Phamous Phrases

[notmyC150v2]

These have probably been seen before and if I am being repeditive I apologise. Still they are quite funny.

> AIRCRAFT SAYINGS
>
> Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil.
> For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing!
> (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan).
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
> (Paul F. Crickmore -test pilot)
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -- Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
> submarines in the sky.
> (From an old carrier sailor)
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
> helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough
> power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
> If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .....the pilot
> dies.
> --------------------------------------------------------
> Never trade luck for skill.
> --------------------------------------------------
> The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are:
> "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
> -------------------------------------------------------
> Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot
> pregnant.
> -------------------------------------------------------
> Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully
> complete the flight.
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a
> row is prevarication.
> -------------------------------------------------------
> I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
> purpose of storing dead batteries
> --------------------------------------------------------
> Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
> person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything
> about it.
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
> Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be
> held on a sunny day.
> -------------------------------------------------------------
> Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII:
> When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the
> softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible.
> -------------------------------------------------------
> The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; .....it can just
> barely kill you.
> (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to
> its maximum.
> (Jon McBride, astronaut)
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
> crash as possible.
> (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the
> bastard down.
> (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
> (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and,
> a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few
> opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the
> same time.
> (Author unknown, but surely someone who's been there)
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> Basic Flying Rules:
> Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it.
> The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground,
> buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more
> difficult to fly there.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full
> power to taxi to the terminal.

[AT502]

I once had 3 pages of quotes like that. Can't find it, which I am not happy about.

Heres one I remember...................

"He just f#cked up"

Chuck Yeager speaking at a fellow pilots funeral.

Love to hear some more.

Cheers,

Troup

[Counter-rotation]

Take-offs are optional,
Landings are mandatory...

And then there's the story of the two guys standing at the airport, looking up at the drizzle and low overcast, listening to an a/c going into another missed approach. One turns to the other and says "Geez do you think he'll get down?"
To which the other replies "Nobody's managed to keep one up there yet!"

CR;)

[vh-oja]

Surprised you boys out at Jabbers weren't straight onto this one:

"It's not an issue!"

need i say more

:yuk:

:D

[Bevan666]

'What is it doing now?'

:)

Bevan..

[compressor stall]

"What does pull up mean"

OR (said to GPWS)

"Shut up Grringo"

[planejane]

The difference between a duck and a co-pilot?
The duck can fly.

A checkride ought to be like a skirt--short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.

Speed is life. Altitude is life insurance.

It only takes two things to fly: airspeed, and money.

The three most dangerous things in aviation:
A Doctor or Dentist in a Cessna
Two captains in a DC-9.
A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.

Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.

Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club.

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.

The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.

New CASA motto: "We're not happy, til you're not happy."

A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.

I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."

[locusthunter]

Never fly the A-model of anything!

[Desert Flower]

Here are some more, some of which have already been mentioned.

Keep the aeroplane in such an attitude that the air pressure is directly in the pilot's face.
*Horatio C Barber, 1916

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
*Robert Livingstone, 'Flying The Aeronca'

The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it is on fire.
*Sir Charles Kingsford Smith, sometime before his death in the 1920's.

Flexible is much too rigid, in aviation you have to be fluid.
*Verne Jobst

If you can't afford to do something right, then be darn sure you can do it wrong.
*Charlie Nelson

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
*Layton A Bennett

I hope you either take up parachute jumping or stay out of single motored airplanes at night.
*Charles A. Lindbergh, to Wiley! Post, 1931

Never fly the 'A' model of anything.
*Ed Thompson

Never fly anything that doesn't have the paint worn off the rudder pedals.
*Harry Bill

Keep thy airspeed up, less the earth come from below and smite thee.
*William Kershner

When a prang seems inevitable, endeavour to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.
*Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.11.

Instrument flying is when your mind gets a grip on the fact that there is vision beyond sight.
*U.S. Navy 'Approach' magazine circa W.W.11.

Always keep an 'out' in your hip pocket
*Bevo Howard

The cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.
*Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to the maximum.
*Jon McBride, astronaut

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
*Bob Hoover

It occurred to me that if I did not handle the crash correctly there would be no survivors.
*Richard Leakey, after engine failure in a single engine, Nairobi, Africa, 1993

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it. Ride the bastard down
*Ernest K Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'

Though I fly through the valley of death I shall fear no evil for I am at 80,000 feet and climbing.
*Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location on Kadena AB, Okinawa

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
*Paul F Crickmore

The emergencies you train for almost never happen. It's the one you can't train for that kills you.
*Ernest K Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'

If you want to grow old as a pilot, you've got to know when to push it, and when to back off.
*Chuck Yeager

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
*Richard Herman Jr, 'Firebreak'

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
*Sign over a squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970.

An airplane might disappoint any pilot but it will never surprise a good one.
*Len Morgan

*To most people, the sky is the limit. To those who love aviation, the sky is home.

*Life is simple. Eat, sleep, fly.

DF.

[rearwhelsteer888]

when discribing somone in aviation who's a little unpleasent he would say to me "screamers and dreamers mate"


the other old phrase is:
Your better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
RWS888:E

[notmyC150v2]

Another favorite of mine is:

Helicopters can't fly, they're just so ugly the earth repels them

[kookabat]

Always remember... There is no such thing as a gliding helicopter!

[Sqwark2004]

The amature pilot will press on, whilst the more experienced will turn back to join the most experienced who never left the ground in the first place.

[Jungmeister]

The two least useful things when commencing takeoff:

1. Fuel in the Bowser

2. Runway behind you

Source; My Flying Instructor circa 1966.

[Atlas Shrugged]

F :mad: K that was close!

[Mugatu]

The two most dangerous words in aviation....

"Watch this"

[Contract Con]

How true Sqwark2004!

My favourites ( I have said and heard all of them personally)
have always been:

"Whats it doing now:confused: "

"Why did it do that:confused: "

and

"Is she new:cool: "

Cheers,

Contract Con:ok:

[aerocom]

Sorry but someone had to say it, Confusious say Women who fly upside down have crack up.

[Ultralights]

Helicopters can't fly, they're just so ugly the earth repels them

Ive also used,
" Helicopters dont fly, they just beat the air into submission!"
and "how many birds do you see with wings going round in circles?"

some i have already used, both in quick sucession
" what is that?" followed shortly by "F:mad: uck that was close!" turned out to be a pidgeon at 4000Ft, i still dont know how he flew through the prop arc and didnt hit any blades!

[Desert Flower]

Some beauties I received today:

The 33 Greatest Lies in Aviation..

1. I'm from CASA and I'm here to help you.
2. Me? I've never busted minimums.
3. We will be on time, maybe even early.
4. Pardon me, ma'am, I seem to have lost my jet keys.
5. I have no interest in flying for the airlines.
6. I fixed it right the first time, it must have failed for other reasons.
7. All that turbulence spoiled my landing.
8. I'm a member of the mile high club.
9. I only need glasses for reading.
10. I broke out right at minimums.
11. The weather is gonna be alright; it's clearing to VFR.
12. Don't worry about the weight and balance - it'll fly.
13. If we get a little lower I think we'll see the lights.
14. I'm 22, got 6000 hours, a four year degree and 3000 hours in a Lear.
15. We shipped the part yesterday.
16. I'd love to have a woman co-pilot.
17. All you have to do is follow the book.
18. This plane outperforms the book by 20 percent.
19. We in aviation are overpaid, underworked and well respected.
20. Oh sure, no problem, I've got over 2000 hours in that aircraft.
21. I have 5000 hours total time, 3200 are actual instrument.
22. No need to look that up, I've got it all memorised.
23. Sure I can fly it - it has wings, hasn't it?
24. We'll be home by lunchtime.
25. Your plane will be ready by 2 o'clock.
26. I'm always glad to see CASA.
27. We fly every day - we don't need recurrent training.
28. It just came out of annual - how could anything be wrong?
29. I thought YOU took care of that.
30. I've got the field in sight.
31. I've got the traffic in sight.
32. Of course I know where we are.
33. I'm SURE the gear was down.

DF.

[jetstar1]

Airline employee to annoyed customer:

"No madam, the flight is not late. It has just been re-scheduled!"

;)

[Gear in transit]

how bout:

Nobody watches perfect landings
Maps can only be refolded by the manufacturer
The aeroplane you want is always the one at the back of the hangar
Piston engines always run rougher over water at night
Anything with Piston engines needs another 60 horsepower
The only time you have too much fuel is when your on fire

[MeatHunter]

Never take thine altitude in vain lest mother earth rises and smites thee

And one for the meatbombers
Blessed are those who delay too long....For theirs shall be an everlasting impression.

[Pinky the pilot]

MeatHunter; One somewhat similar but with the same 'impact'. (Sorry 'bout the pun')
"Maintain thine airspeed lest the earth arise and smite thee"

You only live twice. Once when
you're born. Once when
you've looked death in the face.

[criticalmass]

Surprised no-one's put these in before:-

"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold pilots."

"You run out of engines so quickly in single-engined aircraft."

"If it flies, f#@ks or floats, it's cheaper to hire it."

"Helicopters don't fly, they physically beat the air into submission."

"A student pilot begins with a bucket marked 'LUCK', which is full, and one marked 'EXPERIENCE', which is empty. The trick is to fill up the bucket marked 'EXPERIENCE' before the bucket marked 'LUCK' runs out."

"An accident is not a single mistake, but the sum total of a series of mistakes."

"Beware the pilot who is afraid of nothing; a healthy dose of fear from time to time reminds a pilot of his own mortality and may go a long way towards maximising his life-span."

"Every cloud has a silver lining - frequently made by Boeing!"

[Howard Hughes]

Continuing with the helicopter theme.

Helicopter = 2000 moving parts rotating around an oil leak!!

Cheers, HH.

:ok:

[nasa]

"Flying is easy, just throw yourself at the earth and miss"

[tinpis]

"I didnt know whether to sh*t meself or wind me watch"

Picked up by tin from god knows where

:}

[Mickster]

A couple from a particular character in Darwin Aviation...

Have you got time for a quick Bathurst?

What do you mean there is low-level cloud? Just climb through it?! (said to a low time VFR pilot)

What are you still doing here?

Just g...g...g...g...GO!

Load 'n go! Load 'n go!

Some lucky people may still have the stubby holder from the Wimray Beer Appreciation Club immortalising these sayings .

[Pseudonymn]

From the parachuting mob..... "Gravity is just a myth that the earth sucks"

[robroy]

We watched him spin,

We watched him burn,

For he held off bank in a gliding turn.






When a man grows old,

And his b*lls get cold,

And the end of his pr**k turns blue,

And the hole in the middle refuses to pi**le,

I say, he was " F**kED "
Wouldn't you.!


Last verse of Eskimo Nell.

To view in its complete form, go to, www.google.com, and type in, ESKIMO NELL, view the top one on the list, but read the warning, !!!!!!!!!

Cheers

robroy

[Ultralights]

You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky." -- Amelia Earhart

"Lovers of air travel find it exhilarating to hang poised between the illusion of immortality and the fact of death."

I fly because it releases my mind from the tyranny of petty things . . .

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply that they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings.

No bird ever flew nonstop from New York to Tokyo, or raced 15 miles high at triple the speed of sound. But birds do something else. They do not conquer the air; they romance it." -- Peter Garrison

more relevent one

Every time I fly and am forced to remove my shoes, I\'m grateful Richard Reid is not known as the Underwear Bomber.

— Douglas Manuel, aerospace executive regards airport security.

We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What\'s our vector, Victor?

The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of your coffee.

— Gunter\'s Second Law of Air Travel

In response to how he checked the weather, "I just whip out my blue card with a hole in it and read what it says: \'When color of card matches color of sky, FLY!\'"

— Gordon Baxter

Nothing said I had to crash.

— R.A. Bob Hoover, after hitting a telephone wire and losing two feet of wing in his P-51.

Ted: "We\'re gonna have to come in pretty low on this approach.
Elaine: "Is that difficult?
Ted: "Well sure it\'s difficult. It\'s part of every textbook approach. It\'s just something you have to do ... when you land.

In the Alaska bush I\'d rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.

Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in the world do you think it got to be this old?

When asked why he was referred to as \'Ace\':
Because during World War Two I was responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy.

— Captain Ray Lancaster, USAAF.

You know they invented wheelbarrows to teach CASA inspectors to walk on their hind legs.


If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter fly-ins?

I never liked riding in helicopters because there\'s a fair probability that the bottom part will get going around as fast as the top part.

Buttons . . . check. Dials . . . check. Switches . . . check. Little colored lights . . . check.

I\'ve flown every seat on this airplane, can someone tell me why the other two are always occupied by idiots?

Insurer: It was pilot error.
Pilot: It was design error.
Insurer: I disagree. The pilot is at fault for trusting the designer.

When asked by someone how much money flying takes:
Why, all of it!

Parasitic Drag: A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.

Rich Mixture: What you order at the other guy\'s promotion party.


Roger: Used when you\'re not sure what else to say.

Spoilers: CASA



Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of gate times
And held rigid by impossible air traffic controllers;
Upward I’ve climbed and joined the congested skies
Of fixes, missed approaches and done hundred things
My passenger did not care for – delays, turbulence, and held
In the holding pattern low on fuel. Waiting there,
I’ve chased the schedules, and flung
Myself against management and union rules.
Up, up the long ascent in seniority list.
I’ve topped and gone to the next aircraft
Hoping that I do not get furloughed.
And, while with worried mind I’ve trod
The difficult sanctity of regulation,
Waiting for the FAA inspector who is God.

— Brian Caver, in honor of Phillip Valente, Captain American Eagle Airlines.

[locusthunter]

I think there's more gas in the cockpit than in the tanks now.

-Said to a student of mine who'd obviously had a particularly heavy night and was letting 'em rip like a trooper.

(Transforming a C152 into a hot air balloon was not what I had in mind when I considered a career as a flight instructor)!






:yuk:

[flyhardmo]

When asked by the other pilot of an identical aircraft why his was going faster, the reply was..
"the red line is there for a reason"

i was told this by a captain when i had only 200hrs..
"fly it like its stolen"
:E

[Hugh Jarse]

"Minima's are for Private Pilots"

Heard in the RACNSW bar, circa 1990.:}

[hoss]

"Air force pilots flare to land and squat to pee."

from a Naval Aviator:ok: :ouch:

[deepee]

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok :D

[Rogeramjet181]

Landing is all about volumetric efficiency,

Getting as much as the aeroplane down in the same spot at the same time as possible.

- A guy in a flying club bar 1998 -

[visibility3miles]

some i have already used, both in quick sucession
" what is that?" followed shortly by "F uck that was close!" turned out to be a pidgeon at 4000Ft, i still dont know how he flew through the prop arc and didnt hit any blades!

Someone I knew was flying a Cessna 182 when a seagull
1) Missed the prop,
2) Came through the windshield,
3) Missed the pilot, who landed safely.

So that's a :O :( :O

I didn't hear what they said to the control tower, but it may not have been standard phraseology...

[BlueRedGreen]

I didn't see the one:

"The prop is there to keep the pilot cool when flying. You don't believe me? Well when it stops, see how the pilot starts to sweat"

or

"Stick goes forward, the houses get bigger. The stick goes back, the houses get smaller. Keep the stick back and the houses get bigger again."

BRG

[Avgas172]

The three most useless things in a C172 (or any other flying machine) were always considered to be fuel in the bowser & runway behind you at the airport from which you just departed and altitude above you en route to the destination.
cheers :uhoh:

[Sqwark2000]

"Gee!, whats that mountain goat doin' up here in the clouds"

Gary Larsen, Farside

[Rolly71]

Along the same theme. The 4 most usless things in aviation:
1. Runway behind you
2. Sky above you
3. AIr in your fuel tanks
4 Hours in a navigators logbook

F16 pilot has engine trouble in his single engione fighter and declares an emergency with ATC, ATC reply rodger XXX you are no.2 behind a b52 on 15 mile final with an engine out. F16 pilot replies, oh no the dredded 7 engine approach!!!

[DeltaSix]

I've got one.............

Women makes you choose between them and jets. Where's my F-16 ?

USAF F-16 pilot


deltaSix
:ok: