You Know You Are In Africa When.....

[4runner]

You're at the capital of the second poorest nation on earth, at the only tarmac runway in the entire country. You request engine start and are denied. You are informed that you are waiting on a VIP. You're a Captain for the National airline of the neighboring country. The Finance minister of the 2nd poorest nation in the world is the "VIP". You take the hand mike with great pomp and tell the tower that you're a scheduled airline and do not wait for "VIP", especially from a country that doesn't own your aircraft or pay your salary. After several pointless and ridiculous radio communication efforts aimed at operational integrity and international diplomacy, a fleet of donated LandCruisers tear across the apron, between Chinese turboprops and deposit the "Minister" beneath your window. His excellencies disembarkation from white Toyota takes a further 10 minutes. You get up, walk to the door and with even greater pomp, close the door as the "delegation" approaches your aircraft. They seem to have gotten the message at this point and politely knock on the main entry door. Delay code=airport congestion🙄

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

My one claim to fame.................a photo credit for the picture of Bristows Riley Dove at Uli Village school and a mention in the picture of the crashed S55 near Ughelli.

As someone who was there, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Tony

You must have been very young ?

[Tony Mabelis]

My Bristow career started when I was 21 years and 7 days old.
I saw the light after 12 years.
Are you on 'Bristow Old Gits' on Facebook?

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

No, I don't do F**book. I'm in a Whatsapp group with a bunch of guys (some of whom are also in that F**book group), who used to work on the North Sea and in Nigeria (I reckon you would know the guy who did my 212 conversion).

We all meet up from time to time at different locations to drink a lot a talk a load of :mad:.

I did 25 years with Bristow straight from 15 years in the Army. Sheltered life.......

[Trossie]

I heard an amusing story once (I don't know if it's in that book) from a Saffir who flew Constellations into Biafra (from Sao Tome?). All their work was at night with no lights. The Nigerians had MiGs that would do patrols to look for them, no particular night-fighting capabilities just 'see if you can see something'. One of their Saffir mates (Charlie Somebody) got a job flying those MiGs. Through a 'common contact' they managed to agree a mutual VHF frequency. Charlie would always do his patrols with his nav lights on. If they saw a set of nav lights in the sky, the Saffir Connie pilots would quickly dial up this frequency and transmit ":mad: off Charlie" and would watch the nav lights turn away...!!

Only in Africa!

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Sitting in your office counting notes by hand to pay the local monthly wages, you've brought one of those sponge pad things that bank tellers used to have to keep your fingertips moist, but in the heat it's dried out. So for the sake of expediency you dab your finger tip on your tongue.

Three days later you're in the local clinic (apparently a German trained doctor runs it), with a massively swollen tongue and throat. Herr Doktor prescribes Penicillin.

Two days after starting the course you're lying naked on your bed with a fan blowing directly onto you. Your skin is covered in hives and you're delirious. He's overdosed you, resulting in a lifelong allergy to Penicillin.

Ho Hum....... Luckily Amoxicillin works just as well. Turns out the Doctor did a correspondence course purchased in Germany but graduated in Nigeria.

[avfactor]

Re: flights into Biafra
The MIG pilot was the legendary Charles Viviers. Ex SAAF and a hooligan of note. He was my first instructor & regaled me with many of these stories. He had also done a stint in the Congo flying for Katanga. After the Biafran war was over he came back to SA with all the MIG21 flight manuals and a list of the Russian pilots that were being sent to Angola to bolster the communist faction of the new regime about to take over with new Russian aircraft. The SA authorities apparently showed him the door. He set up a flight school in Windhoek which was a bit of a dull occupation after his other exploits. He eventually ended up fish spotting off the West Cost of SA. I last met up with him Cape Town where he had just been questioned by the security police for recruitment of mercenaries for ops in Angola.
He passed away not long after this. An absolute legend definitely deserving a book or a movie.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Half way through another interesting book by Kenneth C Ryeland. It's called The Up-Country Man.

The guy was working in Nigeria when Biafra declared it's secession. He was caught between the sides for 100 days.

[4runner]

You fly across 3 continents on 2 different airlines to get to Africa. On both of these "flag" carriers, the cabin crew are fat, rude, uneducated, slovenly and bitter. Upon reaching Africa, you breathe a breath of fresh air. All of "your" cabin crew speak at least 3 languages, are university graduates, fit, trim, attractive, pleasant, grateful and an absolute pleasure to travel the world with.

[cooperplace]

You fly across 3 continents on 2 different airlines to get to Africa. On both of these "flag" carriers, the cabin crew are fat, rude, uneducated, slovenly and bitter. Upon reaching Africa, you breathe a breath of fresh air. All of "your" cabin crew speak at least 3 languages, are university graduates, fit, trim, attractive, pleasant, grateful and an absolute pleasure to travel the world with.

which African airline was this?

[Mr Mac]

4 Runner
Please do tell as I have done a lot of flying in and around africa on african carriers, and your description does not quite live up to my personel experiance. However if you have found this holy grale of an African crewed and owned carrier please let us know, please post in SLF as well as I am sure some of the cabin would like to know as well.

[Cazalet33]

You fly across 3 continents on 2 different airlines to get to Africa. On both of these "flag" carriers, the cabin crew are fat, rude, uneducated, slovenly and bitter. Upon reaching Africa, you breathe a breath of fresh air. All of "your" cabin crew speak at least 3 languages, are university graduates, fit, trim, attractive, pleasant, grateful and an absolute pleasure to travel the world with.

From my own experience that description could be of any one or more of:
Air Mauritius
Air Seychelles
Kenya Airways
Ethiopian Airlines.

They're all delightful and in marked contrast to the crap service on airlines in the US and some of the worst in Europe (you know who they are:E).

[Mr Mac]

Cazalet33
I have flown on all but one (Air Seychelles being the missing one). Spent a lot of time on Kenyan and Ethiopian with mixed experiances though I would agree with you about the service as compared with any US carrier and the "worlds ex favourite airline" which I think you may have been alluding to. However both have had issues in the past with incidents (wrong airport landed by Ethiopian - Arusha I beleive) and lost hulls, so though service maybe ok some piloting could be questionable.

Air Mauritius I have used on a couple of occasions, but found them to be poor in comparison with the competition they have on their routes into their home base. I always do struggle with the concept of Maurtius being an African country (but I do acknowledge you are correct on that point).

[rcsa]

From my own experience that description could be of any one or more of:
Air Mauritius
Air Seychelles
Kenya Airways
Ethiopian Airlines.

They're all delightful and in marked contrast to the crap service on airlines in the US and some of the worst in Europe (you know who they are:E).

Absolutely agree. I live in Nairobi, and use KQ all the time. An absolute delight to fly. ET have been good the last couple of times I used them, too. I don't know the others. But given the choice between BA/AF/LH/KL, or KQ, from Nairobi to Europe, I'll fly KQ every time. Sure, from Kenya to anywhere in west Africa (Bamako, Dakar, Ougadoudu, etc), every now and again you get to ride one of the 15-year old 'chicken bus' 73-7s. But most of their fleet is now renewed - 78-8, ERJ190, 737-8.

[Mr Mac]

rcsa
Good to hear your positive comments re Kenyan as East / Central and West Africa is not my patch anymore, so my time there was late 90,s through to about 2007. Spent quite while on old ex KLM 737 100 & 200 on the routes you quoted, but used to use BA on flights back to UK, as they had two flights a day at that time morning and evening as I recall. Also I think BA had some interrnal flights within East Africa at that time also on 737.
With regards to European legacy V Kenyan, AF is on my no fly list, as is BA, and LH do not operate into Nairobi and have not done so for somtime apart from Cargo flights. However I use them quite a bit elsewhere in the world and find them quite good. I have no recent experiance of KLM but wife used to use them to Vancouver on Business and had no complaints apart from A/C was old MD11 at that time.

[ian16th]

If Air Mauritius is included as 'African', can I nominate an airline that is based on an island a little closer to the mainland of Africa?

Air Austral (http://www.air-austral.com/)

Yes, I have travelled as SLF with both airlines.

[olympus]

... the friendly porter welcomed her with a smile and the typical "JAMBO, JAMBO" . Hosty replied: "No no, Airbus" http://cdn.pprune.org/images/smilies/tongue.gif

I seem to remenber that back in the days when EAA operated the VC-10, the welcoming PA included something like 'welcome aboard this East African Airways Jambo Jet'

[rcsa]

Evening, Mr Mac. Good to hear from an old Africa hand. BA now have one flight a day from NBO to LHR. LH started flying FRA - NBO again four (I think) times a week earlier this year - and Condor still fly to Mombasa. KL are fun and fine, and you get to fly on a 74 (for a little longer), and in C class you still get the sip of gin in a model of an Amsterdam house.

KQ had some shocking issues with cancelled/delayed flights in the late naughties, but seem to have up-ed their game a lot recently. The BA internal east africa flights were, I recall, run by a BA badged sub-contractor, Comair, who still fly BA-liveried 73s in Southern Africa but have pulled out of East Africa altogether.

[bluesideoops]

You know you're in Africa when.....you are genuinely shocked that the AME actually checks your blood pressure! :}

[bluesideoops]

You also know you are in Africa when.......the airfield doesn't have any runway lights so you taxi your aircraft to the threshold and turn on all you turn on your nav and strobes to indicate the threshold and landing lights to illuminate the runway so that your buddy can land..:ooh:

[B Fraser]

The BA internal east africa flights were, I recall, run by a BA badged sub-contractor, Comair, who still fly BA-liveried 73s in Southern Africa but have pulled out of East Africa altogether.


You walk into a casino wearing shorts and a t-shirt and security ask if you have any side arms to check in. The following day, you find that your connecting flight out of Port Elizabeth is a B727 in full BA livery.

[Mr Mac]

rcsa
Did not realise LH were back into Nairobi, thought they were only cargo MD11 on the Frankfurt - Joburg v NBO route, used to meet their crew in Serena Hotel on ocassions. If I had to come down there I would look at using them to avoid LHR as northern UK based - in theory, as I go fishing at Hemingways Malindi some times in the winter. You are correct the BA 737 were Comair as I now re call, I think they may have packed up in about 2004 as I do not remember seeing them after that. As for KL and Delph pottery Gin houses, I think my wife has a street in her study - all still full as well !
Just noted that LH are operating A340-300 on the service. My experiance of that model of 340 is not great, would think it will be quite a long take off role from Nairobi with altitude and outside temps at certain times of the year. Have heard many jokes about the climbing rate, some suggestions about the curviture of the planet being involved !

[4runner]

RwandAir and Ethiopian.

[CptSameh]

KAG, I am from Africa, and I can assure you this type of things happen, even in the more "civilized" countries of Africa- North- The people their dont realize that what they are doing is out of the Ordinary, and this thread will "Hopefully-" make them feel so.
We had to renew the license of our engineer - we are a flying school- who forgot to renew three months prior to that, so the CAA renewed it without a type. and asked that he attends a type training organised by them , and to pay a fee for that which we did.
Then they complained that they dont have anyone qualified for this type, their solution was to ask us to prepare the curriculum and the test, send it to them and take the test their.. which we did.. after taking the written test and pass, they asked for an Oral test.. and when confronted that the guy is signing off this kind of A/C for the past 20 years. they said that experience alone is not enough and training has to be provided by the CAA!!!

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

When:

You're on a VVIP charter in Nigeria from your base in the South to pick up a "principal" in the far North East.

En route you stop at a mid belt airport for fuel (having contacted them previously to confirm availability).

Having done the usual dance with Customs, Immigration and the SSS you walk back towards your aircraft and watch a diesel tanker draw up. Just in time you prevent the rather indignant bowser operator refuelling.

When you ask the Airport Manager to explain why he told you there was fuel he looks surprised, asks you "What is your problem ?" and tells you they do !

[B2N2]

If you flew a proper plane ( Russian) you'd have run it on Diesel.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Nuff said.

[cactusbusdrvr]

You guys mentioning East African Airways brings up a memeory.

Years ago I was ops manager and f/o for a little Convair passenger airline based in Ohio in the US. Our chief flight attendant was retired from Delta (very attractive, left to get married/divorced, drove a Porsche. I was in puppy love).

She told me about flying with a girlfriend into Kenya to go on safari, riding on a 707. When the flightdeck crew found out there were two attractive Delta f/as on board the girls were invited up front to see the office. Naturally this led to occupying the jumpseat for the rest of the flight and landing in Nairobi with drinks in hand.

[Romeo Tango]

Surely standard procedure on most airlines in those days

[Aerobatix]

Port Harcourt. Taking four soldiers and two army dogs out to a flowstation. On lifting tell the ATC 'lifting with seven souls (ie: me the soldiers and the two dogs) on board' Then followed long and heated argument with ATC as to whether dogs have souls'.

That's the problem with now living in Cheltenham. Its all so orderly and civilised. I could do with some African chaos now and then.

[bluesideoops]

First class story @Aerobatix :D

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

I recall that radio exchange, it bacame famous ! I suspect we know each other; in Nigeria for 23 years with Bristow. Warri, Port Harcourt, Eket, Calabar, Lagos, Bauchi, Gombe, Jos. It certainly is an adjustment being back in Northampton full time; the only true chaos I get now is all the rushing ignorant drivers !

[rogerg]

Northampton cant be worse than Lagos.

[Aerobatix]

First class story @Aerobatix :D

Me: Sitting on the tarmac at PH airport. Rotor running.
Anon (someone obviously checking his radio was working): "whistle whistle"
ATC: (Aggressively). "Stop that whistling!"
Anon: "whistle whistle"
ATC: "STOP THAT WHISTLING!"
Anon: "whistle whistle"
ATC: "JULIET INDIA. (Me) IS THAT YOU WHISTLING?"
Me: "Er Nope. Not me"
ATC then proceeds to accuse everyone on the ATC frequency for whistling.
American Voice (DC3 overhead). "Hey Jim? Is that you whistling?"
Other American voice: "No not me Gerry"
And this goes on for some time. In the end, ATC, who is by now shouting and bounding round the control tower like a Gibbon in a cage:
"I TELL YOU THAT IF I FIND THE PERSON WHISTLING I AM GOING TO HAVE HIM ARRESTED AND CHARGED FOR, etc, etc......
Long pause. Then "whistle whistle"
By this time I am doubled up with mirth in my cockpit and incapable of speech.

Ah happy memories.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Northampton cant be worse than Lagos.

Re-reading my post, I can't see where I said it is. In fact I was alluding to the opposite.

[tescoapp]

Aye but it got people thinking "is it?" so it can't be a clear cut choice.

[ricardian]

An old story.
Many years ago during a long, boring military exercise in foul weather "somewhere in Northumberland" and I was the RAF radio operator sat in the back of a LWB Land-Rover acting as one of a large number of outstations in a British army network. It was dark o'clock and all was quiet until someone came up on the network said "I'm bored and I want to go home. I'm not a happy bear."
Another station on the net said "I'm bored too and I'm not a happy bear either."
Several other outstations came up on the net with similar comments about not being a happy bear.
After a while Control came up on the net and gave a long, rambling diatribe about sticking to radio discipline, etc.
As soon as he had finished someone transmitted "He's not a happy bear is he?"
Umpteen other outstations coming on air to agree followed by an irate Control saying "Station who made that transmission, identify yourself."
Unidentified station "I'm not a stupid bear."
Followed by almost every other station sending similar messages.

[double_barrel]

Immigration: "Welcome Captain, I see you have an expired re-entry pass. That is a problem, but I think we can sort it out."

Me: "there is an in-date re-entry stamp on the next page"

Immigration: Angrily. "But you have an expired re-entry pass right here! That is the problem!"

[Whenwe]

So sad that it could actually be true

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Going back a good few years but does anyone remember the two warehouse that were built by the road between the Escravos hangar and the accommodation camp that were about 60 foot tall and 20 foot wide (or some ridiculous dimension)? Believe it may have been down to someone locally mixing up imperial and metric units (believe the plans were sent from Gulf Oil HQ in the States in feet and inches).

Before my time; it was Chevron Escravos when I arrived. How many "good few years" ? There were still guys who had been there since the 60s when I started.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

I arrived in Warri in January 92 and did my initial Night Base Check at Escravos. Can't remember them being there then, but I wasn't looking for them ! I was based at Escravos variously during the 90s (full time 98-99) and they definitely weren't there then.

The original CP from the 60s was still there, a very tall Austrian guy who had an outrageous amount of hours on the 206. Also an Irishman (his name was Sean Dignam I think), who had also been there forever.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

I used to love catching the bus from the accommodation to the PAAN office; no doors, no windows and a maximum speed of walking pace ! I wasn't PAAN so I got a room to myself (that used to p**s the guys off) but as I was there for night standbys and "heavy" crew changes in a 212, OKAN, MEJI etc, I used to be sent back to Warri during the day.

The issue of the solo room was quickly forgotten when, after a couple of discreet requests, I started bring in booze. Everyone else used to be searched, but as a pilot I never was. A few evenings in Sean's room imbibing with various people soon endeared me.

Another name was Jim Sims, he later went to Bristow Eket. And there was a British guy called Chris who had white hair and a goatie.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Booze was rationed to the onshore guys, 2 cans a day. But pilots were excluded. They used to go out through the side fence and imbibe at Mama Lulu's in the evening. I couldn't as I was always on night standby.

[Good Vibs]

When Escravos only had 206's Shell Warri eventually supplied a 212 with two crew for night standby.
After the days work for Shell the a/c was flown to Escravos.
On the way in during the late afternoon and back in the morning flow station crew changes were carried out.
We were told not to land at any other places except what was on the flightplan.
The reason being that the local crews could be from an other tribe/village and there would immediately be a fist fight or worse on the helipad or on board the a/c.
The accommodation were during my time worn out containers with holes, cracks & tears everywhere. Right next to the water, mosquitos and all those other nice creepy crawlers.
The food was ok, but don't think you could ever smuggle out a cookie or two!
And yes, the bus ride was "different"!

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

You were unlucky; I was the first 212 Captain there and it was nothing like that. The co-pilots used to change every week (rotators out of Eket, all good guys) and we always stayed on the top floor of the accommodation. We did crew changes in the mornings but not in the afternoons and never stayed during the day beyond about 10:00. We always went back to Warri.

Maybe things ahd changed (as they often do) by the time you got there.

[Tony Mabelis]

Sean Dignam was working with me in Warri around 1970.

[Good Vibs]

Greetings Neo, perhaps you were doing your "thing" in Calabar when I was at Warri Shell.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Hope you're well GV. Maybe; I was in WT 92-96, PH Aker 96-98, Sumburgh (Shetlands) for 8 months, Shell PH for 1 tour, Escravos 98-99, WA for 1 tour, Bauchi for 6 months, Calabar 99-06, PH NAF 06-07, Eket 07-09, back to PH NAF 09-12, a bout of cancer 12-14, Lagos for 10 months then PH Agip until I called it a day. Potted history :)

During that time I married (and was divorced from) a Nigerian lady, had some excellent experiences and some awful ones ! :ok:

[Phone Wind]

I had a friend who was chopped from pilot training in the Royal Marines in the early 1960s. He managed to get a CPL(H) afterwards and to build up his hours accepted a job as a pilot in Escravos flying Bell 47Js on fixed floats. There was no 100 hours a month limit in those days and in 3 years he flew more than 3,500 hours! He always said that flying in the front there with the instrument cluster off to one side made flying interesting during harmattan and they always flew as low as possible. How different things have become in 50 years even in Nigeria. He was also the only pilot I had met who had the Djinn on his UK licence, having done crop spraying in it in UK.

[double_barrel]

When the luggage screening is blocked by a broken-down office chair. And everyone just sits there waiting for someone else to do something.


JKIA this evening

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Can you please decode JKIA ? Must be my Alzheimers again.......... ;)

[antiseptic]

When:

Your belt snaps and your trousers fall down whilst loading your C206 at Dar-Es-Salaam International because you lost so much weight from the amoebic dysentery. No-one turns a hair...

You're lining up to take off from Zanzibar and a figure pops up and knocks on the side window. He'd like a lift over to Dar please...

Having done your first three months on a tourist visa you leave the country whilst your Residents' Permit application is processed. Back in the UK and waiting for your Permit so you can return, you get an email threatening you with a fine since you must have outstayed your tourist visa and still be there since there's no Exit stamp in the photocopy of your passport which you provided at their request before you left...

[double_barrel]

Can you please decode JKIA ? Must be my Alzheimers again.......... ;)

Sorry. Jomo Kenyatta international airport. NBO

[SimonS]

. The BA internal east africa flights were, I recall, run by a BA badged sub-contractor, Comair, who still fly BA-liveried 73s in Southern Africa but have pulled out of East Africa altogether.

Nothing to do with Comair. BA had a separate franchise with Regional Air which was part of AirKenya. They closed down in 2005.

[parafinburner]

You know you are in Africa when South of the 58 Parallel

[jkilat5859]

There can be a lot of illegal activities in Africa especially when it comes to diamond, coltan, gold and lots of minerals. There are regulated airports with functioning, at least, runways and basic approach aids. In the Congo you could be doing illegal works; flying to illegal airstrip or un regulated airports. You need to know why you are there and what to do. So don't blame Africa!
Sometimes you could be flying in a war zone with no persons in control continuously. So things can become hairy quick.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

When you're in a bush bar for a cool beer straight from work and the local "entertainment" aka distings keep bothering you so in an effort to discourage them you tell them you're gay.

5 minutes later one of the ladies comes back into the bar and introduces her "Brotha"...............

[returnofthemack]

jkilat5859

Thanks for sharing such a rookie post. OMFG son, good luck with ur challenges - they seem grand. :ok:

[4runner]

No control. Flying in Africa is sometimes safer without Controllers.

[Dudley Do Right]

Aircraft to tower "We may have hit a dog during departure"
tower to Aircraft "le chien est mort"

[Dudley Do Right]

Cleared for take off, approaching active runway, "we've got stop bar ahead"
ATC "##123 break the rules!"

[ricardian]

Aircraft to ATC "We may have hit a dog during departure"
ATC to Aircraft "le chien est mort"

What's the betting that the dog was a priceless racing dog, specially bred from a long line of prize-winning animals and had a long life ahead of it, potentially earning lots of money for its owner - and now you've cut the dog off in the prime of its life...

[Heathrow Harry]

and it has 1000 owners

[endlessnight]

I was in country training pilots for the local air force who had bought a plane from my employer. Once a month we would fly the military payroll around the country. Of course this was cash, so flying it was by far the safest way.
Before we went North, the pilots would call up there for weather.
it would always be clear, even though when we arrived the sand was blowing so hard we could barley see the ground, and the runway was the same color brown with just some markers to outline it. The deal was, if we didn't get in, they didn't get paid until we did, so we always were told it was good VFR just to get us to try!

[Basil]

Just stumbled in here and have decided that flying in Africa drives men mad! ;)
he did a low and slow pass down the runway with the pack neatly splitting left and right in front of him, only to re-form immediately, right behind him
African story (Libya's in Africa, isn't it?)
Day LL 3 ship about 10sec apart and L-R-L
Note splodge in desert ahead of #1
As #1 approaches splodge moves right and enlarges.
As #2 approaches splodge moves left and further enlarges.
As #3 (that's us) approaches splodge changes direction once again still expanding.
Note goatherd staring at us :{

[Trossie]

Note goatherd staring at usOne of the tricks when flying there at levels to avoid being shot at (you wanted to fly low enough so that you don't get noticed until you're over them and it won't give anyone time to aim properly) was to notice the herds of goats: if they didn't start to scatter until you were over them then you were low enough! (This probably helped recruit several young goatherds to 'the other side' though.)

[Vitek]

You know you're in Africa when ATC clears you to land at an international airport with the following warning:
"xxxx, cleared to land. Caution people and birds in vicinity of runway"

Or when you have a long flight with a refuelling stop, you are promised that fuel is already there and of course there is none!

P.S. Why is this thread non visible in the list of topics??

[4runner]

You know you’re in afrika when you get shaken down at a routine “traffic stop” and the “police” find “BEEG problem”. You point out that they don’t have any bullets in the second cops kalishnikov and that you’d rather be at the pub. 2 heinekens are exchanged as well as pleasantries and all problems disappear, smiles and handshakes ensue, and you are expeditiously Enroute to your original destination.

[cooperplace]

ah yes, been there, done that in Zim, always carry small denomination US$ bills, v useful in these situations

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

P.S. Why is this thread non visible in the list of topics??

Check display options at the bottom of the page.

[Cazalet33]

Casting couch interviews optional, of course.

[meleagertoo]

When joining from the S in 100% CAVOK for Rwy 05 the US military "controller" gives you routing instructions for a 20 mile DME arc that must be joined from the North and takes you over land instead of nice safe sea and then mechanically intones (put on hick backwoods accent) "Mogadishu airspace believed to be compromised" and merely repeats it like a robot when asked what it means - as does his supervisor when you call him by landline on landing. Pointing out that 'compromised' has no specific meaning and that failing to identify whatever they thought important enough to tell us about was rather pointless proved completely ineffective.

It can't be something in the water as theirs was all flown in by C5...

[Timmy Tomkins]

You know you’re in afrika when you get shaken down at a routine “traffic stop” and the “police” find “BEEG problem”. You point out that they don’t have any bullets in the second cops kalishnikov and that you’d rather be at the pub. 2 heinekens are exchanged as well as pleasantries and all problems disappear, smiles and handshakes ensue, and you are expeditiously Enroute to your original destination.

This used to be the norm in Zambia (maybe still is?) because the state didn't pay the police or army and they had to fund themselves. It was a government policy; "we give you a uniform and power your earn your living from that"

[Timmy Tomkins]

"Nigeria used to have Okada Airlines, operating the world's largest fleet of BAC1-11s."

I once saw an Okada Air 1-11 at Dan Air maintenance and it was in such a state - broken seats, oil leaking out of every pore, tires different sizes, huge curls of paint sticking up from aerofoil surfaces etc - I thought it was being scrapped; but no it was in for a C check!

[double_barrel]

A recent 'only in Africa experience' at a certain African airfield, possibly of interest.

We are waiting to line-up with a ZS Cessna Citation ahead of us.

ZS: tower, ZS, there is a large rock on the runway adjacent to taxiway B. Could someone remove it please?
tower: standby
time passing......growing line of a/c...nothing happens...
ZS: errr, tower, ZS, standing by
tower: ZS, line-up and wait
ZS: line-up and wait....but there is still a rock on the runway.....
silence
tower: ZS clear for take-off
ZS: we are waiting for someone to move the rock.
...standy...
...and so on..for 10 minutes at least, no apparent action or understanding from tower
.....
Finally, from tower: ...... ZS. Caution rocks on runway adjacent to taxiway B. clear for take-off. !!!
ZS, sigh, clear for take off.



The density altitude at the time was over 8,000' and I am sure they were reluctant to abandon several 100 feet of runway by maneuvering past the freaking big rock before staring their run. But hey, TIA!

[MD80767 Driver]

But they ended up doing that. And so, they took off and tower was happy :-) TIA

[TCU]

Enjoy.....I think this is wonderful

https://twitter.com/airbus_al/status/1201556317741158405

[4runner]

This is one of the more colorful and entertaining threads on Pprune. I was at the shiny, not new, but remodeled terminal of the only international airport in a certain country on the equator, next to kenya and Uganda. They installed floor to ceiling windows. The ceiling were at least 15 meters high. I was taking a boys trip to Bujumbura Burundi and travelling on the national airline of said country. The windows look out into the ramp. The windows were promptly covered by advertisements and made opaque. They called the flight for Burundi in the local language and not in English. I almost missed my flight as I didn’t know they were boarding as the announcement wasn’t in English and you couldn’t see the plane. Furthermore, I had to buy a ticket, even though I was a Captain for said airline. They couldn’t even get me a rebate ticket.

[Steepclimb]

You arrive in a Zim GA airfield and fill up. But they won't take cash or card and insist on bank transfer.

[Deltasierra010]

I was stopped for the third time at a traffic check in a Southern African state, the sergeant approached and enquired about my journey and destination . My reply was satisfactory then said “ we are hungry sir” as it happened I had a large bag of cookies alongside me I had been munching through, I handed the half empty bag to him “ thank you sir have a nice journey “.

[golf yankee one one]

.......you stroll out with your umbrella to help rescue passengers from a plane crash.

(today's Ethiopian Q400 at Juba, picture from AV Herald)

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/750x563/ethiopian_dh8d_juba_191210_3_47aea86915d9a4304f43102db5336de 3931f738b.jpg

[Deltasierra010]

On a long cross border trip, I was traveling with a African lady as interpreter, “ don’t tell them we are crossing the border at the police checks they can be really difficult, leave it to me.”
So I greeted the police in the local language, then she carried on telling them we were visiting mother in law in her local village. This broke the ice immediately and after a short banter we carried on to the next check point and repeated the routine 7 times!.
Arriving at the border post she fast tracked us through, nothing like local knowledge

[4runner]

.......you stroll out with your umbrella to help rescue passengers from a plane crash.

(today's Ethiopian Q400 at Juba, picture from AV Herald)

https://cimg3.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/750x563/ethiopian_dh8d_juba_191210_3_47aea86915d9a4304f43102db5336de 3931f738b.jpg


ive landed a 737-800 on that runway at 2000kg below max landing weight, before they extended it...just sayin.

[Paul Wilson]

Tame compared to others, but as a Pax on a C208B, from Dar to Zanzibar, safety brief consisted of pilot turning around and saying "Zanzibar 20 minutes"

[Climb150]

That is pretty detailed for that part of the world!

[Bokpiel]

I think that's what it was called? I don't come here often, but that was one of my favorites. Can someone create a new one? I never flew in dark Africa so I don't have any stories.

[snooken]

To this day this is by far the best thread on the intranetz!
Not having any aviation related experience from the continent to contribute, I beg of you that have; please never let this thread die!
Praise is due to all of y'all frequent and infrequent posters for some of the best tales I've heard.

[double_barrel]

I have posted this before, somewhere very obscure. But in the interests of keeping this thread going.....


This was taken in a KQ B777 during its takeoff run:


https://cimg2.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/816x612/exitrow_6c45449733eda41978d59fc296ac852cd3acd82b.jpg

[where ever what ever]

Coke bottle maintenance ...
https://cimg1.ibsrv.net/gimg/pprune.org-vbulletin/1500x2000/a913deae_e383_4fee_a611_823e8e4f1597_1_201_a_c4b4722c649a48c fbcaf2549d3f7f43dca55e4b2.jpeg

[4runner]

You know you’re in Africa when you get new 737-800’s and they’re ordered with zero options and picked by a committee of individuals who have never seen an airplane. When they are told that the 24,000 lb thrust motors will not have sufficient takeoff performance to perform the inaugural dubai flight from the 5000’ field elevation airport, the new foreign flight ops management is immediately blamed. The aircraft was ordered a year prior to their arrival. Boeing graciously agrees to fit the new aircraft with 27k motors for the small sum of 1,000,000. The same “committe” of experts accuse the flight ops management of embezzling $1,000,000 for the upgraded engines.

[Phantom Driver]

Short finals on 19L and runway lights go out (NEPA failure and backup gen u/s that night--maybe) ; go ahead and land anyway . Been a long day/night .
Mind you , not just Africa . Years later , just parked at the gate in ISB and ALL airport lights went out . EK 777 on short finals went around . Backup gen kicked in pretty quickly though and normal service resumed .

[750XL]

Flew into Dar es Salaam a few years ago as pax an hour or two before sunrise. We level off about 3000ft and go around in circles a few times, before the Captain comes over the PA and informs us all the airport lights are off, there's been no answer from ATC and we'll probably have to wait till sunrise to land.

Sure enough, we landed just after sunrise.

[double_barrel]

And I should have posted this here (https://www.pprune.org/showpost.php?p=10577917&)

[stevef]

Paris - Dakar Rally, 1988. Everyone has landed at St Louis in Senegal except for the Swedish Viscount and dusk has just turned to darkness. The airfield lighting suddenly goes out and the late Viscount has to land with the aid of car headlights pointing down the runway (after a go-around, if I remember correctly).

[meleagertoo]

Colleague fills Caravan with fuel contaminated with seawater. (Mog)
Engine quits as he lines up.
Finds water in the fuel drain so leaves it open and drains out around 30 gallons before he gets to fuel.
Cranks engine until it starts (how that related to start cycle limitations I never found out)
Flies back to Nairobi with pax with no more ado.
Feels it unnecessary to even mention this to maintainers of management, let alone enter the event in the tech log...

It should be noted that both the fuel contamination and the insane behaviour of my ****witted colleague were products of the US Navy.
They do say you can't take Africa out of the man. In some cases far, far too much of it gets into him in the first place though.

[Trossie]

Glad to see this Thread is back up and running. So I'll have to do my bit to keep it live. People have been mentioning airport lights...

Many years ago I flew a friend of mine (a PPL) and our girl-friends in a Twin Comanche from Pretoria to Sun City to go to a show (Sha-na-na, the band that played in 'Grease'). Arrival, parking, shuttle to the hotel, casino, show and drinks (mine being 'soft' due to flying back') and the shuttle back to the airport all went well. Then we arrived at the airport. In total darkness. Well, not quite. A faint glimmer inside the 'terminal building'. Inside was the 'duty manager' sitting with one lone candle on the desk in front of him. A power cut. No lights at all. In torchlight my friend and I paced out over the dark apron to discuss the problem. The Twin Com has very good landing lights. So we started up, taxied out and back-tracked with the full landing lights on. It is very, very dark all around Sun City until you are pointing towards the bright lights of the distant Pretoria/Johannesburg cities. My friend had been briefed to watch two things: the A/H and shout if it showed any bank until I stated that I was going to be turning and then shout if it went over 15deg also the VSI and to shout at any time it was not pointing up! We took off with the landing lights lighting up the centre-line markings being watched very, very closely and then instant darkness on 'rotate', no lingering glimmer of runway lights disappearing below. Once settled in the climb on our homeward track we both relaxed a little. 'Darkest Africa'!!

[cavortingcheetah]

Would that have been before the days when you had to click your microphone button, in the air, to turn on the runway lights at FALA?

[OMAAbound]

And I should have posted this here (https://www.pprune.org/showpost.php?p=10577917&)

had something similar in Lagos once at my first company, fully loaded A330,

FD- Tower, looks like we have humans on the runway

Tower- standby.....

Tower- Line up and wait

FD- Tower, can still see humans on the runway, seems there is a gathering

Tower- Standby

The humans vacates the runway, during take off roll, just past V1, a local chap appears from no where.

Tower- Caution, Humans on runway

[obgraham]

Time for my Africa story: I did a spell of medical work at a mission hospital in the center of Niger. We got there by private flight in a single engine Piper (model escapes me now), about 2 hours flying through the red haze each way.
On the return flight there was me and the pilot up front, and two young nurse/teachers in back, amid a pile of luggage. No room to move.
Lots of shuffling around back there, and "just keep looking forward, Doc". That and "how long till we land?"
On landing at Niamey, the rules were to stay in the plane until the customs/police fellow checked ID's and papers. It's Africa, who knows how long they'll lollygag over this! However, the two ladies were out of there like a shot and running into the terminal.
Officer in his fancy cap is strolling out during this, and starts yelling at them to get back. "No, we won't, we can't wait any longer" is the reply.
So we are left explaining to Fancycapper that they both had the HotsyTrotsies and unless he wanted to be cleaning up the tarmac he'd best leave them be. He was trying to decide on the penalty.
Fortunately, the Piper escaped bespoiling also. That was a relief to the pilot!

[rohan737]

Anyone here landed in Maiduguri, Nigeria (DNMA), just curious.

[Trossie]

Would that have been before the days when you had to click your microphone button, in the air, to turn on the runway lights at FALA?
Don't know when those days were, when I last flew out of FALA they had 24hr ATC and hence lighting 'when needed'. FALA and FAJS were the only two in the whole country with 24hr ATC. On a clear night, if they had Aldis Lamps they could probably have communicated with each other in morse! On that trip we were inbound to FAWB where, if I remember correctly, the municipality in their wisdom left the lights on all night after the ATC went home at 6pm.

I did get into FALA very late one night to their '24hr ATC' where I had been handed over by Jo'burg to FALA. First call, no answer. Another call, no answer. Third call, no answer, Called 'joining right base', no answer. Called on right base, no answer. Called turning final, no answer. Called on final, no answer. Called on short final, no answer. Sod it, land anyway. Turning off the runway a very dopey voice came on the radio "That aircraft vacating the runway, what is you registration?"... Answer given, and as it obviously matched the one on the IFR flight plan that he had, the ATC movements log was satisfied and night-time life. at.. FALA ... settled .... back ..... to ...... normal.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Anyone here landed in Maiduguri, Nigeria (DNMA), just curious.

I have, once. May 1997.

[Bare Plane]

I was maintenance manager for AirServ in Maputo, Mozambique in the late 80‘s. Computers were becoming trendy and we had one with a simple program for our aircraft parts inventory and with a few inspection programs loaded. An early PC and kinda slow but it worked. That is, when there was city power at the airport. We were used to the power outages and had a small Honda Generator hooked up to our hangar electrical system. When the city power went out our local guy knew to run out and start up the Honda. We had a switch to isolate our hangar electrical system. So the Honda was running and I was on the PC but it was especially slow and the office lights seemed to be kinda dim. I went outside to see what was up and our Guy was sitting at the generator with an extension cord and about six electric tea pots hooked up for tea time. He was making a little spare change from his airport friends. I informed him that he could not have more than two tea pots hooked up at one time. He was happy. I think it gave him a sense of power over his friends. I had the impression that they thought our Honda could power the whole city.

[petersaunders]

Was based DNMA 1996 to 1998, flying a Gulfstream 2.

[TCAS FAN]

You walk in to your friendly ROB airport post office to collect an airmailed package to be asked "eh bo' where ma crima?" = "hello boss where is my Christmas?". Intended to indicate that a seasonal dash (bribe in WA) was payable, otherwise you didn't get your Christmas goodies!

[4runner]

You know you’re in Africa when you think any car, dripping water is leaking coolant. When in fact, it is condensed water from an actual functional air conditioner.

[Squiffy Pussy]

Did an airfield inspection in Tanzania in the 80s. Asked the fire section to start up their tender to demonstrate that it worked. Sorry Sir but the engine is broken. So how do you get it out to an incident? We push it Sir. OK show that you can spray foam. Sorry Sir but it is empty. Why is it not full and ready for action? Too heavy to push Sir. You really can't make these things up.

[Flapsupbedsdown]

Yes...mid 80's:ok:

[katya2607]

When after the usual red-eye special to Luanda, back at the Polana Mar, Maputo, just in time before breakfast is finished one can only have scrambled eggs. No chucks, so using imported Chinese egg powder--gross. Pineapples ++ rotting up country, so only imported tinned fruit. I so miss the local enormous tasty piri-piri prawns. I learned bowls there too:-) "Kojak" in his mac and sunglasses with newspaper (even at night) keeping an eye on us. Such fun.......especially when we deliberately split into two groups going in different directions when leaving the hotel for a walk.

[double_barrel]

When discussing hiring an aircraft you are told:

sure, just put some credit into your account.
Then 5 minutes later: sure, just give us 24 hours to process your paperwork,
Then 2 weeks later, sure just give us 24 hours to process your security pass,
Then 2 weeks later sure, just give us 24 hours for the aircraft's Cert. of Airworthiness to be delivered
Then 2 weeks later Hmmm, no CofA, just give us 24 hours to find a replacement aircraft
Then 2 weeks later sure, just do a check flight with our 'captain'
Then a whole new saga with a corrupt and incompetent captain which is the subject of a whole new thread

Aaarghhh. But the craziest thing is that at each step, I am confident all the problems will disappear and I will be happily flying tomorrow.

[pfvspnf]

Wanted a twin ottter rating endorsed and examiner said he can sign for a few other types on my license as well no problem 🙂 mambo

[tonyharr]

avfactor

Seeing that name (Charles Viviers) reminded me of stories I heard from my step father - Robert "Bob" Brannon. He mentioned "old Charlie" in numerous anecdotes of his time in Africa. Bob flew B26 and T28s and then with Charlie flying the mighty BN2A Islander fish spotting. Thousands of hours at 500 feet over the sea. At night. Amazing stuff. Bob passed away a couple of years ago.

[Trossie]

A delightful story that I heard about Charlie from an 'old and bold' DC3 pilot who had flown Constellations from Sao Tome into Biafra during that war. All their ops were at night to avoid interception as the Nigerians had very poor, or non-existent, night interception capabilities. (Limited runway lights in Biafra would be turned on when they were on short final and turned off on touchdown.) Charlie was then on the Nigerian side flying MiGs and was one of the few who flew (or could fly?) at night, so he would be sent of to 'patrol' to intercept air traffic going into Biafra. He always flew with his nav lights on. 'Behind the scenes' a common frequency had been passed on between him and that Constellation pilots (who were largely his ex-colleagues from the SAAF). When any of the Constellation pilots saw nav lights above, they would quickly call on that frequency "**ck Off, Charlie" and then watch the nav lights turn away from them...

[seer557]

The Dutch pilot of your (Cessna 210) charter from Khartoum to Nyala, 30 minutes out of Khartoum, sets the auto pilot, pushes his seat back, puts his feet up on the instrument panel coaming and says “wake me in a couple of hours”!

[Bartenderx]

NBO – HRE KQ flight as a passenger about a decade ago. Felt a soft but clear push in my back at rotation so I explained my neighbor (US Marine) that we were going back. After circling for about 20 minutes around town and being catered for a couple of more hours at the ground we boarded the same 737-800 again. Of course some passengers were a little stressed and exited. During taxiing out I suddenly heard a sharp hissing sound and was starting to accept that I might have to stay overnight. It appeared that a couple of rows away from us two smartly dressed middle-aged gentlemen were standing, both with yellow life-jackets on, one inflated. The purser came to them and calmly explained that it was not necessary to rehearse the in-flight safety demonstration.