Whats the funniest PA ever???

[ThomasTank]

Just wondering - whats the funniest cabin PA that you have ever heard / made ????

I have heard the usual - "cabin crew, doors to manual and cross dress" which got a somewhat delayed reaction from pax.. but a growing titter soon erupted in the cabin...


Just what you need after a delayed 12hr mba-man

[Deep Cover Gecko]

I was positioning on a flight one day when we heard from the purser "The cabin lights will shortly be dimmed for take off. If you wish to continue reading or are afraid of the dark, you will find switches for the reading lights in the panel above your head." Once again, it took a while for the pax to react, but they got there in the end!

[Paulf]

The bog-standard one I heard the other day
(On the air-traffic ground frequency!)

[mrfish]

On a flight from Morton Bay to Sydney, a passenger brought on-board some of the bays, world famous, bugs.
The senior flight attendant kindly took them from him and placed them in asfe place of the flight.
As the pax were disembarking the SFA couldn't remember which passenger the bugs belonged to and ask another FA to query the pax on the PA.
She responded with the following:

" Ladies and Gentleman, would the passenger who gave the crabs to our senior flight attendant, in Morton bay, please identify himself"

[airbourne]

For anyone who has flown in the past with Ryanair, or intends to join at any time soon, working with JXXX HXXXXXXXX is a must, I believe crew actually try swapping onto his flights because he is a total riot from start to finish, a really nice guy who is loved by all the f/as. I also heard he recently got employee of the year at the last Xmas party in DUB. If anyone knows join im sure you'll all agree he is the best person for changing his PAs on a whim!

[This message has been edited by airbourne (edited 21 February 2001).]

...and just a quiet edit by me to remove the full name. Try not to use real names, folks, unless they are your own or those of your family pets etc! There are, aside from confidentiality issues, some security issues in our line of work.

Thanks for contributing,

Mr and Mrs Squid's wee boy, Sick.
Cabin Crew Forum Moderator



[This message has been edited by Sick Squid (edited 21 February 2001).]

[flyingal]

Surely using funny , entertaining or amusing in the same sentence as flite deck is an oxymoron, or is it a flite deck moron?
Oh i dont know I'm pissed.

[airbourne]

Sorry sick squid! Just thought if anyone deserved praise was this guy!

Airbourne

[windowseatdriver]

First ever PA on first ever flight, the trainee F/A says:

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard XXX airlines Flight XXX to XXX. My name is ...." A long pause and then a blank face turns to the the trainer.

[Xenia]

"Ladies & gentlemen welcome to Jeddah, where the local time is....200 years behind" :) :)

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*************************Happy Landings! :)
*************************

[SKYYACHT]

Related to me by friendly stewie....

Cabin Attendant enters flight deck, passing slip of paper to Captain....departs Flight Deck. Crackle, as PA hums into life. "Ladies and gentlemen, it appears that there is a lady with us today seated in seat *** who is celebrating her 111th birthday......so please join me in congratulating her on behalf of *** Airlines.."

Cabin attendant enters Flight deck, shouting...

"No, Captain, shes ILL!"

Tailwinds

:)

[PUNM]

I have used this one a few times:
Ladies and gentlemen, at ******* ******* Airways, we are proud to have some of the finest cabin crew in the industry (pause), sadly none of them were available for todays flight, so instead I introduce to you....

[Rogan Josh]

What is your problem "flyingal"? Do you tar all flight deck with the same brush? Happy to say that there are not too many attitudes like yours around.....

Now what was your name again..."flyinmoron"? or something...get a life

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More Curry!

[Jim lovell]

Rogan she was obviously pissed!

[angels]

Rogan, She even admitted she was pissed! We've all had days like it. Save the flames for serious stuff.
Cheers.

[Next Generation PSR]

"Ladies and Gentleman, ..... Airways welcomes you to the island of Corfu, where rumour has it the roads are every bit as bad as the runway!"

[CaptainCool]

Island of Corfu,sounds very charter to me!!!.Then saying that holiday makers(bucket and spade brigade) probably like it.

[Balboy]

Captain Tw@

What is it with you and people like you who refer to 'charter' as some sort of swear word.

We all squeeze T bags at the end of the day(except my 'end of the day'is usually on a beach somewhere)

This airline snobery is a complete joke

[kbf1]

Mate of mine is a Company 2 i/c (second in command)with the Queens Dragoon Guards and was flying back in a charter from Bosnia last year. Some plainer than usual female soldiers were getting quite a bit of attention than usual. He asked the purser if he could make an announcement, to which she duely obliged:

"Ladies, just a quick note from the officers, on landing in the UK you are once more all officially ugly!"

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The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own Satanic HERD!

[Brad737]

kbf1- that was cruel and stupid, grow up man.
flyingal- OUCH girl. You've either dated one too many pilots or can't get any to date you.

[Dea Certe]

Here's one that always makes me smile:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, in a moment we will be dimming the cabin lights to enhance the beauty of our senior flight attendants"

The pax usually get a good giggle from this one as well!

[Hung start]

I personally didn´t hear this, but was told the story,

A young female newhire was doing the PA on a very short flight that we do in Northern Norway, ca.15 min airborne. She´s sitting in the back of an MD80, and pax only have to turn around and watch her blush, when she realizes, what she just said.

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to the very short flight time today, there will be no service between these two legs....... :)

[Mr. Perplexed]

You've probably heard this one by now, but since it wasn't previously listed here, I will hereby correct that.

I was on a Southwest Airlines flight a few years ago. Coming into LAS, we made one of the all-time roughest landings in my many years of flying. I think we bounced a time or two. The passengers, including me, were really concerned. The FA made a PA announcement of "That wasn't the captain's fault. That wasn't the First Officer's fault. That was the asphalt."

Everyone started laughing and forgot about what a lousy landing it was.

[Mr. Perplexed]

.

[ 07 July 2001: Message edited by: Mr. Perplexed ]

[deepvainpain]

I was not personally on this flt but was told about it later. The flight supervisor decided to wake the crew in the crew rest area by making a PA. Unfortunatly she lent on the direct access button and made the following PA which was heard throghout the cabin of a 747.
"Wake up you c**ts its time for breakfast!!"
The strangest thing was that no one seemed to notice.

[SevenFiftySeven]

deepvainpain

http://www.pprune.org/ubb/NonCGI/eek.gif

[Pointer]

I've used this one a couple of times my self; the first time when i was an FO and our arrival was a bit on the forcefull side due to my fabulous technique.:

"Ladies and Gentelmen, my appologies for waking you up so sudden but we've arrived at LCY... more than once on this flight. I'll try to wake you up more gentle next time around ;) "