Old NonPC Videos

[TheBeeKeeper]

Can anyone remember some of those fantastic NonPC training videos from yesteryear?

Dr FOD and Miss Wayward Body

The Man from LOX

To name a couple...... any other classics?

TBK

[Time Bandit]

Saw a good'n a few years ago much to the amusement of all who watched. It was a 1983ish army training video on codes of conduct set in a post apocolyptic Germany. Two British squaddies come across (easy..not that sort of film) a German lady in a barn and make moves to defile ths poor lady.

Enter young British officer, pistol in hand, lip in stiff-upper position, Best of British accent. He busts through the door and screams some sense back into the oiks. They wipe snot from there noses and amble out of the barn to hunt for Ivan. Good old Tommy Atkins!

My dad remembered one from when he was a lad circa early 60s - a film was played in his school assembly by an army recruiting team. It involved a team of British soldiers in some arse of the Empire ordering the natives around in some mock counter-insurgency. One immigrant lad in the assembly hall stood up shouting "why are you doing that to my people?" and had a right old go at the army recruiters. oops!

[BEagle]

Dr FOD - who was the lovely girl in the tight cheesecloth blouse who was obviously feeling rather chilly? :E

Aaarrgh-the Cranwell bromide is wearing off!

[moggiee]

Distraction - Richard O' Sullivan at a strip club before flying his Harrier and forgetting to remove seat pins.

[Spotting Bad Guys]

There was also a Flight Safety video starring Windsor Davies - stuck his head in a FJ intake I seem to recall....


SBG

[Blacksheep]

The Royal Navy did some of the best ones. My particualr favourite was the chap playing 'Hangar Pilots' in an armed Sea Vixen who fired a salvo of rockets across the flight deck into the sea. I bet they had lots of fun shooting that film - there were no digital special effects in those days, it were the real thing.

The most politically incorrect training films I was ever treated to were those for NBC team members back in the 60's. If the civilian population had ever seen how we intended to use the survivors of a nuclear attack we'd have been in really big trouble. Of course we thought it was all a big joke - even if the MOD big-wigs didn't realise that there would be no survivors at any of the Bomber Command airfields, we certainly knew it was a complete waste of time training us for the aftermath.

[BEagle]

One of the best flight safety films was "Frustration" - about a couple of mates ferrying a Javelin out to the Far East. It was considered to be a tedious, frustrating trip - yet most people these days would think it a very enjoyable one!

A shame that it was never transferred to videotape.

The old 'reds under the bed' security films were hilariously awful!

[teeteringhead]

Aaarrgh-the Cranwell bromide is wearing off! ...sadly I find it's just starting to work after all these years.....:( :( :(

...but back to the thread: there was even a security vid about some airship's WRAF ADC sh@gging a Russian!!

[delta96]

This topic prompted me to search for sources of old training films on the web. The Imperial War Museum turned up a few in amongst the newsreel footage it holds. Unfortunately not for sale, although groups can organise visits to view.
One film of current interest was a 1965 recruiting film for Porton Down 'Guinea Pigs'.
A link: http://www.iwmcollections.org.uk/qryFilm.asp

[Arm out the window]

We were treated to 'Dr. Fod and Miss Wayward Body' in Aust too, a reasonable number of years ago now - I suppose it's been relegated to the Shame Vault now, more's the pity.

Some of the musings of our Aviation Medicine lecturer have stayed with me too, particularly the part where he was pointing out the similarities between sweat and the secretions from girlies' nether regions (obviously there must have been a good teaching point to be gained from this), suggesting that it was just as good to lick our girlfriends' armpits as go for anything more ambitious...hmmm.

[BEagle]

Your AvMed sessions were obviously a lot more fun than ours!

Hyperventilation vs. Hypoxia on those pink and yellow flip-up OHP slides, 2 mins at 30 mm Hg between lessons, 'Mickey Mouse in Mathemagicland' whilst waiting to go into the chamber for a 25-45K RD.....

And the most expensive coffee in the universe in the AMTC crewroom.

It lost a lot of its historic charm when it moved down to Henlow- and a good Ruddles and vindaloo pull-through prior to chamber runs has probably become non-PC on the grounds that the smell harrasses the quack!

[buoy15]

Agree Beags
The atmosphere in the hall was worse than in the tube!
We wanted to stay in - but they had to rush through the next batch!

Hold your breath, Trust a few, Always paddle your own cnaoe!:)

[Skeleton]

Who was the snake that would appear from left open filing cabinets etc?

He made me laugh :)

The alcohol abuse one when the young airman transforms from newly posted in to Germany Mr Keen, to Mr Alcoholic was not :(

[CarltonBrowne the FO]

Wasn't there a safety film based on a real event of a Phantom taking off (albeit brifely) without the wing locks securely in? If memory serves, Trevor Eve played the unfortunate pilot...

[adr]

Not a training film, and not terribly amusing either, but if you go here (http://www.britishpathe.com/advanced_search.php) and enter 1774 in the "Canister Number" box, then click "Go", you'll get access to a brief 1930 Pathé film of Air Chief Marshal Sir John Salmond inspecting Cranwell cadets.

Preview quality is free. You can also buy a presentation quality copy (to incorporate into a Powerpoint briefing, say).

Of course, if you choose to make it amusing by dubbing on your soundtrack, well... :ok:

adr

[FatBaldChief]

Skeleton - Was the spying snake not called 'Hissing Sid' warning you about leaving security furniture open and classified docs lying about when knocking off?

Snakes are Bald. But not Fat. So they are half great :8

[JessTheDog]

"Too Fat to Fight" - excellent, especially when the obese fellow decides to alter the position of the "vibrating belt machine" to provide maximum pleasure!

[ShyTorque]

David Jason did one about cold weather flying clothing. Can't remember too much about it though after all that expensive AMTC coffee that Beagle reminded me of.

[Guern]

Jump Jump John !

Anyone see the film for flying in AEF flights in Chippie?

Early 80's watch safety film before allowed in Chippie for AEF flight at Finningley. Includes how to evacuate aircraft in case of emergency.

Seem to remember it involved in the event of an emergency the pilot sliding canopy back and saying "Jump Jump John" and cheery cadet saying "Jump Jump Sir" then climbing out onto wing (striken aircraft still flying straight and level!!) before departing aircraft.

[circle kay]

The Harrier film with Richard O'Sullivan in was 'Frustration' too. But he didn't leave his seat pan pin in. He taxied out on to the active without clearance after being distracted by such things as the blanket stacker dropping the keys to stores in the airmans' mess and the stewardess in the Os' mess not giving Richard his eggs and bacon on time! The Harrier film with the seat pan pin was set in Belize with some guy that used to be in Emmerdale Farm. The Phantom taking off without the wing locks engaged may well have had Trevor Eve as the Pilot. But more impressively to me at the time, the Chief Tech was played by the guy who used to be Mr Bronson in Grange Hill! In the past decade RN films have I think, been much better just like 'Flightdeck' as a flight safety mag. But the SSKC film that made the most impact on a young and naive Circle Kay as Swinderby was the black and white one of the squaddies going out to Singapore on a Britannia and catching a 'social' disease to bring back to loved ones in dear old Blighty. It had lots of very graphic photos at the end shown by a very sweaty MO.

[5 Forward 6 Back]

I remember one starring some chap I recognised as a Jag pilot. He was distracted (actually, was it a film on distraction?) by having to stick his blues on to walk to SHQ, and some chief tech who had some marital issues concerning a det, and a few other things like that. He stacked it, there was a moving funeral, etc.... where are all these films now??

[Maple 01]

I've got one or two on video including 'Jump Jump' (thought that was 6AEF at Abbingdon)

If I ever sort myself (and DVD recorder) out perhaps fellow PPRuNers might like to share the magic?

[airborne_artist]

Does anyone remember a B + W "Resistance to Interogation" film, made in the 50's? It starred some youngish RAF pilots, at least one of whom was instructing (as an Airworks employee) at Roborough on the RN Grading Flight when I went through in 78.

[Gainesy]

Any tech tradesmen remember having to endure the er... tech training movies? About 15 min each entitled (among others) "The Hammer" and "The File". Which purported to show how to use said instruments.

Instant Zs.:zzz: :zzz:

[moggiee]

The snake in the filing cabinets was HISS - standing for Hostile Intelligence ServiceS.

Hissing Sid was Captain Beaky's arch enemy!

[FatBaldChief]

Of course it was! Thanks moggiee. The lack of hair insulation causes my brian to be slowed by a factor of 12 :8

[teeteringhead]

my brian How fast would he be with hair????:rolleyes:

[FatBaldChief]

That was done on purpose teeteringhead for god's sake get a girp :D :8

[RFCC]

Tech training movies... I remember seeing one at Halton that must have been made in the 40s. It was to demonstrate the venturi effect and consisted of a flight of apprentices (in hairy best blues) marching along towards a collection of tables arranged as a venturi. When they got to the said tables they then had to double through them and relax back into march having exited the other end.

The film was obviously effective because I've never forgotten it after thirty-odd years. :hmm:

[An Teallach]

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
my brian
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I'm not your brian, and I'm not the fecking Messiah either! Leave me alone!!

Apologies to Monty Python.

[Back in the Barrel]

The old non-pc videos made much more convincing recruitment material than the recent crop of mis-judged duds. At Cranwell, I remember feeling how pleased I was in embarking on a career as a nav when each Hissing Sid video seemd to involve some young nav rogering silly a gorgeous Russian agent. Alas, the Cold War came to an end!

The Harrier/Seat Pins vid sticks in my mind because of the amusing (though no doubt realistic) relationship between the incompetent SAC and his sweating hulk of a CT (his posting to a hot climate must have been a source of laughter to the posters). The best quote from that movie, I seem to remember,was:

(accompanying clip round the ear): "SIMMONDS! How long have you been in this Air Force?.......ALL DAY?!"

Happy days!

[airborne_artist]

I remember seeing one at Halton that must have been made in the 40s. It was to demonstrate the venturi effect and consisted of a flight of apprentices (in hairy best blues) marching along towards a collection of tables arranged as a venturi.

I saw it too at some stage - and I can see it now (in my mind..). Must have been good to stick in my befuddled cranial space.

[Skeleton]

Cheers Moggiee - that was him, stoopid snake. :)

[Guern]

Maple 01

"I've got one or two on video including 'Jump Jump' (thought that was 6AEF at Abbingdon)"

Not sure where it was filmed but was shown to us at Finningley before we were allowed up in the Chipmunks.

It was so reassuring to see from the film that in the event of some disaster happening the Chippie would fly straight and level until we had climbed out on the wing and hit the silk! :D

[Maple 01]

And that the cadet would still call the pilot 'Sir' even when they were about to die - stiff upper lip and all that!

[BEagle]

'They' came out with loop cartridge 8mm back-projected film clips for Chippie emergency procedures when I was at ULAS in the early '70s. Clatter clatter - "Action in the Event of Fire", etc.

A couple of clever chaps made their own hilarious spoof version using the 'dead Chipmunk' cockpit downstairs, and transferred it to one of the cartridges. Then, at Met Brief, the Duty QFI unwittingly played it. It took a good few minutes before he realised it was a spoof - it was that good! He ended up taking up to Little Riss when he went for his A2; sadly, the miserable buggers didn't think it was funny!

Happy days!

[Krystal n chips]

Thought ALL the films at Halton were in Black and White and with a WD prefix !---well they all seemed to be--and yes, Gainesy, we all recall the :zzz: :zzz: inducing "How to use a etc"---who the f$$k devised them I wonder !.

Don't recall the LOX film, but we had a more practical demo concerning LOX at Halton---take one innocent frog, one bowl of LOX, one hard surface---make comparison between frog and male anatomy---immerse frog---guess the rest ---probably not in the current syllabus I assume ? ;) The most vomit inducing ever--an intro to the Toom---the voice over was pure Hollywood / propaganda-- think unctious "all American" self important voice here as was the "action"--started with shots of the beast flying in perfect wx--of course !---"defending the sky and the innocent etc":yuk: until " when danger threatens---Angel of Mercy becomes the Angel of Death--or words very similar--cue dramatic music--enter one T 33--with Red Star to show he was the bad guy--darting through dark clouds--in straight and level flight at ALL times--but to no avail as the heroic Toom "terminates" the threat as per the script--and then back to the Sunny Skies and happy music---three choices, laugh, cry or vomit:yuk:

[BEagle]

Wasn't that the pone with "This is a weapons system. It is the property of the US Navy...." droned out in a typically melodramatic over-the-top self-important Spam manner....?

We pi$$ed ourselves laughing at such utter bolleaux!

[Speed Twelve]

"Jump jump, John!"

"Contact! It's another Chipmunk!" etc...

Did a pilot nav course at 6 AEF in the 80's. Turns out 'John' was the Boss's son who worked there as a flight staff cadet. He ended up flying Tonkas in RAFG...

Anyone remember the 9 Sqn recruitment video? TACEVAL at Honington, with loads of low-level GR1 hooliganism? Used to show it at the CIOs, even to those seduced by the Blunt-Side.

ST

[Krystal n chips]

BEagle,
You could well be correct about the operator---it was a long time ago and it's reasonable to assume I may have consumed more than one unit of alcohol the night before--so the memory bank is a bit vague on this point--but I do recall the melodramatic script and the T-33 with the Red Star--so yep, probably the same one. :yuk:

However, as you already know, I do a have much better memory concerning a cheesecloth clad lady ! :D

[Background Noise]

The old Javelin transit or 'Mr Chalmondley-Warner does Flight Safety' is on vid at the DASC I believe.

[FJJP]

I seem to remember a LOX film from the States - shown I believe at AMTC N Luff. Some poor guy go caught in a LOX blast during pre-flt maintenance and collected 100 degree burns.

It showed him lying on top of a bed with not an inch of skin anywhere on his body. It was ghastly. He lived for a few days before mercifully passing away...

[Eagle 270]

BN, you beat me to it! I was about to mention that the chaps at DASC (Beags, the old IFS!!;)) had the flying trowel FS vid, 'Frustration' on disc now too!

They show it with the up to date version involving a couple of F3 mates on det. They have even gone to the expense of using a couple of pukka lovies, notably the chap from 'The Bill' and more recently, 'Doctors'. Very high brow!

Same old same old though. Chain of events including no air con in hotel en route, pants food, blunties doing their usual etc, etc....

Very well made all the same and scarily realistic. I'm sure we all have stories that could have almost resulted in a BOI were in not for a break in that chain somewhere along the line.

On the flip side, the illustrious brown jobs have an equivalent and very telling 'Frustration' vid. It starts off at ‘0’ dark hundred hours at a secret former Meatbox, Javelin and Phantom Suffolk base. The 'stars' are doing what pongoes do best, running around with large bits of ungainly baggage on their backs. Their flight commander tells them that they are now night flying that night and it sort of goes from bad to worse. Rushed planning, lots of niff naff and trivia bowled their way in the form of non aviation related pressures and all the usual 'outside the bubble' claggage. The result is the 'players' cuff the recce and end up rather dramatically taking out a set of wires on their night sortie.
I asked (using small words of less than two syllables and speaking slowly) a brown job mate if the film was a bit OTT? His reply was it was actually the rule rather than the exception.

The Air Force should at least consider itself lucky in some way. Flying is sometimes, at least on the top ten list of priorities.

[BEagle]

Yes, I saw the new version shortly before I pulled my black-and-yellow and left the mob.

Well made indeed - but the earlier one gave you a glimpse of what the proper Air Force must have been like.

It was the threat of a final posting to DASC which made me take the pins out; the actual timing of the handle pull was a tactical decision based on maximising leave entitlement and final salary scale etc.....

[Monty77]

Fond memories of HISS the Russian snake video. The one where he is down a back alley with a tray of matches round his neck calling, "Souvenirs, novelties, party treeks!" in the heaviest Russian accent imaginable.

Needless to say, some poor unsuspecting Fg Off fell for his evil lures to pay for his wife's new fur coat. Never a senior officer to fall foul though, was it? Combination of military pay in the 70s, the fact that women could wear fur in those days and er, it's always the Fg Off isn't it?

And if anybody from FOLA (Flying Officers' Liberation Army) is reading - let it go, your miserable cause is lost. Mainly because you cannot read, you illiterate virgins. Curl up and die and accept the the two stripe masters will not accept your ilk (that means you).

This message has been brought to you by GANG (Graduates Against Non Graduates) and refers to a brief but bitter spate of inter-rank warfare on 72 Sqn in Northern Ireland in the early 90s.
Fortunately, the literati won, the evil SPONI (Senior Pilot Officer Northern Ireland) was promoted to Kinder Command (hence the state of the training system), and GANG organized the peace, although Bill Clinton took the credit.

Death to FOLA! GANG and FLANGE (Flt Lts Against Non GraduatEs) Rule OK!

[maxburner]

Does anyone remember 'Unload For Control' - about Phantom spinning and why it was not such a great idea? There was some excellent footage of wepaons of all sorts being fired and dropped.