Laughter in the air

[gregers]

come on girls and boys, please tell us your stewardess and steward jokes, or any other funnies you may have.

i posted this on jet blast but thought it more apropriate here.

Nagging and generally bothersome old lady passenger to stewardess who's having a VERY bad day, "can you tell me, how does the pilot find the airport after flying all these miles"?. "well madam" says our heroine "all pilots have to have exellent eyesight, and with the nice big windows they have up front they can see for miles and miles so its easy for them to find the airport" "well dear" says the old lady " thats all very well but how do they find their way at night"?. Stewardess (now feeling peeved at being delayed even more) "madam, if you look out of the right window, you will see a red light, now if you look out of the left window you will see a green one, all the pilot has to do is stay in between them and he knows he's going the right way"!!!!.

ok i'll shut up!!!!!


Greg

[DX Wombat]

if you look out of the right window, you will see a red light, now if you look out of the left window you will see a green one, all the pilot has to do is stay in between them and he knows he's going the right way"!!!!.
I would be a bit worried about that. :\ An almighty great BANG! would seem to be the next thing to happen. :uhoh:

[gregers]

oooops, that'll teach me to pprune after taking my vodka and valium chaser:O should of course read right window, GREEN light, left window RED light.....tut tut, and i have spent the blimming day WORKING on an aircrafts WINGS too!!!!!! i'm having a muppett day :} i blame the squirrels, they made me do it.....


Greg

[tofster]

An airline pilot leaves for his 3 day trip in rather a hurry, when he gets to the aircraft he realises that he has left his brain at home.
What am I gonna do he thinks? Then he remembers the brain shop in the terminal building.

"I'd like a brain please" says the Captain.

"Certainly sir, I have two, a flight crew brain, that costs $1000 or a flight attendant brain that costs $500"

"Just out of interest why is the flight attendant brain cheaper?"

"That's because the flight attendant brain has been used sir"


Taxi for one please!


T x

[sexy siren]

WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PILOTS AND GOD???


GOD DOESN'T THINK HE'S A PILOT!!!;)

[ozangel]

why does a flight attendant have one more brain cell than a cow?

so she dosent crap in the aisle...


what separates 2 alcoholics from a bunch of hookers?

the flight deck door.

[DX Wombat]

Gregers - we have all made mistakes at some time or another and, quite apart from your little gaff, I enjoyed the post :ok:

[sexy siren]

why do most captains die soonn after retirement?



coz their wives dont know that they have to be fed and given t n /coffee every given hour!!!


ps... nuthing agnst captains... juz thinking of 1 on CC's

[nite flyer]

-What will u find between a BA hosties breasts?

-Her belly button

[ukatco_535]

Future A/C such as the A380 and 787 are to be crewed by a pilot and a dog.

The pilot is there to feed the dog.

The dog is there to bite the pilot if he tries to touch the controls.

:O

[sinala1]

One from each side of the flight deck door:

What do pilots use for contraception?
Their personalities!


----------------------------

How many crew does it take to serve the flight deck coffee?

100 - 1 to do it, and 99 to bitch in the galley about having to do it



:E


Happy Flying All!





ps just to prove I am not biased either way, sometimes I think the 'contraception/personality' joke applies to both sides of the flight deck door!

[Nato 35]

Whats that little bit that separates the dick from the arsehole - the centre console !!!!!!!!!!!!!

:cool:

[captainrats]

Q.Whats the last thing a Captains wife does before she has sex.
A.Drives him to the airport.


Q.How do you know when a Captain has died?
A.His wife is wearing a BLACK tennis dress

[gregers]

mid 70's. stewardess showing her b/f around the cockpit of a trans world 747
sewardess, that is th pilots seat,
b/f whats that stain on it?.
stewardess, thats T.W.A.coffee spilt by a T.W.A.T

Greg

[VARIG737]

THE COPILOT
by Keith Murray, DC-3 copilot

I am the copilot, I sit on the right.
It´s up to me to be quick and bright
I never talk back for I have regreats,
But I have to remember what the Captain forgets.

I make out the Flight Plan and study the weather
Pull up the gear, stand by to feather;
Make out the mail forms and do the reporting
And fly the old crate while the Captain is courting.

I take the readings, adjust the power,
Put on the heaters when we're in a shower;
Tell him where we are on the darkest night,
And do all the book work without any light.

I call for my Captain and buy him cokes;
I always laugh at his corny jokes,
And once in a while when his landings are rusty,
I always come through with, "By gosh, it's gusty!"

All in all I'm a general stooge
As I sit to the right of the man I call "Scrooge";
I guess you think that is past understanding,
But maybe some day he will give me a landing.

[HotDog]

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat....she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."

[sukigirl]

How do you know if you have a captain at your party? ................
Dont worry, he'l soon tell you!


How do you know if you have cabin crew at your party? ......
They will stand behind your curtains, eat all your sandwiches and bitch about you all night!

[gregers]

things you don't want to hear in an aircraft.....

1, sudden loud noises

2, sudden silences

3, that the 'autopilot watchers office' :p has been fitted with ejection seats

4, passenger pointing out the window and saying, "was that bit supposed to fall off"?

5, stewardess looking worried and asking "is there a pilot on board"

6, passenger saying "I'M GONNA BE SSS...HHUUUUUGH....."

gREG

[sinala1]

Emailed to me today:

Miss Flight Attendant
(to the tune of Miss Independant by Kelly Clarkson)

Miss Flight Attendant
Miss 'Here's your pretzels', Miss 'no more blank-eeets'
Miss 'Beverage Cart', Miss 'Smash My Knees', Miss
'We're all out of, cof-feeee', yeah!

Miss 'Safety Demo', Miss 'Keep this stowed'
Miss, 'always have to point out, the exit row'
So, keep your tray table up-rright, and she'll never ever feel up-tight
Little Miss Anal Retentive - so Oooh, keep your seatbelt on!

Why do we need these tricks in the sky? All that they do is say "Bye Bye"
They're fast, in first class
They're slow, in coach

What is the deal with flight attendants?
Nothing but flying waitresses!

Bye bye, bye bye now!
Bye bye, bye bye now..........

:E :E :E


http://www.kygo.com/audio/MissFlightAttendant.mp3


(ps Before I get flamed for posting that, I will point out that I too am a flight attendant!)

[SkySista]

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, “I can’t get out of the room!” “You can’t get out of your room?”; the captain asked. “Why not?”

She replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

The sad thing is, I once worked with a girl who would probably have done the same thing!!! :E :p ;)

[sixmilehighclub]

How many pilots does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just the one. He holds it in place and expects the world to revolve around HIM.

True Story:

Demanding passenger in Business Class coming from USA to UK. Pressing call bell every 15 mins for something else...

Final descent, call bell goes again, crew member now feeling a bit like a personal slave without any thanks, goes to tend to passenger.......

CC: "Hi"

PAX: "Hi, when I get into London, I'm in transit and need to get my bang (fringe) trimmed, is there a hair salon in the terminal?"

CC: "Yes of course, there is a salon, no need to make an appointment, just pop in and they'll trim it for you"

PAX: "They better do a good job"

CC: (about to walk off then hesitates and turns to pax) "Oh and by the way madam, in England we don't call it a bang, we call it a minge"

:eek:

[star84]

sixmilehighclub that is so funny!!

I can just imagine the look on the hairdressers face!!

[gregers]

Thanks Sixmilehighclub, that was blimming hysterical. :D i needed a good laugh.

Greg

[ozskipper]

Captain dies and ends up waiting in the welcoming reception of Hell.

The devil wanders over and says "Allo Captain, welcome to hell. We've a new system of punish running down here now - have a look through those doors and tell me how you want to spend your eternity."

Captain opens door 1 and there is a condemned pilot doing an eternity of pre flight paperwork. Bugger that he thinks.

Captain opens door 2 and there is a another condemned pilot doing an preflight aicraft walk around in 45c temperatures sweating his butt off. Bugger that he thinks.

Captain opens door 3 and there he sees a pilot in the flight deck being served by a flight attendant with and endless supply of coffee and hot meals. Captain thinks well that's for me!

The Devil appears and says "Well Captain, what Hell have you chosen?".

The Captain says "I'll have door 3 thanks."

The Devil replied "Door 3? There isn't a door 3" and the Captain says "Yeah, this one here" pointing to the third door.

The Devil opens the door and says "Ooh, sorry that's not for you, that's Flight Attendant Hell".

Boom, Boom....

[PILOTTIMA]

Hi gues. I often look through that forum, but only now make up my mind write doun a couple of line.
I wasn't witness of the next story, but it seems to me it was the true.
One young girl, who take her attendant licence just 2 day ago,
flew to Paris (CDG). As she speak Franch, perser order her repeat
information after captan (it's company policy). Young attendant was nervios about her first flight and constantly ask her colleague about airoport's name.
-What is airoport's name?
-Sharl-de- Goll
And she importune with that question all flight. Eventually Before descending she replicate captan on French:
Lady and gentelmen. In 20 min. our plane arrive at airport.....mmm
...mmm .... Piera Rishara.......etc.
Iwasn't a witness, but it was told me that passangers rock with laughter in aisle.

[scotsflyingboy]

Loved your jokes...heres mine to add..

This 'famous' person gets onto our aircraft and sits in first class. Hes so rude to every other passenger and all the cabin crew that eventually one of the girls goes over to spk to him and calm him down.

Eventually he says to her ' do you know who iam ? Do you know who iam......etc etc..' .She turns , walk up to the intercom and announces that 'we have a passenger sitting in seat 5 E who doesn't know who he is.If anybody does know who he is could them make themselves known.!!!

End of 'famous passenger' rudeness!!!

[Galley Guru]

Whats the difference between a toilet and a flight attendant?........... The toilet has to only deal with one arse hole at a time!

[Brian Abraham]

gregers - I wouldn't worry too much about the red/green. If Antoine De Saint-Exupery could make the same mistake anyone can. Used as an example of laterality in CRM. Same with Ernest Gann and inflating life jackets BEFORE you exit the aircraft.

[Eastern2217]

This one is clever,


Our headline ran, "Virgin screw British Airways." We'd have rather preferred 'British Airways screws Virgin,' but we had to run with the facts.

— News Editor, 'The Sun' newspaper

(http://www.skygod.com/quotes/flyingjokes.html)

[AEUSkinner]

Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".

Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".

An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".

One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"

[Eastern2217]

:p "The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engine usually quits whining when it gets to the gate." :p

Victa Driver :O

[Neptunus Rex]

THE BITER BIT !!!

Many moons ago, on a flight from the US of A to London, an overdressed lady travelling in economy (or whatwever Imperial Airways are calling it this month) was making excessive demands of the courteous but extremely busy Cabin Staff. After yet another pompous demand for a Gin and Tonic, she asked a question of her long-suffering Flight Attendant -

"Tell me my dear, having been away from England for a number of years, what's the servant situation these days?"

Without a pause, our gorgeous English Rose replied....

"I'm sure you will have no difficulty finding a position, Ma'am."

Keep smiling and preparing their drinks behind that curtain !!!

Neppie :cool:

[flyblue]

Brian Abraham ,
on a pedantic note, Sait-Ex was not known to be the best of pilots ;) A great writer, but not a great pilot.

[Lets Get Wasted]

A conversation between a dolly and a pax on a BA flight to yankland.it was the second service in economy which consists of a blue box with a sandwich and snacks.the pax had pre-orderd a veggie meals so the dolly gave the pax their box before the rest of the paxs.

on handing the box to the pax the said conversation took place.

dolly : "Madam,I believe you have pre-odered a vegetarian meal ?"

Madam (american) : "Yes."

dolly hand the pax her meal and begin to walk away.pax looks at box

Madam : "Excuse me miss,I've ordered a vegetarian meal"

dolly walks back to the bemused pax to query
and checks.it is a veggie meal.

dolly : "this is vegetarian"

Madam (angry and quite rude): "no it isn't,I specifically orderd a veggie meal.why don't I have one"

dolly (taken aback,but stays proffessional) :" I assure you madam,this is vegetarian"

Madam (again,angry and rude) : "do you think i'm daft,if this is veggie why does it say bacon on the side.take it away"

Dolly (looks at the box and coolly replies) : "no madam,i'm afraid you've misread.that doesn't say bacon,it's actually the British Airways web address."

BA.COM !

:} :} :} :} :}

Ah ! the yanks,gotta love 'em.

[Biggles' Apprentice]

Paddy and Mick are flying into LAX when an inflight causes them to declare an emergency. The nearest available runway is Edwards AFB, the largest runway in the world.

As they make a 3000fpm decent at near MTOW, they prepare for the landing, knowing they're on the limit, but safe in the knowedge that the runway is huge.

As they touch down thrust reversers rattle and scream and tyres are blown as they screech to a halt 4mm from the end of the tarmac.

As they gratefully survey the scene and thank their lucky stars, Paddy turns to Mick and says

"BeJeesus, Oi tought this was supposed to be a long runway- it's bloody well shorter than Kilkenny!"

Paddy replies "Aye, but look at the fookin width of it"!

:}

[gregers]

(on a similar vein to one above)

airline captain lip****z dies and goes to hell. the devil greets him and says "here you get to choose your own pennance for the bad you have done. but as hell is full the person you replace will get a ticket straight to heaven. open these three doors and chose who you want to replace",

door 1 contains a captain with a never ending pile of pre-flight paperwork to be done in a boiling hot office and the phone constantly ringing. "bugger that" thinks captain lip****z

door 2 contains a captain doing a preflight walk round dressed in summer uniform and no jacket in sub zero tempritures and a howling wind. "and bugger that sideways" thinks captain lip****z.

door 3 contains a captain in an air conditioned cockpit, constantly getting served coffee and food by a stunning but seriously overworked stewardess and given head by her whenever he asks for it.

"thats for me" says captain lip****z. "devil old chap, i've decided on door three". "ok" says the devil who opens door three and says to the stewardess "ok Racheal, pack you bags cos your going to heaven"

Greg

[SkySista]

Just recalled the one about an 'original hostie', forgotten her name but think she was Pan Am...

posh first class pax hands CC a baby without even making eye contact, saying snootily: "Change baby."

Response: "Yes madam, into what?"

:ok: :D :p

[Full Emergency]

Just recalled the one about an 'original hostie', forgotten her name but think she was Pan Am...

posh first class pax hands CC a baby without even making eye contact, saying snootily: "Change baby."

Response: "Yes madam, into what?"

:ok: :D :p
................................

[ditzyboy]

Q.. What separates flight attendants from the scum of the Earth?

A.. The flight deck door!

[powdermonkey]

Scum of the earth!!!???
Way harsh......:(

[ditzyboy]

Sorry to have upset you powdermonkey... T'was just a joke. :)

[rammel]

I'm not a pilot or f/a, but I work as ground staff and the ammount of tossers is about even between pilots and f/a's. This may change onboard I don't know. As the thread is full of jokes about both sides, just sit back and enjoy and see them for what they are... Jokes

I've enjoyed reading this, look forward to more.

[powdermonkey]

Ditzyboy
I'm not upset..... I'm ground staff at moment but I am scum of the earth in training:}....not long to go ( I hope )
Rammel...of course I took it as a joke, especially since I am not a FO/Capt...yet! hence my little sad face at the end of the sentence, so I have no ego to bruise, but I'm getting there!! :cool:
KEEP 'EM COMING!!:ok:

[CCMNo1]

Here is another one:

How do you make a hostie come with one finger?
Press the cc call bell.

Sorry its naff and most of you have probably heard it already.

[Joles]

This was awesome !
I hope you have the copyright for this .
Do I have the permission to post this on other sites ( with your name of course! )
Cheers
Anurag

[mike4]

Q: whats the difference between a pilots 10yr marrage and his job?
A: After 10yrs the job still sucks.

[AEUSkinner]

is that really all he jokes out there, come on, I need a laugh. Anyone got any funny stories about things they have seen or heard on board

[banewboi]

I have to say that when one of my best friends was recently dumped by her boyfriend after he had been sleeping with a woman in his office i took the opportunity to seek revenge on her behalf when he travelled on concession to a popular Egyptian resort with his new bint, (the idea was constructed by me and some other colleagues prior to the day):

After boarding i checked the manifest to make sure he was onboard and helpfully using a picture (obtained from said friend) scouted the rear cabin to make sure he was there. After achieving cruise and the toilet rush had finished i made the following pa:

"Lady's and Gentleman this is a special announcement and for reasons that will become apparent can i please have your undivided attention."

Once the chatter had died down (names have been changed to protect the innocent party) "if there is a Mr Thomas onboard can you please bring yourself to the attention of the crew" (pause for bell) "if there is a Mr Thomas onboard can you please request the attention of the crew urgently (pause for wave and rising head) "Mr Thomas can you please stand up so the crew can make their way to you (he starts to stand)

"NOW EVERYBODY CAN YOU PLEASE TURN ROUND AND LOOK AT MR THOMAS HE HAS JUST LEFT MY BEST FRIEND FOR THE BOMBSHELL NEXT TO HIM AND I WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW WHAT THE TWO TIMING LOW LIFE LOOKED LIKE, A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR MR THOMAS!!!"

i now have a written warning on my file for said offence but i'm off to ba so **** em!!

[Johnbr]

This isnt a joke,for I've witnessed myself...I"d just come out of the cockpit to use the toillet,and one of the f/a,very gay guy,was just starting the second round of drinks and this middle age man,surrounded by his friends,tries to be "funny".turns to this f/a and asks,loudly:"Hey,can you tell me why all male f/a's are queers?" The f/a doesn't miss a second :"I dont know sir,but I can tell you for sure that ,for this airline you're over the age limit,what would you like to drink?"

[Richard Spandit]

What's the difference between a stewardess and a shopping trolley?

A shopping trolley has a mind of its own...



What's the difference between a BA hostie and a walrus?

One has a moustache and smells of fish, the other is a large sea mammal...



What do you call that stringy thing hanging from a c*nt?

The Captain's tie... :)

[ice_with_that]

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?" :)

[TFlyguy]

On being asked a similar question to a previous post "Are all stewards queer?" a VERY straight guy replied

"I dont know Sir, I havent slept with them all yet!"


Whats the difference between a stewardess and a Rotweiller? Lipstick

Whats the difference between a stewardess and a glove? You can only get 5 fingers in a glove

[WeLieInTheShadows]

I've got a couple of BA specific ones...

Q. What's the difference between LGW and LHR cabin crew?
A. The only thing that will go down on LHR crew is the bar plus!

Q. What do LHR crew keep between their breasts?
A. Their belly buttons!

or how about some pilot ones....

Q. What do the FO and the toilets have in common?
A. They're either engaged, vacant, or full of S**T!


Lady runs into a terminal building waving her arms. She run up to the check-in desk and screems "HELP! HELP! THERE'S A NAKED PILOT COLAPSED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD OUTSIDE!"

The check-in agent say's "Calm down madame...now...how do you know he's a pilot if he's naked?"

The lady exclaims "BECAUSE HE'S GOT A SMALL D**K AND A BIG WATCH!"


And last but by no means least a virgin girl joke (I love you all really ladies!)

3 Virgin Stewardesses go into a bar. First one goes to the bar and says "3 shots of sambuca please!". The barman obliges and lines them up. The girl pays and they grab them and toast "30 days!" and down the lot. The barman looks puzzled as the second virgin girl walks up and says "3 more sambucas barman!". Again he obliges and after she pays up they grab them and again toast "30 days!" and down the lot. The barman is now bemused as the last virgin stewardess comes up and says "3 more shots of sambuca please". The barman pours out another 3 shots, and again they toast "30 days!". The barman cannot contain his curiosity any more. "Excuse me" he says. "Can you tell me what this 30 days thing is all about?" "Of course" says one of the lovely ladies "We bought a jigsaw puzzle and it said 2 to 3 years on the side of it, BUT WE DID IT IN 30 DAYS!":eek:

Some of my best material:O

(I'll get my coat)

[flyme69]

A Virgin stewardess goes to the hairdressers listening to here walkman, she takes the chair and is asked what she wants doing. " Just want my roots doing thanks!" ok says the hairdresser, but you will have to take your walkman out of your ears!!, " Oh!! I CAN'T do that Im afraid!!"
"but you'll have to, as we need to wash your hair first" said the bemused hairdresser.
"but I was told that I could not turn the walkman off during my training with virgin!"
eventually she takes the walkman out of her ears and collapses in a heap on the floor!! everyone tries to revive her, but to no avail, shes dead.
The hairdresser after cleaning up finds her walkman on the floor still playing, he is curious as to why this fit young virgin stewrdess didn't want to turn the walkman off, so listens to what it is playing.
"breathe in, breathe out.
breathe in, breathe out......"

made me laugh anyway!!!

[varga girl]

What's the difference between a Virgin dolly and an airplane engine??
The engine stops whining when it lands!!!

What does a Virgin hostie have in common with the Olympic torch?
They both go round the world and never go out!!

Thank you and good night

[danflybe]

THE PRINCESS

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by a gay flight
attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle
and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to
announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so
if you could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather
exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear
me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so
the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess. I take orders from no one."
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat,
"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, bitch."

[SkySista]

Can't remember if this was urban legend or if it happened to someone here, but...

FA comes thru doing cabin secure, after the standard descent PA. Big group of rugby players who have been rowdy and giving the crew sh!t the whole flight..... the ringleader still has his traytable down. She asks him to stow it and he does. On walking back thru the cabin again she notices the table is down again. Calmly she asks him to stow the table.

On a hunch she goes back to check again just before she has to sit down, sure enough the table is down. FA leans in to the man, just in earshot of his rugby mates, points to the traytable and says "I see you can get it up, it's the keeping it up that seems to be the problem!!"

Red-faced pax stows table amongst hooting and laughter from rugby mates, hostie goes to crew seat with a smug grin on her face.

Classic!! :E

[BANANASBANANAS]

This allegedly happened!

Easyjet holding at a certain london airport, about number 10 in the stack. On freq there pops up a new callsign who is immediately given a radar heading, descent and told to contact arrivals.

Easyjet capt a bit peeved and queries why this aircraft has priority over everyone else. The response from ATC, "It's a royal flight and I can only give you priority if you have any royalty on board."

response from EJ "I have acouple of Queens down the back. Does that count?"

[GorgeousKiwiGal]

Easyjet holding at a certain london airport, about number 10 in the stack. On freq there pops up a new callsign who is immediately given a radar heading, descent and told to contact arrivals.

Easyjet capt a bit peeved and queries why this aircraft has priority over everyone else. The response from ATC, "It's a royal flight and I can only give you priority if you have any royalty on board."

response from EJ "I have acouple of Queens down the back. Does that count?"

LMAO!! That's halarious!!! :}

[howflytrg]

Q. Why does the Captain have four strips tattoed to his d**k?

A. So he can pull rank while off duty! :}

[gregers]

Sorry for digging up an old thread but i have to share this one....

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy admitted that this was the case.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your mother can explain it to you."


all the best.

Greg

[Sylphie]

^ Hahah. That's cute! :D

[aw8565]

Gatwick Airport. Foggy at destination (Jersey)

Passenger: Why is why my flight delayed?

Me: Because of the fog Madam.

Passenger: Well I've just phoned my friend in Jersey and she says it's not that foggy and that she can see all the way to the end of her garden.

Me: Oh. Is it a big garden?

Passenger: Yes it is.

Me: Right, well tell her to pop the washing line down, put the patio lights on and we'll land there.... True story.

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Passenger: What film will be on the flight?

Me: *big sigh*

Quick witted colleague: Let's see, it's Tuesday so, Dances with wolves Sir.

Passenger: Oh, I've already seen that.

Quick witted colleague: Oh, sorry to hear that, how about Ocean's Eleven?

Passenger: No, not seen that.

Quick witted colleague: I'll get on to it straight away Sir (and picks up the phone).

Just wear a uniform into an airport and you'll soon be asked some daft questions. £10 says the first is 'Do you work here?'