there who have experienced the same and would like to share their experience.

I am hoping that everything will be getting better with the flying industry after September 11th 2001 and that my husband will find a job as a pilot. Will life become any easier when he has finally found a job? Will I still need to live like a single mother or will he be oming home more often?

If anyone would like to contact me by e-mail I can be found on [email protected]

[traveler]

Well, I asked but she won't log on.

She says "it does get better but it depends on the job he finds. Some will have him gone a lot more than others. At least he'll be getting paid. For us flying long haul actually amounts to more time at home. And it is much more fun to go along for the ride, occasionally." (her words).

[Snigs]

Mrs Pups,

I spent two 2 year periods working abroad whilst my wife stayed at home, and although we didn't have a baby to look after (only 6 months to go before that happens though!!) I can appreciate the loneliness that goes with being apart from your loved ones. It's the time to just be together and talk about rubbish that I missed, during that time all our conversations were about serious stuff.... Anyway, it's important to remember that this time is a small part of your lives together, and testing though it is, it will get better.

When he gets his pilot job Mr Pups will be home most nights, with only perhaps 2 or 3 overnight stops a month, he will always be happy because he's doing a job that he loves, he'll have the money to lavish you with gifts nearly every day and Esmee will want for nothing!

Soon the difficult times will be a distant memory, stick with it Mrs Pups, it will be worth it! <img src="smile.gif" border="0">

[ronnie123]

I am in the same situation as your husband, no job joe, trying hard to find an airline job, and my wife lives about a 9 hour flight away from me.As she is a flt. attendant.So we only meet 1-2 times in a month, so be brave there lot us of out there.

[ShyTorque]

Snigs,

I don't want to be a wet blanket - but who are you kidding? "2 or 3 night stops a month"?

We do 2 or 3 nights stops most weeks, sometimes more.

Any jobs going at your place? <img src="wink.gif" border="0">

[sweety]

A question for you!:

Do you reallywant us to tell or. .You want to find out yourself? <img src="rolleyes.gif" border="0">

[Mrs Flypuppy]

Sweety, I would not be asking the question if I am wanting to find out myself. I would appreciate some realistical answers.

Sorry if my English is not very good.

[flapsforty]

Dear Mrs. Flypuppy,. .I can't give any of the answers to your questions, sorry about that.

What I do want to tell you is the fact that I often think of you and the way you support your husband in reaching out for his dream. . .I admire your courage and the love that makes you stand by him the way you do. Being in effect a single Mum is not easy, and even if little Esmee is a doll, she still is a small child with all the work and worries that go with child rearing. The sleepless night, the teething, the vaccinations and a million other small and big worries which are so much easier when you can share them with the child's Dad directly rather than by phone.

I think you are e very gutsy lady, and that in itself is something to be proud of!

Life with a person who is in love with aeroplanes is not easy. But as treveler says, it has it's rewards.. .I think Mr40 might have something to say on this particular subject since he's been married to a "flying-nut" for 17 years. I'll ask him when he gets home, OK?. .XXX. .J

[Young Paul]

It really does depend on the employer. My wife has very strong opinions about mine - in particular, the level of disruption. There are some rewards. Before the children started school, I not only saw more of them than most of my male colleagues in other jobs saw of theirs, in fact I saw more of their children too! Sorry, that's not terribly good English either, but I hope you get the idea. Some seasons are very bad - lots of nightstops, particularly at weekends, lots of disruption making it impossible to make arrangements on anything other than days off, lack of roster notice. Some seasons are great - no nightstops, extra days off during the month, around most evenings.

Three key thoughts. "Happiness is a path, not a destination." "Employers these days don't think they exist for the benefits of employees." "Being a pilot is just a job. All jobs have their problems."

[flyblue]

Mrs Flypuppy,. .being the wife of a pilot is not different from other professions. What matters is the man you married, what kind of man he is, if you love eachother and especially if you have the same goals in life. . .Of course the employer matters, too. But it matters over material things. They can make your life harder or easier, but still, what matters is the understanding between the two of you. . .Like all men, pilots must be loved the way they are. . .You did it until now, so don't be scared and think that he will be more relaxed once his career settled.. .Just think that pilots have wives, who are still living through their status without more moaning (or divorces) than other wives!. .Feel free to email me if you wish http://www.smilies.nl/herz.gif

Flyblue

[flapsforty]

Mrs Flypuppy,. .In this modern world single fathers also exist, and here is one who read your posting. On Pprune I am referred to as Mr. Forty, meaning I am married to FlapsForty and have been so for 17 years. She has been flying all this time and we have 2 kids, now 13 and 15. . .Being the one left at home while spouse is out working is not always easy, I am the first to admit. It requires a lot of you and you are left with lots of misery, decisions and thoughts alone.. .I think lots of people feel lonely even if they see each other everyday. And lots of mothers are left with the children and the everyday life-problems even if husbie "lives" at home, but works most of the time. But you have experienced the troublesome things, so let me cheer you up a bit and tell you about the nice things of being married to a flying fanatic. Because thats what we talk about, flying fanatic.

If you take the flying away from them (with them I mean they who do not fly because there is nothing else to do, but the ones who fly because they loooove it), you take the air they breath away from them, so that is not an option. Then they will die, and a dead spouse is no fun. So the first important rule is: Accept it, and it will become a lot better than it is now. Do not think about what it would be like if he was home every evening, because he won't be. What you will experience is that when he is home he will be a lot more home than a "normal" husband. Because he doesn't come home tired from work at 7 pm, no, he will be home all day. And since he has been away for a couple of days, he will be extra attentive to you and the children and be three times as good a father as one who leaves at 7 in the morning and comes home at 7 in the evening, stops by for dinner before he goes to the gym or the cafe with the boys. (Because he has already been out flying with the boys so he doesn't need that when he is home). .And when he comes home after some days away, he will be sincerely happy to see you!!!! He has missed you in a different way than he would have if he saw you at 7 the same morning. So will you! You have also missed him, and this is a perfect way to stay fond of each other, better than the 7 am to 7 pm routine. And when you have gotten used to this routine you will hopefully find out (I have) that being alone from time to time is not so bad after all. There are lots of things you do normally which annoy him and he will let you know. And in order to keep the peace you will stop doing it. When he is away you can do it!!!!!!! No one will tell you not to! . .By letting your husband do a job he really loves, you are more or less guaranteed to have a happier husband than someone who doesn't love his job.. .And then comes the real fun part. Kids grow up and they become big enough so that the whole family can go with him. When our kids' friends went to grandma and grandpa for holidays, our family went with mum to Kenya for a 3 day safari. All in business class for peanuts, hotel was paid for (because mummy stayed there for work) and in this way you get to experience things you wouldn't otherwise.

Mrs. Flypuppy, I think you are very brave posting this on a medium like pprune, filled with flyaholics as it is. I wouldn't dare. I have often thought that there should also be a forum for us who don't fly but have to stay at home. Mrs. Flypuppy, you may just have started a new forum (you read this Danny?)

Conclusion must be: It is better to be alone now and then while being married to a happy flyer who cooks dinner when he is home rather than seeing the same boring accountant coming home asking for his dinner at 7pm. everyday.

And to you flyaholics out there if you read this:. .We are the modern world's heroes putting up with you guys! :)

Mrs. Flypuppy, I think that was about it for the time being, but anytime you have a question or need an advice, pprune me and I will tell you about how I did that, because the experiences are probably very similar. Hang in there, I think you are being a brave women.

[sweety]

Yes, I totally agree with you, flapsforty ! http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/thumbs.gif You described it perfectly.

As every profession, this job has ups & downs. It will be hard to start with, but after you get used to him leaving & coming back at strange times, you will find it very nice to have him home when other people would just dream about it!

I've noticed that after being apart for some time, we appreciate each other more, our relationship gets stronger etc..

Mrs Flypuppy, I think you are a wife every pilot would dream about! Good for both of you!

Yes, don't ever try to separate pilot and hishttp://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/aircraft/PlaneJumbo2.gif !!! <img src="wink.gif" border="0">

[Few Cloudy]

What a relief to read a serious thread with serious and helpful answers for a change.

Flying has got to be the most difficult of jobs for family relations - especially long range. The old man (for the sake of argument a man here) is away for a long time and the wife has to sort out everything in his absence - the car breaks - the kids have school problems - she has to fix it.

Then he comes home - dog tired and still with the last trip ringing in his ears - doesnt notice the extra nice dinner and just wants to sleep because the adrenaline has gone and the time lag has got him. Doesn't have the capacity to listen to all the news that his wife is just dying to tell him "and tomorrow the Smiths are coming for dinner..."

After a couple of days he's back to normal -starts noticing things - "actually I preferred the piano where we had it before" - unwittingly puts more of a strain on the relationship than when he's away.

It ain't easy - for either of you. If you can talk about these things together, so that you can understand the pitfalls before they occur then you have a better chance.

Oh and the stories about naughty crews away from home are usually a lot of baloney. You both need a lot of trust. Good luck.

[Basil]

Makes me feel quite guilty: <img src="redface.gif" border="0"> 4 yrs working overseas, 6 months on a course overseas, 5 to 10 day trips. Soddit! I'll do the washing up tonight! <img src="cool.gif" border="0">

Hey, Sweety, get those yaw dampers switched on <img src="eek.gif" border="0">

[Mrs Flypuppy]

Thank you everyone for providing me with some very good viwepoints. Especially to Mr. Forty who makes a very good story. I have recieved a few e-mails as well and would like to thank those people for their views as well.

I will be holding on for a while longer until my husband has qualified, and the period between qualifying and getting a job is the most worrying now.

[Mrs Flypuppy]

Maybe a Partners Forum is a good idea. Anyone else want one?

[sweety]

Sorry, Basil, what do you mean? you see, I'm not English, do not understand... <img src="eek.gif" border="0">

[Basil]

Apologies for confusing, Sweetie.. .Your 747-300 (or Japanese -400) logo is exhibiting some of the movements associated with an aerodynamic phenomenon known as 'Dutch roll'. .It's started by a swept wing aeroplane YAWING (nose swinging) so that one wing is presented to the airflow closer to 90 deg and the other wing makes an increasing angle with the airflow. 1st wing generates more lift; 2nd wing less and aircraft rolls towards 2nd BUT 1st wing generates more drag and swings aeroplane other way causing roll to reverse. This oscillatory (and divergent) motion continues and gets bigger until pilot does something about it or the aeroplane rolls on its back. <img src="eek.gif" border="0"> . .HOWEVER, we have a cunning device known as a YAW DAMPER which senses the yaw and applies just enough rudder to prevent the oscillation beginning in the first place.. .Phew! I hope you weren't joking after all that - I wish I'd kept my mouth shut in the first place! <img src="wink.gif" border="0"> . .ps: hope you can understand all that stuff - I certainly couldn't in a foreign language.

[Inanna]

Vote 1 partners' forum.

[sweety]

Ok, Basil! My other half explained that yaw dampers thing, I just couldn't understand why you said so. <img src="confused.gif" border="0"> I had another look at the image, I understand it now. <img src="wink.gif" border="0"> Thank you for the explanation anyway!

<img src="wink.gif" border="0">

[Few Cloudy]

Not all PPRune posts are as practical or polite as some of these - a partners' forum would be nice but should have a password to prevent misuse...

[Long Haul]

Try <a href="http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/pilotwives" target="_blank">http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/pilotwives</a> This is a good chat room for pilots' wives.

[Mrs Flypuppy]

Thank you for the website Long Haul, but it is more directed for Americans, and PPRuNe is more UK/Europe/Australia directed, I am still thinking that a forum for wifes and partners is a good idea. If we are having enough support will the management consider a forum for us?

[sweety]

Yes, I think this is a great idea! <img src="smile.gif" border="0"> Partners, family, friends of all aircrew have to deal with all sorts of things. Would be great if they could talk about it! <img src="smile.gif" border="0"> <img src="smile.gif" border="0">

[Pegasus77]

Am pro crewpartner-forum, but don't really understand FewClouds need for a password-protection... <img src="confused.gif" border="0"> . .No need to protect the other forums, which could be read by the press etc. or misused by people who are not really pilots. Why couldn't others read and reply about what our partners are dealing with at home?

[dewort]

I am the wife of Niteflyer. Being a wife of a pilot isn't so bad, infact it's great!!! Of course in every relationship there are pros and cons and sometimes it can be fun depends how you look at it and how you tackle the situations that crop up.. .The pros are when he's away you definitely get to do the things you want to do, you don't have to worry about preparing a huge dinner or washing the dishes, you are in control of the remote, you can plaster on your facial mask freely, you don't have to report to anyone, and calling your babysitter at a moments notice so you can go out with the girls. The cons are when he has left the house thats when you get car trouble, the water pipe has busted, you have to do homework with the kids and the insurance company calls only wanting to know when he'll be back.

When he finally returns after being a day late and rostering never bothered to inform you. His face is all you want to see and you're so glad that everything went smoothly so to speak, thats when you and the kids rush out to greet him at the gate with hugs and kisses.

Oh there's also the other thing I didn't mention that all pilots suffer from "altitude sickness" there is a period of time when they are on the ground for too long they do not function very well in making every day decisions, thats where we come in to make the ultimate balance in pilots lives. By this time you can't wait for them to get back up in the clouds.

In conclusion : I love him to death and I wouldn't trade my life with anyone. . .Cherish every moment.

Mrs. Niteflyer

[flapsforty]

Mrs. Niteflyer, what a pleasure to read your post. http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/smilie/up.gif

And compliments to Mrs. Flypuppy for starting this interesting thread.

[G.Khan]

If we had a partners and wives forum swaps could be arranged! <img src="wink.gif" border="0">

[FloatJockey]

Yeah, mine is definitely going through a period of "altitude sickness"... can't wait till he gets a job again........ Sometimes I can't put things into perspective and keep focused on the big picture. Incredibly HE can! He's probabily better trained to react against depression. <img src="rolleyes.gif" border="0"> . .Between our bank account and my moods, I don't know what hurts first!. .But when he's back into flying, then it's REALLY great! (Wouldn't have married the guy otherwise!). With my temper, I would have killed a "normal" guy long time ago and I bet I'm not the only one! :)

Mrs. FloatJockey

[kloten]

being a pilot's wife is something i have been for 21 years now, and you do get used to it, to start with it is not very healthy for your bank account, but then when he finds a job it will get better. The lifestyle is great even thought he is away for up to 5 nights. But then he is at home for 5 days as well, you are able to do want you want when he is away, as said before being in control of the remote control is great!!! I think they miss the cockpit when they are at home so therefore they surround themselves with remote controls and the tv is the pretend computer system in the cockpit, the house is nice and tidy when Mr Kloten is away and the washing basket is empty and on his return he presents me with a full washing basket. No really it is not a bad life at all, we have been able to go with him on flights as well and we did stay in very good hotels, we have had Christmas in Hong Kong and we have spent Christmas in Shanghai and it was great. We have also had some time in LA and New York, so there are many good points of being a pilots wife. Obviously this is not how it starts off, you will find that he is in the books for up to years in Mr Kloten's case (he has both fixed wing and rotary licences), then you start with a commuter airline and he will work his way through the various companies until he gets where he is going wherever that might be and then the real fun starts as mentioned above. En o ja ik heb uw man niet gevonden, waar bent u hem verloren, misschien zit ie wel in de boeken, blijf zoeken, hij komt vanzelf wel weer terug.

Opening a pilot's wives forum would be fun.

Mrs Kloten

[Few Cloudy]

Pegasus - read the G.Khan post to see what I mean...

[G.Khan]

Come on now children, don't take yourselves too seriously, it was said and meant in jest, as should be obvious, I would have thought. <img src="smile.gif" border="0"> . .(and suitably ignored by most!).

[ 26 February 2002: Message edited by: G.Khan ]</p>

[CaptainSquelch]

It's really great to see at least one thread a year stay on the subject for more than three postings. Pups you started a great one.

I 've tried to get mrs Sq to do some writing but she's too busy. So I'll share it from my side. Being married for more than 22 years (to the very same girl) qualifies me at least a little bit.

When I started in the busines of being away from home the company took my eagerness to fly a bit too serious. They send me away from home for trips of 15 or twenty days to the tropics with a bunch of young good looking girls, usually ending with a night stretch. So when I finally came home I looked well tanned. I had been in or around a swimming pool for hours, had drunk a proper part of a liquor store and relaxed moost of the time I was away. Still after a, usually long, nightflight I was not in the best mood to listen to all the details of the last two weeks.

On the other hand there was Mrs Sq, worked five days a week and run a household with a slowly increasing number of kids (up to three), no time for swimming, beering or enjoyable trips to the usual tourist attractions of the world. She looked forward to the moment that she could share her last two week of life with me.

It took us a few years to find our way of communicating on that first morning after a trip.

This was just one of the many.....

Well I think Mr forty said it and I know you are up to it Pups.

See you. .Sq

[Mrs Flypuppy]

Once again many thanks for your comments.

I am wondering now if the moderators and or the management of this good webite will be considering the idea of an area for us partners.

[Av8trix]

Count me in for a vote in favor of a partner's forum. I'm currently about a year away from looking to enter the job market, and my b/f has a lot of concerns that I try to address, but having not "been there", there's a lot of questions I can't answer for him. It's tough sometimes trying to address the decisions we have to make without all the information. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> Personally, I'd like to hear from anyone regarding their first year or two with a company -training classes and probationary hire period, time away from home, requirements for living near your base, etc... .. .Excellent topic <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="biggrin.gif" />

[PAUL.WALKER18]

Excellent posting!. .. .I have to admit that my partner flies, sometimes short haul and often long haul. What I find difficult to understand is that they seem to live in a fantasy world. When they have to work, the world around them must stop and work around them. When I go to work I have to juggle 100 different things! Its a difficult one I know, I have benifiited from him working for an airline but I have to be honest i miss him when he is away.. .. .Its hard work, but when he comes home I am supposed to forget everything I have been doing and take notice of him, which I genuinely do. I suppose what I am trying to say is that this business of working away from home plays havoc with us. I have a friend at work who has the same struggle, I mean I get made to feel guilty that he is spending 7 days on a tropical island with hundreds of pounds of pounds to spend, I may get a phone call if I am lucky and then when I say I want to go on holiday, he huffs and puffs!!!. .. .Arrrggghhhh! At the end of the day I love him and when he is back, its good, I suppose I have to juggle my life a bit better!

[fernytickles]

What a fascinating post, with some really sound comments. I am very envious of the partners many of you have. . .. .I am the flying half of my partnership. I followed my partner to the US when he moved for a job - seemed like a good idea at the time! It took a couple of months to realise that without a green card I am unemployable, and, as someone pointed out, taking planes away from a pilot is equivalent to taking air away, so I am not a very happy bunny. . .I am in one of the best places in the world for planes and planes lovers, but all I want to do is fly for a living and play with my own plane when not flying for a living (is that too much to ask?). Facing up to no flying, as I am used to it, until a green card appears, has been, and still is, proving to be very tough. Trying to make my partner (who is very fulfilled and challenged and enjoying his job) understand this is even tougher <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="frown.gif" /> . . .. .I could, of course, chuck it all in and go back to the UK. Thats very tempting sometimes, but I want to give living here my best shot. Its great in the summer time - planes, planes, planes and more planes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" /> But the winter is something else altogether..... great if you are into freezing your piles whilst ice fishing........ .. .Having had my wee say, two points I'd like to make are, as Mrs Flypuppy is being wonderfully understanding about, taking the planes away from the pilot's life is nothing short of torture, so best avoided; and, if you are going to start a forum, don't forget it should be for both sides of the partnership, not all pilots/'aviation bores' are men.. .. .Good luck with your husband's career move and everything that that is proving to involve, Mrs Flypuppy.. . . . <small>[ 05 March 2002, 18:37: Message edited by: fernytickles ]</small>

[Mrs Flypuppy]

Just to keep this topic alive. Thank you for all your comments so far.

[Azure]

Mrs. Niteflyer, I couldn't have said it better myself, especially the part about altitude sickness! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="rolleyes.gif" /> . .. .Mrs. Flypuppy, once you get used to this lifestyle, you'll never want to go back. It's like your still dating for the most part, when he's gone you can wear torn t-shirts and (comfy old lady undies) but when he comes home...well, you get the picture? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="wink.gif" /> . .. .If you have young children, those are the hardest years, after that it gets only easier.

[flapsforty]

fernytickle, sympaties on your predicament, it's not an easy one!. .. .The point you referred to: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica">as someone pointed out, taking planes away from a pilot is equivalent to taking air away, so I am not a very happy bunny. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica">was actually made slightly different, as it referred to all people working on the aircraft. . .I know what I'm talking about here, because the point you referr to was made by my husband on page one.. .And I'm no pilot but a flight attendant. <img border="0" title="" alt="" src="biggrin.gif" /> . .. .Must admit that it sometimes irks me how pilots often forget that they are in fact [b]not the only ones on an aircraft with a great love for all things "aviating".

[fernytickles]

oops, sorry FF - I was writing it from memory, which is never a good risk - my memory is very seive-like.. .. .Glad to hear you love your job too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="smile.gif" />