Funny comments made by students

[Spunk]

One of my students made some interesting statement. "I'm not allowed to use my cellular while driving. Now they want to place a ban on smoking, eating and drinking while driving. And you are seriously asking me to do radio communication, navigate and fly this thing.:ok:

Made my day...

[Creep Feed Grinder]

LOL - He has a point though :D

[Johe02]

Good one :D

Female student learning to hover and having difficulty. .

"oh. . you do it!!"

:hmm:

[tiger26isfinals]

Female student who when asked..."Can you smell oil"? replied..."Yes, O,I,L".

How we laughed in the crewroom after!

[Charlie Foxtrot India]

Me: "Simulated engine failure"

Stude: (opens throttle) "Nah, the engine's fine, don't worry" :\

[IRRenewal]

Student planned a navex in a C150 and found the ground speed on one leg to be 145 knots.

Asks her instructor: 'Can the aircraft take that?'

[Heliplane]

How low do you get before you land? :ugh:

[scooter boy]

Bone dry ATC to student flying C152 in circuit at busy FL flight school: "Cessna two six romeo, have you really been hijacked or are you just kiddin' me on? Squawk 1200."

SB;)

[foxmoth]

Also from ATC (radar unit) on a student navex "cy instructor" "CY instructor go ahead" - "do you want me to say something", "CY instructor - no thank you". And still the student did not realise she was lost!:ugh:

[IRRenewal]

Student declared emergency at Cranfield a few years ago, in a C150/152 with the flaps not working.

Tower asked to confirm it was an emergency, student repeats: 'mayday mayday mayday, my flaps don't work'.

For those of you who don't know Cranfield, 1800 m of hard runway. Hardly an issue in a flapless C150/152.

After uneventful landing with emergency services in attendance, tower asks: 'Can you confirm you are happy to taxi back to parking without flaps?'

Priceless!

[2close]

Me to instructor as he gets out of right door prior to first solo:

"Where the **** do you think you're going? You get your **** right back in here....NOW!"

But what a buzz!

[pilgrim flyer]

Scenario: stude 'landed' with a thump after one of those holdoffs about 4ft above the ground which they seem to like to do occasionally. C152 u/c went to full twang then absorbed the abuse manfully.

Me: 'We're down then K?'

Stude: 'We didn't bounce!'

Me: 'Meteorites don't bounce, K.....'

[Gargleblaster]

Me, myself on a night rating instruction flight, around 30 secs after instructor had flipped the master switch off:

Hey, both fuel gauges show empty tanks ! It took me approx 3 milliseconds to realize how stupid that was ! :\

[metar]

I recently chopped the power on a fairly good student at 2000'AGL right above the nearly 1km runway at EGPG. Noone else in the circuit, not a breath of wind, I've even called a glide approach to land for him.

Me "So where are we going to land"

Student (blind panic) "How about that field there?" . He points to a tiny field with cows, and power lines in it directly next to the runway.

Me "Are you sure?"

Student "Yes"

Student proceeds to fly me towards field down to 100 feet when I call a go around. I even stared at him looking bewildered the whole way down. I give up!

Gotta love em!

[18greens]

OK, not a student but a trial lesson did once ask

'Is flying affected by weather?'

Actual conditions were wind 30 gusting 40, horizontal rain and a 200' cloud base and nothing could convince her that rescheduling would be a good plan

[pilgrim flyer]

Bet a quick low level circuit would've.....

PF

[George Semel]

A long time ago I asked a student if he knew what an Unusual Attitude was? He said this " An Unusual Attitude is when you have the hood on and can't find the VOR" That guy never did get a pilot certificate as I recall.

[Swanie]

whilst doing aerodynamics, a student replied to the question
"where are slats found?"
with
"down the back makeing the coffee"

[unfazed]

Student on a landaway lesson at White Waltham, had clocked up in excess of 20 hours on PPL syllabus

Me at food / drinks counter about to order myself a tea

Q - What would you like to drink
Student - I'll have a pint of Guinness please (which he did have)

Made me laugh at the time

[Monopole]

On a navex one day a student and I saw a BAE146 at a regional airport. Having recently studied aerody and knowing the student was not familiar with this aircraft, I asked him why were the wings sloping downwards (anhedral).
His reply was "there a four engines for such a small plane"

Me: Yeah, so!!!
Student: Well the engines would be too heavy for the wings

[Kaptain Kremen]

Regular one from studes,

"You were right you know!"

I must look like I don't know what I'm talking about.:(

Or my favourite

"It's getting dark early tonight isn't it?"
It was near sunset and he still had his sunnies on!:}

[ERIK C]

Gents, I am an instructor now but let me share with you my most embarrasing moment outside the bedroom.
A couple of weeks after my PPL I did an aerobatics course on a Robin 2160. Pre-JAA, aerobatics were a requirement to obtain a CPL in my country to make you used to unusual attitudes I guess. The R2160 has no doors, you slide the front part of the window forward to open the cockpit, the back part of the window is fixed to the fuselage.
Picture this: the day of the exam my examiner, my instructor and my fellow students are sitting on a sunny terrace of the flying club. The Robin 2160 is parked just in front of the terrace. I am strapping myself in and am ready to close the sliding window.... In my nervousity, I reach behind me in an attempt to slide the window forward to close the cockpit... nothing happens, it seemed to be stuck somewhere, I thought... after several attempts I decided to unstrap the 5-point safety harness and get up in order to have more grip to slide the cockpit shut... everybody on the terrace is looking very strange at me but I decide to remain COOL:cool: ... After three hard pulls on the part of the window which is fixed to the fuselage, it started to dawn on me that I had to pull the front part backwards to close the cockpit:ugh: :D :ugh: :D
My friends and instructor where rolling on the floor cracking themselves up. The examiner was respectfully looking in an other direction.
BUT, I managed to grab myself together and did my display overhead the runway and got my aerobatics certificate!!!:ok:
My instructor, when he teaches "Human factors", is still using this story in the classroom, without using my name I hope:sad: , to demonstrate how people / pilots can make incredible stupid mistakes when they are under stress.
If you want to know my most embarrasing moment inside the bedroom, I suggest you PM me :O

[foxmoth]

I find it a 'funny comment' that an instructor uses "window" when talking about an aircraft canopy.:}

[ERIK C]

foxmoth,
both points taken: my 'funny moment' en verrouillant la verriere was slightly off topic.
Cheers mate!

[foxmoth]

Sorry, couldn't resist it :ok:

[Craggenmore]

Student..."This is fantastic"

2 minutes later and 25 minutes from base he throws up over everything!

[seawings]

Years ago, while instructing in a T-42 (Baron B-55), the student was given a simulated engine failure on downwind. As was the practice, the student had to secure the engine and report the situation to the others in the pattern. His response was..."Army Charlie 123...downwind with a "stimulated" single engine".

[bunnywabbit]

Many years ago on a nav ex student lost the plot and was lost. I said if you were on your own what would you do the reply was fly south snd pick up the coastline.Not a bad reply because the airport was on the south coast only east and west to think about. Anyway I said what would you do If you were on a landaway.After a much heated debate and going thru every action possible the student said I would call D+D and ask for help.OK I said its the radio call we have briefed on and tell them the truth as you would if you were solo. MAD DAY MAD DAY MAD DAY callsign I AM LOST!:mad: :mad: :mad: :ugh:

[ORBITAL]

Forced landings without power with a student telling him that we warm the engine every 500 ft as it is only simulated. Student carries out drills and warms engine and then says to me 'If we had a real engine failure would we still bother to warm the engine'

[jamestkirk]

That one is my favourite so far.

[Han 1st Solo]

On asking one of my students if everything had gone ok after completing her 1st solo she said that it gone off without a hitch and proceeded to tell me she'd actually sung the whole way round. After further questioning I discovered that her initial choice was going to be 'I believe I can fly' but not wanting to tempt fate she'd opted for 'I will survive' instead. Oh how I laughed. :D

[Milt]

Ab Initio to tower 'XXX clear to taxi'

Tower 'XXX state your present position.'

Student 'I'm over here.'

[TheGorrilla]

Student - "Mayday Mayday Mayday, G-ABCD, I have an engine failure..."

ATC - "Roger G-CD when able say your position"

Student - "I'm at the holding point runway 20."

[strim]

D/W in cct, near PPL student nearly jumps out his seat: "F&^K, theres a plane RIGHT THERE!!"

Me: "Where!??!"

S: "Right in front.......Wait..Oh, its just a truck"

[Mr Man]

One I heard over the radio while training at Sanford,Florida,a heavy training envionment:-

Tower: November xxxx,what are your intentions?

Chinese student (heavy accent):Ah...Ah...my intentions....intentions to be ailine pilot......

[jamestkirk]

Now thats funny.

[barrow]

I just got finished with the required training for a ppl student,
I told him "we're finished with the dual instruction, the only thing left is the checkride preparation after you've done your solo cross country flights and that's it"

He was surprised, and said.

"So a private pilot doesn't know jack sh_it"

[proctor]

"So a private pilot doesn't know jack sh_it"

Well I've got my skills test on Monday, and I don't know him either. Should I be worried?

[fredfred]

Well I can't help but notice that quite a few of the funny stories are about female students. I'd like you "gents" (as one of you addresses us readers) to consider that just maybe us girls are willing to say the stupid thing or look stupid and as a result learn from it - rather than the plenty of guys I have heard responding to ATC (and I mean commercial pilots too) who clearly haven't a clue what they have just agreed to. So I say "Go girls!" Don't be afraid of asking the stupid question - it might just save your life....and the guys were probably thinking it and just too macho to say anything.

[Mad Girl]

Don't know why my quote button isn't showing???

Fredfred said
Female pilots eh??
Well I can't help but notice that quite a few of the funny stories are about female students. I'd like you "gents" (as one of you addresses us readers) to consider that just maybe us girls are willing to say the stupid thing or look stupid and as a result learn from it - rather than the plenty of guys I have heard responding to ATC (and I mean commercial pilots too) who clearly haven't a clue what they have just agreed to. So I say "Go girls!" Don't be afraid of asking the stupid question - it might just save your life....and the guys were probably thinking it and just too macho to say anything.


I have to say that by reading comments on a variety of the forums that aviation has obviously been a male domain for some time - male egos and testosterone abound. Just "another" barrier to be broken down.

I found out recently that my very experienced, but part time, instructor has only taught one female PPL student in the past and even then he was just finishing off her PPL. I'm the first ab-initio female he's taught from the start. There's been a fair amount of learning how to communicate between us :O :O.

My instructor has refrained from putting any of my comments on this thread but he's welcome to do so for entertainment value if he wants :p.

He keeps giving me "homework".... so I gave HIM some yesterday....to come up with some mneumonics that have a female / male orientation rather than the other way round to help me remember stuff.

He reckons it'll be tricky :rolleyes:....but he seems to likes a challenge...after all....he's teaching me!!!!

Any of you guys want to help him out????

[Whirlybird]

I just did a count. 26 funny comments from male students or not stated; 6 from female students. So, fredfred, perhaps your comment Well I can't help but notice that quite a few of the funny stories are about female students. was somewhat unnecessary. Are "us girls" perhaps a little over-sensitive in the admittedly male-oriented field of aviation?

However, Mad Girl's comment There's been a fair amount of learning how to communicate between us is perhaps something that more notice should be taken of. I'm seriously wondering if men and women learn flying differently, as are several other instructors I know. The problem is, I've only had one female student too...there just aren't enough of us for anyone to be sure!

However, thinking about it, every student is individual anyway, and every one of them is different. So as long as you're aware of the other person and ready to vary your teaching methods when necessary (including only using appropriate mneumonics!!!) I'm not sure that it matters.

Enough serious stuff! Back to funny comments please - I like this thread :ok:

[Johe02]

For the girls. .

I have noticed female students are the best to teach. Male students (including me) seem to have a way of interpreting what you say into their own idea of how things should be done. Female students do (more or less) exactly what you say, which can lead to some confusion sometimes but once this is established things run more smoothly. .

mneumonics that have a female / male orientation rather than the other way round to help me remember stuff.

What about FREDA and HASEL? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

AWFUL MFI SHAM? (kitchens?) :}

Back to funny comments. . .:)

[Mad Girl]

Quote:-
What about FREDA and HASEL? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

It may help if you had another S & L in HASEL :p. (HASSELL)
(Sorry - uncalled for, but couldn't resist!!!....I do aeros and have had this one drummed into me - Height, airframe, security(everything locked down), straps, engine, location & lookout)


This is more the type of thing I had in mind (& I remember both...so it works!!)....

True +/- Variation = Magnetic +/- Deviation = Compass or as the boss says... "True Virgins Make Dull Company"

It can be done " Cadbury's Dairy Milk, Very Tasty" but a) doesn't have the right ring to it and b) It's the wrong way round for the plog.

Right....Back to the funny stuff please...

[QNH 1013]

At times I've had more female students than male students - don't know why. I think the differences between individual students is much greater than any male / female differences. I just think of them all as students.

Anyway, since this thread is about funny comments I've had quite a few. One that sticks in my mind was the first sentence spoken by a (foreign) student (about 15 hours in his log book) on being introduced to me for the first time. He said "I need to do my first solo today". One glance out of the door at the windsock made this quite funny.

[jamestkirk]

I made another one up On my ATPL course.

It's quite rude, so PM me if you want to know it.

It en-compasses male and femal genitalia so i better not post it here.

[squeakyunclean]

Female student on a windy, gusty and bumpy day in a C172: "It feels like we are going a hundred miles an hour!"

Me: "We are going a hundred miles an hour"

[blueskiesup]

Student on final approach,

Student, "I'm going to be sick"

Me, "not in my plane"

Student, "i am"

After thundering the aircraft to greaser of a landing, we hand brake the bird off the active and beyond the hold point,open the door, and,

"now you can"

No smelly aircraft

[airsquare]

Just a last comment about working on the male-female instructor-student relationship... While doing my instructor rating, my instructor suggested I shouldn't refer to the fuel selector as a fuel cock to male students. I couldn't tell if this was because he thought this would make me uncomfortable or the student... I only got the ticket recently so done stuff all instructing yet, but so far I feel breaking the habit of all my training to pronounce se-lec-tor is just a hassle, so I decided to stick with the short version until I see otherwise for myself. :confused:

Don't know, tell me boys, how would you take it?



...Besides, S messes up my nmemonics! :}

[airsquare]

Okay, that's it, I can't resist.
As mentioned in the post above I've only done a minute amount of instructing, but as my two years of checkin/airport customer services comes to an end to finally JUST FLY, I'm going to share just a tiny scraping of the idiot passenger stories I have endured.

Moron on foggy morning, checking in right beside a window where you can't even see runway: It's not too foggy to fly, is it?
What I wanted to say: What a clever paradox. Either it's foggy, or you can fly, you numbnuts
What I said: Unfortunately it has reached that point, and this morning's flight will be delayed, very sorry about that sir.:)

Moron arriving to check in AT departure time: I paid for that seat and I am getting on that flight.
Me: I'm sorry but I am not able to check you in. [Layman's version of boarding and loadsheet preparation requirements]
Moron in condescending tone: Look, love, I fly all over the place for work, I know how it all works, so don't give me that rubbish!
What I wanted to say: Oh, YOU know how it all works eh?! [Summary of flight qualifications and experience] :mad: :mad: :mad: And what remotely experienced passenger aims to turn up when the plane's off blocks anyway???
What I said: I'm very sorry sir but I cannot check you in at this point.:)

Moron passenger arriving at 1:30 for a 1:10 flight: Hi, I'd like to check in for the Nelson flight.
Me: I'm sorry mam, that flight departed on time at 1:10. It is now 1:30.
Moron passenger: No it isn't, it's 12:40.
Nothing to say!!!!!
A few days later the passenger laid a complaint against me for denying her travel when she tried to check in on time.

Moron passenger AT boarding time, as I walk up to the PA: All right, we're OBVIOUSLY not boarding on time, now this is hopeless, I have places to be you know and -
I said what I wanted to say: - Sir, one moment please.
And I pressed the PA button to make the boarding call.

Oh, and Americans who always seem to call in saying they're departing from "New Zealand Airport." Makes flying here sound pretty boring if there's only one! :}

...Not even scratching the surface!!:mad: :mad: :mad:
Sorry to go off-subject, it's part of my self-therapy and recovery programme from Airline Customer Service.

Please, continue the original discussion.

[adverse-bump]

i have also done my fair share of check in, best comment i ever got was a pap trying to upgraded to a extra leg room seat, we at the time called them exit seats, her responce was " I DONT WANT A SEAT NEAR THE DOOR, IT WILL BE WINDY!"

I asked her too report to the cabin crew the moment she could feel a draft from the door!

:ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

[Rickford]

In the days before I became an instructor I was an air trafficker.
Now cast your minds back to the days when we had an airforce and RAF Finningley daily dispatched flottilas of Varsity aircraft in the hope of circumnavigating the United Kingdom.
I was a radar controller at Moray Radar (RNAS Lossiemouth) when my eleventh Varsity student navigator checks in with...
"Moray Radar FYG (loud bang rather like nav rul e bouncing of a bone dome followed by anther voice "WRONG") FGY58(bang "WRONG")85 25 miles SE (bang "WRONG")SW Aberdeen .......
Seemed to work by the time he passed abeam the field he was word perfect. Always wondered if he got through the course..

[Bittair123]

As told to me by a fellow instructor:

I was in the pattern making touch & go's with a student under night conditions. The active runway at the time, runway 11, has holding points on both sides; on one side was a B-757 waiting to line up and on the other side were two F-15's also holding for departure. So I told my student "you'd better do good kid, you've got some pretty experienced audience."

We were turning final for runway 11 when the tower cleared us for a touch & go and he made this unforgettable readback:
".....uuuh cleared touch one, gogo, FTE."
Not a word was spoken on the frequency for a good minute.

[blobber]

I was sitting next to an american guy on pax plane landing at detroit before sunset. He was looking out of the window, he turned to me and asked me 'what's that big round orange thing in the sky?'
I politely said 'That is the SUN you MORON'


I have some good jokes too for my next post

[False Capture]

Towards the end of a circuit bashing detail with a particularly poor student.

Full flap selected, throttle closed, speed way too high, aircraft seriously high on approach and no chance of a successful landing.

Instructor: Do you think we should go-around?

Student: We CAN'T go-around. We're running late and I've still got to pick the kids up from school.

[rondon9897]

Type conversion onto Auster

Student makes heavy landing punching the undercarriage strut through the flloor. Aircraft slides to a stop, student says

CALL YOURSELF A FxxxxxG INSTRUCTOR?

Opens the door gets out runs across the airfield and is never see again!

ASK CAPTAIN JON

[rondon9897]

I could write a book on these, oh hang on I am!

Student from Shobdon overhead Staverton back to Shobdon sets off at 4pm when it is due to get dark at 5pm. Lands at 7.20pm at Manchester International airport unannounced and non radio.(never flown at night before)

First words to instructor who collected him.

I THOUGHT I HAD LANDED AT BIRMINGHAM UNTIL THEY ARRESTED ME!

Second words

I FOUND I WAS AT 12,000 FEET AFTER I FINALLY FOUND THE COCKPIT LIGHTING.

ASK CAPTAIN JON

[rondon9897]

Nigerian Air Force student to instructor.

I AM HAVING PROBLEMS UNDERSTANDING WHY THE AIRCRAFT CONTINUES TO GO FOWARD AFTER THE GEAR IS RAISED


ASK CAPTAIN JON

[rondon9897]

My trainee first officer, first time at Heathrow.

ATC --XXX monitor tower 118.3

changes frequency

FO-- Hello Monitor this is XXXX


ASK CAPTAIN JON

[rondon9897]

Instructor in tandem seat jet trainer to student after really rough landing

FOR FXXKS SAKE MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO ROUND OUT OR YOU WILL HAVE THE NOSE WHEEL OFF THIS SUCKER.

STUDENT --- SORRY SIR, I THOUGHT YOU WERE FLYING IT!

ASK CAPTAIN JON

And all of the above are my copyright!

[Spunk]

Student pilot on his very first cross country flight doing a perfect job. He's right on track, right on time knowing where he's at all the time. On the way back he's getting of track, continues and about 5 minutes later he starts realizing that he doesn't have a clue where he's at. Starts looking around, swaying around his chart looks at me and says: "Now this is going to be very thrilling when I'm all by myself on my first solo x/c".

[airsquare]

May as well add this in too...

Outside flying I sometimes deal with a yearlong uncurrent PPL with about 150 hours. The amazing thing about this particular PPL is that he's one of those rare ones who knows everything there is to know at such an early level of experience. For that reason he will not stand being corrected by anyone of any experience level, and rightly so. He enjoys giving me lectures using the most painful nerve-twanging half-baked terms and facts, and any attempt offer him some furthering or angling-conversation-toward-the-physically-possible is cut off with a "Yep, yep" and change of subject.

I usually avoid flying discussions with him (such as: now did you know a jet engine has fans in the front AND back? The back one's for cooling or a similar purpose, it gets extremely hot in those things you know, hotter than a car engine, you wouldn't want to stand behind it). But, recently, he dragged me into a lecture about stalling, and he introduced me to this checklist you do before practicing it, which isn't written down because you can just call it HASELL to remember it.

"Height, Altitude, Stress, Elevation, and I forget the other two..."

:}

[hooligan88b]

A particularly 'challenging' student has finally got to the nav stage, and after a marathon (what seems like) 3 hour calculation of the route to be flown, we end up on the home leg ground speed calculation.....which turns out to be 125Kts.

The immortal line is then uttered

"Can the aircraft take it?"

My ribs still hurt now thinking about it.

[ROB-x38]

Glide descending turns. Aeroplane not trimmed correctly. Too slow, stall warning blaring.

Student: "Can you take over a sec? I think my phone's ringing."

[zob]

Night circuits, #2 on final...

Instructor: "why are you not using the PAPI? We are too high"

Student: "I can't, the aircraft ahead is already using it" :ugh:

[foxmoth]

I called "go around", when asked why he had not put the gear down the student replied "I couldn't think because of that horn blaring in my ear" :ugh:

[Flintstone]

At the risk of being non-PC my favourites are from when I taught Japanese and Chinese students in Australia. In addition to the usual student foolery there's the added element of mis-translation.

First one. Japanese student, practice engine failures/glide approaches. He conducted several perfectly executed examples during which all checks and radio calls were made and the aircraft was always going to make the field. To be honest I was beginning to hate the guy he was so good. "Obviously no problems there" I said "One more and we'll call it a day but this time imagine you have passengers on board." I retarded the throttle saying "Simulated engine failure". He paused briefly before miming tying on a headband and saying "Passengers, prepare to die. Banzai!!":suspect:

Chinese student we'd nicknamed Dr Death. Out on a cross-country exercise starting at sea level (Coolangatta, east coast of Australia), almost due west over the Dividing Range for a touch and go at a bush strip (elevation 600' or so) before heading off to a (then) CTAF and home. Inbound to the strip the guy was a mess. Got lost several times in the space of 45 minutes, R/T a nightmare, he was overloaded from the moment he started the engine. After the slam and go at the strip he immediately initiated a turn on to his outbound heading. There was barely enough height to prevent the wingtip striking the ground so I levelled the wings and asked "What about the 500 foot rule?". His reply, "Altimeter says 630 feet".:ugh:

[deza]

The femail student on her fist navex, student there is a big A road on my left, Me: yes thats the MI.

[dobbers]

Dont know if this one will get past the censor but here goes, one particularly busy Saturday one of our instructors spent ages looking for a particularly untalanted student, he was eventually found sitting in a C152 with a huge tuna & raw onion sandwich half devoured & a cockpit that smelt like Hinge & Brackets pi55pot! This instructor who didn't suffer fools very well glared at the poor sod who suddenly realising the error of his way stammerered 'eh you don't mind do you' ? Then came the immortal reply ' well you fly like a fanny so you might as well smell like one'

[Captain Oveur]

Not particularly funny ha ha but I did have a newish student say something with a fair amount of insight... " Don't you think that the Cessna 152 is a magnificent piece of engineering?". I actually paused and had to conceed the point. The amount of abuse it puts up with is insane. Nail on head methinks! :cool:

Oveur Out

[wileydog3]

"Okay.. first we will try a little straight and level.. okay?"

Response.."Fine.. which do you want first?"

[multi_engined]

this is one of the greatest threads I have ever read on pprune.

[wileydog3]

While working as a FAC in Vietnam, I worked with some pilots from other countries. Many NEVER wanted to admit they didn't know something.

We were droning along at a low altitude with me in the right seat, the fellow pilot.. the student.. in the left seat. We are in a skid, the stall warning is going off and we are in a 30deg bank.

I said, "XX, do you hear that horn?"
Yes..
"Do you know we are near the stall?"
Yes..
"Do you know we are in a skid?"
Yes..
"Do you know that if we stall we are probably going to spin?
Yes..
"And that we are below the minimum spin recovery height so we are probably going to die?"
Yes...
"I have the airplane."
Yes, you have the airplane.

[2close]

Even though I posted this in Oh Ma Gawd it is worth repeating.

Me this morning, on FI course, up at 3000', over a VERY rural part of the English countryside, doing PFLs.


FIC - 'Have you got a suitable field?'

ME - 'Yes'

FIC - 'Which one'

ME - Pointing in rough direction - 'That green one with the trees'



Punch me quick!!!!

[Beethoven]

My usual response to my FI when asked to describe the field I was doing a PFL into was "Wait and see Tony, wait and see. You won't be disappointed"

[False Capture]

Another circuit bashing detail with a below-average student.

During the pre-flight briefing the student says: "I've memorised the Before Take-Off Checks and the Downwind Checks."
Instructor: "You only need to memorise the Downwind Checks, the Before Take-Off Checks are always read and actioned from the checklist"

On the first circuit towards the end of the downwind leg, the aircraft pitches violently nose-up and then rolls rapidly to the right. Instructor recovers and shouts: "WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU DOING?"
Student: "Sorry, I mixed-up the Downwind Checks with the Before Take-Off Checks and instead of checking 'C' for carb heat I checked 'C' for controls."

[Johe02]

I had something like this in a heli. . the guy mixed up pre-flight checks with pre-start checks!!! - Rotors at flying rpm and he goes for 'full and free movement'!

Kinda gets your attention :eek:

[dobbers]

Heres another true story. I was on a navigation test with a particularly'laid back' character who dispite briefing certainly was NOT looking out or pointing out other traffic. As conditions very quite murky my own head was going around like something off the Excorcist. Imagine my surprise when matey pipes up with ''oh look, theres Billy Kray''
I thought a) how has he seen an aircraft before me b) where is it as it must be close as he even knows who is in it & c) who the f@@k is Billy Kray anyway.. As I feverishly searched the sky for this conflicting traffic It dawned on.... We were in fact routing towards the town of Billericay!.

Oh how I laughed (later!!)

[I spy]

I actually asked this during one of my first lessons.

" Does this plane have an air-conditioner?"



Instructor: Yeah, it's called a door.......:ugh:

[Bendo]

Not so silly you know - if you paid half as much for your car as you did for the plane you would expect aircon, surround sound, GPS, sunroof, and individual DVDs and reading lights in the pax seats :ugh:

[False Capture]

We had an ex-Botwana Air Force Bulldog at White Waltham, that had an air-conditioner but it was de-activated.

[Spunk]

Preparing his solo x/c the student comes up with the following question: "So, what are you going to do while I'm out all by myself?" "Well", I reply, "I'll sit back, relax, have a good cup of coffee and wait for you to come back."

"Now that is so mean, I have to do all the work and all you do is either point at the instruments or drink coffee.":D :ok:

[poteroo]

Returning to Jandakot,(West Australia), from the east with student on navex. Student completed 1st solo nav yesterday.


Student: Can we go back the same way we came out of Jandakot

Me: No way, Jose' - that arrow on the map says outbound traffic only via Armidale

Student: Maybe that's why they were all screaming at me yesterday!!

happy days,

[Tofu Racing]

Friend of mine, ex fighter jet driver, while giving duals on piston plane with his very first civilian student, after numbers and numbers or circles, was asked by the old fellow controller:

Do you plan to land soon ?

And he answered: Why ? Still I have fuel....

[flyndad]

When I left the aircraft in order to send my student on his first Solo he moves his equipment aside in the back seat. When I asked him what he was doing he asked " are you not sitting in the back" ?

[TARCS]

Some things were not meant to fly.
Had a B767 F/O (who had obtained his cpl in a western country) the other day doing his first annual proficency check in the simulator after being checked out.
He was asked to do the take off performance calculations.
Runway 18 in use, wind 240degrees at 10knots.
Calculations were done, but he based them on a 5knot tailwind.
It took 10 minutes to convince him the wind blew "from" and not "to"
Needless to say extra training was recommended.

[Whirlybird]

This thread is great! I'm the editor of the BWPA newsletter, and I'd like to use some of these as fillers when I have the odd half page to fill. Does anyone mind? If so, let me know, and I'll make sure I don't use yours.

[charliejulietthotel]

My early flight training in the states, had done all the ground school previously, and learnt that ice was bad, so to my amazement turned up at the airport in Scottsdale to find ice on the warrior, so being a very switched on sort of guy I searched high and low for de-icer, in all the tubs were the screen cleaner and fuel sample bins were kept and couldn't find any, so turned to instructor and said "where's the de-icer?" to which he looked towards the mountains, pointed to that big ball of fire, and said, "in Arizona, we use that as the de-icer!" I felt a fool!

[Tightly Wound]

Was flying a UH-1H for a loadmaster training sortie some years ago and the flight was an NVG sortie.

The loadmaster trainee had only done one sortie on NVG prior and was just getting used to the depth perception issues. Whilst on approach to a pinnacle he gave a brilliant running commentary of how far to run and how far below to the pinnacle which finished in a very confident:

"Five, four, three, two, one....sir good five foot hover"

The words from the front were "RADALT reads 130 mate"

Without missing a beat the response was:

"Copy 130, come down one hundred and twenty five"

[whitehorse]

Student doing his prestart checks on his third flight gets as far as priming the engine.

Student "how many shall I give it?"
Me "two should be enough"
Student "is that enough for a one hour flight?"

[charliejulietthotel]

Had my instructor exam on monday, had to teach steep turns, and of course had to demonstrate how to recieve a flight information service, map reading, and medium level turns, all going fine, when i hear leuchars saying "time 10:15", i was the only one on frequency that i could hear of so assumed it was for me, so i looked at my watch, and it said half 11, so i said to the examiner, "whats he on about, its half 11!" to which i got the response, " no, the tyne pressure setting is 1015!" i still passed!

[Mad Girl]

As my instructor is a gentleman (:hmm:) and has resisted the urge to put any of my MANY comments on here - I thought I'd do the latest for him.

On doing a touch & go after a full flap landing, I took off again and forgot to take off one stage of flap. I know that dropping flap at the wrong time could result in sink, which would not be good too near the ground, so lever in hand I said.......... "Can I let one go???"

He creased up!!!!!!!!




Glad to be of service in the smile department :O

[BigGrecian]

The good old days of having PanAm in Florida it was not uncommon to hear students who were about fourth in line for departure insist they were number one and ready for departure. Also very common to hear them say:
"Pan Am 45 Me Land now!"
when requesting landing clearance.

Student "Fort Pierce Tower, N5489 12miles NW with Tango request rejoin for fullstop 14"

ATC "N5489, Fort Pierce Tower, Join the left downwind for runway 32"

Student "N5489 Request rejoin for fullstop 14"

ATC "N5489 Runway 32 is in use, report left downwind runway 32"

Student "N5489 Request Runway 14"

ATC "N5489 Runway 32 is in use, report left downwind runway 32"

Student "I am on Cross Country and my instructor told me I must land on runway 14"

ATC "N5489 Runway 32 is in use, you can't land on 14, join the left downwind for runway 32 and report downwind"

Student "Request runway 14"

ATC "I'll tell you what N5489 fly Southbound until I tell you to fly Eastbound for runway 32"....

[timzsta]

Whilst I was busy making a prat of myself at the Charlie 1 hold in G-BNFR a friend of mines student who had been instructed to make an orbit on the downwind leg and report it complete announced to Tower "G-BOLW coming out of orbit"

[hogespa28]

While practising PFL's near Point Cook and over the Melbourne sewage works...

Me 'Geez you can really smell the sewage works today...'

Instructor 'Sorry mate, let one slip...'

[Troy McClure]

After a trial lesson with a student keen to help out, suggested he fetch the chocks for me. As he hovered, chocks in hand, I prompted him to put one each side of the nosewheel. Which he did. Literally....

[Troy McClure]

Indian instructor colleague of mine to ATC: 'Can we have the runway lights turned down a bit please; I'm getting suntan here and I'm already black.'

My best rival to that:

On final approach, ATC ask if I can accept a displaced threshold abeam the first exit as an engineer is working on the PAPIs. At half a mile, he offers me full length as the engineer has finished. My reply, 'I can see he's finished; looks like he's taken all the red bulbs out and put white ones in'. After a long pause, I hear the reply, 'Very good...'.

[Troy McClure]

And told to me by my first instructor:

ATC: 'Report passing abeam Spanhoe' [unlicenced field near Wittering]
Student: 'Wilco' [turning to instructor still with PTT depressed], 'Where the f**k's Spanhoe'
ATC: 'In your 11 o'clock Sir, range 4 miles.'

[tiger26isfinals]

Student who was about to practice an engine restart in flight said "Do i need to call clear prop before starting?"

[tiger26isfinals]

Taxying back to dispersal after a session of circuits and bumps with a mainwheel squeaking away student asks "Whats that making that noise?" My reply was "Oh i thinks its probably the brake sticking slightly, I will report it to the engineers when we get back" Trainee replies " Could we just put some oil on it?" :ugh:

[lc_aerobatics]

One of the students at EGKB.

After take off

Instructor “ John you’re doing 85 kts, we should be climbing at 75”
Student “OK” and still continues.

After instructor repeats himself few times, student maintains attitude a retards throttle to idle trying to slow down.:ugh:

Same student on a different flight.

After take off and climb out: -

Instructor “John turn right heading 320”
Student “OK” and still continues.

Once again instructor needs to repeat command few times and then student puts his hand on DI and turn DI to 320 continuing to fly on 210…:ugh:

After 40 hours with no chance for solo he finally gave up.
:}

[Rickford]

Heard recently
Farnborough Radar "G-hows your father did you do any flight planning at Shoreham?"
G-hows your father "Affirm (but in a puzzled tone)"
Farnborough Radar "Did it include flying into the Gatwick Zone? Turn right heading 270"

[sam34]

I get one.
I asked to an instructor a friend of mine a few months ago, "how was your day ? etc"

he replied " well, sometimes I am fed up... you know what? a student pilot asked me a stupid question:

" what do you do when you have an engine failure ? do you try to climb higher ?"

:} :D

I can tell you, it was unbelievable to hear that...

[2close]

Could the student be referring to trading speed for height, i.e. using those few seconds whilst losing speed between cruise and glide speed (approx. 20 - 30 kias) to pick up 100 - 200+' in a straight climb whilst using the time to switch on the fuel pump, change tanks, apply carb heat and commence trimming for the glide (which then starts at a greater height AGL)?

Just a thought.

[Bittern]

Student under pressure pre solo doing pre-landing checks:-

'No arse looticles'

and another,although not exactly funny, by a student from somewhere in xxxxxx being monitored on a controlling frequency on his first solo x-country:-

'I am in de cloud'(sic)

He survived this incident with a lot of help, but not the course!

[timzsta]

Took a student on his first Navex today. Descending back into our base he asked "how the f**k do you do all that on your own then?!!!!!!"

[B2N2]

.." anyway I've bought a jet and would like to do my PPL in your Twin please...":ouch:

[funfly]

I must dmit I took this from another posting but think it is 100%:

Tower (to student on approach)
"G-** wind 160 at 15 knots, no need to confirm"
Stude:
"Wind 160 at 15 knots, no need to confirm G-**"

[Gipsy Queen]

Simulated forced landings years ago -

Student: "Would you turn on the landing lights for a dead stick landing in the dark?"

Me: "Probably".

Student: "What happens if you don't like what you see?"

Me: "Switch them off".

Student: "Better to have engine failures during the day then . . "

Me: "Unquestionably". :rolleyes:

GQ.

[aclark79]

Two incidents, one fairly recent:

Tower to student: "Say Position."
Student on Solo: "uhh... position?"

and then the other day

Tower to student: "Say altitude."
Student to tower: "Altitude."

[Awesome_Welles]

I'm sure you've all heard students getting radar and radio around the wrong way many times before, nothing new there, but has anyone else had a student talking to XX Rodeo? :ok:Yeeehaw!!

[Gipsy Queen]

Quote: -Tower to student: "Say altitude."
Student to tower: "Altitude."

aclark79 - this one can be made to go on for a bit:

after "Say speed", "Say heading", "Say altitude" to which the responses, predictably, are "Speed, Heading, Altitude", comes "Say Cancel IFR" to which the very prompt reply is "Three four zero knots, one niner five degrees, flight level three five five"! :)

GQ.

[cargodoor]

Sorry not a student quote but a pax comment about 5 months ago:

Landing into bush strip Botswana with the stall warning blaring.

Passenger behind me sees antelope at the end of the strip and says "oh were you hootin at those animals right there??"

interseting!!:ugh:

[gimmesumvalium]

I had one recently who did the same (pull the power back on the good engine) - except he was an ATPL FO and we had 300 bodies in the back of the Sim! The Economics of Supply and Demand guaranteed his pass!!
And, before you shoot barbs in my back. I was the one pushing it up ASAP.

Now, here is a scary thought: He will be up for Widebody Command in 3 years and guess what?????

He will be flying you around shortly after..

[gimmesumvalium]

Dear George, (#17)
Your guy now is flying a wide-body Airbus in the Middle-East!
You think I jest? heh, heh, heh

[Esperanza]

This made me smile this afternoon.
At the end of a climbing, descending and turning lesson I always demonstrate a power off/ clean stall so that the student knows what to expect during the next lesson. While pattering my way through the signs and then the symptoms of the stall my student very enthusiastically said, "Yeah, you can really smell it can't you". ???:rolleyes:??? I then pointed out that stalling was all about lift (or a lack of it) and that it would be a good idea for him to read chapter ten before his next lesson. I didn't like to ask what he could smell.
:)

[solowflyer]

Not a student FI experience but myself and a mate returing from a business trip into a Controlled International Airport, we had just landed and I was about to shut down when I got the following radio call from the tower.

Tower "xyz cleard to land number one"

Me "Tower xyz has landed 5 mins ago and is about to shut down"

Tower "oh..... Disregard"

I guess it was a slow day on top of the stick.

[The Wicker Man]

A 152 comes in to land at rochester during a circuit detail (bounce bounce bounce) when the plane comes to stop the instructor jumps out and sends his student off solo. When questioned by another instructor why he sent his student solo after a landing like the reply came "whith landings like that iam not f***ing staying in there".:E

[Deano777]

Me to student when turning finals No 2.

"if you call finals now they'll say "callsign xx continue approach"

Student then calls:- "callsign xx continue approach" followed by chuckles from the tower. :ugh:

[cloudhigh]

In one of our ground courses, pretty sure it was in tech cause it is tech related question, a student asked "do planes have gear boxes"

[Troy McClure]

Not a student, but an elderly PPL overheard while I was in the circuit:
[PPL] - "Tower, G-XXXX, Information B, request taxi"
[Busy controller who'd been just about to clear a 737 to land]: "G-XX, taxi S1 for 27, QNH 1024, standby for the readback"
(You've guessed what's coming)
[PPL, slowly and deliberately] - "Taxi to holding point Sierra One for runway two seven, Q-N-H One Zero Two Four, standby for the readback, G-XX"
(And the 737 PNF just had time to utter the word "Classic...." before a very late landing clearance.)

[VFE]

Overheard a mate of mine calling for taxi clearance at Elstree last year...

Mate: "G-ABCD, request taxi for Denham"

Controller: "Taxi for Denham? Do you want a taxi to Denham or wish to taxi to the runway...?"

Mate: "Request taxi for Denham"

Controller: "Errrr.... taxi down to the apron and ask at Firecrest for the number of a local firm"

Mate (now realising his mistake in request): "Oh! See what yer mean now! No, I would like taxi instructions for a VFR flight to Denham"

Controller: "Thought so" :}

VFE.

[Gulfstreamaviator]

yes and no.

There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid answers.

glf

[sam34]

Wow funny your comments guys.

today I flew in France, I was near Chambery, Annemasse in fact.

I flew my 300 NM for my CPL course. What a funny day!! normal it was Sunday so more relax....

Annemasse (near geneve) (it was an airfield without AFIS or controler just air to air)

me : "F---- from X to your airfield FL 65, overhead X etc"

a young female voice " runway 12!"

me " :confused:....(surprised) Err well...runway 12...F----"

me " So, do you have the QNH of your area please ?"

......

.....

30 second later " no!"

me " :confused: Errr ok..." (in the cockpit, we laughed a lot.) (who is this "controler" ? lol)

Well after the landing, in fact it was a young 16 years old who spoke to give a few informations, but it was illegal, because it is an uncontrolled airfield, A/A.
It was the secretary... i think for a summer job! Anyway it was funny... it made my day.

[timzsta]

A student of mine recently completed first solo. Being of the restricted ilk a friend of mine sent him off for the big occasion.

Upon landing and vacating the runway the tower controller offered his hearty congratulations etc to which bloggs replied "thanks, I was f**king sh*tt*ng myself".

I think the call it release of nervous tension or something like that.

He wasn't sh*tt*ng himself at the end of second solo so we are making progress!

[Troy McClure]

Overheard by a colleague's student turning downwind yesterday for a touch and go while I was at the hold: 'G-XX Touch and Wind'. I will forever regret not announcing over the RT that I was suffering from a touch of wind that day myself.

[bb10pilot]

I was in the traffic pattern, downwind for the active. I had only like 4hours in my log book.

My instructor said, "If I pulled the power now what would you do?"

Not thinking, I looked off to my left, found a good field and said, "Goin' over there."

"Cessna XXXXX short final runway XXX" my instructor said to the tower. He turned to me and said, "What's wrong with this spot right there"

I looked over and there was the airport right next to us..."Ohhh.."

Wow did I feel stupid, the runway was only off to my right a half a mile away yet I started desecending to a damn field with rocks in it. :ugh::ugh:

[2close]

Why did your instructor call 'Short Final' when you were still on the downwind leg? :confused: ;)

"I looked over and there was the airport right next to us..."Ohhh..""

Were you the only a/c in the pattern? :uhoh:

Don't worry, it's a very common situation. At least, after only 4 hours, you had the presence of mind to find a field which you felt 'confident' about getting into and didn't freak out (until you got low enough to see the rocks!!). There will come a point where you will look around a tad more.

[TheOddOne]

I've only been instructing for about 3 weeks, but already had a chuckle...
A trial lesson last Sunday; a big bloke enjoying himself in our AA5 turns to me and says 'are you allowed to fly on your own, then?'
Well, to be charitable, I guess he just doesn't know anything about flying...
:)
Cheers,
TheOddOne

[bb10pilot]

The only other aircraft in the pattern was flying an extremely long downwind leg, and we had plenty of room to make a short final...and the ATC was fine with it.;)

[good finish]

An air cadet who i was training for solo was having a few problems.
He looked up at me and said;'Sir, when i go solo can you come with me'

Another air cadet once asked me how much breathing time we had when the canopy was closed

[barit1]

When I was preparing for CPL the FAA required that a pilot flying for hire, with "corrective glasses required", needed to carry a spare pair "in case", unless he demonstrated the ability to land without his eyeglasses.

But just a week or two before my flight test the AOPA convinced the FAA that this rule contributed virtually nothing statistically to flight safety, and the pilot should be the judge of whether he should carry a second pair.

So - while out with my instructor for a final pre-check ride, I said "I wonder if I can land OK without glasses", and put them in my pocket. I'm quite nearsighted, and could see the panel pretty well, so I pointed the plane toward the airport heading and cruised along several minutes.

Finally I said - "Where's the damn airport?" My instructor pointed toward 11:30 - I squinted and said "OK I see it now!" - I entered downwind and landed uneventfully.

My conclusion is that I should never fly solo - I should always have someone along to point out the airport to me if I lose my glasses. :O

[sam34]

"But just a week or two before my flight test the AOPA convinced the FAA that this rule contributed virtually nothing statistically to flight safety, and the pilot should be the judge of whether he should carry a second pair."

Well, it is not a surprise that FAA has accepted that... :rolleyes: thanks god I fly under JAA.

[BoeingBoy]

Whilst instructing from Belfast in 74 I had a student who was a farmer with the biggest hands I'd seen on a human being.

Trying to teach powered descents I demo'ed various rates at various speeds, on trying to emulate them himself it was evident that the sheer size of his hands were not going to permit fine tuning.

When, out of frustration I finally asked him to demonstrate a speed and rate of descent of his choosing his reply was ...................'Sure I think we're going down fast enough!'


You can't argue with Irish logic!:p

[CiFIcare]

Overheard on RT

ATC: 'G-XX, I've just had XXXX paradrop centre on the phone, they are NOTAMED active all day to FL150 and you just flew through there overhead at 1000 feet'

G-XX: 'It wasn't me, I was at 2000'

[CiFIcare]

'If the engine fails and the propellor stops, will it still be invisible?'

[CiFIcare]

During pre-flight inspection, I notice fire extinguisher securing bracket to be faulty. Upon pointing it out to my student:

'We could stop it moving with wire'

[Bad_Wolf]

Whilst doing some circuit consolidation stude says "G-XXXX downwind glideless touch and go" - made I chuckle...

[pipergirl]

Was about to do an intro flight with a student who had the flight bought as a present from her boyfriend. There was a wee bit of a delay from my last lesson, so I did the paperwork from my last flight and was just about to do all the paperwork for the next flight before heading out to meet the student. I was in the ops area and was just about to sign the a/c out when the boyfriend popped in just as ops were telling me which aircraft to take. I then quickly introduced myself to him and told him that I would be out to talk to his girlfriend in 2 minutes.
That was fine and he stayed in the ops room-
I wasn't sure which aircraft ops had told me to use, so I turned to ops and said
"would you like me to take Mike November"

I could see the boyfriend looking a bit puzzled and just after ops confirmed the aircraft, he interjected and said-

"oh no, it's not Mike, her name is Jennifer"

priceless.:rolleyes:

[A Very Civil Pilot]

Me, to a trail lesson student: 'If you tell me where you live, we can fly by your house'.

Student: 'Why?'

Me: 'Well, some people like to see where they live from the air'.

Student: 'No, I said Wye, it's about 20 miles from here'.

(this should be really be in the stupid things instructors say thread...but I don't want to start one)

[Mad Girl]

A Very Civil Pilot
Me, to a trail lesson student: 'If you tell me where you live, we can fly by your house'.

Student: 'Why?'

Me: 'Well, some people like to see where they live from the air'.

Student: 'No, I said Wye, it's about 20 miles from here'.

(this should be really be in the stupid things instructors say thread...but I don't want to start one)

You don't need to start one.... Just add it on here ;)

http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=268705

[CiFIcare]

R/T Yesterday:

'G-XX report your point of departure'

'Report point of departure G-XX'

Silence....

[J.A.F.O.]

R/T Yesterday:

'G-XX report your point of departure'

'Report point of departure G-XX'

Silence....

I once heard:

"G-XX What is the point of your departure?"

"Nothing really, just a local bimble."

[2close]

I nearly choked on my lunch earlier today.

A fellow instructor, whilst still in the Ops Room, was explaining the art of taxi-ing to a new male student.

After explaining the bit about using rudder pedals and toe brakes together he moved on to moving your heels onto the floor of the aircraft whilst resting the balls of your feet on the rudder pedals. However, it came out as:

"You then move your feet down and rest your balls on the pedals"

I wasn't the only one chuckling merrily.:)

Absolute class!!

[wildpudding]

A brand spanking new student said to me today after his very first lesson:

"I'm having problems with the landing"

Stefan

[tony 1969]

Instructor (trying to prompt student): "you have to keep you eyes open for traffic"

Student "Err I can see a big white pickup truck down there"

[Trolle]

I asked my low time PPL student to perform a clearing turn in the run-up area prior to departure.

He asked, "Do you want me to do the clearing turn in a straight line?"

He wanted to study engineering at the university.

[Duchess_Driver]

"And remeber, a good lookout is vital before moving the control column to enter the turn."

"Are there indicators?"

cough!

[CKnopfell]

Me: "Can you see the airfield?"
Student: "No"
Me: "You can see the hanger, the door is open"
Student: "Oh, you mean that large thing like a garage"
Me (deadpan): "Yes... A garage... For aeroplanes... Its called a hanger"

[BlueRobin]

Or hangar even :}

[kiwi chick]

I had an enthusiastic "wannabe" come up to me in a pub one night after finding out I flew.

U know the type, done lots of hours on Microsoft Flight Sim, knows everything, would be able to fly better than me without a doubt ;)

After asking what I'd done (instructing, then photography flying) he asked me rather condescendingly:

"and one day, do you hope to be allowed to take passengers up?".

:ugh:

[Runaway Gun]

"Mayday Mayday Mayday, Alpha Bravo Charlie, Engine Failure approx 20 miles north of Bumfuq, landing in field, 2 POB"

"ABC, confirm ACTUAL Mayday?" queries Air Traffic.

"Affirm, ABC Mayday" immediately followed by calmer female instructor's voice "That's a negative for ABC, PRACTICE mayday only - apologies...."

[kiwi chick]

what a f:mad:king muppet... I woulda got my arse kicked for that... :bored:

[deice]

Todays genius reported clearance to abc 1500 feet twice after being told 1000 feet. After I'd corrected him he said it again the third time, "clearance abc 1500 feet". It's difficult sometimes... Gotta love 'em!

[sam34]

seriously guys, I would like to an instructor a while, you're scaring me! :ugh: :}

[parris50]

When I told one very slightly pushy, wealthy and powerful student that I was instrument rated, he said, "So we can go up, whatever the weather then?"

[ShyTorque]

In the Jet Provost, pressing either transmit switch made both pilots' microphones live on the radio, so in dual aircraft everyone had to be careful what was said.

One day, on Linton Radar, we heard: "Mayday, Mayday, practice Mayday". Immediately followed by: "YOU f***ing idiot!"

[barit1]

When I told one very slightly pushy, wealthy and powerful student that I was instrument rated, he said, "So we can go up, whatever the weather then?"

My father advocated that early in a student's syllabus, he should be given 30 minutes max of hand-flying real IMC. He probably won't last 30 seconds - but that should be sufficient to make him a believer. :ouch:

[aw8565]

I have to confess to being (past tense) an MS flight sim pilot... Thought instrument flight was, well, just watching the instruments...

We went up into the base of cloud on probably my 7th or 8th lesson.

I took control. We began turning right. And kept turning right.... And in fact did a 90 degree turn at about 10 degrees of bank, and I was helpless!

Scary stuff.

Forever humbled, I have soloed and plan to keep up the flying as its been too long....

Oh my contribution:
Practice forced landings...

"Have you selected a field"
"Yep"
"Which one?" (About 300 feet)
"Er, that one"
"What this one here?" (Just disappearing under the nose)
"No, that one with the Land Rover"
"I have control" (Full power and nose up pretty sharpish)

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=NBphvPd_4kA

[Hudson_Hawk]

St. Augustine Regional Tower: "Aircraft entering my airspace, what is your call-sign and why are you not announcing yourself ?"

Student: "Matt Demon"

Saint Augustine Regional Tower: "Aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately! You are in my airspace and you coming in too fast!"

Student: "Maaaaaaaat Daeeeemoooooon !..."

(true story)

[timzsta]

Had my first real classic yesterday. Told Bloggs this next circuit was to be the last of the detail and to make the appropriate downwind call.

"G-XXXX downtown".

[EGPE]

During a PPL mock skills test it was time for the instrument section. However the other instructor was using the foggles so I had to improvise. In the otherwise lovely clear sky there was this one big cloud so popped him in there, his first taste of REAL IMC. Handed him the aircraft straight and level in TRIM and gave him control to do the bog standard 180 deg turn. Seconds later we are 10 deg nose up and 30 deg AOB. Speed now decaying RAPIDLY instead of taking control I just shouted DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!! Big mistake, we now pitch up more while sticking the aeroplane on its SIDE :eek: No time for the standard I have Control, just F:mad:K and recovering before we stall spin with not enough height to recover after popping out of the cloud base!

His calm response was "That was some mess you got us in there"

Can see his point but, What a cheeky :mad:

[kiwi chick]

there was this one big cloud so popped him in there, his first taste of REAL IMC. Handed him the aircraft .... Seconds later we are 10 deg nose up and 30 deg AOB. Speed now decaying RAPIDLY instead of taking control I just shouted DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!! Big mistake, we now pitch up more while sticking the aeroplane on its SIDE No time for the standard I have Control, just FK and recovering before we stall spin with not enough height to recover after popping out of the cloud base!

This has to be a wind up - am I on Candid Camera?

If not, then F:mad:K I concur with your Student!!!! :ugh: :ugh:

[strim]

ATIS: "PF information Zulu. PF TWR is closed...."

Student: "PF TWR, C172 ABC, Substation 1500', inbound receieved Zulu"

[2close]

During a PPL mock skills test it was time for the instrument section. However the other instructor was using the foggles so I had to improvise. In the otherwise lovely clear sky there was this one big cloud so popped him in there, his first taste of REAL IMC. Handed him the aircraft straight and level in TRIM and gave him control to do the bog standard 180 deg turn. Seconds later we are 10 deg nose up and 30 deg AOB. Speed now decaying RAPIDLY instead of taking control I just shouted DO SOMETHING!!!!!!!! Big mistake, we now pitch up more while sticking the aeroplane on its SIDE No time for the standard I have Control, just FK and recovering before we stall spin with not enough height to recover after popping out of the cloud base!
His calm response was "That was some mess you got us in there"
Can see his point but, What a cheeky

Agree with previous posters.

You obviously have stacks of instrument time in actual conditions, are completely confident in recovery techniques in nil visibility whilst possibly experiencing spatial disorientation, were working a radar service to ensure separation from other IFR traffic (which you were operating under at that time - remember, you cannot be VFR inside cloud!) and of course you have the 'No Applied Instrument' restriction removed from your FI(A) and are qualified to instruct for IMC/IR.

If not, then I hope the student wasn't charged for that portion of the lesson as you were PIC and not legally giving instruction at that point.:ugh:

"One big cloud in an otherwise clear sky".

Sounds like a bloody big CU to me with potentially lots of turbulence.

[Snifferdog]

Calm down people!!..this is not the Spanish Inquisition!!..and it is a bloody hilarious story!! ;)

[boofhead]

In the US it is also legal, if you are in Class G airspace.

[172_driver]

A fellow student with his instructor strayed into the TMA without clearance. Tower advices him:

TWR: S-PA, you have penetrated my TMA.

Stu: Penetrating your TMA, S-PA

Didn't think you had to read back that kind of clearance :uhoh:

[kiwi chick]

Calm down people!!..this is not the Spanish Inquisition!!..and it is a bloody hilarious story!!

:confused:

Are you the sort of person that laughs at funerals as well?

[Gertrude the Wombat]

In the otherwise lovely clear sky there was this one big cloud so popped him in there, his first taste of REAL IMC.
As a student currently undergoing IMCR training ... yup, much more valuable than messing around with foggles and hoods and stuff, only being in a real cloud can teach the student what it really feels like to really be in a real cloud.

The foggles and stuff are play-acting, there are just too many visual cues from lighting levels and so on even if you don't catch a glimpse of sky or ground out of the corner of your eye - flying in real IMC is, it seems to me, the only way to train people to stay alive in real IMC.

[Hudson_Hawk]

There is NOTHING wrong with flying in IMC with a properly certified CFII when in class G airspace (FAA). Absolute must when teaching student IR.

I agree - when you place student in the actual IMC his/her behavior is completely different from the simulated IMC.

[Single Spey]

But surely you don't even have to go into cloud to be IMC.....

[TheOddOne]

But surely you don't even have to go into cloud to be IMC.....

True, but it is better to be completely within cloud, rather than have distracting glimpses of the ground and/or horizon.

TOO

[kalavo]

From a now female instructor, but only gliding experience at the time on seeing the inside of a Pawnee...

"Cawh, how far do you have to spread your legs to get in to this one?" (referring to the rudder pedals for those who haven't seen inside a Pawnee :)

[A Very Civil Pilot]

From a now female instructor

......but previously male?

[Single Spey]

First, he needs to be properly qualified to do it, in current practice, and receiving the correct radar service


Where does it state that you have to be receiving a radar service when IMC (or flying IFR)?

[TheOddOne]

Where does it state that you have to be receiving a radar service when IMC (or flying IFR)?

Well, I don't think it does, but it's a good idea; you might meet me coming the other way, otherwise!:ouch:

TOO

[Single Spey]

If you wish to fly into cloud without radar cover, remember

OK here I am, mid atlantic, and oh my gosh - look out there is a cloud, and I have no radar cover. What should I do? :confused:

I know that that is a 'contrived' situation, but as this is a Flying Instructors sub-forum I would hope that such generalities as 'must have radar cover to fly into cloud' and ' IMC equals being in solid cloud' would be better explained.;)

[kiwi chick]

It would appear that this has become a Battle of Wits... with one side un-armed.

OK here I am, mid atlantic, and oh my gosh - look out there is a cloud, and I have no radar cover. What should I do?

I find that when I have no solid come-back to an argument, I defer to sarcasm, just so that I can have the last word. Does anyone else do this?

pilotmike you sound like a very grounded, sensible pilot and I would fly with you any day. :ok:



(oh haha just noticed my pun... not intentional ;) )

[Single Spey]

Kiwi chick

Hope you are not an instructor - I have made no comment on whether it is good airmanship or not to fly into cloud without a radar service. Indeed for some VFR flights a radar service would be good airmanship. My point is that too often statements are made that are incorrect and as instructors we should not be making them. If the post had said that some form of separation service from other traffic when IMC was good airmanship I would not have raised the issue.

There again one pilot's IMC is not always the same as another pilot's IMC -depending on your speed, type of aircraft and license restrictions - but then you already knew that. :ok:

[Whirlybird]

Hey, you lot, I used to like this thread! Can we get back to Funny Comments, and take the arguments elsewhere. Pleeeaaaasse. :(

[TheOddOne]

Can we get back to Funny Comments, and take the arguments elsewhere. Pleeeaaaasse.

Well done, Whirly! It must be still blowing a gale up your way, too.

OK, it's scraping the bottom of the barrel, but here goes...

I was invigilating the AGK exam for a roomful of 18 yr-olds on a course we're running. There was one question about C of G. One by one, as they got to the question, several of them signalled to me in desperation. They then pointed to a word and whispered 'what does this mean?'

The word was 'aft'. Made me smile a bit. We had actually covered it during the lectures!

Now all these people have got 'A' levels and stuff; I'd have thought that the word 'aft' would have been a part of someone's vocabulary by that stage. Anyway. In case you're wondering, yes, I did offer an alternative word 'rearmost', without giving away the answer.

TheOddOne

[2close]

I bet you were tempted to say "'aft', pronounced as in 'daft'!!"

I know I'm an IMOG (Intolerant Miserable Old Git) but standards, these days, of written English are shocking!!

[Snifferdog]

Kiwi Chick..

As a matter of fact I do laugh at funerals...:E

[carloslopez]

Here is one:


After a very hard landing the student ask :
'What was that?'

The instructor answer: 'The runway'

[2close]

John King on the FAA training video "Manouevres for the COM / CFI" (CPL / FI)

"A collision with the ground will be deemed to be a failure"

:rolleyes:

[EGPE]

Well I knew there was a reason I only look at this PPRuNe rubbish once in a blue moon! I thought it was meant to be students comments not insecure wannabes who cant get a commercial job trying to get one up on each other! Who says I was not receiving a RIS (not me). Who says I was below MSA (not me). Big mountains on the coast line where I was? (NO). We did not stall, just close to it! As I am current in IMC UP recovery's It was no real problem just a bit too close to the limit for my comfort. Good to see acouple of realistic posts in there though about the value of real IMC experience. The main thing is that student will now never go near a cloud until properly qualified he now realises what spytal disorientation is REALLY like. My big mistake was crediting them with enough ability to sort it out rather than taking control sooner! But you do have to let people get it wrong order for them to learn!
Now get a grip and back to the students comments this is tedious!

[Il Duce]

It's not only the students who say silly things: Whilst providing LARS, I was asked by a pilot to confirm that the height read-out on his aircraft's squawk was within tolerance as he'd just got the aircraft back from a major service. After checking his altimeter setting and altitude, I confirmed that his height read-out was indeed in within tolerance. Another pilot (solo) on the frequency obviously thought that this was a good idea and asked me to confirm that his height read-out was also OK. "Certainly, just switch on your mode C." I said.
"Errr.... I haven't got mode C." came the reply!!!!!!!

And one more:
A call on 121.5 from an instructor who stated his position and asked if D&D could spare some time so that he could demonstrate a practise emergency to his student. No problem says D&D controller - as you've given me your position, would you like me to provide you with a steer towards a particular airfield. Good idea says the instructor, how about a steer to Earls Colne which is in my 10 o'clock, range 5 miles?

[A Very Civil Pilot]

Good idea says the instructor, how about a steer to Earls Colne which is in my 10 o'clock, range 5 miles?

Assuming of course it was where he thought it was!!

[Il Duce]

It was, unfortunately!

[timzsta]

Took a luvly young filly up for Exercise 3 today. It was very busy at my airfield and a protracted wait at the holding point ensued awaiting clearance for take off. She was jiggling around in her seat somewhat and I apologised that the old C152 wasn't the most comfortable of environments.

"Oh don't worry" she declared "my knickers have just gone up my bum".

Cool, calm and quick as you like I declared I myself didn't have such a problem as I wasn't wearing any.