Thick passenger comments [Archive]

robo283

25th Jun 2006, 20:39

Pax: Can I have a sandwich please?
Me:We haven't got any sandwiches left,sorry.
Pax: Oh have you got any chicken sandwiches left?
Me: No, sorry, we haven't got any sandwiches at all.
Pax: What, none at all? Not even any egg?
Me: No we haven't got any sandwiches of any description
Pax: You must have some sandwiches, it's got a picture of one in the in-flight magazine.
Another Pax: Please get me a blanket and a pillow.
Me: I'm sorry we've given them all out.
Pax: But you said when we got on that you had some blankets and pillows.
Me: Yes but that was two and a half hours ago.
Pax: But they've always got enough on British Airways.
Me: You're welcome to try to transfer but as we're at 35000 feet it might be a bit awkward.
(As told to me by Mrs. Robo283)

TSR2

25th Jun 2006, 22:31

Absolutely true story. Three hours into flight from Paphos to Manchester.

Thick Passenger Seat 17D Observes Young lady in seat 14D with very restless infant.
Thick Passenger Seat 17D Observes Young lady in seat 14D asks passing CC for pillow for infant.
Thick Passenger Seat 17D Observes CC says to young lady in seat 14D 'you will find one in the overhead lockers' and continues towards the rear of aircraft.
Thick Passenger Seat 17D States to Passing CC It's OK, I'll find her a pillow for the infant.
CC Member Totally embarrassed.

Must add that this CC attitude is not typical of this particular airline.

airbusthreetwenty

26th Jun 2006, 13:06

The other day at work we had long delays due to fog. I heard the following and was completely dumbfounded.

Pax: Why can't anyone do anything about the fog?
Me: *long pause* "I'm sorry, are you actually being serious?"

The pax then realised what they had actually said.

apaddyinuk

27th Jun 2006, 03:51

Got this one the other day!

ME: Sir, would you like a drink with your breakfast?
PAX: Ill have a tea please.
ME: Sorry sir, unfortunately we have run out of potable water (dont ask, its a long story but lets just say we coped despite a total lack of even flush water in the loos) so hot drinks are unavailable. I do apologise however can I offer you some juice?
PAX: Its ok, its not your fault, Ill just have a Coffee instead!!!!

:uhoh: :uhoh: :uhoh:

A and C

27th Jun 2006, 07:45

Pax: In somewhat of a panic calls a cabin crew member and says "do the pilots know about the aircraft that is flying very close to us?"

CC: "Madam that is the light on the wing tip!"

Shamrock274

27th Jun 2006, 10:56

tart1

27th Jun 2006, 11:29

TSR2...
So why is the passenger in 17D thick??:confused:
I wondered that as well Shamrock but I thought it was just me being a thick pprooner!! :ooh:

angels

27th Jun 2006, 12:05

It may be me, but I think there's an element of sarcasm there......:}

Must admit, as humble SLF i find the original post a little insulting. Both the pax are requesting things that they were told would be available. And as for the comment -- Me: You're welcome to try to transfer but as we're at 35000 feet it might be a bit awkward.

Please pass on to HID that I bet that pax ain't flying with your lot again!!!!

Eddy

27th Jun 2006, 13:39

It may be me, but I think there's an element of sarcasm there......:}
Must admit, as humble SLF i find the original post a little insulting. Both the pax are requesting things that they were told would be available. And as for the comment --
Please pass on to HID that I bet that pax ain't flying with your lot again!!!!

I don't think the OP was suggesting that the pax was "thick" for asking for said items as, you're correct, these were all offered initially. The OP was suggesting that the passenger was "thick" because they continued to ask the same questions (with slight variations) even after being repeatedly told that such items weren't available.

robo283

27th Jun 2006, 20:26

I should have added that the last comment was sotto voce.
I wish I'd never started this thread :ugh:

TSR2

27th Jun 2006, 21:12

Sorry, just my sense of humour.
It would seem that an awful lot of CC consider all passengers to be thick.

apaddyinuk

27th Jun 2006, 21:33

Sorry, just my sense of humour.
It would seem that an awful lot of CC consider all passengers to be thick.

Well the same goes the other way TSR2!!!

Gatwick07

27th Jun 2006, 22:03

I know variations of this one's come up loads, but it happened (again) today....

Me: "Any Coffee?"
Pax: (Takes out headphones) "Eh?"
Me: "Any coffee for you sir?"
Pax: (totally blank expression for a few seconds)
Me: (for the final time) "Would you like any coffee sir?"
Pax: "Is that tea?"

:ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

Shamrock274

27th Jun 2006, 22:11

.... an awfull lot of CC consider passengers to be thick.
:hmm::mad::mad::mad:

Well the same goes the other way TSR2!!!
LOL, can't stop laughing:p:p

dustybin

27th Jun 2006, 22:35

What starts as abit of fun ends up getting took the wrong way again, why bother :ugh:

Dea Certe

27th Jun 2006, 22:55

Oh come on! People are funny! Cabin crew, pax, pilots alike. It's just human nature.

Laughter is good for the soul and for ones sanity!

Dea

rotated

27th Jun 2006, 23:59

The rotty family is OFTEN slf between Japan and the USA--3 more flights and we get our own personal 744!!! :}
Well not quite. But I have been witness to innumerable incidents such as the ones mentioned, with various happy, tense, or angry outcomes. Sometimes the pax is just a complete wa:mad: er, true. However, before CC decides to write someone off, so to speak, please remember that you are AT HOME on the aircraft, doing your job; it is a day at the office for you with very few uncertainties.
It may not be so for your pax. Jet-lagged out, unfamiliar perhaps with the aircraft, destination, or what awaits them there. Simply put, their state of mind may be VASTLY different from yours.
Case in point, I was once sat next to a fellow who seemed nearly catatonic, having trouble acknowledging the CC request to re-stow some carry-on. The gal with the stockings was quite harsh on him, at one point mentioning having him tossed off the plane. I intervened a bit, helped get the guy's bag stowed, etc.
Some time later, after takeoff, he responded to a little gentle attention and opened up a bit. Turns out he was flying home to bury his wife and daughter who had been killed in an automobile accident in his absence.
We have a responsibility for kindness, try it and see how far the ripples carry...

sinala1

28th Jun 2006, 00:01

Threads such as these are meant purely as therapy for those of us who deal with the less erm 'familiar with flying' (yes, that was a diplomatic enough description :E ) amongst our pax - no malice or harm intended - please don't view it in any other way!

blueloo

28th Jun 2006, 00:13

TSR2 - I got what you meant first time round. I was going to expand on it, but it appears some of the responses here are in line with your post!

apaddyinuk

28th Jun 2006, 13:06

In fairness one and all, I would not normally say this but if the SLF dont like what we are saying in this thread I suggest you choose to ignore it and move onto the next thread. It is simply a little light relief for us cabin crew dimwits, no offence is intended but this is a "Cabin Crew" thread.
Im aware of the irony as I only posted a few weeks ago in defence of SLF that they should be allowed to input their thoughts but considering some of you are taking offence to something that is intended to be "shop humour" I suggest you leave this one alone and let us play amongst ourselves.
Probably too late for that now though cos the moment has been lost.

6chimes

28th Jun 2006, 14:21

Once on a flight back from some meditteranean island just after the seat belt signs had come on and long before the gear went down I was stopped by a passenger who in all seriousness asked me "have we landed yet?"

6

Domaiv

29th Jun 2006, 17:18

Wouldn't call this particular pax thick, but his comment was quite funny. On a flight from LHR-LBA an American pax asked "are we going to Leeds or Bradford first"

Rachie

29th Jun 2006, 20:51

while going to brief my exit pax...

me: excuse me sir, sorry to bother you but as you're sat on the emergency exit..
SLF: *looks totally blank* huh what
me: as you're sat on the emergency exit
SLF: what do you mean?
me: *says it s-l-o-w-l-y* see that door you're sat next to, its an emergency exit.. see the big EXIT sign?
SLF: mmmm, right...
I'd be here all night if I continued the rest of the conversation :mad:

From my days of being on the ground:
PAX: Can we be somewhere near the front?
me: yes, is row 3 ok for you?
PAX: Is that near the front?
me: no the seat rows are numbered 1, 2, 4 all the way through to 40 then row 3 is there
PAX: oh right, so nothing near the front then? :ugh: :ugh:

again when they think we make PA's for fun, and how the instructions to them apply to everyone but THEM

I think I need to work somewhere else :} preferably with animals.. I might get more sense from them

ozangel

29th Jun 2006, 21:19

ME: Would you like a tea or coffee sir?
PAX: WHAT?
ME: Would you like a tea or coffee sir?
PAX: No I dont drink alcohol!
ME: Sorry sir, we are offering you TEA, or COFFEE, would you like some?
PAX: Yes. .... (puts his cup on my tray, and stares blankly at my colleague and I).
ME: So sir, which is it - tea or coffee?
PAX: WHAT?
ME: Would you like tea or coffee to drink sir?
PAX: I told you - yes!
ME: Sir, I need to know, do you want the TEA, 'OR' the coffee.
PAX: Tea, black, no sugar! (I pour it - he takes the cup)

2 rows later

PAX: Can I have some milk and sugar please?
(We return, my colleague pours the milk from the silver jug - and instructs the passengers to 'say when').
PAX: I didnt want milk for the tea, I want a coffee with milk!

_____________

Another passenger on another flight...

I pour her her requested cup of tea.

PAX: What do you call this - thats disgusting, take it back.
ME: Is there a problem?
PAX: Its too strong.
ME: Im sorry mam, I will make you a fresh cup a bit weaker in a minute.

I return with weaker tea

PAX: Oh, no no no, its still far too strong.

I return with even weaker tea - so much so that its barely tea.

PAX: No, take it back!

I return with a cup of hot water and a tea bag (separate) so she can do it how she likes. I apologise.

PAX: Thats not how you make tea!!! What do you expect me to do with this.
ME: Its a tea-bag - you dunk it in the hot water.
PAX: Dont you have fresh tea and a tea pot?
ME: Im sorry mam, no we dont.
PAX: Just get me a VB (harsh, cheap and nasty victorian beer).

Return with VB:

PAX: Its too cold, do you have any that arent so cold.
ME: No sorry mam.
PAX: Well I dont want to pay for it!

jupiter2

30th Jun 2006, 03:23

On a domestic flight from Sydney I had this exchange with a newly arrived U.S. visitor to Australia a few years back.

Me: Madam, would you like a cup of coffee?

Passenger: Do you have any tea with yee?

Me: I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean by yee.....

Passenger: Oh..... no I'm sorry, do you have any tea with thou?

Me: Are you trying to speak olde english?

Passenger: Isn't that how you speak here in Australia?

:O

britanniaboy

30th Jun 2006, 10:13

Were about an hour out of SFB and travelling up the eastern seaboard. At the time, one of last years hurricanes had passed over Orlando and was by now somewhere up by the Carolina's.

PAX AT WINDOW: Excuse me, what are those big flashes in the clouds over there. Is it another aircraft?

I look out of window.

ME: Um, that's lightning sir.

These two were told to be me by a friend at easyJet.

Boarding. Pax enters door. "Oh, seats."

Or:

PAX: Excuse me. The coloured tint on these windows is lovely. Why do you have it?

HOSTIE: That's a sunset, ma'am.

lexxity

30th Jun 2006, 12:11

I've posted this before but it still makes me chuckle.

I was boarding a flight to Chicago and an elderly American couple handed me there boarding cards, as I gave them the stubs back I said feel free to help yourselves to water from the rack. (We give bottles out as you board). The old man turned to his wife and said "WHAT DID SHE SAY?"
Her: "WE'RE FLYING OVER IRAQ DEAR!"

Laugh? The whole gate area collapsed.

Bless.

blueloo

1st Jul 2006, 00:48

Cant bag out pax to much......how about crew too

This little exchange on a very delayed 737 only 2 weeks ago:

Pilots called out from standby, only First officer there, Capt hasnt arrived, all cabin crew and CSM already onboard from previous sector:

Customer Service Supervisor (CSM) to F/O: The company wants us to leave now.

F/O: Capts not here, we cant go yet

CSM: NO, but the company really wants us to go NOW

F/O: Really, we cant go without the Captain.

CSM: NO, the company just told me, they want us to leave right now.

F/O: Scratching head, Look, I think your missing something here.....

cwatters

1st Jul 2006, 09:07

Threads such as these are meant purely as therapy for those of us who deal with the less erm 'familiar with flying'

Some of us "familiars" find them quite theraputic as well.

Clarence Oveur

1st Jul 2006, 09:42

Taking fun
as simply fun
and earnestness
in earnest
shows how thoroughly
thou none
of the two
discernest.

rotated

1st Jul 2006, 11:35

Just got back from a few days away... read my earlier post and realized how much it (and I) didn't belong here. I apologize for sticking my big nose where it doesn't belong. Was also reminded on the flights down to Naha (:ok: ) and back of some of the cr:mad: ola you fine folks have to put up with, day in and day out.
Sorry I posted like a pompous a$$! :ugh: :{
Hat, coat, door...

Taildragger67

1st Jul 2006, 12:28

sinala1

1st Jul 2006, 22:03

Rotated my post regarding this being a 'therapy' thread was not directed at you. Everyone is welcome here - provided they don't make an a$$ of themselves, which your post did not.

GTTIB

3rd Jul 2006, 02:56

SkySista

3rd Jul 2006, 05:01

Me: Are you trying to speak olde english?

Passenger: Isn't that how you speak here in Australia?

PMSL!!!! :D

I was passing some last-minute wx info to a crew while boarding, I turned to go and a pax (little old lady) says to me:

"Excuse me, aren't we going to wait for the weather to be fixed?"

(Me with a blank stare, until I realise she'd heard me say 'broken cloud'!! :} )

I think quite a few of us get that one from time to time!!!

Rachie

3rd Jul 2006, 22:48

WHY do they always wait until after you've taken off to tell you that they've left something at the gate aswell?

what do you want me to say? "oh yes ok sir, no problem, we'll just turn back?" :mad:

180backtrack

4th Jul 2006, 11:21

I had an interesting experience years ago flying to the UK from a Middle Eastern state on their national airline. My hand baggage was taken off me on boarding by a member of the cabin crew for being allegedly too large (although it looked fine to me and had travelled in countless aircraft cabins before.) I didn't argue and the CC said he would put it in a storage area in the cabin so I could have access to it on the journey. After take off, with the plane less than half full, I decided to try to retrieve my bag. My conversation with the CC went like this:

Me: Could I have access to my bag please?
CC: I had it put in the hold, sir
Me: But I wanted to get something out of and it's not locked, so I didn't want it to go through baggage handling
CC: What would you like me to do about it, sir? Ask the captain to land so you can get you bag?
Me: Yes, please
CC: That is a ridiculous suggestion, sir
Me: But it was YOUR suggestion

At that point the CC walked off and made no attempt to be polite to me for the rest of the journey. I didn't use that airline again.

OzyOS

4th Jul 2006, 13:36

FA: "Would you like tea or coffee"
Pax: Yes please

(......could go in circles with this one all day, why is it so hard just to say tea or coffee??? LoL)

Shamrock274

4th Jul 2006, 15:09

Pax: Excuse me, do you have any insecticide spray?
CC(me): Can I ask what for madam?
Pax: There are lots of tiny flies flying around in front of me.
CC(slightly confused): I don't see any flies madam, I think what you can see is dust. Anybody, no? Dust.
Pax: Oh, I guess it could be.

I don't think she quite got the Little Britain reference, but some pax really do leave their brains on the ground.
Could have been a medical problem??? Floaters..... especially if pax was experincing this for the first time-> Retinal Detatchment :eek::eek:

or as you said, could have just been dust:ok::ok:

johno617tonka

4th Jul 2006, 20:11

cabin crew must have the patience of saints!!!!! i don't know how you do it!
i used to work on the ramp at MAN (T2).. when the plane was loaded the push back team would then go and get the pushchairs etc. the best game then was 'count the new trainers' sounds daft but certainly passes the time well....
BUT... the funniest thing i ever heard was from groundstaff who were beginning to board a delayed aircraft. we arrived upstairs and obviously attracted attention, there was then one or two people moving gingerly to said groundstaff to see when aircraft was leaving (don't know if they thought we were flight deck or not, but reading some of the posts maybe!)
the couple of people ended up as a large group (again, people must of thought that it was top secret and the aircraft would go without them!)
the girl was in the process of typing something into the computer on the gate which really got the mood flowing.... THEN............
one surly looking bloke, who had obviously watched EVERY episode of airline/airport thought he would be clever and ask the 'in the know' question...
" will this delay affect our airspace?"... now i believe he meant to ask " will this delay affect our slot time?"...but no he persisted with the now VERY busy girl and asked the same question again....
" WILL THIS AFFECT OUR AIRSPACE? " now at this point the rest of the passengers looked like they were ready with their own 'dumb a$$' questions until the girl looked up, spun round to the terminal windows ( very large glass ones ) and replied back in a very manner of fact way.....
" NO! THERE IS PLENTY OF IT OUT THERE TO GO AROUND!!!!" :D
within seconds everyone sat back down and there was peace and quiet until the plane boarded and off they went on their hols........
PRICELESS!! YOU ALL HAVE MY GREATEST RESPECT......:ok:
regards
J6T

lexxity

4th Jul 2006, 20:19

Brilliant. :D :D :D

I do believe that Manchester attracts some stunningly smart@ss pax.

Down on B pier in T1 one hot and sticky afternoon and some guy comes up to me and at the top of his voice says to me "is there anything you want to tell me?"

Me: (very puzzled) No Sir. :confused:
Pax: Are you sure? (Very loud, at this point has the attention of a good majority of the pier.)
Me: I'm very sure. (More puzzled)
Pax: Only it seems to me that there is no aircraft for us to FLY ON! (V.V.loud and looking down his nose whilst checking that everyone is lookng at him.)
Me: So that big blue and white thing behind you is an apparition then?

Lots of sniggering and guffaws from assembled crowd, him bright red in face and slunk away.

The moral of the story? Nobody likes a smartalec, espcially one who can't get his facts straight.:ok:

johno617tonka

4th Jul 2006, 20:52

some of the earlier posts have had me in stitches..... did anyone read the stuff in the tabloids about 'complaints' from passengers??
the best one was.... ( a flight to the carribean!)
" why has it took us 11 hours, when it only took the americans 3 hours ??":ugh: :ugh: :ugh:
(the hours may be slightly wrong but eh close enough!!)
the rest i can't remember but i bet someone can???

woolyalan

4th Jul 2006, 23:15

hehe,
This thread proves the following:

1) No matter where you work, if you work with the public you will ALWAYS get asked stupid questions, n generally get an arsey f:mad: r

2) No matter where you are, if you need help from someone who works with the public, you will eventually recieve some sarcastic comment

You know who you are :p

flybywire

5th Jul 2006, 09:12

Passengers will never stop amazing me...

Today on boarding in TLS a man with 3 heavy bags (one for himself, one for his wife and one for his kid) made a bad comment to me when I pointed out to him that NO, he could not store them in an empty trolley stowage in the galley, just opposite my crew seat.....I understand the new baggage policy can confuse people a little, but... :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

FBW

flybywire

5th Jul 2006, 09:47

Cant bag out pax to much......how about crew too

Oooohhh yessss!!!

I have some of those as well!!!

This one happened about 3 years ago...

Paris Air Show. Fellow Crew member and I get access to the show during a non-public day thanks to the power of our airline passes. :E

ColleagueX, a N2 (senior in charge of Yclass) for a very well known charter UK airline, proposes to go and have a peek at the (at that time) brand new B777-300ER.
I have a special love for the 777 and, having worked on a previous model, I was explaining to him some of the features of the new aircraft, how great it is, differences with the 767 etc etc.

Now that was the day Emirates announced that they were going to buy many of those and other airlines were contemplating and about to make a declaration, so the area around it was full of professionals, airline bosses, airline photographers, journalists, anoraky know-it-all nerds and, of course, Boeing people.
All of a sudden he looks very serious and starts screaming...

<<You're righ! You're right! This plane is fabulous and will be so comfortable and safe...look!! It doesn't only have two wings, it has four!!!>> :ugh:
:{

That was such an embarassing moment, but boy it was funny!!:E :D

flybywire

5th Jul 2006, 16:16

I don't get it..... what was the funny bit??? :confused:
Yep, loads of great features on the newer 777s, though. They put a lot of thought into the fold-down tables in the galleys, hotter ovens, brighter lights, faster coffee machines, etc...:rolleyes:

The funny/sad bit is that for the first time in 7 years of flying he had realised that aeroplanes have a horizontal stabilizer+elevators!!! He thought that the 777 was extra special because had "4 wings instead of the 2 like the 757/767" :ugh: :{
So after that I decided it was useless to explain that the two big wings of the 757 are in fact only one anyway....wingtip to wingtip....too complicated :rolleyes:

Anyway, the reaction of the people around us was what you'd expect, lots of giggling....:E
But now it is not funny anymore :zzz:

flyblue

5th Jul 2006, 19:30

But now it is not funny anymore
Don't get me started on the 777-300 :* I'd go off topic :(

great crew rests though... :\

SkyFish

6th Jul 2006, 07:09

Jet Airways

CC: Sorry the menu has changed - all the chicken has been taken off the menu

Me: Oh, why is that?

CC: Due to the Bird flu outbreak - Would you like some duck terrine instead?

PAMCC

6th Jul 2006, 12:22

Many many years ago in my mis-spent youth, I was CC for a charter co out of MAN. Late one night as we were taxiing out for dep (to somewhere in Spain) and I'm walking down the cabin checking seat belts, a womann tugged at my jacket and asked,

" 'Ere is there sommat wrong with this 'ere window'

Perplexed, I took a good long look at said window and replied that I couldn't see anything wrong with and asked why the passenger thought there was. She replied,

"Well, me daughter's been trying for ages, and she can't get it open"

I'll hold off on my reply ;)

flyblue

6th Jul 2006, 13:11

-Hum, excuse me, is that right what the Capt just said, that it is -50 out there???

-Yes, it is right, it's -50 degrees outside the A/C

-You mean -50, like in "-50 degrees cold" ????

-Errr, yes

-Then how come we are not all dead yet????

AND

-'Scuse me, is this a Boeing or a charter???

sinala1

6th Jul 2006, 18:52

-'Scuse me, is this a Boeing or a charter???

Based on the question, I am willing to hazard a guess it was a charter, probably out of Manchester bound for Ibiza or somewhere similar :E

EI-CFC

6th Jul 2006, 22:51

Jet Airways
CC: Sorry the menu has changed - all the chicken has been taken off the menu
Me: Oh, why is that?
CC: Due to the Bird flu outbreak - Would you like some duck terrine instead?

ROFL - I don't know why, but that one really amused me :D

tuismile

8th Jul 2006, 13:19

Moral: Dont try and bullsh1t a bullsh1tter!

Quite true!!! I work for a charter airline also and I did a flight to PFO not long ago. Finished the meal service

PAX: Scuse me, I ordered a meal forme and my family we haven't got it yet..
CC: Have you got your tickets with you so I can just check please?
PAX. They're in my suitcase.
CC: So how did you check in then???
PAX: Well I was given mytickets at the airport and then I put them back in my suitcase
CC: I can't really give you a meal without seeing your tickets madam
PAX: Well can you go downstairs and get me suitcase and I'll show ya??

Did she order a meal????? OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!

cavortingcheetah

9th Jul 2006, 10:47

:hmm:

Chomp a blood capsule, available from most joke shops, allow the goo to run down yout chin whilst feigning sleep just after dinner on a long haul. Allow harassed companion to field thought provoking questions from CC, who sometimes, at least, do not see the thought provoking humour in such an action:p

stevef

9th Jul 2006, 11:07

ShesGreatintheGalley

9th Jul 2006, 13:54

PAX: what do you have to eat and drink?
CC: there is a menu just there in your seatpocket...
PAX: (pulling something out and reading it) "what? this? it dosent say food?"
CC: No, thats the sickbag...

flybywire

9th Jul 2006, 16:21

the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...

Lucky you!!!;)

On the A320/321s of an airline I worked for previously we used to have a proper "hail" shower from the vents above the main doors and pax used to ask us if that was because it was snowing outside....:confused:
Yeah...snow that magically enters the cabin at FL360 above the Alps...and with a sunny sky....Very dangerous!!!
Heard that many, many times....:ugh:

Bless them all :E

tuismile

9th Jul 2006, 16:41

Flight from Cancun to LGW

PAX: 'Scuse me!!
ME: Yes Madam how can I help?
PAX: There's PETROL leaking from the roof. Look!!!
ME: Oh dear...Looks like we're going nowhere then madam!!!

angels

11th Jul 2006, 09:03

On the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...

I once had the misfortune to fly on a Tower Air jumbo to BKK from LGW which had a vent that positively didn't like me. At least half a cup of water each time we rotated (the plane was so old it couldn't make to BKK in one go, we had to re-fuel in Bahrain).

The first time I got soaked I whinged to one of the CC who said, 'Don't worry, it isn't petrol (sic).'

Still, at 299 quid return I didn't moan that much! :}

BaronChotzinoff

14th Jul 2006, 02:06

In the back of a BA flight recently I was sitting opposite a smart, clever-looking young man like Bamber Gascoigne. As passengers were loading, he suddenly became very agitated and started rummaging furiously through his wallet and suit pockets. "Oh, that bl00dy woman, what's she done with it, where is it, OMG, it's not here!" he was saying, over and over. The CC standing by asked him what was the matter. "The return part of my ticket! How am I ever going to be able to fly back now? That stupid woman at the desk didn't give it me back!"

"But this is a ticketless airline, Sir," replied the CC. "You turn up at the desk on time and hand your passport up." Eventually she managed to convince him that he'd only lost the internet printout and he calmed down.

But then it started again, muttering "That stupid woman, what did she do with it ..." and I thought it was really getting out of order, but the CC just ignored it. I think the other pax that were closing in by then calmed him down, or at any rate I was no longer party to his imagined persecutions from the mischievous stilettoed damsels of the check-in counter.

GLOBUSAIR

24th Jul 2006, 23:36

:rolleyes:

Me: Madam would you like a sandiwch.. the choice is Cheese or Ham..?
Pax: ooo, al take a beef..

Me: Would you like any tea or coffee madam?
Pax: oo, yes
Me: (Give me a clue then)

Me: Would you like a drink madam, the choice is Tea, Coffee, Orange Juce, Water, Beer or Wines
Pax: Coke Please
Me: Sorry madam its just the choice i gave you
Pax: ooo, apple juice please
Me: sorry madam its just Orange juice
Pax: ooo, do you have ginger ale
Me: OMG!!!!!!!! SCREAMING!!!!!

And how about some of the other things those lovable pax get up to...

Ever seen them staring at the washroom door.... i think they expect it to open on its own if they state at it long enough.

How about commenting on the size of the luggage bins... "my how these overhead lockers are getting smaller"... "actually madam, its just that passengers have decided to bring hold luugage into the cabin these days".

40 Minute flight to amsterdam; "do you have a pillow and a blanket and where are the tv screens?"

25 Minute flight from amsterdam to brussels; mid drinks service; "excuse me, will you be coming round again with a choice of tea and coffee?"....
"how about no"

..... the list is endless....

bluestar

26th Jul 2006, 02:04

i had a man come up to me, earlier on we almost had to think about using 2 extension seat belts he was so large,(only joking) he said;

you know your seats are too small.

really!

or could it be your too fat, :} :E

i bit my tongue

EGBKFLYER

26th Jul 2006, 08:53

I know him - he always sits next to me (if there's no woman + screaming snotty kid on the flight)...:ugh:

eidah

26th Jul 2006, 09:11

Passenger sat by the overwing emergency exit

PAX can i sit next to the emergency exit
CC yes no problem
PAX is it drafty by the door
CC no madam but if it starts to make a hissing noise please let me know

exloadie

26th Jul 2006, 09:28

pax arrives at 0808hrs for a flight departing 0810hrs when told he had missed the flight he replied "its only 8 mins past the plane doesnt leave till 10 past", check in girl asks didnt you read the ticket where it says check in closes 30 mins before departure?,"thats only for long flights im only going to isle of man"

Tombowler

27th Jul 2006, 09:28

the 17% er's.
As many of us know.. only 17% of Americans have passports, it amazes my work mates and me alike as to how they even get to the airport in the first place. This is a classic example from an LAX flight.

(larger framed american lady.. staring at loo door.. occasionaly 'poking it)
pax.. hostess how do i open this door, ive tried pulling it and everything???

crew... you push it madam.. just like the door on your trailer, when you want to get out.

:D (crew was repremanded... needless to say not the right answer but funny) Shame it wasnt a flight to Charlotte.. the remark would have gone right over her head...

Thunderball 2

27th Jul 2006, 22:02

Not really the right place for this, but mention of our friends in the USA reminds me of the Congresswoman who, after collecting her luggage off the carousel, got one of her staffers to write to the airline to complain that they shouldn't have labelled it "FAT" just because she is overweight.

(She was flying into Fresno Air Terminal in California, but the way).

ricciricardo

28th Jul 2006, 08:40

American pax on domestic flight SYD-Hobart (Tasmania) "Can I use Australian money in Tasmania or do I need to change currency"?
My reply "Oh no, they accept Aussie dollars happily as the rate is so good"!
Or " I arrived at the airport 3 hrs early and got a seat like this"!
Me "Well all the seats are the same shape and size but if you'd prefer a different colour I can move you"!

angeloflight

2nd Aug 2006, 11:45

On a lunchtime flight at about 14:00

Pax: Excuse me, do you have a breakfast meal?

Me: Sorry sir, we'll be serving lunch shortly

Pax: So you have no breakfast meal?

Me: I'm sorry sir, but we only have lunch onboard since it is lunchtime

Pax: But in my time zone it's breakfast

Me: Sorry sir, but your time zone has changed, it's now lunchtime!

Pax on a flight to Nice with easyJet, boards and has bumble bee glasses, fur coat and jewellery up to her neck and rings of gold in every finger with a Gucci handbag. She looks up and down at the Purser and says;

"I don't think your uniform is very professional!"

Crew member says;

"Well it's my professionalism madam that stops me commenting on what you're wearing!"

Getoutofmygalley

2nd Aug 2006, 14:03

Pax on a flight to Nice with easyJet, boards and has bumble bee glasses, fur coat and jewellery up to her neck and rings of gold in every finger with a Gucci handbag. She looks up and down at the Purser and says;

"I don't think your uniform is very professional!"

Crew member says;

"Well it's my professionalism madam that stops me commenting on what you're wearing!"

ROFL! :D

My one yesterday was:

PAX: Have you any chocolate bars?

MEL Yes, I have Kit Kat, Mars or Twix

PAX: I'll have a Snickers please

I wanted to grab the twix and beat her senseless with it whilst screaming "I have no feckin Snickers, if I had Snickers I would have said"

And for those on this forum who might be pax, if you had been on my AGP flight yesterday and seen what the pax were like, you too would have felt the same way!

tart1

2nd Aug 2006, 20:17

Please forgive me for the slight drift ........a lot of these comments sound like the customers we get where I work, so it is not only on board aircraft when people leave their brains behind!!

Typical conversation:

Customer: I've got an appointment with someone in the service department.
Me: What's the name please?
Customer: Well I think his name is Nick.
Me: I meant what is your name!! :confused:
............................................................ ............
Caller: Are you BMW?
Me: No we're Mercedes-Benz.
Caller: Well I need to speak to BMW. Can you give me their number??
Me: Er, sorry, no. I'm afraid I don't have it. (Thinks to oneself: do they think we are directory enquiries?) :oh:
............................................................ ..............
Customer: I've got a Mercedes car.
Me: (Thinks to oneself: well what a surprise, we don't get many of those in here!! :bored: )

WexCan

2nd Aug 2006, 21:40

Currently working out my notice in a tech dept for a computer company before moving to EZY.

The classics:

I want to pay my gas bill.

My washing machine's broken and Rita said thay have computer chips in them so I should call you.

I want to reserve a room for tomorrow night. Oh this isn't the Hilton? Who is it? Oh. What's the number for the Hilton.

I has one guy who wanted to buy some potatoes. And he was serious. :s

A V 8

2nd Aug 2006, 23:28

Many moons ago, my family and I were flying out of Manchester on a 757. My mum, who is the world's most nervous passenger, was becoming concerned about the amount of condensation dripping on her.

Passing CC noticed my frighened old dear and said, "Don't worry madam - that's just the life rafts drying out!"

I PMSL - Priceless :ok: :D

Impress to inflate

3rd Aug 2006, 11:14

I fly Helis over the north sea. My fav comes from one of my old work mates who while flying in the Danish sector had the best inflight pax. The crew had just left a drilling rig 118 miles of the Danish coast, the rig had given the Capt and co-jo 2 plastic tubs with food and coffee. Ten mins into the flight an oily tapped the crew on the shoulder and said he needed a Cr%p asap. The crew advised our upset pax that they had just left the rig and why had he not done the deed earlier ! "Please sit down, we will be landing in 50 mins." Several mins later our brave crew had eaten some of the sandwiches when our upset pax tapped the crew on the shoulder again "I really really need a Cr*p and its coming out like it or not, what can I crap in !! " The crew looked at each other then looked at one of the plastic boxes that had not been opened. They opended the box only to find pudding..................................................... .........two choclate eclairs !! The two of them nearly died laughing. :D

Alex-AAE

3rd Aug 2006, 13:46

Careful about gullspitting to pax, eh - I complained to a stew recently about the extremely feeble flow from the overhead air vents and was told that they're always like that. I didn't mention that I've been an aircraft engineer for the last twenty-seven years and know otherwise.
On the other hand, I once had about half a cupful of water drip onto me from the vent during take-off on an African flight...
Anyway, you do a good job under sometimes trying circumstances, girls (and boys)!
:^)
Steve...... Can i ask what you wanted the crew memebr to do? Being an Aircraft Engineer for 27 years should you not have known that the crew member could do just as much as you could at that time? Just a thought. Alex

stevef

3rd Aug 2006, 17:27

Hello, Alex. You're quite right; she couldn't have done anything. But, having been informed, I would have expected her to write it up in the Cabin Tech Log and/or mentioned it to the cockpit crew after landing. Then, someone like me would have fixed the snag! And, she obviously knew that the vents should operate better than they were and shouldn't have said that it was normal. It wasn't only my vent; several pax in other rows were fiddling with theirs.
Steve.

Biggles' Apprentice

3rd Aug 2006, 17:35

A few yrs ago, out of DEN to LHR with good old Birdseed, the CSD suggested to me that they needed some assistance in cattle. A enormously obese couple (I am talking fatter than lard itself) with a 16 year old kid of Jupitean size (and all of them of obvious nationality) in the aisles, were causing absolute havoc on the "this seat isn't big enough... I got no room.... I got f***ing SFU next to my name....I should be in first... this is a s***hole limey airline" line of talk....both he and his wife was obnoxious to everyone around

The guy was rude beyond comprehension to all around and as he demand his upgrade...

After trying to be charm itself (a hopeless effort), I got rather exasperated and just said "Look, first is for those with a greed for money, not a greed for eating" and went back to the FD, leaving the CSD to upgrade the poor bloke sitting next to them on his own at the end....hehehehe!

dustybin

3rd Aug 2006, 20:54

biggles, i loved that one:D I wish i could say what i thought sometimes. like the pax who kicked off the other day because we were delayed and had no sandwiches to SELL. They had been given food vouchers in the terminal but it was just a disaster we had no crap overpriced sandwiches to sell to them. It as my fault that she was going to a business meeting on an empty belly and was reporting me because of it, i nicely asked why she never spent her voucher on food in the terminal as she had 3 hours to kill but it was all my fault. Proberly had a G&T with it old bag.
we also had another pax kick off about having no crap sandwiches after a delay (i work for a LCC were you pay nearly £5 for a sandwhich),we explained that they had been on all day and we would not eat them so not wanting to sell them. she made a scene about how she worked for the HEALTH & SAFTY and needed food and in the end we thought we would pull the guilt trip. After her little show we went up to her and gave her my crew meal and explained that i would go without because she was so upset about it. The old bag eat every bit and when i took it away she never even said thanks. How can you win if we sold her the sandwiches she would end up with food posioning, but she is happy to let another person go without food how selfish? Health & safty my arse:yuk:

flyblue

3rd Aug 2006, 22:18

I didn't mention that I've been an aircraft engineer for the last twenty-seven years
Steve, I think you should have, and surely your complaint would have been taken more seriously! I'm not excusing the fact that she didn't do anything about it, as she should have done. But passengers usually find a lot of very common things and occurrences on aircraft very odd and worrying, so knowing that you had a professional eye would surely have made a diference.

stevef

4th Aug 2006, 07:38

Mmm, perhaps, Flyblue, but I don't like making people feel awkward or challenged, especially with others listening. Perhaps she did write it up afterwards, though. Anyway, a couple of pints after we landed soon got me back to a normal working temperature. :)
Steve.

skybunny

5th Aug 2006, 07:06

Working for JQ we get a range of pax... including those who have been rejected by Greyhound Buslines. Here's what happened during a 9pm flight to Melbourne after CSM made a PA regarding turning the lights down for pax comfort

Bulldog-resembling pax: What did she say?

Me: We are turning down the lights now

Pax: Why would you do that? To save electricity? I can't see my magazine :ugh:

Me: That's right. The electricity bill hasn't been paid and they'll probably cut it off soon, but we're hoping that we land before they do so.

Not to mention the number of times that I have had a lady thrust a baby bottle at me and tell me to 'heat it in the microwave for 1 minute on medium-high'. :8

Eliason

6th Aug 2006, 08:44

Skybunny - you don't have a microwave on board??? := What sort of an airline is that? :confused: :cool: ;)
But at least you are lucky - I don't know how many flights I've been on when people wouldn't take anything for their kids along!

Usually shortly after take-off they needed: fresh diapers for their babies, food, bottles with milk (no - not warming up, they didn't take any along as they fully well knew we carry babybottles and babymilk!), the kids meals for the bigger ones, .... :ugh:
And all together and right now... because their kids are the most precious to them ... :hmm:
And then you find one of those little ones in the chiller right before you put the trolley back in - as they are playing hide and seek on the aircraft! := :oh:

angelofthesky

6th Aug 2006, 09:48

Holding over our destination airport and unable to land due to fog. Holding out for that gap in the weather to avoid a divert.

"excuse me.... can i use my mobile to tell my friend i'm going to be late...?????? !!!!!!!!!

dustybin

6th Aug 2006, 11:14

I was once handed a packet of super noddles and asked to make them as she didn't like airline food. I explained that i would need a pot, cooker etc to make them and we don't have that onboard, told her to bring a pot noddle next time. :rolleyes:

ozskipper

7th Aug 2006, 11:30

This happened on a flight the other day:

Female Pax: Have you any sanitary napkins or tampons.

Me: Umm, no, I'm a boy (a cheeky attempt to hide my embarrassment).

Female Pax: (Laughing) I can see that, but you don't have them onboard.

Me: Errm, no, sorry.

10 mins later as I walk past.

Female Pax: Hey, you do have them. They're in the toilets, my husband saw them when he went!

Male Pax (Husband): (Crossly) You should know that lad.

Me: Well, I've never been into the girls toilets on the aircraft before, but what were you doing in there anyway? (Being cheeky again).

Male Pax: Oh shi!t, was that the girls? I didn't see the sign!

Me: Well, how embarassing, you won't do that again will ya? (winking at wife).

Female pax wet herself laughing!

angeloflight

9th Aug 2006, 15:58

When working for easyJet many moons ago, boarding at AMS;

Pax: Do you have a first class cabin?

Me: Certainly sir, (I opened the fwd toilet door), you have a cabin to yourself!

Me and the first row of pax found it funny anyway!

TheSailor

10th Aug 2006, 03:54

Hello,

View from the other side (AF from CDG to Mauritius)

Me:(after the lunch)do you have a Cognac please?
Crew:do you know how much you paid your ticket?:uhoh:
Me: (realising at this time ..was surounded by pax with reduced price fare tickets)Certainly...and show my ticket (Full economy fare):)
Crew:I bring you a Cognac in a minute.:E
Comments:how feel satisfied with this kind of answer (the first of course...)

Regards.

sinala1

12th Sep 2006, 09:48

Me: Certainly sir, (I opened the fwd toilet door), you have a cabin to yourself!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :ok: :E

Thats priceless, I love it... :p

787Heaven

12th Sep 2006, 14:05

I hate the ones who like to make wise cracks.

CC Please make sure your window blind is up please

PA Why will it make it go faster?

CC No but if the engine falls off or blows up you will see it and you can tell the crew.

apaddyinuk

12th Sep 2006, 14:12

I have a very plain dulcit Irish Accent...Im from higher middle class part of dublin so for those of you who know will be able to tell for yourself.
But the other morning on approach to LHR some american passenger asked me for directions through the terminal for a connecting flight.

As soon as I finished explaining "Flight Connections" he siddenly stopped me, shouting at me saying that he could not understand me and demanded that I SPEAK AMERICAN!!! I just laughed at him and said he would have major problems in Scotland (thats where he was traveling to) if he didnt understand me!!!!

BMED LHR

13th Sep 2006, 00:36

tanneddarling

13th Sep 2006, 01:32

sort of like the hotel i am in just now

its peak season and ppl come in asking for rooms

we say we´re full and they ask..

but not even half board or bed and breakfast!!

angels

13th Sep 2006, 09:18

apaddy - American spoken in the days of yore was very much similar to Irish! Heard the accent on Newfoundland or some of the islands off the eastern seaboard?

More Olde Irish/English than 'American'!

Hope the obnoxious twerp tried his attitude on some characters in a dodgy pub in Glasgow. He won't be out of hospital yet!

EchoMike

13th Sep 2006, 20:18

My wife and I were passengers on a Southwest Airlines flight from Houston to Phoenix AZ a few summers ago - lots of thunderstorms, delays, extra security checks, more delays, typical gawdawful airline experience.

We were determined not to let it get us down, partly because through a bit of sweet-talking the gate agent upgraded us to first class, seats 1A and 1B, YES!

Anyway, when we finally boarded, the cabin crew was obviously (as you say over there) knackered, so we told them that WE would do the passenger greetings for them, go sit down and relax. Surprisingly, they said go for it - so we did - and every person who got on the airplane after us was greeted with "Thank you for flying Southwest! We're glad to have you on board!"

Well it seems the person sitting in 1E was not very happy about all this - he KNEW the weather was crappy solely and specifically for HIS personal discomfiture, and this was all Southwest's fault - and the idea that anyone at all could have a good time - my wife and I, and the two exhausted stews, was just too much for him. He rolled his eyes in disgust each time we greeted anyone (about 90 people), and each time he did, the stews (and we) had to restrain ourselves from laughing - we all knew he couldn't stand it, and we were quite deliberately baiting him with each progressively cheerier greeting. (The passengers loved it, too, and the pilot and co-pilot were also in on it.)

Finally everyone was on board and we were ready to go. I turned to the cabin crew (whose dispositions had by now considerably brightened) and said, "OK, we're all set, and I'm ready to fly the airplane now - do you need to see my pilot's license?"

"Mr. Happiness" about died - turned white as a sheet, the two stews broke out laughing - and we were treated ROYALLY for the entire flight - and somehow they were always just too busy to get Mr. Happiness so much as a glass of water. He was first off the airplane, too.

This is a true story . . . and I do have a pilot's license, but not for the big iron.

Best Regards,

Echo Mike

Wannabe Flyboy

13th Sep 2006, 22:53

EchoMike - best story I've read for ages. Sounds very Southwest too!

beana

14th Sep 2006, 13:53

Once upon a flight-
Announcement "Ladies & gentlemen, just to make you aware that we have completely run out of sandwiches, sorry for the inconvenience"
10 seconds later- PAX next to me, when cc asked what he would like to eat: 'what sandwiches have you got?'
CC: Sorry sir, as we have just announced- we have completely run out'
PAX: what none atall?
CC: No, not one left.
PAX: Not even a plain one?
CC: No, no sandwiches whatsoever.
PAX: well im not happy about this atall.
CC: very sorry sir
PAX: can't you even make me one, or give me one from the crew's supply?
CC: er.. no because there isnt any bread or filling and we crew do not have any either...sorry!
PAX: (turns to me) We are paying their wages and they cant even find a spare sandwich...

LOL

I might sound like a dim pax now but:

Why do the window blinds have to go up on landing?!

Just curious...:)

pigs

14th Sep 2006, 14:13

It's to accustomise your eyes etc. to the conditions outside. In the event of an accident where the pax have to disembark quickly, they won't suffer from things such as night blindness.

Any help?

beana

14th Sep 2006, 14:15

Aha thankyou so much:ok:

MNBluestater

16th Sep 2006, 06:06

TSR2...
So why is the passenger in 17D thick??:confused:

it's sarcasm, given the first post about "thick" passengers

MNBluestater

16th Sep 2006, 06:22

Possibly an urban myth, but here goes...

L/H preparing to depart from a certain republic in the Southern Hemisphere where they play rugby.

Economy class, gentleman of colour quietly seated awaiting departure when elderly woman not of colour approaches her seat next to said gentleman.

Elderly woman then approaches CC, staing firmly that she can't possibly be expected to sit next to said gentleman for such a long flight. CC replies "Of course, ma'am, I'll see what I can do"; goes forward.

CC returns a few minutes later and says to the old girl, "Ma'am, we've found a solution to your situation", turns to the gent and says, "Sir, if you'd like to follow me, we have a spare seat in first class for you".

Good story here. I have one as well. I was cc with a young beautiful woman (of color) Omaha to Chicago. She was getting a lot of "looks" and a negative vibe from many of the passengers, so as the position one flight attendant, I made an announcement upon arrival at Chicago : "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to inform you that this is the last flight for one of our flight attendants today, D. Edwards. She is pursuing her doctorate at the University of Chicago in International Studies and Communications."
You should have seen how sugary sweet and congratulatory the passengers got towards my coworker as they deplaned. Ms. Edwards and I became great friends and we always had a laugh on how we pulled one over on those rascals...

MNBluestater

16th Sep 2006, 06:43

MNBluestater

16th Sep 2006, 06:49

ferd

17th Sep 2006, 16:38

After a particularly hard landing in GOA on a 73/200 the oxy masks dropped from a sizeable chunk of the rear PSUs. Those that had a mask grabbed it, those without were clutching across the aisle at the spares. I was looking out the window at the terminal, thinking there goes the rest of my day. :*

ferd

17th Sep 2006, 16:42

Actually having just read that I retract it. At least they listened, true the delay was massive, but better a few hours late in this life than half a lifetime early into the next

downthebay

18th Sep 2006, 20:24

EchoMike - best story I've read for ages. Sounds very Southwest too!
Except for the "first class" setting :confused:
Could it have been Continental?

EchoMike

18th Sep 2006, 21:43

ditzyboy

19th Sep 2006, 01:51

On a SYD-HKG flight on Saturday:

Female customer of Asian origin is passed out on floor. Myself and CSM get oxygen and try to make her come to. She keeps coming to then passing out again.

She eventually comes to and is completely delerious. Hypoxic I guess. Anyway this woman grabs CSMs head and starts yelling -

"I don't have a pulse, I don't have a pulse!"

"I am not breathing."

"I am in shock."

Of course no medical situation is funny though I totally laughed when this lady is telling us she doesn't have a pulse! :ugh:

AND FOR THICK CABIN CREW COMMENTS -

On an American domestic flight I overheard two flight attendants talking about how another colleague knew a passenger.

FA1 - "Shelly knows 2D."
FA2 - "Who is Tudy?"
FA1 - "No. 2D."
FA2 - "Shelly knows a Tudy?"
FA1 - "No. The person at 2D"
FA2 - "The person is a Tudy? What?"
FA1 - "The passenger AT 2D!"
FA2 - "Where is Tudy? You're not making any sense."

That ACTUALLY happened! It would seem sometimes we are far too quick to pass ourselves off as the smarter ones!

The two women looked remarkably like Miss Goldie and Blue Bonnit Onit from this clip!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F1Bqy3oXCQ

downthebay

19th Sep 2006, 02:06

Have to go look and see if I can find the old ticket stubs or ask my wife what airline it was - I hate flying around in other people's airplanes. I'm pretty sure it was Southwest, but I *am* sure we got 1A and 1B!
Best Regards,
Echo Mike
Cheers EM --
Don't waste time digging up stubs on behalf of a pedant like me. It occurred to me later that it might have been America West (Phoenix hub), but it hardly matters. A very entertaining story.
OK, back to lurking.

milbud

19th Sep 2006, 10:51

FLYING_HOSTIE

19th Sep 2006, 11:10

These are so funny to read! Im gonna get my thinking cap on and have a think of some Ive come accross..

FLYING_HOSTIE

19th Sep 2006, 11:17

ah ha, I remember a time, going out with the dreaded "Juice and water"...

"Would you like Juice or Water sir?"
Passenger says nothing but stares at the juice and water like I've just spoken swahili to him
"Juice or water Sir?"
Passenger still staring in a daze...
so I said "Sir! are you staring at my Jugs!"

FLYING_HOSTIE

19th Sep 2006, 11:33

Also, why do passengers never know how to open the toilet doors even though it says "Push" in big letters on the front? why do they insist on opening the ashtrays instead???

And when Im in the loo (yes crew do actually go to the toilet like every other human being) that someone insists on trying to open the door then knocks very loudly?? hello! surely the "Engaged/Occupied" sign tells you somoene is in there? pah.

2close

19th Sep 2006, 21:45

Some priceless tales. Thanks to all for their contributions.

This one I picked up on a coach into London. Heading east down the M4 (motorway, freeway, autobahn, etc...) out to our right was a heavy on approach to 09 at LHR.

Our distance from said aircraft, the speed of the coach and the approach speed of the aircraft gave the illusion that the aircraft was hardly moving. Two elderly ladies sat across the aisle from me:

"Look at that plane over there. It's not moving."

They both watched intently for a few moments.

"Oh yes...........you're right. It must have to wait there for permission to land."

"I hope they don't have to wait too long".

It was said with such concern and sincerity my companion and I laughed so much we cried.

panda-k-bear

21st Sep 2006, 08:16

Ahh, but F_H, if you're taking too long in there to beautify yourself, I may just let myself in from the outside anyway.... some of us pax do have a little more knowledge than you'd like, especially those of us who are engineers!

FLYING_HOSTIE

21st Sep 2006, 08:44

Tee hee, you know me too well! lol...

Evita

6th Oct 2006, 14:09

Here it goes..

My mate had this pax on a turnaround that wanted to get double his money's worth on freebies, he got the toothbrush, playing cards, comb, shaving kit, and anything he could put his hands on.. the pax next to him had asked my mate if she could have a sanitary towel and she gave it to her in a paper bag. This guy started shouting saying 'hang on how come she gets something and I don't you're being racist with me' she tried to explain nicely that its something for the ladies but he kept calling her racist and by this time everyone was giving her bad looks.. so she said 'ok sir i'll be right back'
She handed him the sanitary towel in a paper bag and left him with a smile on his face and went back expecting him to be embarrased for causing all that hassle for a sanitary towel....
However she finds him sitting quitely on his seat with the sanitary towel stuck on his eyes thinking they're eye shades!!!

Another one...

During a turnaround after service... all the pax just keep looking at the toilet door and since they don't speak english and push doesn't give it away we have to open the door everytime for them. This crew got really fed up when he found these 3 men trying to open it by opening the ash tray so he went up to them he told them 'this is how you do it' he opened the ash tray and said OOOOpppeeen whilst pushing the door with his foot 5 mins later we find a group of them saying ooopppeeeenn to the ash tray !!! Kept us entertained!!!

NooNoo

6th Oct 2006, 16:06

Pax pushes call bell at 40,000 ft.
Pax: "Excuse me Madam I'd like to make a complaint reagrding your airline"
Me: "I'm sorry to hear that sir, what appears to be be the problem?"
Pax: "Since the plane took off I can't get a signal on my mobile... See?"
(shows me his phone which indeed had no signal!)
Me: "For :mad: 's sake!!!!!!!!"

1 more....

During meal serice
Me: Would you like to have beef cassrole or chicken with rice?
Pax: Don't you have any burger and chips?
Me: No sorry sir, only beef casserole or chicken wiv rice
Pax: Are you sure?
Me: Yes I'm sure but I will check anyway. (Goes to the galley and back)
Me: No sorry
Pax: But I want burger and chips, what are you going to do?
Me: I tell you what sir, I'll jus pop down to the shops and get you some, I may be some time. (to the amusement of the surrounding pax)
Pax: Its ok. take your time

4potflyer

7th Oct 2006, 01:14

Skybunny, I'm sure many of us can sympathise with that particular scenario! How many times, can I guess, have you also been asked for a skinny latte during service???
I've become very talented at making cappucino machine noises in the middle of the cabin as i vigorously stir their sache of instant coffee:rolleyes:
As SLF on a flight from LHR to the US, the cabin crew were serving Tea & Coffee, and a person 3 rows in front asked for hot chocolate, which was not available.

This roused the interest of the next two rows, who also requested hot chocolate, presumably not listening to the response given to the row before.

When the CC got to me I kept a straight face as I asked for a tall extra hot latte. I could see her blood pressure rising as she tried to politely explain it was just tea or coffee. I couldn't hold back any more and just cracked up laughing, and she almost slapped me with the coffee jug when she realized I was pulling her leg. Luckilly the 3 rows in front missed the joke.

You guys do an amazing job. It takes all sorts to make a world...

A330habib

7th Oct 2006, 04:56

On a flight to london the other day.

Pax looking at me very confused and frustrated...

Me: something wrong?
Pax: My wireless internet is not working! What the hell is going on?
Pax starts hitting the keyboard, pulling out cables, putting them back in etc etc
Me: sorry madam, wireless internet does not work at 35000ft, however very soon you will be able to connect via our own internet network.
Pax: This is just not good enough, I want my internet to work now.
Me: just walked away....couldnt be bothered explaining all to her again!

klinitco

7th Oct 2006, 10:08

Really embarassing, because I even read you guys talking about people opening the toilets with the ashtrays. I flew Emirates to NZ the other week and couldn't find the way to get into the toilet, so I started grabbing at the ashtray thingy and the FA pushed at the door laughed and then he gave me an odd look. I felt like the biggest idiot and thought of Pprune straight away! I guess us SLF are a bit slow, or maybe it's just me!

jcx

8th Oct 2006, 13:52

Flying_Sarah747

8th Oct 2006, 16:11

Here's a few classics that have happened to me.

1. I was standing at doors 5 on the jumbo and this girl in her early twenties that I obviously don't know and have never seen before in my life rushes upto me and goes "Have you seen my dad???" (Like I'm gonna know what her dad looks like!)

2. Me: Would you like tea or coffee sir?
Pax: Yes please
Me: Tea or coffee sir?
Pax: Yes
Me: Would you like tea, or would you like coffee??!!??!!??!!

3. My personal favourite...We were handing out landing cards on arrival into London, and gave the usual announcement about how you don't need to fill one out if you've got a European Union passport, and this American lady asks me in all seriousness "So how do I become a member of this European union group?"

4. On our saftey video they instruct the passengers to tie their life jackets in a double bow at the side, and this guy looks at me all confused and goes "What's a double bow" I go "Well it's a bow, then another bow again!" And his wife goes "See!! I told you so!" Pure genius! :)

jetset lady

11th Oct 2006, 20:26

chillchel

12th Oct 2006, 13:37

Landed in Ireland one night a few years ago and taxi-ing/just on stand, a pax grabs my skirt as I'm walking down the aisle and points to the IFE screen which admittedly had been playing up most of the flight and is reading 34,000ft or something...
"Can you explain the meaning of this?" Gestures at the screen and is very sniffy,
Me, smiling, thinking she's joking "Sorry about that, its not been working well all flight...."
Her:"Well, its NOT good enough, I am finding it terribly distressing"
Me, looking blankly at her "Er...well, if you look out the window you can see the ground and the airbridge being attached"
Her "I am very, very upset about this, how can it still be saying we are in the air? I'm complaining..."
Me: "Erm,....ok"

D'oh!

WHBM

12th Oct 2006, 15:03

So last night, I'm sitting on my crewseat for landing and the guy next to me asks the question, " will the flight be longer going home?" to which I said, Yep, it will be about 40 mins longer actually, the old fella nods agreeingly and says to his wife! "told you it will take longer, its common sence dear, the earth will be spinning the wrong way"
Um ....... this is actually correct. The reason that transatlantic westbounds take longer than eastbounds (40 mins being a common value) is that the winds invariably blow from North America to Europe, and the reason for this is due to the rotation of the earth. The technical name for this is the Coriolis Effect.

smiling monkey

12th Oct 2006, 15:52

You guys do an amazing job. It takes all sorts to make a world...
What's so amazing about pouring tea and coffee? ;)
[armour on] :E

747newguy

12th Oct 2006, 18:00

Um ....... this is actually correct. The reason that transatlantic westbounds take longer than eastbounds (40 mins being a common value) is that the winds invariably blow from North America to Europe, and the reason for this is due to the rotation of the earth. The technical name for this is the Coriolis Effect.

Welllll... Actually the general circulation of winds arises from the global redistribution of heat from warm low latitudes to cold high latitudes, driven by the development of surface pressure gradients. Wind blows from high to low pressure regions, although airflow is deflected by the Coriolis force as a result of the Earth's rotation, and tends to follow more east-west trends rather than north-south trends. (Largely plagiarized)

In the Northern Hemisphere the mid-latitude winds prevail from the west and in the Southern Hemisphere the mid-latitude winds prevail from the east. So it takes longer to go from east to west in the Northern Hemisphere than it does the Southern Hemisphere. ('bout the same either way on the equator)

sinala1

12th Oct 2006, 18:35

So it takes longer to go from east to west in the Northern Hemisphere than it does the Southern Hemisphere. ('bout the same either way on the equator)
It takes significantly longer to fly from Brisbane to Perth (east to west) than it does Perth to Brisbane (west to east) - the jetstreams across Australia are generally (big generalisation here) west to east

Erm sorry for thread drift! :O

747newguy

14th Oct 2006, 04:19

Dang! You caught me! The explanation is not as simple as I sugested--
Please refer to http://gpc.edu/~pgore/Earth&Space/GPS/wind.html for a better explanation. (But it is not as easy as the winds flow in the direction of the Earth's rotation).

I'll go back to my pilot's boards now--I was just curious!

Marsh Hawk

15th Oct 2006, 02:37

Contrary to the stereotype so sadly perpetuated, I'm an American who delights in listening to an Irish, British, or Scottish accent, and would never demand for any of you to "speak American!". Believe me, I can't stand these rude obnoxious types either, and we're not all like that over here!! :ugh:

Letsfly

15th Oct 2006, 06:50

I work for Ek and I had someone on my last trip ask if the seats on the right side of the plane have more leg room.

I tried to explain to them that we have the same amount of seats/rows on both sides and that the plane is the same length on both sides and that the person on that side with leg space maybe just has shorter legs.

They however did not believe me so they said that on there next flight the are going to request to sit on the right.

sinala1

15th Oct 2006, 07:08

Haha 747newguy not a problem at all - everyone is welcome here :ok: :ok:

radiation junkie

15th Oct 2006, 08:15

Finish collecting trays after supper service. Lights dimmed, returning to galley with last full cart. There is a hair piece caught in the door of cart. Walk back down the aisle looking for bald pax. Find him sound asleep...... definitely him as the double sided tape bits still attached to scalp. Gently place the toupe back on his head. Next morning during B'fast I notice he is happily eating his breakfast, except in the dark I had put the hairpiece on back to front.
No further comment !

GorgeousKiwiGal

15th Oct 2006, 09:17

apioca

17th Oct 2006, 08:52

I keep reading about the ashtrays on toiletdoors. Why, pray are they there at all, smoking on flights has been banned for years?

FLYING_HOSTIE

17th Oct 2006, 09:39

Maybe the aircrafts are still in circulation from the time when you could smoke on board, or they still put them on for private hire where it is allowed?

either way I think there should be a sign saying "this does not open the door" tee hee.

mostie

17th Oct 2006, 09:56

In Australia at least they are a "no go" item. On the 744 if a certain number are missing [2 or 3 I think] the aircraft cannot legally be despatched.

FLYING_HOSTIE

17th Oct 2006, 13:19

Really? what the ashtrays are a no go item? How come? Just incase you do get a secret smoker and they dont put it in the bin?

Tyre kicker

17th Oct 2006, 14:36

^^^^^^^^10/10 correct^^^^^^^^^^^

FLYING_HOSTIE

17th Oct 2006, 15:02

Thanks for the 10/10 but i'd rather a gold star!

Sorry I didnt mean to sound dumb!! Just I've not heard of that before being from the UK we dont have the same requierments... or if we do I've not been told of it before as its just taken for granted that they are on all planes and its not something we have to know about. Its certainly not in our SEP manuals, but thankyou for your marking Im sure it will come in handy with my recurrent!

I Just Want To Fly

17th Oct 2006, 20:31

Though it is not in the SEP manual, it was discussed in my training course at EasyJet. I would much rather a pax put it out there, than straight into the toilet bin.

FLYING_HOSTIE

17th Oct 2006, 20:48

God yeah I totally agree, and understand why this is, just that
Ive been flying for years and its Just not something I had heard or been told before in training that they are a "no go" item on board... suppose becuase its an engineering issue at the airlines I worked/work for.

Enough of making me out to be stupid, this is after all about stupid pax comments, not stupid Flying_Hostie comments, and trust me there are a few of them! lol
x

m_r_r

20th Oct 2006, 08:15

Thick Pax 1-
Pax: Wandering around rear toilets of 747 (row 68)looking bewildered and lost
Crew (me): Madam, you look lost
Pax: I cannot find my seat
Crew: Can you remember your seat number?
Pax: Yes, 14A
Crew: Oh, you are in Business class?
Pax:Yes
Crew: Well, business class is at the front of the plane
Pax: Which way is the front of the plane?
Thick Pax 2-
Crew announcement (me again): Please follow the white lines on the tarmac to our aircraft, parked directly outside the terminal. It is the only white jet out there today. Please do not board the red jet as it is not our aircraft. Again, please board the white jet. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask me before proceeding out onto the tarmac
First passenger to board: Which one is the white jet??
Me: Um, the white one.
Pax: oh. (pax proceeds through gate)

Toots1252

23rd Oct 2006, 17:41

On a 35 min Jersey with 45 in club. Desperately trying to give all at least a sip of tea or coffee when flight crew gave the "10 mins to landing". Having heard this, the pax in the next row said "I'll have my tea later please." Did she expect me to follow her to the terminal with my teapot poised????
:confused: :confused:

I was asked the same thing on a flight EDI-LCY a few days ago, I told the pax of course she could have her coffee later its called Starbucks.

henkybaby

24th Oct 2006, 15:01

Very entertaining thread this. Been flying all over the world (as SLF) and heard my share of stupidity. But I ask you to consider the following: some passengers actually use sleeping pills on long flights (I do) or use tranquilizers to fight anxiety (not me, but I know quite a few people who do). Both these will cause pax to become slightly groggy and might even cause them to be unable to answer even a simple question like "Coffee of Tea?"

(Linguistically the answer to the (incorrectly phrased) question "would you like coffee or tea?" actually can be "yes"...)

Add to this a lot of pax who find themselves in a strange - and for some frightening - environment and I feel you should reconsider your qualifications about their intelligence. Although (as with CC) some will be idiots, rude, inconsiderate or clueless.

Flying with a CC that has a good sense of humor does make the flight considerably more tolerable.

anotherthing

24th Oct 2006, 15:13

Flying Hosty

You will be amazed at what stops A/C from getting airborne. They can get airborne with certain bits of unserviceable navigation kit etc etc, but some things such as the correct number of serviceable loos are a no go item.

And thats in the UK!!

BestonBoard

25th Oct 2006, 00:15

I appreciate this a/c is not commonly used within the uk, it is mainly operated by the greeks, turkish and swedish (although it is US made!)... If your not familiar with it, the aft jump seat is forward facing on the aft entrance door (very rear of the a/c, centre of the a/c looking down the aisle!) the airstairs actually drop from the tailcone of it... the aft toilets are left and right of this door, at the very rear, and the aft galley is situated a/c left behind row 28 to about row 32 ish (it's not big!)... looking rear there is a 'lavatory occupied' sign placed on the bulkhead of the aft galley a/c left, to give the pax a heads up!, however... at least 10 x per sector...

"Toilet sir/madam??? at the very back!!!!"

Seeing people pushing the bulkhead thinking a door will pop open out of no where does make me chuckle!!!!

Safety Demo... CC at row 1, row 23(o/wings) and row 31 (side of the rear galley to show the last 2 rows) lady at row 30....

Excuse me... I couldn't see any of that! I think you should have somebody stood just here!

Me... Did you hear the announcement madam???

PAX... not really, I was trying to find my Mints for take off...

Me... Ok Madam... bare with me!

(at this point I completed the safety demo myself, just for this pax alone, and asked loudly... did you see it that time Madam???) She was a little flushed in the cheeks but hey, if you can't be bothered to pay attention, then don't complain!!!!

As for a/c problems...let's just say after an engine failure in DLM, I have benn taken to the transit lounge by ground staff to explain to PAX why we need minimum rest (165 people shouting at you is not fun :ouch: )

And I've been lost over German airspace with no autopilot, no anticollision systems and no weather guidance (don't know the technical term) a 3hr flight from KLX took 5 hrs! had to be escorted back to home territory by fighter planes, the ground agents were taking the michael when we got back due to ("flightno"... where are you?, "flightno", please respond!")
I've only been flyin for 6 months, already learned 3 AOC's, had many a Medical Emergency, a 10 minute decent (ok, I appreciate on a smaller a/c this is acceptable.. but 2 minutes later a Thomsonfly 75 had to perform a go-around cos it couldn't stop in time) twin engine failure, manual landing while sat in the f/d with the f/o shouting sh:mad: t, sh:mad: t, sh:mad: t! all the way down. 2 Cpts arguing cos one was 74 trained and it was ok to land with 3 white lights (MD83.. not advisable), a burst tyre on landing... Oh and David Bellamy on one of my flights (looking more and more like santa everyday!) Am I jinxed do ya think? Should I give it up as a bad Job??? I'm starting with Silverjet in a month... No liquids on board my flight I tell ya! :)

Flygrl

25th Oct 2006, 00:24

FLYING_HOSTIE

26th Oct 2006, 01:37

Anotherthing:

I Know about the loos, im not that stupid! lol... it was the ashtrays we were talking about. x

air doris

26th Oct 2006, 06:58

Walking down the aisle with a bowl of apples, "What "variety" of apples are they"? American pax

Walking down the aisle with a bowl of apples, "What is that"? (Na ni)? A bowl of bananas honey, what do you think they are?

I'm sorry but I am extremely tollerant but this one cracked me up. Apples look no different in Japan than anywhere else (except for the GM brands that look and taste so OH....... so perfect). but an apple will always look like an apple.

eastern wiseguy

26th Oct 2006, 07:17

What "variety" of apples are they"?

Perfectly reasonable question imho...If you offered me an apple and it was a "golden delicious" I would refuse(they taste cr*p).

As for travelling without a pen...God knows what the current regulations regarding carrying ANYTHING these days are(and this from an air traffic controller who gets grief for trying to carry soup onto the airfield!!)...I would hope that the airline would carry pens. Other than that I am enjoying the thread:ok:

mhk77

26th Oct 2006, 07:18

Walking down the aisle with a bowl of apples, "What "variety" of apples are they"? American pax

errrrrrrm...........

Am I missing something? Whats wrong with that? Could have been Golden Delicious, Granny Smith, or Cox or Braeburn etc etc etc? Maybe I'm missing something.....:confused:

henkybaby

26th Oct 2006, 13:45

I wonder what you guys would be like in a hospital (as a patient). Would you appreciate nurses and doctors saying you were stupid, just because the experience is unnerving or maybe even scary for you?

I mean: it is ok having a laugh about funny misconceptions or strange questions, but don't mistake it for proof that you yourself are a superior being of sorts, because you're not. Probably as many thick CC's per 100 as passengers. There just more pax than CC on board, so you notice it less... ;)

WHBM

26th Oct 2006, 13:57

Seriously, I think PAX check-in their brains along with their bags when they travel, or maybe its just the lack of fresh air? And what is it with traveling internationally without a bloody pen?!
Possibly, quite possibly, the pax has pens in their briefcase but this has been taken and stored elsewhere in the cabin because the overheads were already filled up with the cabin crew's rollaboards.

Touche ! :)

sinala1

26th Oct 2006, 14:13

HeathrowDictator

26th Oct 2006, 14:15

(and this from an air traffic controller who gets grief for trying to carry soup onto the airfield!!)

You mean at your airport they actually let you airside with soup in the first place??!!!! I'm coming to work at your place!!!

henkybaby

26th Oct 2006, 14:44

Folks please please please don't get your knickers in a twist over what is clearly a bit of harmless therapy for those of us who spend our lives in the air... If you have a valid concern to voice re Cabin Crew attitudes, the thread entitled (funnily enough) "Cabin Crew Attitudes" is the ideal spot to do so :ok:
No need to worry. I appreciate venting. There was a smiley.

But some here aren't just venting, they mean it. Correct me if I am wrong... They need a little grounding :8

I too can have a good laugh about all the stupid things passengers say and do during all my flights as a pax. But I will still keep in mind all the things I said here earlier.

RaverFlaver

26th Oct 2006, 15:04

Just last week, one hour into flight, I'm wiping a guys tray table because his tea has spilt during tubulence. As I'm doing this he looks at me dead pan and says...."there's turbulence, we must be flying, the plane is in the air!" I looked at him and smiled....and then realised he was totally serious.....

How some people get by in life honestly astounds me, let alone travel internationally on their own.

RaverFlaver :)

Regis Potter

26th Oct 2006, 20:54

Few years ago, short staffed at split gate operation; I'm boarding a 737 off airbridge with crew waiting at gate stairwell & a/c steps. PA clearly states the plan & first 30 or so pax let through the gateroom door to turn LEFT & DOWNSTAIRS to waiting a/c. Some time later, look outside to check progress with the boarding at the a/c only to see crew still standing at foot of steps with no pax looking up to me. I stop boarding & run down to find 30 or so pax strapping in or stowing handbaggage on a longstop a/c parked on the bridge, unpowered & completely dark! They had actually gone through two closed doors to get to the a/c then taken off the safety belt from the door to board.

ozskipper

29th Oct 2006, 13:30

LOL - well you can't knock them for their ingenuity and our society's penchant for self serve! heheheh

744FO

29th Oct 2006, 14:21

This happened on the 4th sector of the day returning home from Almeria, Spain as we come to the end of the service.

PAX: Do you have any of the wraps left?
CC: Ill just check.
CC: No, sorry. Just the baguettes left im afraid.
PAX: (looking disgusted) What other food do you have?
CC: Lots of things, Pringles, Soup, Mini Cheddars, Snack Packs...
PAX: Thats not food...
CC: (lost for words) Oh ok, can i get you anything else?
PAX:No.

Why do pax expect you to carry at least one of each sandwich for the whole 600 passengers you are meant to carry on that 4 sector day!? Where do they want us to store them..!

BaronChotzinoff

29th Oct 2006, 22:34

First passenger to board: Which one is the white jet??
Me: Um, the white one.
Pax: oh. (pax proceeds through gate)
LOL! - but were you not tempted to reply "The wed one, of couwse!"

Tags

31st Oct 2006, 22:43

Two stories that made me chuckle:

Pax boards a BA shorthaul flight at the crack of dawn somewhere in Europe, destined for London.
Pax: "Do you have today’s Daily ....?"
C/C: "Sorry sir, we are unable to offer any of today’s British newspapers until we arrive in London for the first time on these early morning flights. They are then available on the flights we do later on in the day. I do have a copy of yesterdays Daily ..... if you are interested?"
Pax: That is just not good enough - what do I have to do to be able to read today's newspapers on these early morning flights?"
C/C: "Fly with us tomorrow!"

and one to balance, a thick Cabin Crew comment to one of my colleagues....

C/C 1 & 2 come in to the flight deck on a beautiful, clear, moon lit night whilst Mid Atlantic on the way back to London.
C/C 1: "Wow, look at the moon, that's amazing! Which is closer, London or the moon?"
Capt - looks round in astonishment and was just about to open his mouth when C/C 2 chipped in..
C/C 2: Der, can you see London?"

Priceless!

1 inch daft of the d

31st Oct 2006, 23:27

I stop boarding & run down to find 30 or so pax strapping in or stowing handbaggage on a longstop a/c parked on the bridge, unpowered & completely dark! They had actually gone through two closed doors to get to the a/c then taken off the safety belt from the door to board.

Classic Risky Shift by the Pax there. Not there fault, it was probably the case that they were given ambiguos advice by a bored, listless soul who assumed that the Pax were just as privvy to the operation as themself.

Just speak slowly and clearly and you should never allow them to have to make a choice when on or around the apron.

XX

Daft of the Datum

Regis Potter

1st Nov 2006, 23:44

I wasn't bored or listless dd but thanks for the advice; anyone familiar with gate 25 T1 LHR probably knows what I mean.

zagloud

8th Nov 2006, 11:21

On a flight from BOM..
Pax;(quietly whispering) do you have any hot drinks ?
Me;would you like to have tea or coffee Sir ? (he he)
Pax;(still whispering quietly), no I want hot drinks, hot hot
Me;(knowing what he wants but..) Certainly Sir, would you like to have tea or coffee, oh or perhaps hot chocolate ? (smiling politely )
Pax(again whispering and speaking extra slowly for me...) I want a hot drink...

Im sure many of you know what the pax was requesting !!!

Pax;I want a whisky on the rocks, without ice

Say no more !!!!

Pax, (on entering plane, holds out boarding card ), 2B
Me; Or not to be Sir !!

:)

cessna l plate

8th Nov 2006, 11:38

Sorry, I might be a little on the thick side myself here, but what other "hot" drinks are there??????

woolyalan

8th Nov 2006, 12:36

Was about to ask the same...

Perhaps implying the 'hot' drinks were infact cold?

or has the whole thing gone over my head?

matt_hooks

8th Nov 2006, 12:39

I'm assuming the pax was referring to an alcoholic beverage. This would make sense if the flight was from an airport in one of the Islamic states where alcohol is banned, but as far as I can tell BOM is in India (Mumbai?) where as far as I know alcohol is not prohibited. Maybe this is a case of a slight mistranslation from the native language to English?

Great thread tho, and to all the people who are making such a big deal about people laughing at pax comments, I say quite simply, GET A LIFE! Go find something that's actually worth fighting about!

SLF3

8th Nov 2006, 13:21

Story from the early 1980's from a Singaporean F/O flying with an expat captain. They are somewhere over the Pacific and have invited a very attractive young lady into the cockpit to look around.
Her: ' Whats that little island down there?'
Long silence. Then the captain pulls a diary out of his pocket, turns to the map of the world and says to the F/O:
'Here you are, your eyes are better than mine, you figure out where we are.'
I hope this is not apocryphal, it was told to me as first hand.

zagloud

8th Nov 2006, 14:04

Gold star for Matt !!
"hot drinks" is the term used by many people from the Indian Subcontinent to mean alcohol..... usually whisky.

:D

zagloud

8th Nov 2006, 14:09

TheKabaka

9th Nov 2006, 11:02

Story told to my mother who was cabin crew

CC: Would you like a drink

Pax: G+T, thats a gin and tonic to you

CC: would you like ice and a slice, thats frozen water and a bit of lemon to you!

4Foxtrot

9th Nov 2006, 11:52

Was flying standby with Mrs Fox4 who was crew to HKG (bearing in mind the 11 hrs 45min flight time) and a curious pax asked her "So are you heading straight back to London when we get to Hong Kong?"

Probably not thick so much as innocent but I believe it happens a lot.

vodkaholic

9th Nov 2006, 12:46

Story told to my mother who was cabin crew

CC: Would you like a drink

Pax: G+T, thats a gin and tonic to you

CC: would you like ice and a slice, thats frozen water and a bit of lemon to you!
this was on Airline. lol

matt_hooks

9th Nov 2006, 19:01

Back in the glorious days of Flight Deck Visits.....
Little boy is taken to visit the F/D inflight....
He looks in amazement then says to the Capt; Wow , Do you know what all these buttons do ?
Capt; (smiles )

Hehe, I think that little boy might have been me! (BTW I'm still sure he didn't have a clue what half of them did!) :}

zagloud

10th Nov 2006, 19:21

lol Matt:cool:

Alex-AAE

13th Nov 2006, 18:29

Getoutofmygalley

13th Nov 2006, 20:59

Going along the same lines, I always get a giggle from pax during boarding when they ask if they can use the toilets. My reply is always the same, “Sir/Madam; please do, as I would rather you did your business in there than on your seat :o). They see the logic.
Alex

Sorry, but I don't think that is a 'thick comment' as the pax might have flown for other airlines that do not allow toilet use on the ground if say for example the aircraft is refuelling.

If they asked and subsequently tried to use the ashtray on the other hand, then that would be thick :}

tart1

13th Nov 2006, 22:01

the pax might have flown for other airlines that do not allow toilet use on the ground if say for example the aircraft is refuelling :}
I think a lot of passengers worry about using the toilet while the aircraft is on the ground, based on the fact that you used not to be allowed to use the toilet on a train when it was in the station.

Well, an aircraft is just an airbourne train/bus isn't it?? :uhoh:

zagloud

14th Nov 2006, 14:52

On clearing in meal trays from pax, pax tells me "there was a bug in my food",
(I look at empty meal dishes and see bug captured under clear plastic lid still crawling around)
" Oh , how awful, could you please tell me where was the bug exactely Sir ?"
Pax; " it was in here " (points to dish which had contained his hot chicken and rice)
Me;" Are you certain it was in the chicken and rice ?"
Pax " Yes it was.Im very upset, I want to speak to the Captain"
Me "You are posisitve it was in the chicken and rice , it wasn't in the salad?"
Pax "No ! It was in there (points to same dish) I want some kind of compensation.I want to speak to the Captain"
Me " Well Sir that really is a remarkable bug to have survived being sealed in this foil dish in an oven at 150 degrees for 20 mins and it is still crawling around." :ugh:
Supervisor(happened to hear conversation)," Just to be sure it came form there , did youtouch the bug sir ? Was it hot ?"

Smile!!!

14th Nov 2006, 21:23

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheKabaka http://www.pprune.org/forums/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2954432#post2954432)
Story told to my mother who was cabin crew

CC: Would you like a drink

Pax: G+T, thats a gin and tonic to you

CC: would you like ice and a slice, thats frozen water and a bit of lemon to you!

this was on Airline. lol

True I remember BJ on Brittania saying it!

PissCat

15th Nov 2006, 14:13

Am I the only one to find pax extremely rude when asked for boarding passes? I want to know that your on My flight going to the Right destination. not asking for a pint of your precious blood:ugh:
one can only grin at the ones who still insist on just taking up their seats as they know exactly where they're seated...only to shout at you when you make the final announcement before door closing once they realise they're supposed to be on another ac going in the opposite direction.
You might think I'm mean but if they wholeheartedly insist on taking their seats and I KNOW they're on the wrong flight, I make them sweat it out a tad. Kodak Moments!:eek: :}

Bushfiva

17th Nov 2006, 06:29

...only to shout at you when you make the final announcement before door closing once they realise they're supposed to be on another ac going in the opposite direction.

As a person of the self-loading persuasion, I'd like to share a vaguely similar experience I had quite some time ago. My flight into Boston was technically too late to make the onward connection to Europe. But I was a very frequent flyer indeed, and I mentioned my baggage didn't need to make the connection if that would help, so when we landed at Boston I was surrounded by this elite bodyguard-like group of rapid response staff with clearly way too much coffee inside them, who grabbed me, my carry-on and boarding card, rushed me from one gate to the other, did a baton-like handover at the next gate, where Team 2 rushed me on board, stuffed my gear in the overhead bins and made me sit. Unfortunately, I was now en route to MSP.

Standard Noise

19th Nov 2006, 05:00

Absolutely first class thread, cheered up my night shift no end. Keep it coming:D

Wannabe1974

20th Nov 2006, 17:07

My other half (crew for a well known carrier) - on the flight deck talking to Captain:
"Its so clear out there... you can't see where the sea stops and the sky starts!"
Captain (eyes rolling to back of head, no-doubt):
"yes, we call it the horizon...."

chemical alli

26th Nov 2006, 08:01

these so called thick pax pay your wages and if you gave half the service expected instead of lip service maybe they would come fly with you again

capt.cynical

26th Nov 2006, 08:28

Take a PILL Alli !!:)

sinala1

26th Nov 2006, 12:29

Hey chemical alli this is whats known as a "therapy thread", ie a thread that is light hearted comic relief for those of us in the industry, (and those who appreciate our job), with no harm intended... if you don't like it, I suggest you don't read it - perhaps http://www.readersdisgest.com is more to your liking :ugh: :ok:

Kestrel_909

26th Nov 2006, 12:38

these so called thick pax pay your wages and if you gave half the service expected instead of lip service maybe they would come fly with you again

And these crew ensure you safety in getting from A-B, alive and well with all your limbs still attached, plus a half decent service. Maybe if you gave them the respect they deserved, they'd give you a little more!

TightSlot

26th Nov 2006, 17:12

Move on, please...

yellowdog

26th Nov 2006, 18:24

I think a lot of passengers worry about using the toilet while the aircraft is on the ground, based on the fact that you used not to be allowed to use the toilet on a train when it was in the station.
Well, an aircraft is just an airbourne train/bus isn't it?? :uhoh:

I always say 'Yes' and add the little comment, just when they're closing the door, "Make sure there's no-one below you when you flush!"

Always gets a little smile.

YD

robo283

28th Nov 2006, 17:25

No one's actually asked why there are no windows in aircraft toilets (unless someone else knows differently...) :hmm:

dikkes

28th Nov 2006, 18:08

Have you seen the toilets on the A340-600? The premium class toilets claon South African Airways have windows in them. Strange but true!

chemical alli

29th Nov 2006, 06:41

And these crew ensure you safety in getting from A-B, alive and well with all your limbs still attached, plus a half decent service. Maybe if you gave them the respect they deserved, they'd give you a little more!really when was the last time you had an emergency? oh a ladder in your stocking no doubt

cirrus17

29th Nov 2006, 07:36

This is meant to be a lighthearted thread about funny things pax do/say.
If you don't like reading it, don't.

And keeping the thread on track........ not so much a thick comment, but I think the crew's response was fantastic....

about 10 years ago, friend was crewing economy on BA. Came to service, was pouring coffee/tea etc etc. Pap looks her up and down as she poured his tea and said, "I bet you wish you'd worked harder in school so that you didn't have to be doing this as a job".

My friend looked at him, and without missing a beat said, "well you obviously didn't either sir, or you'd be flying first class."

Absolutely brilliant! I think she got suspended tho.......:O

Ancient Mariner

29th Nov 2006, 09:30

Have you seen the toilets on the A340-600? The premium class toilets claon South African Airways have windows in them. Strange but true!

May I add SAS' MD90s and A340s. Great view, most of the time.
SAS used to have a really funny TV commercial to promote the then new MDs.
Per

tiggerific_69

29th Nov 2006, 09:56

"get a bigger aircraft next time"
do passengers not realise its not quite so cheap and easy as your weekly shop in tescos???

modtinbasher

29th Nov 2006, 18:47

Have you seen the toilets on the A340-600? The premium class toilets claon South African Airways have windows in them. Strange but true!

But had not Concorde also got toilets with frosted glass also, one might ask? Could one reach to see in whilst it was on the pan, and would anyone be able to see in, whilst it was in flight (after the big bang?)

robo283

5th Dec 2006, 17:29

I can only think that it must be due to the fear that 'If I can see them, they can see me...' (known as Reverse Ostrich Syndrome) :cool:

stanleystan

1st Jan 2007, 17:23

I was once had a pax freak out and shout "oh my god we're going down is this normal?" .... urm yes that's how you land madam! lol

Tulip2007

1st Jan 2007, 17:48

Was working on a cruise ship last year at "Guest Relations" and a guest asked the Captain in a question and answer session how the crew got home every day.

The Captain laughed and jokingly said that a helicopter takes them to and from the ship.

At the end of the cruise we had a negative comment card saying that the crew helicopter kept the guest up half the night!!!! he he he! :)

Farmer 1

1st Jan 2007, 17:50

"The clouds are moving quick today."

Tulip2007

1st Jan 2007, 20:35

Some of my faves! ...

"Do these stairs go up and down?"

Guest: "Did anyone die in my room, I think there's a ghost in the wardrobe.." (noise was caused by ship's movement in turn making the hangers move!)

"Could you train the dolphins and whales to jump at command please."

"What time is the Midnight buffet tonight?" (hmmmm..let me think!)

Bless them! :)

crib08

2nd Jan 2007, 19:16

pax on my first flight asked me how do you wind down the window!!!!!!!!!!! Thought i was being set up but noooooo, he was just very dumb

flytheplanemay

3rd Jan 2007, 06:56

Virginia

3rd Jan 2007, 11:54

"It opens just like the door on your trailer," I add helpfully :cool:

stevef

3rd Jan 2007, 18:38

Toilet doors:
Well, maybe the airlines or manufacturers should make it more clear. What's second nature to anyone au fait with aircraft can be confusing to some people completely out of their element. What's the matter with prominent PUSH, PULL, LIFT, KICK, or whatever, placards?
Now, how do I post this thread...

flytheplanemay

3rd Jan 2007, 20:57

Oh Virginia, you are just too funny.

Diatryma

4th Jan 2007, 02:20

Well, maybe the airlines or manufacturers should make it more clear. What's second nature to anyone au fait with aircraft can be confusing to some people completely out of their element. What's the matter with prominent PUSH, PULL, LIFT, KICK, or whatever, placards?

LOL - that's hilarious SteveF. (What's the "F" stand for?)

I'm suprised anyone who can't work out how to open a toilet door could get their way to an airport and onto a flight. Taxi doors, check-in, baggage, aerobridges....... What a nightmare. Then to get those darn seat belts on and off - OMG life is so complicated!!! LOL

Anyway - I we are desperate enough we will get in there one way or another.

Or just do it in the aisle.

Di :yuk:

flytheplanemay

4th Jan 2007, 02:56

You forgot to mention trying to find their seat in the first place :)

Walking on the aircraft trying to figure out which seats are ABC DEF, the concentration required...

Of course I mean this in all good fun, it's just funny how thick people become as soon as they step onto the aircraft, or probably the airport.

Another of my eye-rollers is when they step on the aircraft at L1, and they say 'which way do I go'. Do they really think there are rows forward of the flight deck?

RingwaySam

4th Jan 2007, 03:41

..Of course I mean this in all good fun, it's just funny how thick people become as soon as they step onto the aircraft, or probably the airport.

For people who are flying for the first time ofcourse they don't know where to go. Not everybody knows where to go! It's just like walking into a supermarket and asking where the croceries are :hmm: Like you said though, just good fun.

Cheers,
Sam :ok:

slide blower

4th Jan 2007, 09:06

being asked if you HAVE to be gay to be a flight attendant.
the fact that im the 'only straight in the village' makes me laugh!.

kimmy

4th Jan 2007, 14:27

On one flight out of Mumbai:

Pax: Stewardess, stewardess, may I have a Whisky please

cc: Sure, would you like your whisky on the rocks Sir?

Pax: (after some thoughtful moment) No, I would like my whisky on the table.

Tulip2007

4th Jan 2007, 15:29

Bless them!

It's strange but I find that loads of people turn dumb when they go on holiday. Maybe it's because they are more relaxed than usual?

I worked at a ferry port with crossings to France and Spain and the passengers would always forget that they needed their p-ports or think they were going to the Isle of Wight!

Weird!?

stevef

4th Jan 2007, 18:52

[quote=Diatryma;3049843]LOL - that's hilarious SteveF. (What's the "F" stand for?)

Any reason for asking, other than to make juvenile innuendoes? Thought not...

Lancelot37

4th Jan 2007, 18:58

I still love when the pax go to the bathroom, and they look at the door in a state of confusion and try opening the door with the ashtray, or lifting the door handle up. I roll my eyes every time. lol.

A bathroom on an aircraft?? I've seen toiletts but never bathrooms. Do they also have showers?

flytheplanemay

4th Jan 2007, 23:20

Tulip 2007, I think you are right, I think people feel invincible on holidays, and lose all common sense for those few weeks of the year, and fair enough too!

Ha ha Lancelot37. The most famous comment of all....is there anywhere I can have a shower.... Though I have only heard this on long haul.

sizematters

5th Jan 2007, 00:01

THE 6 BEST SMART ANSWERS OF 2006

SMART A-- ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during a flight. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART A-- ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

SMART A-- ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

SMART A-- ANSWER #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART A-- ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

SMART A-- ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

Diatryma

5th Jan 2007, 02:02

[quote=Diatryma;3049843]LOL - that's hilarious SteveF. (What's the "F" stand for?)

Any reason for asking, other than to make juvenile innuendoes? Thought not...

You got that then?

Sorry. Just being juvenile as you say.

Didn't mean to offend.

Cheers,

Di :)

Hey talk about saying silly things - yesterday I asked my wife if she had found the thermometer we were missing. She said no - but that she had fed the fish.......???? LOL

stevef

5th Jan 2007, 18:21

No worries, mate; I'm a miserable old git! Virtual grog enclosed.
:cool:
Steve.

PAXboy

5th Jan 2007, 19:38

Thanks for the remarks, I shall be more careful of what I say next Wednesday on VS! Many of the pax comments reminds me of the observation by the head porter at an upmarket London hotel.

About 25 years ago, I was working in a junior role and often chatted to the guy who had been there for many, many years. He despaired of the way guests (= pax) seemed incapable of doing anything for themselves. "It's like, when they walk in the front door, as if their arms drop off and they can no longer even carry a newspaper." Sound familiar...?

Ground Bound

6th Jan 2007, 00:45

batninth

6th Jan 2007, 09:22

Ground Bound,

Does that mean that those aircraft lined up at LBA with "Jet 2 XXXXX" on their noses mean they are flying to "XXXXX" then?

Is it like old buses, and there is a little brass handle which the pilot nips out and turns, and the name on the nose says "Jet 2 Amsterdam" then he turns it more and it says "Jet 2 Belfast" and so on?

:}

dscartwright

6th Jan 2007, 09:59

"Mr. Happiness" about died - turned white as a sheet, the two stews broke out laughing - and we were treated ROYALLY for the entire flight - and somehow they were always just too busy to get Mr. Happiness so much as a glass of water. He was first off the airplane, too.

This is a true story . . . and I do have a pilot's license, but not for the big iron.I had something a little bit like this (but regarding a nervous passenger, not a snotty one) a while ago flying from Norwich into Manchester on a little twin-prop thingy (Eastern Airlines, I think it was). It was as windy as a windy thing; the further north you went, the windier it got, and they'd cancelled everything to more northerly destinations - so Manchester must have been just within the limits for the aircraft (in fact the captain's briefing included a phrase along the lines of "we'll have a go, but we might have to divert if the conditions aren't up to it when we get there").

I'd chosen the aisle seat, and as we came down the final approach the guy by the window to the right of me was having kittens - white knuckles, terrified expression, the whole nine yards. 'Course, it didn't help that we were banked to the right - it always looks like you're banked over harder than you really are, and he was convinced we were going to land on the wingtip, not the wheels. So I gave him a ten-second explanation of how you do approaches in crosswinds, reassured him that this was perfectly normal, and told him not to worry if the right wheels touched a little before the left ones. Sure enough, they did - and he was amazed to find out that this was a perfectly normal way to do it. "I wouldn't have worried if I'd known", he said - his fretting was simply down to the perception that aeroplanes should fly straight and level unless they're going around corners in the sky.

Same with a friend of mine. He used to be terrified of flying, until we went on holiday together. All I did was tell him at each stage stuff like: "You'll hear a clunk in a moment; that's the wheels being retracted" or "You'll hear a whirring motor in a minute as he winds the flaps down; that's so he can slow down for the approach, and don't worry if it looks like the wing is coming apart, it's meant to look like that". Pops and clunks worry nervous flyers, and a little bit of reassurance works wonders. Since then I've taken him up in our club's PA-28 and he loved every moment.

David C

dscartwright

6th Jan 2007, 10:04

Really? what the ashtrays are a no go item? How come? Just incase you do get a secret smoker and they dont put it in the bin?I can't help thinking of the announcement on a Virgin Atlantic flight (LHR/LGW, can't remember which, but going to Miami). "Smoking is NOT permitted anywhere on this flight, not even in the toilets. Should you decide to smoke in the toilet, please enjoy the shower of extinguisher foam with our compliments".

This level of humour was maintained pretty much throughout the flight by the cabin crew - it made the trans-Atlantic tedium very bearable indeed!

David C

dscartwright

6th Jan 2007, 10:15

My flight into Boston was technically too late to make the onward connection to Europe. But I was a very frequent flyer indeed, and I mentioned my baggage didn't need to make the connection if that would help.A couple of years ago, a travel agent booked me a three-leg flight that had a VERY tight connection at Amsterdam. So we arrived at Amsterdam from Detroit with about 20 minutes to get to the far end of the terminal for the short hop home to Norwich. "We've got a problem", the transfer desk person told me. "You should get to the flight OK, but your baggage won't". "So what do we do?", I asked. "Oh, well if you board the flight, we'll send your luggage on the next one. Then we'll get someone to drop it off at your house. Won't be for about three hours or so though, I'm afraid".

"So you're telling me that if we get on the flight, we can get off at Norwich, stroll without stopping through baggage claim and Customs, hop in the first cab on the rank, go home, have a cup of tea, pick the dogs up from the kennels, have a shower, open a bottle of something nice and plonk ourselves in front of the telly, and then at some point this evening a nice man in a van will drop off our cases?".

"Errr ... well, if you put it like that, sir, it doesn't sound like you're too upset!".

Wish I could get it like that every time!

David C

Tigger4Me

6th Jan 2007, 12:43

Years ago I was boarding a Ryanair flight in the days when their aircraft carried a name which consisted of 'The Spirit of' followed by the name of an Irish city.
A gentleman appeared from the gate and enquired "where is this aircraft going?" On receiving the reply "it's going to Dublin' sir" he replied (totally seriously) "are you sure now, 'cos it says Tipperearty on the side"

Don't you just love the Irish? As transfer reps we have to meet and greet pax in the baggage hall at Malaga, ask their name and destination, mark them off on the manifest and direct them to the correct coach. Meeting one Dublin flight the routine went something like:

Rep: Where are you staying?

Pax: Spain.

Rep: (Thinking the next question might be easier for him) And what is your name?

Pax: To be sure but you'll have to ask de woif dat one. She deals with all dat. :rolleyes:

Farmer 1

6th Jan 2007, 13:43

Not cabin crew, I know, but:

I was flying a BO105 helicopter, and landed on public land to let the pax conduct some business. I stayed with the aircrat, and a couple of men of a certain age came passing by, and stopped for a chat. One of them asked me what the tail rotor was for, so I described the system to him as best I could. I should mention that this particular tail rotor is two bladed, and is basically a plank four of five feet in length.

I would never claim to be the best teacher in the world, but I thought I'd given a fair and simple enough description of the tail rotor. I was just a bit flummoxed when the second man then said, "It seems to me that the wheel at the back is fixed on sideways. How does it manage to push you along?"

gabbai

6th Jan 2007, 17:02

PAX: Excuse me, do you have any nuts?
CC: There is a whole cabin of them behind you Sir!

pax2908

6th Jan 2007, 20:45

I'd given a fair and simple enough description of the tail rotor [...] the second man then said, "It seems to me that the wheel at the back is fixed on sideways. How does it manage to push you along?"
Quite a good observation and an excellent question, IMO :)

Atishoo

9th Jan 2007, 21:13

Same with a friend of mine. He used to be terrified of flying, until we went on holiday together. All I did was tell him at each stage stuff like: "You'll hear a clunk in a moment; that's the wheels being retracted" or "You'll hear a whirring motor in a minute as he winds the flaps down; that's so he can slow down for the approach, and don't worry if it looks like the wing is coming apart, it's meant to look like that". Pops and clunks worry nervous flyers, and a little bit of reassurance works wonders. Since then I've taken him up in our club's PA-28 and he loved every moment.

TRY TELLING THAT TO RAINBOE LOL :ugh:

Atishoo

9th Jan 2007, 21:18

THESE STORIES HAVE HAD ME PEEING MY PANTS

On a flight back from Mauritius once it was BA, most of the CC were men. We had a blast, they were so funny and cutting they had the passengers in our row and rows around us crying laughing, and for me cuz im a terrible nervous passenger i have to say it made me feel so at ease and almost not quite but almost relaxed !!
I actually wrote to the boss of BA to congratulate him on a fantastic service given by the CC, didnt get a bloody free upgrade next time though !! LOL I hope the Crew got a "well done" from one of the big guns though, they deserved it.

red17

10th Jan 2007, 10:05

The latest stupid thing for Pax seems to be the increased security. It goes something like this:

CSA: Have you anything in your hand luggage??

Pax: No I don't think so

CSA: OK thats fine, and you only have one item of hand luggage each??

Pax: Yes (Holding up ruck sack (tagged with an old luggage label !!)handbag and carrier bag)

CSA: Thats 3 items, security only allow one.

Pax: Is water classed as liquid??

CSA::ugh: :ugh: :ugh: :ugh:

Pax: Ok thank you (then walks off complete with 3 bags and a large bottle of water)

Dont we just love them

Crepello

16th Jan 2007, 04:41

Another quick post from an SLF; this took place a couple of years ago on a LoCo flight into LPL. We boarded the plane and I headed aft (to exit using the back stairs on arrival). Three scallies beat me to the back row, loud but not obnoxious and having tried unsuccessfully to chat up the CC at the back, they were now squabbling over who got the window, who got the aisle seat, etc.

Eventually, one of the scallies says "I don't mind, I'll take the aisle seat, I'm well 'ard me" and sits down. A minute later, the stewardess appears from the rear galley, taps him on the shoulder and grinningly says, "well mate, we'll see how 'well ard' you are when I dislocate your shoulder with the drinks trolley after takeoff!"

Quick as a flash, he replies "Just do me a favour luv, just make sure you hit me really hard - I love pain, me".

Took me a few minutes to stop laughing. And on arrival at Speke, deplaning was delayed while another guy, a few rows forward, passed around his bottle of Southern Comfort so anyone interested could have a quick sip before heading home. Excellent craic. :}

robo283

20th Jan 2007, 09:08

Just love those adorable Scousers and their Shining Wit! :oh:

Bankstownboy

21st Jan 2007, 00:40

his fretting was simply down to the perception that aeroplanes should fly straight and level unless they're going around corners in the sky.

Reminds me of a British news report that got shown on the news here the other night. It was about the gales going through the UK and they showed an Antonov or similar taking off in a crosswind, whilst the reporter said something along the lines of 'rapidly blown off course'. Once again, misinformation by sources such as the media are a prime cause of stupid remarks from the SLF!

robo283

21st Jan 2007, 07:33

Yes it was a B.Ae. 146 (or whatever they are called nowadays) crabbing into a string crosswind (and exaggerated by the telephoto lens). Even the BBC described it as 'literally flying sideways' :rolleyes:

If even the BBC displays such ignorance (either of aeronautics or of the use of the word 'literally', what hope is there for the rest of us?

Perhaps there is scope for a 'Thick Media Comments' thread..

blackace

23rd Jan 2007, 11:04

As a passenger I find most CC very helpful, many of my most memorable flights have been had when the CC actually have a sense of humour and don't parade around like robots with a glued on grin (for Lufthansa read frown).

Also since reading these forums I am now aware of the salary scales for CC I have nothing for admiration for you all doing a stressful job like that under duress and some of you STILL maintain a genuine air of fun.

Some of my observations...

recent flight to Colombo.

CC. "would you like an egg or potato meal sir" ?

Me. "Potato please". (meal handed over).

CC. (to the young lady next to me) "Would you like an egg or potato meal madam" ?

YL. "Egg please". (meal handed over).

On opening the meals it became obvious to me that we had been given each others meals, and as the potato didn't look that good I happily tucked into the egg.

YL to Me."Does this look like egg to you, it looks strange".

Me. "Its just cooked differently".

YL "but it doesn't even look like egg".

Me. "Its probably because its an ethnic meal".

YL "Hows yours".

Me. "Mines fine". :)

She ate the meal without another word.

On another occasion whilst on a bad weather landing from Manchester to Glasgow after the pilot had a go around before finally finding the tarmac the pilot came on the intercom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I must apologise for the landing but as a pilot of over 26 years experience I must say that is the worst weather I have ever seen and the worst landing I have ever had to make. If its any consolation to you may I point out that I have to make the return trip in about an hours time".

Pax next to me. "Its more of a consolation to know I'm getting off alive right now".

On a flight departing from Manchester with BA. On passing a 60 year old Lufthansa classic aircraft waiting to taxii out behind us.

Pilot. "Ladies and Gentlemen if you look to your left you can see Lufthansa's recent addition to their carrier fleet, as as we are in England now he has been instructed to get behind me so I can blow dry the dust off him with my jet wash".

On arriving at Chennai and standing at the exit of aircraft with an open door on the airbridge next to us.

Canadian Tourist. "Isnt that amazing".

Me. "What".

CT. "That you can feel the heat from the engines blasting through that open door, its burning my face".

Me. "The engines are off, that's how hot it is here.

CT. eyes wide open in amazement and fear.

Minus points was the CC on Indian airlines who when asked for a Whiskey responded with the comment "Gimme 2 dorrers"...A please would have been nice.

And PLEASE can all CC make sure the seats are in an upright position during take off and landing AND meals. It seems it has become commonplace for CC to not bother checking any more. Just a request, not a complaint.

Keep up the good work and I love to fly with you all, especially the Easy Jet Girl I chatted up all the way from Amsterdam, she was a real peach.

Keep laughing, humour is great in the workplace and it would be a miserable place to be without it. I for one would NEVER complain if any CC made a humorous remark, in fact it would go down as a memorable flight for sure.

c_hostie

23rd Jan 2007, 14:22

If only all our passengers were like you ;) Would make the job a lot less stressful! :ok:

blackace

23rd Jan 2007, 14:51

Never mind that, Just get me the phone number of that Easy Jet Girl.

Seriously though, I don't think your all appreciated enough.

On a recent short flight I was amazed to see the poor CC trying to pass out and collect tea/cofee/snacks, every minute of the flight was spent handing out and desperately trying to clear up before landing. the aircraft was already on finals when the poor girl sat down opposite me in a sweat.

I looked at her dishevelled state and told her, "That's just Cruel".

CC "What is".

Me. "Expecting you to do that on such a short flight, I feel really sorry for you".

CC "It has to be done".

But you could see in her eyes she was genuinely pleased that someone actually had the decency to care.

So....Where is that Phone Number ? :)

(Easy Jet, Amsterdam-Luton, Blonde, about 26, 5ft 10" tall)

ZarfBeam

23rd Jan 2007, 21:35

Just another THANK YOU to the hard working CCs!
Five weeks ago I did two short legs on one day (AMS-LHR, LTN-DTM, 2nd and 3rd time in my life on board a plane with more than 4 seats).
During the first flight (BA) I was busy with looking, enjoying my first sunrise above the couds and so on. CC was busy (we were served snack+coffee) but very friendly.
The 2nd flight of the day (easyJet) was great and opened my eyes, thanks to the CC. A319, seat in the 2nd row, it felt like sitting in the front galley. There was a purser and a FA, both not youngsters and it seemed to me, that at that time they already had done a lot of work that day.
During and after boarding there was a lot of messing around with bags and jackets between seats and the overbins, 2 handicapped boarded in wheelchairs, passengers ignoring everything else than their own ego, counting the sheeps 3 times because somebody seemed to be missing... you probably know this stuff better than me. But the CC were still professional, very helpfull, friendly and even managed to show some good sense of humor.
During flight I saw the FA turning to the front wall just to let her (standard-) smile go away for a moment and to take a deep breath. I could imagine... and I resolved to tell her later, what a good job she was doing (I did, during disembarking). The flight finished with both CC and passengers fooling around and bursting out laughing multiple times during taxi to the gate: the purser was done with his welcome-announcement in english and the (german) FA gave us the german version: "Welcome back in Dortmund to all who live here and return home now. Welcome and have a nice time to those of you, who MUST stay here for holidays".
Oups... ;-) But CC and some passengers showed a good sense of humor, I hope the CC finished their long day with a little smlile on their face, as I did.

crewpoo

24th Jan 2007, 01:46

On a night flight pax's had finished dinner and were getting comfortable in their lay flat beds. I am walking thru cabin when woman says "excuse me, do I have to be awake to eat breakfast" TRUE!

Foss

24th Jan 2007, 13:43

I don't know how you Cabin Crew folk keep your patience.
Look, this is how to get out or you will die, listen, LISTEN stop reading the paper. Then...
Tea, coffee, tea, coffee, tea, coffee.
If I was doing it I'd throw it round you 'There, you've got your tea, happy?'
And some idiot is trying to fit a rucksack the size of a small room into an overhead locker. Check it in you stupid bustard.
Almost all my flights are from Ireland to Scotland so it's
teacoffeteacoffeteacoffe really quick because the flight's only an hour.

My heart goes out to you. And I say thankyou every time.
Tough job.
Fos

flyblue

24th Jan 2007, 14:15

Look, this is how to get out or you will die, listen, LISTEN stop reading the paper. Then...
Tea, coffee, tea, coffee, tea, coffee
Luckily it's not all there is about the job, Foss :)

panda-k-bear

24th Jan 2007, 15:18

My job requires me to do a lot of travelling - usually AF (hey flyblue) or KL (hey Juud) - and the one thing I always, always remember is that I must, without fail, be nice to these guys and gals who suffer the arrogance of pax day in and day out. Why? Well, the most important thing is that my life may depend on them one day (I hope it never will). And 2, no matter how cr@p my day has been, the chances are that theirs has been much worse. Sure, there are bad and good as in all walks of life.

In the most extreme case, I flew with debonair (remember them?!) operating on behalf of LH. As we deplaned, an extremely rude German guy ripped into the purser, telling her that the service was terrible and not what he expected and blah, blah, blah. I spent a good 5 minutes in the galley with her calming her down as he had reduced her to tears - he wouldn't let it go. I told her I'd write to both debonair and Lufthansa in support of her and her crew, telling them of the behaviour of the German "gentleman" - and I did, too!

So there you go - sorry, thread drift and no daft pax comments to report on.