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Smurfjet
1st Feb 2001, 07:04
This was posted by DockJock at AviatorSelect (http://www.aviatorselect.com) and I thought I'd share it with you!! :)

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Dear Internet Forum,
I am a student pilot that wants to fly for the airlines someday, but have noticed that there are many different ways of getting a job on a 747. What I am most concerned with is being viewed by my colleagues as a sissy, wimp, or not being a 'real' pilot. Please help me with some questions regarding the method of gaining the maximum amount of respect in my pursuit of a career as a pilot:

Firstly, how far north is sufficient? Is Pickle Lake far enough? How about Thompson or Churchill? I was thinking more along the lines of Alert, but not sure if there is human life up there...hey maybe I could start an airline myself in Alert. Surely I would get respect then!

What about Floats vs. IFR? I already know instructors are considered sissies so thats out. And what about when I move to Alert. I know I should avoid getting a flying job right away (after all that might be considered 'too easy', and therefore not eligible for maximum respect). Perhaps I should start on the dock, or ramp...but maybe that's too easy too. I guess I could get a job cleaning the toilets in the gas station, then move to the ramp where I would concentrate on not flying for at least a year...then get flying. Remember I'm after not just respect, but maximum respect!

So back to floats vs. IFR. I know with floats you have more opportunity to fly overloaded, but in IFR you get to brag about 'busting minimums', which is definitely cool. I can't decide what garners the most respect from fellow pilots though. Perhaps I could find a company that flies IFR AND overweight, and then I could really focus on 'busting minimums' as much as possible! Am I on the right track?

Also, I know I should find a company where the pay is horrible and the living conditions even worse. This shouldn't be hard in the north, but maybe it would be better to live in a tent just the same. That way I'll really be suffering and I can truly brag about 'been there done that' later. Boy, if I ever meet a flight instructor later I'll be able mock him good! If I really try too, I know its better to find somewhere that flies poorly maintained airplanes that challenge my flying ability to the max. I could master the 'non-IFR approved' GPS approach, and also of course I would pull the autopilot circuit breaker when the weather really gets tough. Autopilot is for sissies I heard somewhere! Man those babies down in Churchill and Sioux Lookout don't know how good they have it! You guys use your heading indicator? We use starshots! Thats the real respect, for real.

When I do finally get flying, what are acceptable conditions to go in? For example, what if, one day I show up and the aircraft is in working order, the weather is good, and the load is legal? Should I still go, or wait until more cargo arrives?Remember, nobody ever got maximum respect from an easy trip like that! I guess it would be okay if I kept myself awake the night before to make sure I was overtired. You know, just for the challenge.

What would I do in the summer though? After all it gets up above zero degrees...waaaaayy too warm for respect weather, unless there are tons of blackflies! I guess I could quit (just to keep myself hungry), and maybe move to the antarctic in the summer. The problem is the pay down there...its actually good! I guess I could go on pogey though, maybe sleep outside the tent when it gets too easy, and smear honey on me to attract the huge respect-generating blackflies.

After I get all this respect then, what do I do next? Do I have to take a job on a turbine aircraft or are there other respect-oriented jobs out there for a person with time? I never want to be one of those ***** Sioux lookout babies, or Fort Mcmurray softies...and Yellowknife is practially a city! Gotta stay away from that, I know. I guess I answered my own question then. I should start working on Russian citizenship so I can bid for that Siberia base eventually, for crap pay and horrible living conditions and even worse weather.

Anyone know if Aeroflot flies overweight? Inquiring minds want to know!!!! :)

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AIRLIFT
1st Feb 2001, 14:07
Pretty funny stuff. It sure is a nice "caricature" of the aviation world!!!!!

ehwatezedoing
3rd Feb 2001, 08:07
he forgot the "ice inches scale" when "filing VFR" in winter.

You know, all deice u/s (or not here at all) so:
The more packed ice you bring down on landing in your leading edge/windshield, the more....

@#$%&* you are.

[This message has been edited by ehwatezedoing (edited 03 February 2001).]

jeff748
3rd Feb 2001, 09:44
This guy is a dork! I hope he does us all a favor and STAYS OUT OF AVIATION! That way I will give him the respect he deserves. (...sitdownshutupanddowhattheflightattendantsays!)

Randy_g
3rd Feb 2001, 17:35
I believe that this particular post had been written with tongue firmly in cheek. I hope we aren't so serious that we can't poke fun at ourselves, and our industry once in a while. A good sense of humour is welcome in my cockpit any time. :)

Well that's my 2 cents worth.

Cheers

Randy_G

If you can't stand the heat ...

Then turn up the airconditioning !! :)

Mulligan
3rd Feb 2001, 22:28
Uproarious stuff!
Really enjoyed reading it as I pressed on to Coppermine in the Vickers Vimy with 12 inches of ice and #2 all out of coal oil. Who are those wimpy types who insist on having both engines operating? Not to be disrespectful now...

Code Blue
4th Feb 2001, 01:54
"That's nothing!! When I was a lad we had to crawl out and warp the wings by hand to bank..."

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offshoreigor
7th Feb 2001, 07:52
Smurfjet:

Great post! That has to be the best description of the cowboy aviator I've ever read. Well done. Sort of has the 'Mr. Bean' of aviation sound.

Cheers, OffshoreIgor http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

PS. We used to keep pet black flys north of 60!

skidcanuck
10th Feb 2001, 04:34
Code Blue - did you ever train in Gimli, MB?

JoeCo
10th Feb 2001, 10:27
Jeff748,

I LOVE IT!!!!!! ROTFLOL!!!!!!!

...do what the flight attendant says...!!!!
HA HA HA HA!!!

Code Blue
10th Feb 2001, 19:42
<font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size="2">Code Blue - did you ever train in Gimli, MB? </font>

No Sir, Never landed in MB.
Regards

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innuendo
11th Feb 2001, 05:09
And ILS front courses are for cowards!!!!!

gaunty
11th Feb 2001, 19:58
Smurjet
Love it ROTFLMAO my man you shouldst post that in Dunnunda, transpose extreme hot for extreme cold and Alert for Rabbit Flat and you've got Oz aviation in one. :)

Think we should make "maximum respect" a std requirement for graduation to the big kids toys. Or is that Eric Cartman disguised as DockJock. "Respect ma authorita sweet"

http://www.comedycentral.com/download/southpark/thumbnails/sptoons_undercover2.jpg

Bush Driver
11th Mar 2001, 23:38
Smurfjet,

Sounds like maybe your a Wasaya pilot in disguise. Even the Blackflies give us Maximum respect-for sure management doesn't!

Overloaded in ice busting even cowboy minimums, no sissies here.

flyingwigwam
12th Mar 2001, 12:23
AAAAr, you was lucky.

When I was a boy I used to DREAM of cleaning the toilets in gas stations. Why, we had it so hard I lived in a pickle jar with my wife and 6 children. I had to wake up 3 hours before I went to bed to pre-flight the company Wright Flyer mk1 for the days work flying nitro-glycerine to the North Pole.

Aar, you was lucky.

(with apologies to Monty Python)

Mulligan
15th Mar 2001, 09:38
You had a pickle jar......!!!!!!

flyingwigwam
16th Mar 2001, 15:28
Aaar, but it was a very small one and we had to share it with 5 other families.