ATC adding random words to transmissions

[Planet Express]

A mate of mine told me (over a frosty amber at the pub mind you) that after being cleared to line up at a GAAP he was told:

"XXX cleared for take-off, muffins."

He read back the clearance minus the muffins comment, hurtled down the runway and never heard anything else abnormal from the tower. He remains stumped to this day.

Is this B/S or is there some credibility to his ramblings??

Also merry Christmas to all, enjoy your holidays and stay safe
:ok:

P.E.

[Hugh Jarse]

I have heard that sometimes the cabin crew and tech crew throw down the gauntlet to each other with the challenge of including a selected word in the PA.

I have heard words such as intransigent, vulva, yum-cha and patty-cakes 'slipped in' on the odd occasion:E

"Of course I would never endorse or participate in such mischievous activity, Colonel Sanders".

Merry Christmas:}

[Binoculars]

If we tell you that, we'll have to kill you. :ooh:

[Kaptin M]

Overheard last week :cool:

Bing-Bong.

"Hello (actually, "mushi mushi")?"

"Hello, Captain, service finished, please give me arrival information."

"Okay, landing time is hoobldegibbledywoblle, weather fonatseyhobgoodblanketybloobedygimgamgom during descent flunkblaketydogwhatsclinkclankoops....okay?"

F/O now p!ssing himself!!

"Um, sorry, please repeat."

"Which part did you miss?"

"Sorry, please say all again."

Request accomodated!! :ok:

F/O now totally useless to accomplish any useful duties.

There would be ABSOLUTELY zero credibility to your mate's ramblings, P.E..

ATC'ers & Flight Crew have NO sense of humour - at all.
Work is serious sh!t, ya know!!

[sinala1]

I have heard words such as intransigent, vulva, yum-cha and patty-cakes 'slipped in' on the odd occasion
We challenged our flight crew to use the words "Penetrate" and "Moist" in their PA... the captain came to the party (rather easily too, I might add) by telling the SLF that we were going to "penetrate some rather moist cloud, so it may get a bit bumpy on descent"

SLF could not understand why the CC were wetting themselves laughing in the galley :E :E :ok:

[Captain Stoobing]

One very imaginative flight attendant gave us " Gargantuan" to use in our PA. We were stumped up until the last leg our 8 sector 2 day trip the FO came up with ,

" Ladies and Gents BLAH BLAH BLAH, ( arrival info)........and for those of you staying in the area this weekend the airshow is on , with exotic and rare aircraft such as the B-64 Gargantuan on show.......blah blah blah"

Gold, pure gold. None of the passengers even blinked an eyelid. Just goes to show how much our PA's get listened to.

Have a good christmas.

Capt Stoobing.

[one ball]

penetrate some rather moist cloud Hilarious. Puerile but hilarious. ROFLMAO.

Yep.

Anything to liven up your day.

Maybe the tower of power was left in the hands of the work experience kid while the ATCO went for a bog...

("Just sit there and don't touch anything, I'll be right back...")

I'm sure the tower-jockey was gutted when "muffins" was met with indifference.

[Crash & Burn]

Best one I've seen done was when the cabin crew nominated 'Rear Entry' as the flight crews PA phrase of the day.

The captain, not about to knock back a good challenge, came up with the following whilst inbound to XXX from the north:

"Conditions in XXX are fine with the wind from the north. Due to the northerly wind we'll be making the rear entry in XXX by flying down the western side of the airport before turning east and then north to land into the wind."

Cabin Crew were most impressed!

[Hempy]

Slightly off topic, but there were a couple of guys at Heathrow who set up a scam over the PA where they got the announcer to page their ethnic friends. My personal fav...

Makollig Jezvahted and Levdaroum DeBahzted (http://www.twilight3d.com/humour/temp/sound5.wav) :}

[Capt Claret]

In the good old days and a previous life, when first contact with Approach required a statement of in-flight conditions (IMC/VMC), he who named me commented that he'd always wanted to say on top and about to enter.

As I was an impressionable EFFO, and was just about to call Brisbane Approach, I said just that. Captain (G'day Rossco) p!ssed himself laughing! :E

[Jerricho]

Hempy, it happens more often than you would expect ;)

[Chris Higgins]

St Louis Missouri, back in 1995..

ATC transmission:

"Waterski 1211, position and hold"

His response:

"Pull it out and hold it!"

[Matt-YSBK]

Talking of stange words i heard a loud quacking over XXX's radio call to radar on boxing day.

Cool reply from radar to a working quacker made the pilot sound a little confused.

[Atlas Shrugged]

Wouldn't be AeroDuck by any chance would it?

[willadvise]

He was probably mid conversation with someone, stoppped to give your mate his clearance, resumed his conversation but didn't release the PTT quick enough. I have done it myself a couple of times.

[Uncommon Sense]

Hmmm,

this isn't the once rumoured 'co-ord duck call' at SY TMA for YPEC DEP's is it?

[Matt-YSBK]

Dawat woud be tweling......

[BankAngle50]

Having worked in ATC before and flown in various parts of the world, it amazes me how anal my fellow Aussie flight crew are or have become. I’m not advocating the use of incorrect RTF, but for f-cks sake “lighten up folks!” You have your license, so as long as the comms are intelligible so what if now and then (conditions permitting) a bit of humor is injected. Would I advocate unnecessary additions in IMC on a busy approach freq—NO! Its like getting pulled up on a ck because you used “assigned” instead of “Cleared.” F_ck who cares? I remember my ATC trainer getting upset with a certain red tail B767 VH-OG- one day, after coping ear bashing whilst coorindating his arrival into ABCG (yes that long ago). The quote that followed "Ill stay out of the cockpit if you stay out of the tower" seemed most appropriate. If the ATC needs clarification, don’t worry, he/she will ask.:O

Whilst I’m at it; Who are the wankers (aka “The Guard Police”) terrorising any and all if a millisecond off carrier wave pulses on 121.5??? :\ Does this just piss me off?? Do they sit there ready to pounce? I know our job is boring, watching LNAV/VNAV PATH trying to over speed in descent hour after hour but, do you really think the guy doesn’t realize he has just transmitted on guard or that the PNF/(PM) wont tell him? Is this some horrible task assigned by QF to its SO’s, perhaps they sit ready on the 3rd set to pulse “Guarrrrrdddd!!!!!” at a seconds notice.:yuk: If someone accidentally Xmits on guard, for Christ’s sack give them a chance. If it happens more then once, I can understand a polite and helpful, “on guard buddy” transmission.

Perhaps we have made the easiest place in the world to fly a jet so nasty because its so fu_cking so boring?

[one ball]

Especially since these S/O twats don't even realise it ISN'T "guard" at all...

Plenty of threads like this one (http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=108541&highlight=guard) explaining just what "guard" actually means. Still, the morons persist with saying “Guarrrrrdddd!!!!!” but the thing is, most of the time, these other morons DON'T know they are on 121.5 when they call the company so they need something as a smack upside the head.

Letting someone know the freq ATC wants them contact on could be done with a one-sentence broadcast transmission to the other aircraft. It doesn't require a minute of back-and-forth.

Anyone else yacking on 121.5 (or 243) unless he's just taken a belly-full of AAA and is about to punch out is just pulling himself.

[Cactus Jack]

I thought that 121.5 was VB's chat frequency? I'm pretty sure they can't afford their own....

[BankAngle50]

Cactus flat-Jack--great contribution.

Let me cast my mind back,,,Humm 14 hours to LHR, what to do...Position------, now what? Oh, if I was an arrogant "Sky-god" with a red tail who make most operating OS ashamed to be Aussie; humm, ill have plenty of time to come up with ****e like " I thought that 121.5 was VB's chat frequency? I'm pretty sure they can't afford their own....”

From my experience as an ATC many moons ago, QF’s induced 10:1 the number of headaches compared to the cooperative AN drivers. Maybe because they were actually pilots and not radio operators? Funny at Brisbane Centre how we also got faxes & AFTN msgs from other centers with the Qantas comment of the week. Just embarrassing. you really think they like you ****s in LAX??? You probably do.

Well guess we won’t be hearing much more of QF Xmit on guard because form what I see they don’t operate domestically anymore—oops now it called “Jet Star.” Gee who operates their aircraft Cactus??? Bet you really didn’t think it would happen. Keep living in that cocoon! Feel the ice cracking beneath your arrogant ass? Hope you have more than one strip son, or you will be continuing your career as radio operator for a long time.

[Hugh Jarse]

Hey what's the story? Departures called us up on Christmas day and told us one of their colleagues was on the flight, but requested we advise the cabin crew that he wasn't 100% well. Suggested that he not receive cabin service:} in order to prevent his "condition" deteriorating.

Poor old Ged:E

Seems this is a common occurence. You ATCOs are bad boys:} Best you not tell your mates about your travel plans....:}

[Cactus Jack]

Jealousey (emphasis on louse) will get you everywhere in aviation in OZ, BA50. So, you were sacked as an ACTO then? Or you just moved to VB as a pilot such that you could earn half the pay?:} :} :}

[Keg]

Who are the wankers (aka “The Guard Police”) terrorising any and all if a millisecond off carrier wave pulses on 121.5???

I'd prefer someone to 'pounce' with the single statement of 'guard' than not say anything at all and have someone (from either company) calling their company frequency three more times trying to get hold of them. Even worse though are the times when someone calls 'XYZ, go ahead' and then we all get to listen to another couple of minutes worth of inane requests for UMs, meet and assists and so on. :rolleyes:

The only funny one I've heard recently was that someone had taped a whole bunch of 'doh's from the Simpsons and when someone did it, they bounced back with that for about three seconds! I may not ever do it myself but it brought a smile to my face! :E

[BankAngle50]

Far enough commentKEG .
All I am saying is that if anyone Xmits on guard, they will probably know it before you can Xmit “Guard” back. I don’t think it necessary for 5 or so different guys to pounce back with “Guard.” I agree with you when you are busy on director or approach and someone babbles out “2UM’s 5 Meet & Ass…….” That this is annoying, but a whole bunch of other drivers belching out “guard” is equally distracting. I also heard the “Doh!” recording which also made me laugh. :D

Cactus Flap-Jack .
What the F-ck would I have to be jealous of? Sacked as an ATC---NO. Have you heard of redundancy? Well I got a nice big “phat” check just before TAAATS came in. The way Jet-Star are taking over, I would suggest you may become familiar with the term “Redundancy” also, but without the distinction mine had, which was voluntary. Good luck with your long career with one lonely strip and making those radio calls. :yuk:

With a fabulous attitude like yours and your wealth of aviation experiance, one day you will make a fine cadet Captain. Perhaps you can reenact the Par-4 arrival into BKK. “Landing—arrhhhh, no changing my mind, Going Around, arrrrr, changing my mind….Landing…..ahhhh, no changing it again…going around….opppps Stopping! Incase your limited IQ deludes you from the point, "People in glass house!"

Can someone tell me why the QF 747 fleet is full of wankers and the rest of the guys are OK? Is there some course for this when you go on the Jumbo? Seriously? KEG Perhaps you know?

[Keg]

Sorry BA50, I'm taking the 'fifth' on that one. I'm too well known to do myself in by answering that one! :E (I'm also far too lazy to bother with registering another handle so that I could give you an honest opinion! :} )

[2daddies]

Away from the bitching for a moment, heard two within 5 minutes today:

"Melbourne Centre, Freedom XXX maintaining flight level 340, lollies".

and,

"Melbourne Centre, New Zealand XX cleared flight level 210, maintaining flight level 390, backscratch".

They were both kiwis, too. Maybe they know how to relax over there!

[Centaurus]

And at Essendon a few days back: From EN tower to lightie "XYZ - I wonder if you mind recycling your transponder, please thanks - we are not getting it here". Pretty verbose transmission, that. How about just "XYZ -recycle transponder?

The Seminole from Moorabbin lands and checks in to EN ground with "WYV received Delta request taxy clearnce to hanger 123"

ATC come back in a puzzled voice after hearing the received Delta bit, and say "Are you taxying for a take off, or to hangar123?

Reply from Seminole" Received Delta for hangar 123"

Do flying schools need to get their radio procedures training in order, or what?

[Pinky the pilot]

Knew a bloke many years ago who once said over a few refreshing ales that he would have loved to hear a reply to a
'request clearance' go....
''request denied! hmmpff!!"
in a Colonel Klink voice.:E

You only live twice. Once when
you're born. Once when
you've looked death in the face.

[Uncommon Sense]

http://www.dancingmonica.com/imagefile/klink.jpg (http://www.the-earchives.com/scripts/download.asp?id=4140)

[A/F Armed]

A mate of mine in who was an RAAF ATC gave me a clearance once and it went something like this "ABC cleared to XYZ planned route, maintain 6000, squawk 1234, Taxi for Rwy 01, Line up, Cleared for takeoff, contact Brisbane Centre 120.55, G'day my cats breath smells like cat food" It was a quiet day up North.

[Far Canard]

Time spent thinking up such nonsense is time not spent monitoring the aircraft (Thank goodness for EGPWS).

Pilots are:

White collar workers?
Blue collar workers?
Rednecks?

Nonsense is usually spoken by morons.

[NAMPS]

Flying at BK some time ago I heard the following:

TWR: "ABC, no need to acknowledge, cleared touch and go"

ABC: "No need to acknowledge, ABC"

[OperationsNormal]

One whom I can only assume to be QF cadet spanker landing at BK a few years ago in a Duchess (cant remember the rego but it was one of the CAS ones).

ATC: "Alpha Bravo Charlie, Runway Centre, Clear to land"

ACFT: "Clear to land, Qantas... ummm ohh.......... Alpha Bravo Charlie"

[Ultralights]

TWR: "ABC, no need to acknowledge, cleared touch and go"

ABC: "No need to acknowledge, ABC"



ahhh the memories! circuits at BK with 15 other aircraft at the same time!

that taught you to "look outside the windows" sadly todays students will never have that kind of experience!

if only i could remeber some of the chatter from back then!