You Know You Are In Africa When.....

[Solid Rust Twotter]

Then there's the (possibly apocryphal) tale of the Zambian Air Force pilot who took off from Livingstone to do aerobatics over the field. After half an hour of loops and rolls and general high spirits he set up for landing. Unfortunately he didn't quite make the runway as he was shot down on final by the AAA battery based there. Their excuse? They decided he was Rhodesian because in their opinion there were no Zambian fighter pilots who could do aerobatics like that.

[Capetonian]

Crossing the border from South Africa into the then 'independent' homeland of the Transkei in the 70's the Transkei border official carefully transcribed the details of my UK passport into their book, which ironically was a 'Bantu Population Register'. After painstakingly slowly and neatly writing 'United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland' he asked me what country it was. I pointed to what he'd written and said that was the country. He looked it for 5 minutes and then said : "Your country is Ireland."

I just agreed. Later I found out that the Irish needed visas for the Transkei in those days and I shouldn't have been allowed in if I were Irish.

[caiman27]

Ahhh I treasure my Bophutatswana "border" stamp. Those were the days...

[FlexibleResponse]

This has been one of my all-time favourite PPRuNe threads...please post more adventures from the Dark Continent!

[Capetonian]

I rang a friend who had been working in a hotel and I hadn't heard from her a for a while and hadn't been able to contact her by email or phone. As she had substance abuse problems I was concerned so I rang the switchboard at the hotel and asked for her by name.

The African lady who answered the 'phone immediately, and without any prompting, started telling me :

"Oh no she is not wekking here any more, baas. She has too many problems, she is drinking and she comes to the wek drunk in the morning and she fall asleep ......... so she has been fired!"

[Bob Upndown]

Ah yes, Africans do seem to have no problem telling all and sundry about your lavatorial status.

Working in Lagos, I got back from my morning session of quiet reflection to be told by a colleague that she had taken a call from Mr X. She had explained to Mr x that I was away from my desk ''easing myself'' and she could take a message...:\

[CJ750]

When the SAP gent inspecting the plane at FALA does not believe you that Umtata is a Domestic flight :ugh: :ugh::ugh:

Keep them rolling in folks :D:}:)

[Gulfstreamaviator]

back to top of cr&p pile.....

[Melax]

You know you are in Africa :p when the Nouakchott (Mauretania) ATIS calls for caution !:ooh: Camels and bovines :E crossing the active (the only one) :D runway. I must say it was in the 70's . I hope that they are long gone :ok:

[Farting Sloth]

I was there the other day. Nothing has changed.

[sled dog]

Harare, early 80`s. Refueled 707, 30,000 litres or so, waiting for local rep to turn up to pay ( cash, usd only) before departing to a sandier place up North. Rep arrives, opens bag and starts counting out the notes, most of which were 20 dollar bills........:ugh: They then had to be recounted by fuel company rep..........We departed eventually.

[nimule]

.....after 2 weeks Conakry again.
During descent at dawn we have been cleared for VOR DME 24; but 15 days earlier there wasn't any IFR procedures for runway 24, only ILS 06 (most of time no GS).
I asked my collegue if he was aware of any new approach for that runway: " there is none, as far as I know" was his answer. Then he questioned the ATC controller if such a procedure had been published, and this was the answer:
" Actually not.... but nothing to worry about, is just like flying the visual approach for runway 24!"

[DownIn3Green]

Ahh...You know where that former AA 727 went and where it is now...:D

[Capetonian]

Also: When the SAA gate agent still calls boarding in row numbers depsite the aircraft being about 15% full

Reminds me of when I was on standby for a JNB-LHR with SAA. They had two 747's going out, both were less than 50% full (good old days!). They refused to accept me until 20 minutes before departure in case they had go-shows!

[4runner]

You might be in Afrika if you order a four cheese pizza and you get a normal pizza, with four large chunks of cheese placed on top and not melted. When you question the waiter and the "chef" then comes to address your query, he says that four cheese means four pieces, not four types. He then says that four types of cheese on a pizza would not taste very good and that he is an "expert" as he was trained in Europe.

You also might be in Afrika if you departed for a flight and noticed that the one of the other aircraft had a tow bar attached prior to your departure. Upon shutdown back at the same airport 4 hours later, the aircraft that had the tow bar is still where it was before you left. ATC instructs you to quickly taxi the other aircraft to remote parking as the Airbus that just landed after you cannot vacate the runway due apron space constraints. There is also a 747 on a 13 mile final...

You are cleared for takeoff with an amended clearance. Instructions are to maintain 7000 ft after departure. The MSA is above FL090 and terrain is in your flight path. So you refuse the clearance but are told that "You will obey ATC instructions and takeoff immediately due traffic".

You back taxi a runway and see a Cessna on a 3 mile final staring at your nose and you are still only 2/3 of the way down the runway. When you question ATC as of their original and obviously conflicting controlling, you are told that he has studied the performance characteristics of ALL aircraft and that you did not taxi fast enough even though your airspeed indicator showed above 40 kts. on back taxi. NOTAM for controller training in progress yet no supervisor present....

The NOTAM for "dogs on runway" are accurate and confirmed.

"Wind check"
"Station calling?"
"Wind check"
"Station calling?"
"Who cares who is calling, whoever it is needs a windcheck!"
"You MUST identify yourself!"
"We're on short final and the only aircraft in your control zone Sir..."
"I have you in sight, you are cleared to land, report marshaller in sight."
"Cleared to land, $%##^ 223"
"Windcheck"
"STATION CALLING!!!"

[PO dust devil]

You know you are in Arica when several pilot and engineer passports go missing from the Immigration Department during exit visa processing, only to be found at a later time propping up the wobbly table leg. Yes - Luanda.

[unstable load]

PO,
Happened in Namibia, too.

[propcowboy]

When you get this answer on Mozambique flying:
"Take cash! And on the issue of cash:
If you are going to take US dollars, make sure you take lots of small bills (they never have change),
Do not fold the money (if it's folded they don't take it), :confused:
and lastly,
Make sure all the US dollars are newer than 2006 (they don't take Dollars older than 2006)!"

[CJ750]

Gabon had a problem with $100 notes at one time. I have also had a problem if the notes were torn and even dirty. Yet you go to the country next door and they take the notes anyway.
Change is always a problem and check the addition on an account. :ugh::ugh:

[nvubu]

And along similar lines in Uganda when you change money at the bank, you get a better rate for a single $100 bills than you will for five $20 bills.:ugh:

[Solid Rust Twotter]

However, when you try to buy dollars from the place that gives you different rates for small and large denomination bills...:rolleyes:

[CJ750]

T I A:ouch:

[Bosotter]

And to add to the issue of money: When you land on a dirt runway (cant say where it was because it was Angoche in Moz :}) and the guy you have to pay landing fees to, says: "No, we do not accept Mozambique Meticals!" and you start laughing because it's obviously a joke. Only to have one of the armed Police officers give you a look and say:"No joke!" :ugh::ugh::ugh:

[Hawkeye0001]

... when the controller issues a taxi clearance to a C206 to back-track the only runway and clears a Let 410 on a 3 mile final to land the moment you turned onto the runway :sad:

...when the very same controller keeps your helicopter on a one mile base-to-final and makes you wait in an out-of-ground-effect hover for 6 (six!) minutes to let an airplane back-track and depart that has not even began to taxi yet instead of allowing a landing in the grass. Because that would be a runway incursion, right? :ugh:

... when you receive "Wind 090 at 10 knots, you a' cleared fo' take-off runway 09, right turn on depa'tsha, climb to no mo' than 700 feet, QNH 1019" when all you asked for was to air-taxi the runway back to the main ramp.

Glad to fly a chopper in all this crazieness... :hmm:

[nch334]

when on your very first job the captain your with requests at pilots discretion to take off from a taxi way and the controller does not object and its your leg! and theres a tree growing center line end of taxi way!:confused:
when due to heavy icing and TS you request descent and heading deviation towards a restricted area you are told you will be shot down:eek: with what you ask yourself and deviate anyway:ugh:

[gbax]

......when ATC vectors you into oncoming traffic!

[I.R.PIRATE]

When you land in Ndola, Zambia, on a permit that is still valid for another 40 or so hours, and they tell you that its not the right date because you should have landed here yesterday - they decide to arrest you, and try to drive you to the police station in town, only to find they have no fuel in their car.

So they ask you to supply them some cash to get some fuel for their car - in order to drive you to the lockup. You decline, and tell them to send a car from the police station then rather. This one also happens to have no fuel to get back to town, once they arrive at the airport, so they ask you for some money for gas again.

"sorry boss, I'm all out. And now yer fooked coz both your cop-cars are stuck at the airport with no gas."

Ok, you can go.....:}:} but dont come back here again.:D:D

[4runner]

The only time people call you from home is when they hear of a plane crash on the news.

[Solid Rust Twotter]

When you land in Ndola, Zambia...


Yup, same bunch of clowns forced us as a crew to leave the air side at what amounted to gunpoint, then locked us up for not having the correct stamps in the passport allowing us into the country. We were passing through not leaving the air side, to pick up an aircraft to be ferried.

Zambians pride themselves on not being corrupt. All this means is that the price is higher should you fall foul of one of their little cons.

[ilesmark]

All - this thread has made me laugh more than any other on PPRUNE. :\:mad::ugh: :ok::D:eek: in equal measure.

My own two-pennoth, although not directly related to aviation - read all the way to the last few paras for the punchline:- BBC News - Aboard the Victoria Falls Express (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8733968.stm)

[Thare Machi]

a clear night in Lagos, Hydro Air Cargo 747F inbound........

"Tower this is Hydro Air, 5 miles established for 19L"
"Hydro do you want 19R?" [next to the cargo apron]
"Tower we had it NOTAM'd as closed....."
"negative, negative, its good. You are cleared to land 19R"

They landed ............... and ran into 3 dumper trucks and a JCB, before clipping a large pile of Asphalt and ending up in a smoking heap off the side of the runway. The pilots walked away but the a/c was a write off.

Accident Database: Accident Synopsis 11282003 (http://www.airdisaster.com/cgi-bin/view_details.cgi?date=11282003&reg=ZS-OOS&airline=Hydro+Air+Cargo)

[Hawkeye0001]

In the aircraft, fully filled with three guys from a potential buyer, two in the back, one in the front.
Guy #1:
"So... a yu de pilot?"
"No. I am just the gardener, but I like to dress up. Duah!"
*eyesandmouthwideopen* "...Really?! So whe' is de pilot?!"

Guy #2:
"How many passengers can de aircraft carry?"
Looking at him, looking at the two guys in the two backseats, looking at him again, looking at the backseats again, flabbergasted: "Sir... can you COUNT?"
"Oh! Is tu passengers only!?"
" ... er... yes. Four seats but two passengers only. Because it has to fly with a pilot in the front. And a gardener." :ugh:

May god have mercy on their soul... :rolleyes:

[Solid Rust Twotter]

When the controller keeps you waiting at the intersection while another aircraft takes eight minutes to get there and land because he's unable to cope with more than one aircraft in his airspace at a time.

[Hawkeye0001]

This doesn't happen to be in Tanzania by any chance? :hmm:
Sounds just like here where any controller happily shuts down the whole airport, adjacent airspace, sounds world alarm and stops the earth's rotation just because "Precision Air is on an 8 mile left base (or so they say)!!!" - "Soooo...?" :ugh:

[Sam Rutherford]

...when Benghazi tells you 'weather is good' :)

...and he's in the middle of the most enormous thunderstorm! :sad:

[Voyager B.D]

Lady pours faeces on husband snatcher in bank | Nigeria (http://world.myjoyonline.com/pages/nigeria/201202/82156.php)

[5N-206]

DNEN circa 1994

when those two Russian pilots sitting next to you at the airport bar board with you and proceed to the cockpit.

when the cockpit door opens mid flight and thick tobacco smoke pours out.

ps. long time reader, first post. thanks guys for keeping the dream alive



Posted from Pprune.org App for Android

[propcowboy]

When People's Defence Force pilots eject while taxiing with 30 kts... (http://www.ippmedia.com/frontend/index.php?l=47237)

[NG_Kaptain]

[QUOTE]]Home (http://www.ippmedia.com/frontend/index.php?l=47237/QUOTE)

Why?

[propcowboy]

Exactly: WHY?

[NG_Kaptain]

Looking at the picture the aircraft barely touched the container. Stop, get out, look around bemusedly and say WTF. But punch out? Darwin wins again.

[Rotorhead1026]

It's apparently a "real man"s egress system. No canopy jettison; just blast through it.

[Agaricus bisporus]

I wonder if there is more than a bit of spoof in this, or maybe it's even more "you know you're in Africa when"

----- the pilot's name is Capt Deogratius!

I'll get my coat...

[JRpilot]

- When the weather report from TWR in a remote aerodrome is always the same regardless of the current weather conditions

- When the marshaller gives useless instructions and once you've parked by your own means you discover his brother in law in replacing him today

- When on final you don't heard anything else from TWR and you have to use the phone to get a landing clearance as the have been a power cut and the stby generator of the airport is "sick"

- When you have specifically instructed the loaders to do not load something in the front cargo compartment and as soon as you turn around they load it on the front cargo compartment...

- When whoever is selling the plane tickets has sold more tickets than seats on the aircraft

- When you get a loadsheet full o female names, with female weights and you have only male passenger on board

- When you have left a full fuel barrel in your home base airport and when you come back is still full but with other liquid such as water

- When you have rejected some bags as cargo because of overweight problems and the pax show up with the same cargo as hand luggage

- When pulling out some $US speeds up any CAA paperwork

and more and more and more...;)

[CaptZeloZelo]

Looking at the picture the aircraft barely touched the container. Stop, get out, look around bemusedly and say WTF. But punch out? Darwin wins again.

Rumour I got talking to a "Polisi" officer was that the aircrafts break failed and that it was heading towards a fuel tank or some sort of tank that was highly explosive and the pilots decided to eject rather then taking the risk of taxiing into it.

[Daryl]

When sector fuel requires refuelling till it runs down the wings onto the ramp, which will give you 30 mins at destination...no alternate.

When hitching a ride with an Ukranian crewed AN12, an minor crew altercation on route escalates to a 5 minute stand-up fight, only to be settled with a shot of the good stuff...also on route.

When the landing light switches are placarded
"Deployment above 130kIAS prohibited, spares position critical"

When MEL placarded instruments exceed the number of servicable ones.

When you discover that after 6mo flying sector MSA is 500' above where you like to bomb thu IMC.

When stopped by the local constabulary for drinking and driving, they make you down the beer before continuing the journey. Kunt' drink AND drive!

Reporting a near miss, the authority is more concerned with your attire than the 707 that bust altitude. Then not believing you despite the action pic of said 707 filling your Van's windsreen.

When having a camera at the ready in and out of Lu to take action photos.

Been in country long enough that being stopped by the police is no longer a fearful experience, more an opportunity to bait them for 10min of light entertainment.

When you realize that you phrase "Now there is something you dont see every day!" is wearing your crew down.

That the "train" you saw out the crew bus window, in broad daylight, had nothing to do with rail, even tho' people were moving and queing.

When the Friday night party coincides with a medivac call-out and 3 crew members get sent to fly as everyone is 3/4 under the weather already.

When the new guy straight out of 43rd has been in country for three days and you discover he hasn't had a meal yet. Too scared to leave the camp because he BELIEVES there are snipers around "dodge and weave" is SOP when outside.

An authorized test flight involves retrieving the video camera from the cargo pod, (stashed there post flight) before the police arrive and having the A/C impounded for a month for busting retricted airspace.
Amazing low level footage of the coastline and presidential palace!

When there is no water or power on the airfield, but a fully overhauled FCU can be had for 200 usd.

Airfield currency is Stolichnaya Premium Vodka and USD exclusively.

When there is the will to import the worlds best perfume into duty free, but not to fix the airport building toilets....EVER!

When you can, without batting an eyelid, ignore the urchin, with hand outstretched and knuckles repeatedly knocking on the window.....amigo...amigo...amigo...amigo...amigo............ ....

You fly into the most remote fields and there is always COLD beer on sale.

When you go fishing in the crew bus and don't bother to move it with the incoming tide, just climb on top and carry on fishing.

When the Weber braai/BBQ becomes a permanent fixture to the crew 4X4, even when in use and in the UN HQ.

When it takes 16 hrs to get to JFK, but takes 20 to get to the crew house.

After 18 mo. in country no one can find the crew-bus oil dipstick....aah but the intent was there.

When 805degC engine limit for 5 min is purely academic, and flap retraction after T/O is 15 min.

Bombing thru' the red on the radar to see what it feels like!

Using the locals for ballast to change a nose wheel.

[Temp Spike]

cancelling the day and your co-jo is Icelandic and wants to start a revolution over it or get drunk whichever comes first for which you agree on the latter only to discover that the cupboard holds an empty bottle of Red Label and a full bottle of Bond 7....

[caiman27]

Perched in the back of a Caravan, flogging through the clouds to somewhere ordinary in Tanzania, and realizing that the pilot has his (full size) newspaper spread in front of him. But, to be fair, the landings and takeoffs on rough strips were fine.

[lilflyboy262...2]

Well if you are in the clouds, you can't see out the front window anyway so might as well read the paper!

[Temp Spike]

Now if ATC would leave us alone we could get some serious reading in.

[Agaricus bisporus]

Newspaper? That's nothing! My colleague used to fly said Caravan to cruise level and say to the pax, "Wake me up when you see the coast" - and go to sleep for 3 hrs!

And he wasn't African, he was ex USN!!!

I suppose the real "You know you're in Africa when ..." moment was when one of the pax, a UK multi PHD Professor who'd probably been in Africa too long asked me why I didn't sleep in the cruise too!

[Soap Box Cowboy]

Hehe I know that guy, true he was ex navy but a bomb loader, guess playing with high explosives relaxes you a bit :E

[Ghost_Rider737]

If it wasn't for these jobs in Africa how would we support our families ?

If Africa was 1st world you western guys would be up sh$T creek without a paddle !!!

Nice thread but I don't think we need to ridicule the very same people that are the reason we have or had jobs in deepest darkest Africa ! Also flying on contract in Africa pays more than most Regional Carriers in the U.S.

[ZAZOO]

"If it wasn't for these jobs in Africa how would we support our families ?"

"If Africa was 1st world you western guys would be up sh$T creek without a paddle !!! "

Ghost_Rider737 I have been following this thread for years. Though full of true stories and some of them outrageous I have come to accept that the moderators seem not to mind the mockery and enjoy its popularity.

Never mind.

Very kind of you.

Zazoo

[lilflyboy262...2]

Ghost. Get off your high horse.

Everyone who works or has worked there has never said that they are not grateful for their experience there.
These are things that are experienced in everyday life in Africa that we will never experience anywhere else in the world....and would never have it any other way.

[Temp Spike]

and I loved every, ahem, almost every day of it. One day Africa is going to explode into economic opportunity to make China look like a Kiosk. In the meantime I just can’t figure out why I keep watching Moesha. Maybe I should see a shrink.:bored:

[Melax]

Well in Nigeria, they use Stimulators :p to teach Aviation....:ok:
Niger sent 10 cadets to be trained in Nigeria at the cost of 80,000,000 Nairas (about 1/2 M $ translating into $ US 50,000 PER STUDENT) TO BE STIMULATED. I would love to have learned my Aviators skills in Nigeria while being Stimulated.....:8
"We are spending N8 million each for the training of each pilot, who had concluded their ground training, using the stimulators in Minna and the training facilities in Zaria.

Link to the News story allAfrica.com: Nigeria: Niger Spends N80 Million to Train 10 Pilots (http://allafrica.com/stories/201212310349.html)

[Soap Box Cowboy]

Hmmmmm trained on "Stimulators" found in local night clubs? :E

[727gm]

after a trans-Atlantic crossing, unloading, refueling, the crew flies the airplane to ANOTHER (more secure) country for hotel/crew rest.

[nickballack123]

I think its poor journalism Nigeria don't use sims to teach aviation. And as aviators we all use sims often for learning. NCAT zaria has more modern planes than many flights school in usa and world. A fleet of TB 9,TB20, TB850M turbine, baron 58, DA 42 so how then will pilots train on sim only

[darkroomsource]

@nickballack123
ha ha ha ha ha
you so funny!
Melax finds a hilarious news report about using stimulators (NOT simulators) to train pilots, and you point out that Nigeria doesn't use SIMULATORS.
Which is exactly what the news article and melax are saying...

Get trained in Nigeria, they don't use simulators, they use stimulators...

What are they stimulating with the stimulators?

Only in Africa (OK, this kind of thing happens in a lot of countries, in a lot of newspapers and news sites, but it happens in Africa a lot)

[4runner]

Your airline purposely splits up families vis a vis seating so that they wont gang up on your cabin crew. After a 14 hour duty day, the cabin crew are forced to stay on the aircraft until the company "security" agents inspect their baggage for stolen booze. The same "security" agents try to blackmail the cabin crew for buying condoms in Dubai. The ramp agent tells you that he thinks the broken seat is ok and can take passengers even though its MEL'd and quite obviously broken. You're expected to use your own credit card for fuel and airport fees after a diversion and are called "unreliable and disloyal" when you refuse. You can't do your own loadsheet as you have a load controller that takes 45 minutes to do it and must come on all flights. The white people that work outside of flight ops arent qualified to be a McDonalds manager but somehow are executives and department heads. The aircraft you command is the most expensive item or project not just in the country, but the entire region.

[ecureilx]

Temp Spike: .... One day Africa is going to explode into economic opportunity to make China look like a Kiosk.

By then, China may be owning half of Africa :D :D

[ecureilx]

I meant the amount of wheeler dealing and generous loans they are extending to the African nations .. not China as a power per-se ..

OOT btw ..

[Temp Spike]

Since my more sincere post was removed, I will simply reiterate my meaning.

Do not worry about China. It’s already been factored in....but your concern is touching.

[Melax]

Well you know you're in..... when in order to save the ever precious Ammo, you make various noises to simulate live fire.... Maybe the US and Europe can learn from it and incorporate this very $ saving technique so we can borrow less :ok::}from the great Dragon AKA China. I love the pan pan pan, :}pow pow :}bang bang.....:E:E:E One guy even had a full auto sound scheme...
They can also use "STIMULATORS" like the Nigerians... (See my post # 560):8
No wonder why 2/3rd of Mali was taken over by various factions in a record time !!

A must see Video for Special forces...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=PkFBjBqWzAc

[svaever]

you know you in africa when:

- The Marshall's know all the signs. but not how to use them.
- If you follow the yellow lines in the apron you will drive straight in to an A/c
- You get a hold overhead the airfield, while they tru to get the goats off the runway.

[Temp Spike]

The Police show up to save you from a robber and one of the policmen is the very robber that you needed saving from!:\

[Melax]

You know you're in........... When the Country public account has a balance of:confused: ..... $ US 217.00:E

BBC News - Zimbabwe says public account stood at $217 last week (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-21257765)

[Tableview]

That probably puts them in a stronger position than many of the EU countries. On the other hand, the EU figures are all falsified, whereas the current bunch of goons running Zimbabwe's economy wouldn't have the wit to do that.

Ironic that 30 years of 'majority democratic' rule have reduced what was once the finest and stablest country in Africa to a wreck.

Where is Permatan Pete ...... very quiet these days, along with all the other sanctimonious pricks who postured for Rhodesia to be 'freed' from the 'tyranny' of white rule.

[jetsetsimon757]

When one of the natives fails his CPL exams more than 300 times.
Told to wee on the tyre because to keep away the animals.
Told to allways carry your blood type.
Spend you flight dodging massive thunderstorms .
When making a emergency landing in field the only thing to worry about is hoping you won't get robbed when you service.
Oh and everything you learnt in Jaa ATPLs is the complete opposite in the South African exams .
Apart from all that awesome place to fly recommend it for everyone

[shutupanfly]

SAA looking for more cash, 8th FEB 2013

[eagleflier]

Landed DNMM a few days ago, purser calls to say a nursing mother had fainted on short finals and was now laying in the aisle. We called the tower to request an ambulance.
20 mins after, she feels a lot better, gets up and walks off the aeroplane "under her own power"
We proceed to call for boarding then halfway through the boarding process, ambulance rocks up. 45 minutes after the initial call.
Makes me wonder what if it was a real emergency.

[darkroomsource]

Landed DNMM a few days ago, purser calls to say a nursing mother had fainted on short finals and was now laying in the aisle. We called the tower to request an ambulance.
20 mins after, she feels a lot better, gets up and walks off the aeroplane "under her own power"
We proceed to call for boarding then halfway through the boarding process, ambulance rocks up. 45 minutes after the initial call.
Makes me wonder what if it was a real emergency.
How is that Africa?
That could be any city in almost any country I've ever been in, USA, UK, Canada, any central American country.
Heck, 45 minutes is actually pretty fast, maybe that's why you're so surprised, because in the US or UK it would be more like 2 hours...

[eagleflier]

Really,
I'm based out of Lagos and don't do much flying outside Africa. I'd actually be very surprised if I flew into LHR and I didn't have an ambulance in 10 minutes

[darkroomsource]

can't be sure about a plane asking for an ambulance, but a couple months ago, my Uncle called for help using his 'emergency' button around his neck, it took 3 hours - in Luton.

[Grum]

"Hello Captain,Customs, Welcome, Please fill in this form . . . . . . . . . . . . eh I want your pen."

:sad:

[Check Airman]

How is that Africa?
That could be any city in almost any country I've ever been in, USA, UK, Canada, any central American country.
Heck, 45 minutes is actually pretty fast, maybe that's why you're so surprised, because in the US or UK it would be more like 2 hours...

The only time I've ever had to request medical assistance, I was on final, and the ambulance met us at the gate...this was at a sleepy class D airport on a Sunday afternoon. very helpful FAA controllers.:ok:

[keitaidenwa]

It does happen in developed countries as well :sad:

AUA passenger dies after ambulance goes to wrong plane - General News - Austrian Times Online News - English Newspaper (http://www.austriantimes.at/news/General_News/2009-08-06/15321/AUA_passenger_dies_after_ambulance_goes_to_wrong_plane)

You know you are in africa when... national carriers new plane breaks a flap while being parked at the gate - because someone who had no business being in the cockpit "tries what a button does" while someone else couldn't be bothered to follow the "no driving trucks under wings" rule.

[Hawkeye0001]

...when you're being advised by ATC that the runway is wet and you feel compelled to go around to find a suitable alternate - because the wet braking action on helicopter skids is so terribly unpredictable! :ugh:



...when ATC advises you that "Der is a bad activity on de endi of runniway 05"
It only dawns on you that "bad activity" on the runway must've meant something other than traffic congestion of 1 airplane or more after flaring into this huge flock of exotic poultry...


... when you ask the controller something out of the ordinary like "How old is your grandmother?" and are subsequently cleared to join the left downwind :sad:


... when your contracted mechanic on his way to fetch a coffee is stopped at security and subsequently interrogated for 30 minutes for wearing a visitors badge while a few days later your passengers suddenly turn up at the airside without even having a ticket yet.

[daladaladriver]

... ground control gives you taxi instructions, and once you are holding short, they inform you wind has changed so taxi to the other end of the runway now

... the VIP government convoy en route to the airport shuts down all the roads so that they can fly through traffic. there's hundreds of officers involved in securing the roads... "VIP coming"... oh yeah, not for another 15 minutes as it turns out... thanks for wasting my time.

... the VIP government jet starts up, and taxis out at tortoise speed for take-off, while you've got 3 airplanes in a holding pattern waiting for the legendary VIP departure before they are cleared to land

... CAA published airport coordinates and runway headings may vary +/- 3 miles & 30 degrees

[Teddy Robinson]

When you are asked to keep high speed due traffic, then orbit at high speed due traffic.

When you have conflicting turboprop traffic 25 miles behind having disappeared of TCAS 10 minutes ago and being asked to hold for sequencing (behind a turboprop that you passed 10 minutes ago who is no.1)

Being held on the stand for 10 minutes engines running having requested startup while a turbo is given start clearance with his doors open

Given heading and altitude restrictions after departure because the turboprop is
100kts slower than the jet traffic behind it

now go to point one and start again...

every day

for ever.

[ian16th]

Almost half of SA (http://www.bdlive.co.za/national/2013/03/13/almost-half-of-sas-gripens-in-storage)

[Solid Rust Twotter]

Ah well, as long as the right people in the regime all got their kickbacks it's no problem.

Those Swiss bank accounts don't just fill themselves, you know...

[son of brommers]

Oh dear, I know I'm in Africa!
http://www.pprune.org/military-aircrew/510284-only-6-qualified-fighter-pilots-south-african-air-force.html

[q100]

...the K-Loader sinks into the tarmac so deep that it can no longer lift pallets...

...More townspeople cross the runway (much faster than going around the airport!) in a day than fly to/from the airport as passengers.

...The APU is Inop, so you need an air start. But the tug is attached to your GPU, so they take that away when the tug goes to fetch the air start cart....

[byronmc]

When you're pulled over by the police and given a fine of 200. You go into the police station and pay the fine of 200. The fine is then reduced in front of you to 100 and you are given a receipt for paying an amount of "100ONLY" the full 200 then leaves the room with the officer

[Capetonian]

...........when you are stopped as you round a blind hairpin bend on a rutted dirt road at walking pace, with a precipice to your side, by three Africans lying across the road who tell you they are policemen and they are fining you for exceeding the speed limit. You offer to go the police station and they tell you it doesn't work like that, white honkey ..... so you give them 5 rand each and a tin of flat warm Coke, and they wave you off, grinning from ear to ear! (Transkei, 1980)

[Valmont]

You are issued a departure clearance to follow 300 radial from LV VOR until 15 NM, while the VOR and DME are notam'd : ON TEST DO NOT USE.

Same goes for the approach: cleared for an ILS while the approach chart clearly specifies VOR and DME REQUIRED.

Gotta love that place.

[250hrsand counting]

AFRICA, AFRICA at the mention of that name i feel lucky to be a part of her heritage. She is not poor but been looted. Her infrastructures are mismanaged by people in leadership positions.You know you are in Africa when a corrupt leader or government official on seat runs for public office instead of resigning honorably.Nevertheless Africa is beautiful and she is my pride....I so love this continent

[AviatorJack]

The 'ILS' into port gentil by any chance?

[Valmont]

Nop, FOOL. Was cleared for the ILS Z, while it should have been a Y as it's the only procedure currently approved for the ILS 16.

Jack, check MP. ;)

[son of brommers]

......when a private charter flight lands at a military base without permission and no alarm bells ring..................

[Capetonian]

......when a private charter flight lands at a military base without permission and no alarm bells ring..................

.... and when those involved in the charter are extremely wealthy and influential friends of the State President.

[unstable load]

.......and when in apparent attempt at regaining some credibility they get held up for 6 hours by Immigration on departure.......:confused:

[cavortingcheetah]

You return, 24 hours after ordering it, to collect your Nigerian passport at the traffic lights at Hyde Park shopping centre. On returning home and upon closure inspection you discover that the obverse of the frontispiece has a fancy coat of arms on it and a screed which reads:
Her Britannic Majesty's
Secretary of State
Requests and Requires
etc and so forth.
?

[Bosotter]

HAHAHA!!! I love reading these!!! Makes me so happy to know that I am NOT alone!!! So here's a couple:

...The immigration officer takes your passport and demand to see the original of your visa (which was arranged through your company) and when you get that to him, he demands to see the proof of payment...:eek: I just sat down and said: "Have a good night, apparently I'm sleeping here?" Then miraculously my passport reappeared and I was told to please leave the office and allowed into the country.... :rolleyes:

This one was my own fault for having a trusting nature: when you give the driver $5 to buy sugar and lo and behold: a 300 gram pack of sugar costs exactly $5...:ugh:

[Capetonian]

1) When you get a parking ticket in 'Harare' 20 years after the so-called 'liberation' and the country is now called Zimbabwe, but on the back of the parking ticket it says : "Please make cheques payable to 'City of Salisbury' "

2) When you present yourself at the immigration booth at Hosea Kutako (WDH) international airport and the female official is sleeping, snoring loudly. You knock on the window a couple of times, and you are ignored, you knock louder, no response, and you say 'excuse me' several times, successively louder and louder and then a bundle of rags lying sleeping on the floor next to the booth gets up and says : "I am a policeman and don't shout at my colleague" and this results in an argument where the 'policeman' takes you into a 'charge office' and tells you to sit down, and you don't because the seat is so thickly encrusted with grime and food relics and God knows what else. He then tries to give you a lecture, this 16 year old snotty-nosed machine-gun toting kid in rags, about 'how we behave in Africa' and I tell him I've lived in Africa longer than you've been alive ........... and I get escorted to my flight across the tarmac and the seat I've been allocated, 23A, doesn't exist because the aircraft used for the short hop down to Cape Town only has 15 rows .............

[Melax]

Broomstick-flying witches to be brought down in Swaziland - Times LIVE (http://www.timeslive.co.za/africa/2013/05/13/broomstick-flying-witches-to-be-brought-down-in-swaziland) Witches flying broomsticks in Swaziland above 150 meters will be subject to arrest and a hefty fine of R500 000, civil aviation authorities said, according to a report. Witches’ broomsticks are considered similar to any heavier-than-air transportation device that is airborne, reports The Star. “A witch on a broomstick should not fly above the [150-metre] limit,” Civil Aviation Authority marketing and corporate affairs director Sabelo Dlamini told the newspaper. No penalties exist for witches flying below 150 metres. The report said it was hard to say how serious he was, but witchcraft isn’t a joking matter in Swaziland, where the people believe in it. The statute also forbids toy helicopters and children’s kites from ascending too high into the country’s airspace. Dlamini was asked by the Swazi press to explain the country’s aviation laws following the arrest of a private detective, Hunter Shongwe, for operating a toy helicopter equipped with a video camera, of which he boasted using to gather surveillance information similar to the way a drone aircraft operates. The detective was charged with operating an unregistered aircraft and for failing to appear before his chief to be questioned by traditional authorities about his toy drone, the first of its kind in Swaziland. Swazi brooms are short bundles of sticks tied together and do not have handles. Swazi witches are known to use them to fling potions about homesteads – but not for transport.

[propcowboy]

I guess no Quidditch World Cup in Swaziland...

[Mimpe]

Seeing people begging for water and being offered a child for sale was a real scare for me when I travelled in Niger years ago.

[Exascot]

Just before Christmas I was done for speeding outside Maun. The new lazer guns they have are British made :mad: No speed sign I was just supposed to know it was 60 not 80 km/hr. When he showed me the gadget I was pleased with my precise 80.1 km/hr and asked what the problem was and he explained. No point in arguing particularly when you've been in the pub all afternoon :uhoh: I went to the cop shop promptly to pay as I put it, 'a donation to their Christmas party fund'. I kindly asked them to explain the speed limits. He said a certain distance out of town it is 120, closer in 80, close still 60 and in town 40. He however explained (to this clearly very thick Brit) if the traffic in town is travelling slower than 40 I was to comply with this lower speed :ok: I wrote a letter to the local rag with this story, which was published, congratulating the police on their safe driving campaign (name and address supplied!)

A few weeks ago I was driving at a steady 60 km/hr, on a clear road, and a Toyota truck pulled out straight in front of me. I said to Mrs Exascot I will teach this :mad: a lesson. I pulled along side the slowly accelerating truck until I was abeam and started to easy him onto the extensive hard shoulder at the side (which most people use to accelerate up to speed on when pulling onto the road). I glanced across and saw 'Lice' down the side and presumed it was pest control. Mrs Exascot had her head in her hands say 'Oh my God Oh my God'. No stamina, this woman, I thought, until I glanced back and saw that in front of the 'lice' was 'Po' in blue letters. Abeam the truck by this point with him half shoved off the road I waved through the open windows to the driver in uniform and greeted him with a cheery 'Good afternoon officer'. he pulled over and let me past. So its not all bad :cool:

[Dysfunctional]

When they shout "PASSPORT!" in your face, every ten steps. I think it makes them feel important...

View Work - Writers Harbor (http://www.writersharbor.org/work_view.php?work=805)


link to website: View Work - Writers Harbor (http://www.writersharbor.org/work_view.php?work=462http://)

[OldManRiver]

As pax - when the crew for the flight you are booked on fails to turn up, and you are invited to stand in the aisle of the next one.

As pilot - when, having failed to elicit any response from the tower of what looks like a fairly major airport, you assume a radio failure and commence circling o/h and then notice a motorcycle hurtling up the road from the town nearby. A couple of minutes later your radio miraculously bursts into life...

[pohm1]

When you watch the 737 Captain doing his walk-round, cigarette in one hand and carrier bag containing 2x Johnnie Walker in the other.

Not a good look:=

[Hawkeye0001]

...when you are not allowed to depart from Tanzanian airports because
a) you are not a resident of Tanzanian and
b) you travel to somewhere else than your homecountry :ugh:

wolfganghthome.wordpress.com/2013/08/06/of-trials-and-tribulations-when-visiting-tanzania/ (http://www.pprune.org/wolfganghthome.wordpress.com/2013/08/06/of-trials-and-tribulations-when-visiting-tanzania/)

[Hawkeye0001]

... when after overhearing several utterly unnecessary and silly exchanges with ATC your passenger turns to you and asks: "Could it be that this guy is a complete moron? I really do not think this man should be controlling airplanes in the sky..." :bored:

[flygirl2000]

I had a very bad day, two Russians trying to kill me on short finals, then a 45 minute hold whilst an aircraft that was held together with duct tape and wire (I am pretty sure) had a double engine failure. They then proceed to push it off the runway and we landed. Not fifteen minutes later, after the hammer and spanners came out the aircraft was fixed and all the pax piled back in and it took off. Whilst we stood and watched not even a test flight was preformed. Then we load up our pax and took off to base, I had been away from home for 6 weeks and my boyfriend who I had not seen for three months was scheduled to come up (we flew for the same company) so I extended my contract. When we landed it was pouring with rain, as I walked out of the airport I saw my other half looking at me, killing himself laughing. My white (or rather yellowing shirt from the African laundry) was soaking wet, and he says you could see everything through my bra, my hair hung down like a pile of straw, dirt under my nails and a bit of string tying my shoe together as the lace broke a few weeks earlier. "oh my" he said "if the Sandton girls could see you now"

[Iznogood]

...when Air France "champion of the world 98" ho is speaking french only but has an english icao level 7 is always number one on landing, start up, taxi...except in Lagos.

[Hawkeye0001]

...when it takes ten minutes to assemble a fuel pump with the "help" of 6 (!) villagers, the Wazee A, B, C, D, E and F:
A assembles the pipe consisting of 3 pieces.
B dis-assembles the pipe on the bottom-end while #1 finishes assembly at the top. Start over.
Dand E meanwhile hold the pump (2kg! At least!)
C screws pipe into pump now held by D, E AND F, while B holds bottom end, thus unscrewing the pipe in the middle again. Start over. Again.
D meanwhile opens the fuel drum. The empty one. Give pliers, ask to open the full drum instead. Start over.
A, B, and C are now on the right track, all twisting and turning in the same direction.
F decided 2kg is light enough for two guys to hold, proceeds to fit the hose. Into the empty drum. Explain again to everybody: we transfer fuel from the FULL drum into the helicopter. The aim is not to transfer fuel from the FULL drum to the EMPTY drum... "Aaaah!"
A, B, C, D, E and F turn the pump assembly around twelve-handedly. Pipe in drum, hose flinging around precariously close to the new $5000 paint job.
A opens the fuel cap. Drops it from 5 feet on the $5000 paint job.
C hands the hose to the other side by dragging it over the skin leaving a bunch of marks. On the $5000 paint job. Again.
B joins on the other side to help me hold the nozzle (4 hands? Really?), of course not leaving out the opportunity to step onto $6000 floatation device fitted to the skid that has written "NO STEP" all over. An invitation, indeed.
After refueling, spilling and closing everything up do all steps in reverse and load up again. "Please hand me the fuel pump" - "Pump? What pump?" - AAAAARRRRHHH!

East Africa. Everyone does whatever they wanna do, no one knows what to do, but everybody joins in to help. Gotta love it

[4runner]

Man I'm glad this post is still alive. Had a good a few years ago. Requested start up from Bujumbura tower and was promptly denied. FO affirms negative start up clearance and stares out the window. I tell him to ask why. He complies and is told that we don't have all our pax. I put my accusing finger of justice on the transmit button and tell the tower that we are scheduled to depart in 5 minutes and that I decide when we close our doors and leave amd not his drunk self. He reaffirms that we have negative startup amd that we are waiting on a VIP. I explain that this is a scheduled airline and not private VIP transport for a 3rd world government. Silence....I ask him if Burundi is seizing the property of the government airline of another African country. 20 seconds pass and an excited controller shouts that "VIP coming Captain, he coming!", several new land cruisers approach at high speed and the vice prime minister of Burundi hurries out, obviously irritated at being "advised" to be on time. After turn around, tower asks if we would like the runway lights on, the FO looks at me inquisitively and I say to ask how much. Tower replies $200 or a similar number, I ask if they'll turn on half for half price. We were still smiling as we banked towards a setting sun over lake tanganika.

[Solid Rust Twotter]

Similar occurrence just up the road in Kigali. Told by tower to wait for VIP when we requested start. As we were a scheduled flight, we politely declined and started then asked for taxi. Tower getting a bit excitable by now but we got out of there with no further problems except for a pissed off VIP who was under the impression that our sched was there for him to command as he pleased.

Couple of weeks later we had the same thing, except this time it was accompanied by two armoured vehicles parked at our nose with trigger happy ****heads in them who kept their Duschkas trained on the cockpit while we 'waited' for the idiot VIP.

Minor functionaries with crocodile sized egos and chipmunk brains are not endemic to Africa, although the place does seem to breed them at an alarming rate.

[Foxcotte]

....when you're flying a fixed wing into a controlled airport at 120kts, and the ATC asks a helicopter behind you to orbit 360 degrees for spacing to be able to position behind you.....

... when a scheduled airline in a 767 mistakes a 6000' ft runway for a 10,000' one and lands at a small airport instead of the international one he's aiming for. AND STOPS (more or less) on the runway

.....when a visiting VIP Falcon forgets to put chocks on and rolls into the terminal building

.... when you've just landed your turboprop at the international airport and turning off the runway, you look behind you to discover a 747 cargo plane landing over the top of your tail without a clearance. And tower haven't noticed!!

.... when your take-off departure clearance includes a warning about a wet runway, and the possibility of skidding due frogs on the runway!!

[FLYDHC8]

... when a scheduled airline in a 767 mistakes a 6000' ft runway for a 10,000' one and lands at a small airport instead of the international one he's aiming for. AND STOPS (more or less) on the runway

Doesn't happen only in Africa these days

[daladaladriver]

... when a country randomly decides to commemorate ex-leaders by changing airport ICAO codes (HTDA --> HTJN, HTZA --> HTAK) and then decides to change them back a week later.... doyyyyyye

[Krapula]

And in the meantime all databases have arleady switched to -> JN and AK :ugh: :}

[Iznogood]

...when you hear european pilots complaining about everything but never quit and go home sweet home, maybe because situation is worse in europe?

[Wageslave]

european pilots complaining about everything but never quit and go home sweet home, maybe because situation is worse in europe?


Only in Africa could someone make such an unbelievable inversion of reality.

Staggering!

[unstable load]

Staggering, but very much in context with the theme, if you think of it.:D

[daladaladriver]

True true... pilot job situation ain't so good I hear... iznogood made me laugh hard

[dfdasein]

South African MP witnesses car crash during TV interview about roads | The South African (http://www.thesouthafrican.com/news/provincial-mp-witnesses-car-accident.htm)

[737-NG]

You are called to come in and sign a contract with a national carrier at 9am, are made to wait in a cafeteria, and then are told to go home at 5pm after nothing has been signed.

[abby001]

well unfortunately a lot of these are true even in south africa! but still best days of ones life can be flying in africa, you can learn a lot! but to be a part of this i have one more for you (this happened in one of the krugers national park's airports!):
- you know you are in africa when you take off and see a female lion with its 3 children chilling at the end of your runway, almost 1000 meters from where you were loading and had a smoke with a friend!

[N4565L]

You get

Phone Call No. 1: Sir, there is a cow on our ramp
Phone Call No. 2: Sir, the Air Force shot the cow on our ramp
Phone Call No. 3: Sir, the Air Force missed the cow.
Phone Call No. 4: Sir, there's a bullet hole in our hangar door!!

Or

Phone Call No. 1: Sir, there's a snake on our ramp.
Phone Call No. 2; Sir, the snake is on fire!!
Phone Call No. 3, Sir, the snake is gone into our hangar!!!

(Before anyone says anything, no, I dont like being address as "Sir", but my protests requesting use of my first name instead made others uncomfortable, so I just got used to it)

Africa is a great place with great people & it has it's has funny moments every day! You just gotta luv it.

[scott5077]

Your sick passenger drops his drawers and . . . right outside the aircraft, and the soldiers arrest the pilot.

[wikusvanw]

Africa is a great place with great people & it has it's has funny moments every day! You just gotta luv it.

Inderdaad! Happy flying and just try and avoid giraffes and the rest...

[daladaladriver]

... when you're driving to work and some idiot monkey moto taxi driver almost t-bones into you even though you had right of way... you save his life by gassing it. Thinking 2 seconds ahead = africa. Moto taxi driver = average african

[Hawkeye0001]

Ah, the infamous Dar Es Salaam Suicycle Taxi. Like a horde of maniac circus monkeys on motorbikes. The concept of "consequence" seems simply non-existant going by how these idiots endanger themselves and the public. Pulling out of side roads or out of their lane and head right into oncoming traffic - full throttle - and just expect everybody else to swerve into the ditch and avoid them.
T.I.A. :hmm:

[daladaladriver]

Indeed Hawkeye.. funny part is they have no idea how close they were to being dead today... alls I know is when the day comes that I do hit a swahili... I ain't stopping even though it's their fault.... can't trust the crooked police out here to not twist the story

[Solid Rust Twotter]

...all I know is when the day comes that I do hit a swahili... I ain't stopping even though it's their fault.... can't trust the crooked police out here to not twist the story


And there you have it in a nutshell. If you're a foreigner or considered able to pay, you'll be squeezed until you bleed even if you're completely innocent.

[Hawkeye0001]

That is, if you are lucky enough to survive the mob that gathers within 30 seconds to deliver 'justice' on the spot... :rolleyes:
First time my boss handed me the keys to drive the company car I was told in no uncertain terms that if I have an accident I Must. Not. Ever. Stop. But instead drive on and go to the nearest police station. And if I ever - godforbid - run over a child or injure anyone to immediately call them, rush to their house, have my passport in hand, they'd have my airline tickets ready. After three years I can see his point.

[daladaladriver]

Yesterday I was driving along and saw a mototaxi well ahead of me... the driver's head was lopsided to the right... i thought he must be suffering from Spinal Muscular Atrophy.. good for him for getting out and still driving a bike... as I get beside him I see he's actually talking on a cellphone jammed between his ear and shoulder.... no helmet of course.

A few days ago some guy in a Landcruiser I was driving behind on a crap side road decides to stop... so I give him a honk... then he starts backing up and before I can do anything about it.. he's put a nice dent into the hood of my car. In his defense... it was just a small dent...

[olympus]

...you instruct your driver to take a vehicle and go to a nearby yard to collect some previously ordered timber (a journey that should involve a left turn out of the compound, a drive of around 2kms and should take a maximum of one hour to complete) he makes a right turn out of the compound and you don't see him or the vehicle for the rest of the day and when it does eventually reappear, the vehicle has over 100 additional kilometers on the clock.

[Capetonian]

....... when an illiterate uneducated 15 year old is given a uniform and a machine gun which he does not even know how to hold, let alone use, and is allowed to play at being a soldier or a policeman with the public as his potential victims.

....... when you call the police to say your car has been stolen and they say they don't have any serviceable vehicles and you must come to fetch them, and you say that your car has been stolen, so you can't, and they say they understand that but you must come to fetch them ..........

[Dpilot007]

I started reading this thread when it started back in 2008. I can tell you its still pretty much factual today.

[Rick777]

I admit I have never flown in Africa although I flew over Egypt once, but I used to work for an American company that flew there a lot. The guy who checked me out in the 707 had taken a hit fron an SA7 in an L100. The warhead failed so he just lost an engine. No big deal. Another guy got hit an the missile worked. He did a 180 and landed immediately. The wing fell off while he was taxiing in. I just never had any desire to go there after that. Also we were flying 707s into Asmara during some sort of altercation and the airport would get mortared after landing. Guys who complained and refused to fly into a war zone were fired. Glad I had quit by then.
The other stories on here sound a lot more fun.

[Mobotu]

When I started the thread back in 2008 I hoped to be still alive and happily flying in Africa......still here and still happy!!! I had two objectives - first to inform those outside of Africa just what occurs here on a day to day basis - This has two purposes also - for those who are thinking of heading to the dark continent....you know what to expect. And those who just wondered what flying on this continent was like.....well now you have some idea.
Secondly for those of us who have the pleasure to fly on this continent.....no your not crazy.....you didn't imagine it.....it actually happened.....and not only to you!!!!

[propcowboy]

The only thread that is bringing me back to prune lately. Out of Africa since more than a year, but missing it! Good to read the stories!

[Hawkeye0001]

... when the CAA reviews plans and allows someone to build an airstrip in the only prohibited area nationwide. Only tell him after he forked out tens of thousands of dollars that, yes, technically it sure was alright to build that airstrip there - but just not land, park, and/or take off an aircraft from it. Ever.
Tadamm! :8 :ugh:

[pohm1]

...when the wait for your baggage is longer than the flight you just took.

[Mobotu]

...you see KQ execute a 45 deg bank turn at 200ft after take-off from Rwy 06 and one minute later see SA on short final for Rwy 24.....Not sure if any collision warnings showed up on Brazza's radar???

[laardvark]

you keep your left aileron under your bed at night , so no-one steals your plane .

[MissPlaced]

I have just spent the past several days reading every comment in this thread. I had to walk way at times because my face and stomach muscles were sore from laughing.

My friend and I were passengers travelling from Victoria Falls to Makololo Plains, Zimbabwe. We knew we were definitely in Africa when we looked out the window on landing to find that there was a giraffe racing us down the dirt path which doubled as a landing strip. Our pilot must have been a little competitive because he didn't seem to be so much as braking but trying to outrace the giraffe! :eek:

On our return to Zambia, the same pilot took us on a couple of loops over Victoria Falls, not for our benefit, but so that he could take extra photos.

I can't wait to go back. :)

[4runner]

Your Ebola form is rejected by the "Doctor" because you don't Have a seat number. Mind you that you're the Captain, for the national airline and at your home base. Ebola is a huge concern but you are increasing frequencies to west Africa. No minister or official is anywhere to be seen since the outbreak. 3 aircraft are holding for a departure because, "he said he ready before you try to land". Airport security dismantled your Cross pen for "security". You get caught smoking and the police take a cigarette from you AND your wings as a souvenir. The president has a 777 but the VOR and ILS don't work. There have been 2 collisions in a week between ground vehicles but the big problem is your lack of reflector vests. Ramp agents then direct pax on front of taxiing aircraft across the ramp. Pax don't have reflector vests....

[pohm1]

Flying offshore, and a passenger tries to insist on wearing a coat over his life jacket, and it's 31'c!

[Capetonian]

....... a rapist, a thief, a bigamist, a fraudster, a racist, a man who thinks that showering after raping an HIV positive woman, and a village idiot walk into a bar and the barman says :

"What can I get you tonight Mr President?"

[unstable load]

ExAMM757Captain,
There was a spat a while back between South Africa and Nigeria when the SA authorities refused a bunch of people entry to Johannesburg International for not having the Yellow Fever cards.
The upshot of it is that there are recommended places in Lagos where they sell the cards. Obviously, the acceptable cards will be from the places where the guy checking them has an interest....

[spacecadet]

In Nigeria they are currently doing the 'Yellow Fever' trick just now.

The 'Port Health' inspectors in lab coats ask you for your 'yellow fever' medical certificate even if you have come from somewhere that has never had Yellow Fever.

Funny that they only ask certain groups of persons? If you don't have the certificate then it's $50 for the piece of paper (no inoculation), although you can get it down to $20 with a good ol' debate.

I even had copies of WHO advice, Nigerian Government & British Government advice saying that I don't need Yellow Fever as my country isn't affected, etc. The "Inspectors/Dr's" aren't interested.

I was recently asked on the way OUT of Nigeria for my yellow fever certificate.

Welcome to Nigeria.

[Tasmaniac]

Serious question guys. Have been invited to interview for a 787 command out of Addis for Ethiopian Airways. Any thoughts or recent experience about the airline? What's the salary potential? Living conditions? Working conditions? Security? I'd go alone and leave the family back home in Europe.

[rogerg]

Once in a BCAL DC10, We were cleared to land at KANO by the approach controller. When on the runway we were instructed to contact the tower for taxi instructions. When we called the tower and requested taxi instructions he refused to give them as we hadn't cleared to land by the tower. We pointed out that we had landed but he insisted we ask him for landing clearance before he would allow us to taxi to the gate!! Oh well, it was Africa.

[Iznogood]

20 On/10 Off, ticket to home business class. ADD is more or less safe but too many beggar. Pay is lower than in the middle east but the cost of living is very very low...and beautifull girls everywhere. Ethiopian Airlines not airways. ;-)

[Hawkeye0001]

... you get a real kick out of interagency bureaucracy:

Aviation Authority: "We can't issue a C of A without a Radio Station License!"
Radio Authority: "We can't issue a Radio Station License without a C of A!" :}


Radio Authority: "We don't need that Radio Station Survey form. Give it to the Aviation Authority, it's theirs."
Aviation Authority: "Why do you still have all three copies of your radio station survey forms? You are supposed to give one to the Radio Authority!"


Police: "We can't provide security at the landing site until the Aviation Authority gives us in writing that they are okay with you landing there."
Aviation Authority: "We are very much okay with you landing there, but we can't write that to you until we get a written statement from the police that they can secure the landing site."

:ugh:

[PPL Hobbyist]

People, please stop posting on this thread, In fact if the moderators could delete this thread I would be most grateful. The reason for this is because it poses a huge risk to my health. I think that at least a dozen times I have almost burst my guts laughing.

At Takoradi Airport, Ghana there is a main road crossing the runway between the town and the local residentual area. Anything and everything crosses the runway there. People, cars, trucks you name it un checked by any form of security. However to their credit, they have a siren and booms to stop people and traffic when an plane is about to land. This is also their local airfarce (spelling intended) base.

The funny part is, on the roads entering and exiting the airport landside, they have armed guards with FN assult rifles searching cars and checking passports.

Please ignore the first paragraph of this post. I don't mind bursting my guts and laughing myself to death. It's all so true. You just have to love Africa :D

[N4565L]

This one from a Freightdog today:

Colleague in LOS today reports from the cargo ramp new paint job on the yellow taxiway markings, including aircraft type stop point markings, B-707 / DC-8-55 / DC-8-63. When the paint man was questioned why no 747 / 767 / 777 he was told that the FAAN manual only had 707's and DC-8's. A real man's airport!

[exeng]

You are feeling feverish and unwell and a blood test reveals malaria. You then go out to celebrate this good news with your mates.

[Capetonian]

A form is now handed out on inbound flights to ZA.

Questions :
Name, origin, passport number, nationality, contact phone/address in ZA, flight number, seat number, what countries have you visited in the last ten days, do you have any of the following symptoms?

On arrival, a bored official is taking forms randomly from some passengers, and putting them into a box without even glancing at them. I happened to see what the man sitting next to me on the flight wrote on his : "We've come from America and we don't have these diseases so have nothing to answer."

What a farcical and tragic waste of time and resources, leading people to believe that an effort is being made.

[Solid Rust Twotter]

Job creation, Mr CT. You don't actually have to achieve anything, you just need to give the appearance of doing so. Pretty much every govt department in SA operates on that principle, the SAPS more than most. Of course all this needs to be funded by someone...

No doubt the forms end up as firelighters sooner rather than later.

[STN Ramp Rat]

The lift has the option of nine floors but the building is only 2 stories high

[Agaricus bisporus]

What a farcical and tragic waste of time and resources, leading people to believe that an effort is being made

Identical to the US immigration form that asks if you are a terrorist or have ever been a member of a terrorist organization then? And then offers a "Yes" box to tick?

Africa doesn't have a monopoly on daft bureaucracy, does it?

[Capetonian]

...... stuff like this happens :

Swaziland's new international airport is part of King Mswati III (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III)'s $1bn millennium project investment initiative to enhance Swaziland's position as a tourist destination, serving as a tourism gateway to Swaziland's game parks,...........However, it has been on the drawing board since 1980..........Sikhupe is near Hlane game park, and may put rare species of eagles and vultures at risk.[9] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-hall-9)
King Mswati-III International Airport was planned to replace Matsapha airport by 2010, with the latter being taken over by the army.[5] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-times-Sikhuphe-5)[10] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-army-10)
King Mswati-III International Airport was inaugurated on the 7th March 2014, despite the fact that it did not yet have a license to operate from the International Air Transport Association (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Air_Transport_Association).[4] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-news24-open-4) As of July 2014, no airline has used the airport,[11] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-allafrica-july-11) and King Mswati III himself has even avoided it in favor of the existing Matsapha Airport.[12] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-allafrica-may-12) There have been reports that the new airport does not yet have hangars or enough office space to accommodate any airline operators.[13] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-times-no-space-13)
Facilities

Plans include a 3,600m CAT 1 runway (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Runway), and capacity for 300,000 passengers per year. It would be able to handle Boeing 747 (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boeing_747) aircraft, and service flights to any destination in the world.[6] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-airtech-6)

[/URL]
[URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-airtech-6"]
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Mswati_III_International_Airport#cite_note-airtech-6)

[Exascot]

Yes well Cape. Here in Maun we have a new runway which will take big jets but a terminal which can only handle a handful of pax at a time. Also a tower which now doesn't comply with ICAO regs due to the increased airfield area. What a waste of money.

Then there is the airport police station. A station commander who pitches up at 10.00 if you are lucky and other senior officers and ranks who do absolutely nothing but chat. Great place to get stupid papers signed though. They have got nothing else to do.

[Solid Rust Twotter]

If Sobhuza were still alive he'd kick the little runt Mswati's arse till his eyes bled.

[Greeny9]

At Takoradi Airport, Ghana there is a main road crossing the runway between the town and the local residentual area. Anything and everything crosses the runway there. People, cars, trucks you name it un checked by any form of security. However to their credit, they have a siren and booms to stop people and traffic when an plane is about to land. This is also their local airfarce (spelling intended) base.

Really?

Been here over 5 years and never noticed it! Maybe time to get my eyes checked.

Or are you referring to the small dirt track the locals use to scurry across the runway illegally?

[Trossie]

A little 'old news' now, but doesn't this fit here: BBC News - Air Tanzania pilots leave passengers to Comoros stranded (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-30627861)?

[ChickenHouse]

You know you are in Africa, when the FO is filling a quarter-empty Tusker's can with aero-oil and walks out to put into the piston engine ... no kiddin, happened to me a few days ago.

[Sam Rutherford]

Don't you mean quarter-full?

[Somph]

...when you leave the country's (perhaps continent's) largest airport at around 22:30. There are another two scheduled international flights leaving at roughly the same time, a total of about 500 SLF going toward air-side.

There are 2 (TWO) passport control officers on duty. When they have processed about 300 of the pax, a third officer comes on duty. When asked why there are only 3 officers, the answer is "I was phoned about an hour ago (on my day off) to come in and work. Dunno where the people who are supposed to be on duty are..."

[ExSp33db1rd]

Sometime ago now of course, preparing for departure from Nairobi at night, somewhat cold(ish) to the point that we were actually wearing our uniform jackets. Asked the Tower for the surface conditions and was told that the temperature was 28 (C) !! At that temp and altitude we couldn't get a 747 airborne for Uganda, never mind Rome. Stn.Mgr. suggested we visit the tower to confirm, and we climbed up to be greeted by a cold African wearing an army greatcoat, a balaclava and gloves with the ends of the fingers cut off.

What's the temperature, we asked ? "28 deg. Suh." he answered, and pointed to a little wooden thermometer hanging on the wall over an electric heater that he had taken up to keep warm. We asked him what he thought the instruments on the console were for, and just got a shrug and a repetition that the temperature was 28. We noted the temperature, 10c and altimeter setting and left him warming his hands. I kid you not.

On another occasion at NBO we had been in and out all week with a wind favouring runway 24 (is it ? memory?) and there was no apparent difference in the weather pattern that night, but on that departure the tower was giving 06 as the duty runway without the wind direction also included. A landing aircraft complained of significant tailwind on landing, and suggested that ATC change the duty runway. We were cleared to taxy to 06 for departure - what to do ? Does one deliberately disobey an ATC instruction ?

Answers on a postcard - and I'm admitting nothing.

[4runner]

At least he showed up!!! Accra, Ghana, the security screener is wearing sunglasses while monitoring the x-Ray machine.

[Phantom Driver]

NBO. Broad daylight; CAVOK. Rwy 06. Cleared to "line up, take off", with another a/c on short finals.....Declined the offer.

[Capetonian]

The beach is like this :
http://www.thebombsurf.com/files/1/images/image[25].jpg
· 69 children were left behind and by the end of the week, 31 had still not found their parents. And all parents/adults had gone home to JHB by that stage.
· 9 bodies washed up on the beach in the week after New Year. None of them were ever reported missing, and none have yet been identified.
· The beach was so full of defecation that they had to plough/dig it in to the beach rather than pick it all up!

[haughtney1]

When you are cleared for the ILS onto a runway with no ILS, no VOR, no NDB and no lights....on rollout you are cleared for a visual approach....and the tower asks if you have any "blonde trolly pushhaas!" On board....:8

[parafinburner]

Africa is South of the 58 parallel and once you leave it you are on your own where they have square tyres and it wont change Best to keep out of the place full of corruption travel light and be ready to leave the Only good thing about Africa is when the wheels come up on the plane

[BgVlad]

And as they ride on their square tires you can enjoy all the wealth that those living north of the 58 parallel have sucked out of the continent successfully destroying it along the way

[Sam Rutherford]

Hey Parafinburner,


You obviously visit a different Africa to the one I go to...

[Jumpindan]

I was doing a milk run from GABS the other day. The tower controller stated "without delay, cleared for takeoff..." As I approached V1, my copilot called an abort. We stopped the plane and I queried on why we aborted, and he stated the tower had cancelled our clearance. When I called the tower asking why he canceled our takeoff clearance on the roll, he responded "I cleared you for takeoff, just not that fast, I wasn't ready for you yet..."
This was the same controller that told me to exit at taxiway A, and when I asked if he wanted me to give way to the airplane already on A he said "what, there is an airplane there? I can't see through the papers on the window..."

[Iznogood]

Lol! This guy in GABS is funny. His speech flow is better than JFK's... but last time I've found how to make him speak normally. Just do the same when you give him informations, just make it unreadable and very fast. You'll be surprised how good he is in radio communication :)

[Hawkeye0001]

Jumpindan: Haha, that is hilarious

This was the same controller that told me to exit at taxiway A, and when I asked if he wanted me to give way to the airplane already on A he said "what, there is an airplane there? I can't see through the papers on the window..."
Reminds me of Dar where for the longest time there was no working radar and everything was visual. Just that the windows the French contractor installed in the 70's were not UV resistant and became completely opaque! So there these guys are, asking position reports left right and center all the time, clogging the airwaves and make us wonder just how stupid they could possibly be while in reality they did an outstanding job considering they simply couldn't see :mad: out their windows for years and years. :}
Window panes were finally replaced last year. And the radar works again, too. Wohoo!

[ChickenHouse]

when you hear the clearance: "N-XXX cleared to land after low approach to push the water ox off the runway, no traffic in pattern" ...

[rayfill]

When you are on short final (during the night) and ask the controller if he can dim the runway lights... after which he switches off all airport lights!

[ExtendedCentreline]

- Lining up on runway 16 in HAAX you notice the number 16 has been painted over the number 34 which has been scratched out with grey paint.

- Discovering exactly how 10 years of erosion has converted an officially declared asphalt runway into a loose gravel strip.

- When local pilots tell you the runway is "TAM" - that's africa man!

- ATC involves someone shouting ilegible instructions at the top of their voice into a portable 2-way radio at the top of an half-built tower with in Ravens and other birds nesting on it.

- All controllers base their instructions on the same hand drawn map of radials and distances to all destinations based on only one partly serviceable beacon.

[SmoothAir]

When the controller reports you 22 knots cross wind and when you get to short final you observe animals crossing the runway and actually the wind is exactly form the back.

[latetonite]

...when you are cleared for the VOR DME ILS approach 06R (Now 05R) in Brazza, and there is no VOR, or DME, nor ILS working.

[The Ancient Geek]

.. the inspection teams at a major national airport drive up and down the taxiways keeping out of the way of the aircraft and totally ignoring the faulty lights.

[ian16th]

Post-mortem reveals goat was raped and strangled | News24 (http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/Post-mortem-reveals-goat-was-raped-and-strangled-20150626)

[darkroomsource]

Leave the poor chap alone, that's just the way he is, he can't help it if he likes goats.

[FERetd]

darkroomsource Quote:- "Leave the poor chap alone, that's just the way he is, he can't help it if he likes goats."

They do have the right to get married, don't they?

[Nialler]

As SLF I once flew in some class of rust-bucket from Llilongwe to Blantyre.

We were brought to the plane in a trailer hitched to a tractor. It took fifteen minutes to get the door closed. Apparently there was a "knack" involved and the guy who had the "knack" was on sick leave that day.

In the safety announcement the pilot cautioned that we should observe the seat-belt signs, warning that those passengers in a listed number of seats should observe the signs in the adjacent seats as their bulbs were inoperative.

The airline took delivery of a new 737-400 during the trip (purely a vanity gesture for the Life President) and we used it for the return to Llinogwe. We didn't realise that His Excellency the Kamuzu, Life-President Dr Hastings Banda was on the flight (he was doubtless heading off to London forhis regular monnkey glands treatment). We were woring for the World Bank assessing some loans for the country, so we were pretty much Access All Areas, which I guess is why we were allowed on the flight.

On landing at Llilongwe we were told that His Excellency the Kamuzu blah blah was slightly indisposed and we could deplane. At the door we were met by the sight of a temporary stand with schoolgirls belting out the national anthem, while various dignitaries were ranged either side of a red carpet. Thankfully, they studiously ignore my colleague and myself as we basked in our VIP welcome.

The kids will have been standing in the heat for hours. That was the way. When Banda travelled through the cities all the kids were taken out of school to line the routes and sing - which they did beautifully.

They'd catch the merest glimpse of him in his open-top Rolls as he sped past at 80+kph.

[Nicolaas900816]

I love this thread. I only fly in South Africa so I haven't really experienced stuff like this yet, although the ATC quality in SA is also dropping...:rolleyes:

[Jetdriver69]

I was just above V1 on a very heavy G550 flying out of Malabo to Aguadilla, PR., when one of the locals decided to run across the runway with a load of bananas on his head.

When he realized the danger and instead of hitting the deck or going back, he just ran faster.

I had to rotate about 5 kts slow or I would have splattered him and the bananas all over the runway.

Since then they actually put a fence up. Not to protect air traffic, but to improve security for the dear leader and his Falcon 900, 737 and 777.

Got to love Africa!:ok:

[halas]

Nicolaas900816....After operating the full length of Africa and you pop into SA and hear those two magical words...."Radar Identified" Is a magic relief for those, like me, who are unaccustomed to "Africa"!

Mogadishu Mogadishu!!!

halas

[jeroenbartstra]

when these things are normal like in these 2 you tube videos

1) google: Cockpit view Dassault Falcon 900 incomprehension with Kinshasa tower (Congo)

2) google: An-26.Congo DR.Visual Approach at Kinshasa N*Djili.flv

[ATC Watcher]

I especially like the Threshold white cross(es) !

[sheepless]

Some years ago in Entebbe....

L29 Delfin takes off, reports gear will not go up. Confirmed was locked down.

Returned, landed safely. While taxiing disappeared from sight from the Tower behind the hill and never reappeared.

Called to ask what was happening. Happy voice responded that he had managed to get the gear up now!

[TopGun31]

I have read all this thread over the last week and wanted to share with you some of my adventures ...

You know you are in Africa when ...

... inbound to land at the capital city airport, you call in in French over the radio but nobody replies. You can hear another inbound airliner from Belgium calling also in French, greeted back in French by the controller.
You insist one more time in French and still receive no other reply. Then you start to call the tower in English, and you immediatly get a reply, in French of course ...

... on finals to another capital airport, you are established 10 miles final when the local air force Sukhois take-off at counter QFU and start slowly climbing still in the axis of the runway straight at you, loaded with bomb and stuff. You don't need to worry about any RA on the TCAS since they fly without transponder ...

... in the aforementioned airport, you wait 20 minutes at the holding point because the "contractors" actually flying the Sukhois on behalf of the locals are calling their bank over the satellite phone to check if they have been paid. You subsequently know they haven't been paid when they finally taxi back to the apron.

... the 40+ dogs living at the end of the runway are actually more civilized than most of the villagers living around. At least, the dogs leave the runway when you come in.

... on a mission on behalf of the local governement to drop food supplies to a remote location, you are asked to take with you one of the colonel of the army (actually beeing 25 years old or something) in order to ensure that you will not drop rebels and start an invasion.

... on one of the remote airfield, the most efficient loadmaster you've met was actually a 14 years old boy.

The followings have already been said in previous posts, but it still feels good to share them :

... you can cross 3 countries and do 5 hours of flight without managing to get one enroute controller over the radio.

... the controler advises of inbound traffic once you have actually crossed it and deconflicted each other between gentlemen using the TCAS and 126.9.

Keep this thread alive guys !

Can't wait to fly there again :)

[ian16th]

EDITORIAL: Reckless Myeni a liability to SAA | Editorials | BDlive (http://www.bdlive.co.za/opinion/editorials/2015/11/10/editorial-reckless-myeni-a-liability-to-saa)

[ian16th]

From African Pilot
http://i818.photobucket.com/albums/zz108/ian16th/Cartoon_1.jpg

[Jetdriver69]

Flew into Goma at the height of the Rwandan crisis and having 1000's of refugees run toward my C-141 trying to score some food. I brought a case of Marlboros to pay the biggest guys to keep the majority of the refugees away.

Landing in Kigali during said crisis and having zero ATC, lighting, etc. A pack of wild dogs were living at the end of the runway were said to be feeding on the unfortunates that were recently killed and piled up just outside the airport perimeter. UN peacekeepers would periodically drive out and shoot the dogs to try to contain the spread of disease.

It was a colossal mess, but a few hours later we were kicking back and drinking beer on the beach in Mombasa. Very surreal.

[JanetFlight]

When...

https://www.naij.com/672221-shocking-ladder-used-disembark-passengers-bauchi-airport-photos.html

[ehwatezedoing]

When in Nigeria, on the company frequency, you decide to swap in flight your Caravan's registration with the one of your collegue who is 12 miles final. While you are on a tight down wind and tower tells you to be number two.

[750XL]

.... you're forced to put your luggage into the x-ray machine which isn't plugged in at the mains, walk through the metal detector that isn't plugged in at the mains, then climb into the x-ray to recover your bag which has been 'screened'

[4runner]

Yayyyyy!!!!! It's back! Like an African cat you fed, it won't go away😺

[Mahonda]

.... when you start singing this song (to the Tune of Liverpool Home). This is the Zam version, written by George in Kitwe. Mod the words to fit your location.

In my new Kitew home,
In my new Kitwe home,
When you want to say "Thank You" say "Sannchu Mukwai",
When ypu go to a barbecue call it a Braai,
All the dogs are called Voetsak, heavens knows why,
In my new Kitwe home.

[Trossie]

Not aviation related, but: ANC bus crash drivers were swapping seats - police | News24 (http://www.news24.com/SouthAfrica/News/anc-bus-crash-drivers-were-swapping-seats-police-20160418)

[Jumpindan]

You might be in Africa when your fueler gets more Jet-A outside the plane than in... see yesterday's attached pic.

[4runner]

The national airline hasn't been operating for a decade. It buys brand new aircraft in a "buy one, get one free" deal from the Chinese. The aircraft sit on the ramp since their arrival as the CAA won't release them to operate as they weren't given a bribe...

[Autobahnstormer]

Wonderfully enlightening and entertaining thread. As SLF I was there twice last year:

: When the new terminal of the National capital Airport catches fire, the fire brigade arrive, and utterly ignore the conflagration to loot all of the shops in the Terminal (JKIA)

: When you are leaving town and a chap in shorts, shirt and a tie with P O L I C E written vertically down it in tipp-ex tries to extort a 'Fine' out of your Local driver.

: When the power in the countries second largest city goes off regularly for days without any explanation.

: the Traffic. Is there a state of existence beyond anarchy??

[Haraka]

.............This ridiculously unresearched and inaccurate article on Wg. Cdr. Ken Wallis (RIP) is posted on line..........

iafrica.com Watch: Elderly pilot builds own 'helicopter' (http://technology.iafrica.com/youtube/1032453.html)

[spinnvill]

Would believe this is the guy:

Autogyro ace enjoys the high life at 90 - News - Eastern Daily Press (http://www.edp24.co.uk/news/autogyro_ace_enjoys_the_high_life_at_90_1_543643)

Certainly old at 90, actually flew spits during the war - but elderly? Quite youthful I´d say! :-)

[Trossie]

Nice story.

Just trying to think how it fits in with Africa. Any clues?

[grafity]

When you're delightfully eating your nondescript piece of Lamb you just bought from the street vendor, and you think to yourself... I don't remember seeing any sheep in Africa!!! :sad::8

[IcePack]

When more than 1 airplane in the circuit. Atc "Romeo India for your information I have lots of " de " aeroplanes coming & going all over " de " place."
:)

[noflynomore]

When people misuse expressions as amusungly incorrect as...

When you're delightfully eating ...

[TWT]

amusungly incorrect

:)nnnnnnnnnn

[4runner]

When you're summoned to do a flight early AM on your day off. As you drive past the the club at 0700, cussing your misfortune as you had planned for a trip to the park and a night in the lodge on the lake. You glance over at the club where festivities are in full swing and the Chief Pilots car is in the parking lot. The CP was the Captain of the flight you were "requested" to fill in for.

[TCU]

When arriving at JNB at 7am the queue for immigration control is as long as the rift valley. You clock the eye of someone with a hi-viz jacket and R100 see's you in the Diplomat lane

[pfvspnf]

People are hijacking you with grenades and later you find out the grenades are just mangoes

[qwertyuiop]

When you're summoned to do a flight early AM on your day off. As you drive past the the club at 0700, cussing your misfortune as you had planned for a trip to the park and a night in the lodge on the lake. You glance over at the club where festivities are in full swing and the Chief Pilots car is in the parking lot. The CP was the Captain of the flight you were "requested" to fill in for.

This applies worldwide.

[D-OCHO]

When you're delightfully eating your nondescript piece of Lamb you just bought from the street vendor, and you think to yourself... I don't remember seeing any sheep in Africa!!! :sad::8

Worse.

You see any dogs around.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

When your friend takes you to the local suya stall and says "404" to the vendor. After 20 years eating suya you didn't know what that meant.

Upon finishing it your friend explains what 404 suya is. :ouch:

[4runner]

You divert to Addis for a medical emergency whilst enroute to the Middle East. The controller denies your "request". You declare an emergency again and land. The airport "authority" berates you for bringing a critical pax to Ethiopia and not your destination that's 3 hours away. The pax is declared dead after arrival in Addis. The body of the Nigerian drug mule whose condoms full of a white powder produced in South America is seized by the Nigerian embassy and the "evidence" is never seen again.

[noflynomore]

Upon finishing it your friend explains what 404 suya is

Do tell...

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

noflynomore,

The term "404" is used describe dog meat suya in some areas of West Africa. To be fair it didn't taste too bad ! Consistency was a cross between chicken and pork.

Cheers.

[Piltdown Man]

So that is the texture. But what does it taste like?

[B2N2]

Probably like chicken as mysteriously a lot of things taste like chicken.
Alligator taste likes chicken and so do frog legs.
It's like our dear Lord ran out of flavors and after 12-15 he made them all taste like chicken.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

Piltdown Man,

B2N2 is dead on. Tasted just like chicken. At first I was a bit p**sed off that my friend had bamboozled me, but after a while I realised that almost all of us eat dead animals of one sort or another. The fact that some cultures eat dogs, cats etc while others revere cows and consider pigs unclean means almost all of us consider meat is acceptable to eat in one form or another.

Still, I didn't have 404 ever again !

[Hussar 54]

You receive an official Tax Bill for $9,000,000 from the guys in Abuja.

You phone your accountant immediately, explain the problem, and he says he'll call you back in a couple of hours.

A couple of hours later, your accountant calls back and tells you that he's negotiated the $9,000,000 down to $15,000 as long as it's paid in cash.

[ian16th]

Pastor-eaten-by_crocodiles-demonstrating-Jesus-water-walk (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4505420/Pastor-eaten-crocodiles-demonstrating-Jesus-water-walk.html)

[Basil]

When the crew get VIP treatment, whisked out of the (Military) back gate of the airport and your senior-pilot minder signs for all the drinks*
You're on a high profile national sports team government contract - FACT!

* Partly because he's 'interested' in a stewardess (well, actually, any stewardess) :E

[ExDubai]

When you're delightfully eating your nondescript piece of Lamb you just bought from the street vendor, and you think to yourself... I don't remember seeing any sheep in Africa!!! :sad::8
That's why I'm a vegetarian...... in certain parts of the world ;)

[ExDubai]

When your friend takes you to the local suya stall and says "404" to the vendor. After 20 years eating suya you didn't know what that meant.

Upon finishing it your friend explains what 404 suya is. :ouch:
Edit, just read it. No going for a walk with my Doberman....

[cooperplace]

Harare newspaper headline said: "man killed in aircraft crash", and reading on, it reports that an old Antonov has crashed on takeoff from a rural strip in Angola, killing a man who stopped by the side of the strip TO RELIEVE HIMSELF!

[cooperplace]

am I going blind or has this thread been removed?

[PilotInPink]

If a thread hasn't been commented on in a while it drops off the bottom of the list. Last post was May 23, so I am guessing that it takes a month to drop off.

http://www.pprune.org/african-aviation/332353-you-know-you-africa-when-37.html?

[coldair]

One of the best threads on PPrune :-)

[gearlever]

Airbus crew of a major EU carrierer arrived at the crew hotel in Nairobi. Bus stopped, door opened, the very junior hosty (first time in Kenia) stepped out of the door and the friendly porter welcomed her with a smile and the typical "JAMBO, JAMBO" . Hosty replied: "No no, Airbus" :p

[cooperplace]

If a thread hasn't been commented on in a while it drops off the bottom of the list. Last post was May 23, so I am guessing that it takes a month to drop off.

http://www.pprune.org/african-aviation/332353-you-know-you-africa-when-37.html?

Ok, thanks. if it's dropped off the bottom, how can I see it again? Having flown in Africa quite a bit, as pax, I enjoy this thread.

[Fareastdriver]

Look for it in the search function at the top of this page.

[cooperplace]

excellent, thank you

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

"Sah, do you have drugs in your bag ?"
"Yes; plenty."
"How many Sah ?"
"Very many !"
"We can solve this problem Sah."
"I know. When I have a headache, I take the drugs. No more headache."
"Thank you Sah, we are happy."
"Me too, and I have nothing for you."
"Aah, now we have a problem Sah."
"Except for this...... for you."
"You can go Sah." :ok:
"Thank you."

[cooperplace]

ah yes, always carry plenty of US$1 or $5 bills on you in Africa, they come in handy.

[Mr Mac]

Or packs of Marlborough !

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

The "drugs" were Paracetomol ! Too many fakes made from compressed chalk locally.

Gave him £2 in coins........ gotta love the initiative though.

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

When you're sitting on a rusty satellite platform in the Bight of Biafra burning and turning single pilot in a Bell 212 watching two guys fighting under the rotor disc, doing a tug of war with the last lifejacket and it deploys. So you load the winner and take off anyway. :uhoh:

Just after leveling off, thinking of the numerous better places you could be, a call comes over the company VHF from a guy who used to fly there (you did his line training) who now flies 777s with BA. He's at Flight Level nosebleed en route LHR to Jo'burg. He tells you he's just had his First Class meal and he's going to sleep in a 5 Star hotel with the trolley dolly who served it. You tell him you're busy and have to go off frequency. :mad:

You land, go straight to the bar, down a cold one and contemplate your navel......... :(

[Heathrow Harry]

but his life is boring,boring boring.......................

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

True, but the idea of a 5 Star hotel and a warm trolley dolly had great appeal at the time ! ;)

[dignified]

The Little Prince, what a book, what an author, a best seller for all African flying operators

[Nigerian Expat Outlaw]

I've just finished reading "Shadows - Airlift & Airwar in Biafra & Nigeria 1967-70" by Michael I. Draper. Very interesting from all aspects, especially aviation (obviously !).

[albatross]

New a couple of Canadian pilots who flew there. Connies I recall...they had some interesting stories..some very funny..some not so funny.
Just ordered the book.

[Tony Mabelis]

I've just finished reading "Shadows - Airlift & Airwar in Biafra & Nigeria 1967-70" by Michael I. Draper. Very interesting from all aspects, especially aviation (obviously !).



My one claim to fame.................a photo credit for the picture of Bristows Riley Dove at Uli Village school and a mention in the picture of the crashed S55 near Ughelli.

As someone who was there, I'm glad you enjoyed it.