Disturbing news

[dragqueen120]

On Friday I got up and went to the hangar to pull my aircraft out. She started first time but had a rough running engine. I returned to my house which is about 20 minuets away and on the drive way was a white transit Van, I went inside and found my wife in bed with the driver of said van. We have been having problems for a while and she has been getting more and more distant ever since I went on nights but it was still a nasty surprise.
What id like to know is do you think its a magneeto problem or a fuel problem?

[deltayankee]

Turn off the fuel and if it still runs rough it must be the megnetos.

[hatzflyer]

Not sure need more info, did you mean you went into the house or into the white transit van?

[Justiciar]

She clearly needs more juice and some impulse. Once she gets started make sure you warm her up well before going for it. Thats where you've been going wrong.

[Lister Noble]

Sounds like a spark problem to me.
I think you are sensible to be so relaxed about your wife,she is obviously thinking of buying you a new bed,and had one on demo to make sure it was fit for purpouse.
Did they both have a smile on their face?
If so,you can be assured the demo was satisfactory.
Enjoy.
Lister:)

[Genghis the Engineer]

In my experience, "magneto" problems almost invariably turn out to be plug problems - I'd try swapping them out for a spare set to see if that does the trick.

Also low power rough running is unlikely to be fuel supply - fuel supply problems are more likely either complete failure to run, or a lack of high end power.

The other problem might be solved by appropriate insertion of the old spark plugs somewhere.

G

[dragqueen120]

I will try all of the above.

Answering the question of "smiles on faces" I can confirm that they were both grining. The gentleman in question stated that he thought my wife may be poorly and he was trying to push her to the hospital?? sounds fair enough to me!:ok:

[nick14]

Am I the only one that is a little confused at this thread?

Im guessing that I have missed the subtlety or that the OP is taking the discovery extremly well!

Nick

[dragqueen120]

Nick 14-
I can assure you you are not the only one who is confused! I started the thread and am in sheer distress at the problem. Firstly it was a good weather weekend so I would have enjoyed a good fly,, secondly the aircraft has not long been out of maintenance and was running so smoothly. its rather anoying when you drive 20 mins with a full day of flying pllanned only to find that the bloody thing wont start!
I had a similar problem back in July of '94 when I had planned a day out on my mountain bike only to discover the schimano gear selector had ceased from under use (according to the bike shop), not only did I miss out on a funn day but the spare part was a large bulk of my then wages. What a night mare i'm sure you will agree?? let me know your thoughts

[jxk]

I would guess that you're probably suffering from premature speculation; it's neither the mags or the carb. Perhaps you should trying turning her on first before you start going too far. How long have you had her? Mine started having similar problems after about 7 years. EASA haven't as yet got their fingers into this type of licensing, but it's only a matter of time. Good Luck.

[rans6andrew]

the problem is clearly the inadequate use of choke, either not enough or not for long enough!

[airborne_artist]

Two suggestions:

1) How good is the mounting? I find carb/fuel issues often caused by poor vibrations - these need to be checked. Older models often need higher vibrations to work as well as when they were first acquired.

2) When were the lines fully blown through? Hold it at max revs for at least ten minutes to clear any residue in the lines. Let it cool and repeat, and I expect you'll get improved response and a lot more power.

[IO540]

This is a very old joke.

It goes along the lines of somebody posting a question on a forum which involves the discovery of their spouse sh*gging around, and a problem with their car.

A female respondent deals with the relationship question and forgets about the car.

A male respondent just answers the car bit and ignores the relationship issue.

:) :)

[airborne_artist]

This is a very old joke.

Have you tried putting either of them on a conveyor belt? :E

[Rabbs]

Trade her in for a newer model - stay clear of any that have shared ownership (or syndicates) - even though some of these are run as a business the last person can often leave her in bad state.

Any that are used by a group will get old and tired looking very quickly. Best bet is to spend money on a new one and keep her in doors at night.

:cool:

[airborne_artist]

Do you leave it out in the sun? The top surfaces get badly damaged by UV. Replacing them is possible, but expensive, and not quite as satisfactory as trading it in for a new model, but this is very expensive. Depreciation is horrendous these days, particularly with the fall in value of sterling.

The non-equity groups are best as you don't have to deal with the often very high costs of leaving.

[READY MESSAGE]

I had a similar problem, seems I ended up piston broke :E

[vanHorck]

Go back to lesson one of your PPL... check T's & P's !!!!!!

[dragqueen120]

I0540 I would like to congratulate you for being the only one who did not take this thread seriously, you are todays genius!
Do you have any newer Jokes? I am best man at a wedding (which is a contradiction in terms) in August 2012 and would be grateful if you could PM me or post a good belly laugh joke.
In reality all is well at home.....i.e. the plane does not run rough and I did fly that weekend, The old birds flaps, although old are still oiley and the general undercarrige is free from rott. Tits are a bit saggy though!:p

[Cows getting bigger]

Is the white van man an aircraft engineer? If not, your wife needs some stiff counselling.

[dragqueen120]

my wife is an aircraft engineer but i felt a little awkward asking her whist she was busy.
The man in the van was a dolphin traainer from Miami:ugh:

[airborne_artist]

Did you prime fully? Older models need careful attention in the priming phase or they either don't start at all, or they fire on less than all cylinders and then stall before developing full power.

Sometimes it's a good idea to put a shot of Easystart in before you start priming - you'll find the starting procedure a lot quicker, and they get warm without having to wait for so long.

Also check you are using good quality lubricants.

[007helicopter]

Dragqueen can you tell me what you drink, I fancy a pint when next down the pub, must be good stuff.

[BackPacker]

A female respondent deals with the relationship question and forgets about the car.

A male respondent just answers the car bit and ignores the relationship issue.

And a gay respondent would deal with the color of the van. White is sooooo last century!

In any case, any off springs that you know about? This will greatly increase the cost of fixing the problem.

[Piper19]

I guess his piston is bigger than yours?

[Centreline747]

:):):) good to see some humour despite all the doom and gloom, backstabbing and petty arguing, etc on this forum. :ok::ok:

Now for some more lubrication, or does white-van-man need it :p

[IO540]

As has often been said, aviation provides a highly fertile ground for sexual innuendo... all that stuff with flap levers etc. Two of the PPL instructors I had (well, not "had" but you get my drift) got students pregnant. Female students in both cases, though I guess that after 60-70 hrs (for some reason the female students always took a lot longer to get their PPLs, especially if they wore short skirts; one taking 100+hrs) one would get familiar enough for things to develop that the precise details didn't matter.... However, both being very upright (hoho) types, they married the girls.

[kevmusic]

Did the earth move?

- Or was that just the GPS?

[jxc]

What was the bit about the old birds flaps ? any pics so we can discuss :E

[FREDAcheck]

I should check your dipstick. Make sure it's clean.

[ExSp33db1rd]

I had a similar problem, seems I ended up piston broke


Or was it the Big End ?

[Lister Noble]

I am sorry that your original question,asked in total innocence ,has generated so many smutty replies,some from forum contributors that I have until now held in great respect.
Please do not be offended by this outburst of insensitive replies.
Is the "white van man" still calling,it is possible that he may have multiple talents and your wife may have contacted him to discuss your engine problems whilst checking out the new bed?
Anyway I'm sure you will get to the bottom of this before long.
Good luck,
Lister:)

[GANNET FAN]

Hang on, this problem is best cured with a bloody great Kauffman (?) cartridge inserted correctly and with one big bang, presto, you've cleared the cylider.

Problem solved

[deltayankee]

Kauffman (?)

Coffman I think. But we understood anyway.

[BackPacker]

Have you noticed any unexplained deposits in the bottom cylinder in the last few months?

[Cows getting bigger]

I popped in again this morning. She says you're running a little lean of peak.

PS. Can you leave a larger parking space for me next time?

[dragqueen120]

Guys and Girls:

In relation to the question about my drinking habbits I would respond as follows:
I do drink, but not excessively, my prefered tipple is a fruity red or a quality whisky or Lager. I judge in quantity not quality.
I would like to thank 'cows' for saving me a job and assure him (presume its a him, but hope its not) that there will be some red bull and snacks left in the cupboard next to the industrial sewing machine in the kitchen (west wing of course).

There are no pic's of 'the old birds flaps' but I can describe:
A leathery cover much like the texture of a dock workers thumb surounds the main part of the flaps, they are easily raised and lowered but can cause chafeing against other materials. The age of the flap system helps give off an aroma reminisent of letting an old bicycle tyre down and sniffing the air that comes out. :oh:

Rock and roll fellow threaders live the dream!
PS congrats to the 2 instructors who got the students up the brian clough! (duff for non cockney ryming slang afishinados). Excuse my spelling I am a bit or a lot dislexic (seriously). I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat!

[liam548]

lmfao!!!!!! :)

[Lister Noble]

Dragqueen,
Have just got back from the doc ,a check up after having pacemaker fitted two weeks ago,he reckons I'm OK for some strenous exercise now,so if you let me know where you live I'll give the "white van man" a rest.
As an afterthought,Neatsfoot Oil is very good on old harness leather,you might try that to soften the seals.
Lister
Always here to help:}

[dragqueen120]

My address is as follows:
Red tape and burocracy
Aviation House
Gatwick airport South

Feel free to pop round and do ya stuff!

I am sure you can compare notes with the 99% pace maker neighbours....

PS- white van man was involved i an accident today...fell down an elivator shaft!

[stickandrudderman]

I suggest you squirt some lubricant straight down the throat of the old girl.
It's the quickest way to free all those seized up parts and really get her started!
Best get an assistant though, you don't want her revving up un-manned!

[Sandy Hutton]

The engine and the wife have the same problem, too many hand starts and not enough swinging.:=

[PH-UKU]

Why not start her off by hand and jump on while she's still moving ?

[TCU]

Trade her in for a Cirrus as if it all goes wrong again you can always pull the chute

[dragqueen120]

i agree!
my old mum (bless her) used tosay to me: "son, if it floats flys or f*cks...rent it"

she said some wise words!

[rogcal]

dragqueen120 said:

Excuse my spelling I am a bit or a lot dislexic (seriously).

So, it could have been a horse and cart parked in your paddock and a tibetan monk in bed with your great grandmother teaching her the finer points of backgammon!

Well at least if anything, we have learnt that a lot of the forumites have imaginative minds and are stereotypical when it comes to sexual humour.

Being a lateral thinker myself, I shall be forever pondering why the tibetan monk was over here in the first place and not at home fighting the Chinese!

[dragqueen120]

Backgammon is a game for two players, played on a board consisting of twenty-four narrow triangles called points (http://www.bkgm.com/gloss/lookup.cgi?point). The triangles alternate in color and are grouped into four quadrants of six triangles each. The quadrants are referred to as a player's home board (http://www.bkgm.com/gloss/lookup.cgi?home_board) and outer board, and the opponent's home board and outer board. The home and outer boards are separated from each other by a ridge down the center of the board called the bar (http://www.bkgm.com/gloss/lookup.cgi?bar).

http://www.bkgm.com/rules/rulfig1.gifFigure 1. A board with the checkers in their initial position.
An alternate arrangement is the reverse of the one shown here, with the home board on the left and the outer board on the right.
The points are numbered for either player starting in that player's home board. The outermost point is the twenty-four point, which is also the opponent's one point. Each player has fifteen checkers of his own color. The initial arrangement of checkers is: two on each player's twenty-four point, five on each player's thirteen point, three on each player's eight point, and five on each player's six point. http://www.bkgm.com/gloss/pics/doubling_cube.jpgBoth players have their own pair of dice and a dice cup used for shaking. A doubling cube (http://www.bkgm.com/gloss/lookup.cgi?doubling_cube), with the numerals 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, and 64 on its faces, is used to keep track of the current stake of the game.

[englishal]

Did you prime fully?
I think I've figured out your problem.

Over priming. More than three strokes of the Knob BEFORE turning the old girl on, often leads to erratic performance. If you stroke too many times, it can lead to a prematurely flooded bore, and that leads to erratic behavior for quite a while especially if by that time your battery has gone flat! In that case you have to wait a while for he battery to recover before giving it another go, but whatever you do, don't overdo it this time or your battery will be done before you manage to get her going. You might as well give up for the day in that case.

Equally you have to be careful not to UNDER PRIME. There is nothing worse than not pumping enough, not getting enough into the bores. If that happens she'll never get going and you'll be looking at some heavy maintenance bills if this continues for any length of time. If you are constantly under priming, it may be that you have a worn primer. As these get older they start to fail, not pumping enough in or leaking. In that case you should go and see someone who maybe able to give it an overhaul to increase pressure again.

I can never understand my old girl. One day she fires up at the first touch, others I can be pumping quite a few times and she never wants to gets started. In that case I just pump like mad for a few seconds then go for it, that normally gets her sparks lit.

I guess they all are a bit temperamental - even modern ones who like the red knob all the way out to start with then shoved right in at the first cough with no pumping or anything....

Anyway good luck.

PS What sort of Van was it?

[Squeegee Longtail]

"PS- white van man was involved i an accident today...fell down an elivator shaft!"

Cryptic! (or Cctiryp for you dislexics)

[Established Localiser]

It really depends on how long you have had a drop in RPM ? the plug in the hole is sometimes foul and it just needs a good sorting from time to time ! you will find that once you have taken it out ..given it a good scrub..then you watch that baby ignite !

P.S. Any idea if the the Tranny was a 115bhp or 130bhp? the 130's go like a gud un !!

EL

[Lister Noble]

How come we're now talking about Trannies?:}
Way too complicated for me,but the Kinks had it sorted in Lola:D

[J.A.F.O.]

Excuse my spelling I am a bit or a lot dislexic (seriously). I once went to a toga party dressed as a goat!

Reminds me of the dyslexic Christian who got thrown to the lino.

Despite all of the joviality on here marital problems are no joke; I should know, I've been sh@gging my secretary for months (not continuously, you understand) and last week we both fell asleep afterwards, I woke up and realised that I was going to be very late home, while I dressed I got my secretary to take my shoes outside and get them good and muddy. When I got home I faced the inevitable questions about my tardiness and confessed all about my affair, my wife took one look at my shoes and answered with "Don't you lie to me, you've been down that airfield again".

Dragqueen, is your wife my secretary?

[dragqueen120]

Notsure if shes your secratery. Ill try and post a photo on here for you to check.:ok: