boys who feel self conscious with female instructors

[azzie]

Advice required please.

As a female student I felt more comfortable with female instructors and very self conscious with male instructors. i got over it eventually but my problem is this....

Now that I am an instructor I find that there are certain guys who feel REALLY self conscious flying with me. At the extreme I had one guy who just looked so embarrassed whenever I asked him to demo something on a check flight. Most of it went well, but he did the most atrocious forced landing I've ever seen....culminating in an almost-stall-in-the-turn at low level before i saved it. Anyway, since he wanted to take his friends out for a flight, I said that I was happy with most of his flying but that I wanted to spend a session just going over forced landings. Anyway, he's never come back. I could tell he was really embarrassed and self conscious the whole time and I tried to put him at ease...i didn't yell at him or talk to him sarcastically when he screwed up at all. But he's never returned to either do another flight or to take his friends. I'm kind of confused as to how to approach these guys who obviously feel embarrassed to fly with me, and maybe I should ask if they'd rather fly with a guy. However, I'd rather figure out how to make them feel less embarrassed rather than give them to someone else simply because I don't know how to handle the situation.

If anyone has any suggestions - sensible ones only please! - then i would be really grateful. I know guys would experience this with female students, so how do you make them feel better?

Please can everyone refrain from making dirty comments too as I'm deadly serious about this problem...

Thanks in advance

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"if there is no peril in the fight, there is no glory in the triumph"

[Artificial Horizon]

Azzie,

My wife and I used to fly out at Paraparumu and this certain is something that we came accross a few times. I know that my wife would have much prefered female instructors during her training as sometimes she felt a little uncomfortable and sometimes the male instructors seemed to have a bit of a problem.

As with males flying with you, I really am not to sure that there is anything that you can do. Do you have problems with all age groups or is it more restricted to teenage guys. If it is teenage guys then I would say that it is just the fact of being in a small space with not only a female but a female in a command, both of those things can be a little distracting for a young guy.

I really do not think that you should worry about it to much, if the student really seems to have a problem with the fact that you are a women and it is effecting their flying then it is your responsibility to help them as much as possible, even if it means allocating them another male instructor. I know that it seems a bit unfair but in the end some guys will always have a bit of a complex when flying with a women in charge.

Hang in there though, you will sort it out with experience, the industry certainly needs more female instructors, I knew many girls who gave up their flying because flying with guys just plain put them off going because of embarrassment.

Where do you fly, Wellington or Paraparaumu, and how are things out that way. My wife and I are coming back to do some flying in about three weeks and if you do instruct in the Wellington area I know that my wife would certainly be keen on a female instructor to do a couple of check flights with. :)

[azzie]

AH

To answer your question, yes, it is mostly young guys that seem to have a problem with flying with me. I am 25 so i guess that makes sense. As for the older guys, they are usually ok, but I experience the odd one feeling that they have to justify everything they ever do wrong with many excuses as to why they did what they did. But as my experience of instructing grows, i think this is more of a personality thing, than a guy-girl thing, as there is the old female that does the same thing.

You are right, in that there isn't too much I can do about it, but I don't like to think that I'm putting someone off flying for good or anything like that. I almost got put off flying in my fourth lesson by a guy who spoke to me very sarcastically when i asked a question. I don't want my students to feel like I'm trying to ridicule them, but rather trying to help them.

I guess you can't win them all!

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"if there is no peril in the fight, there is no glory in the triumph"

[Oleo]

Azzie, just be your professional self, exude self confidence and people will take you at your own estimation. And if they don't, that's their problem, don't pander to it by worrying if they want a male instructor. If they are old enough to fly they can sort that out for themselves.

If they are the sort of people who judge on gender you probably don't want them as a student anyway. Women are always trying to figure out how to "be nice" to people. You will strike this stuff all through your career. Just be professional, firm, kind, and have a good sense of humour!

I have met guys who I knew would never get in a plane with me! That's their problem and their loss - I have the best pass rate in the school.

As for the guys who disappear screaming into into the distance, you can't be their shrink. You win some you lose some. Usually it is for reasons other than what we think.

We are still pioneers! ;)

[trickyDicky]

Azzie, i was going to say to you 'dont worry about it' as im sure youve probably many males enjoy your methods of instructing etc. Having read the other replies i think they said it all, you win some, you lose some! Keep at it

[DB6]

You could try being a little aggressive in your approach, rather than conciliatory, as this will make them look at you in a different light. My old instructor used to do that (mind you that was to everyone, not just boys) and it seemed to work for her. Get their hackles up with a couple of well-chosen comments/challenges about their flying - be careful not to overdo it , of course - and see if they rise to the challenges.

[This message has been edited by DB6 (edited 10 March 2000).]

[BEagle]

Perhaps it's just that your young lads find you rather attractive and get a bit embarrassed trying to keep their hormonal stirrings under control?? Just do things by the book and treat them like a younger brother. Good luck and I hope that they don't put you off!!

[Islander Jock]

5 years ago when I was doing my ab intio I was pretty self conscious about my instructor who was a female.

How'd I get over it?

Well I married her and now we just argue every time we're in a plane together.

[mrfish]

Keep all/any issues you have up front with your students....remember they are people too and Im sure they find the situation as confusing as you do at times (But don't be apologetic...just state the facts)
Most of the advice above is excellent - I would only add "give them the option" if you think someone else (gender or no gender issue) will produce a better result. We are there for the students, not the other way around.

[puff]

Personal experience, I did a lot of my flying training at 18/19 with a female instructer who was is about 24ish. I did some of my training with guys and ended up doing the rest with her...was her sex part of the reason...no...I prefered flying with her cause I liked the way she instructed, and I liked her as a person as well..as a normal 'hormonal' younger guy flying with a female didn't bother me one bit..as per guys having a problem with being told what to do by a female...get used to it I say! This female instructer has had to overcome lots of jerks at the school where i'm at..guys that say I respect what your doing but you short be barefoot and pregnant and i'd never fly with you...to her credit she ignores it and gives it the reply it deserves...nothing.

[puff]

Personal experience, I did a lot of my flying training at 18/19 with a female instructer who was is about 24ish. I did some of my training with guys and ended up doing the rest with her...was her sex part of the reason...no...I prefered flying with her cause I liked the way she instructed, and I liked her as a person as well..as a normal 'hormonal' younger guy flying with a female didn't bother me one bit..as per guys having a problem with being told what to do by a female...get used to it I say! This female instructer has had to overcome lots of jerks at the school where i'm at..guys that say I respect what your doing but you short be barefoot and pregnant and i'd never fly with you...to her credit she ignores it and gives it the reply it deserves...nothing.

[puff]

apologies over the double post

[Jimmy Mack]

Hi Azzie,

I've a different view to most so far.
I had a female instructor for my whole of my PPL training and found it easier to learn with her than many other male instructors I have flown with since.

Mind you she did say I was the only student she used to shout at! Seemed to work anyway.

:-)

[CHICKENTRAINER]

Azzie,

Good on you for considering the options but from what I've read above I wouldn't worry too much.

I had a female intructor rating instructor and found her excellent, not because of gender but she was just good.

I'm not aware (I am male though) of the few female students I've had being concerned that I'm male.

However, I've had uncountable males and a few females, try to rationalise all their mistakes rather than accept responsibility for them. It's just human nature and I'm sure it doesn't have any bearing on the gender of the instructor or the student.

I can though imagine the macho misogynists out there not coping with any situation where a woman is perceived to be superior or in authority.

Happy instructing, there's a lot of satisfaction to be gained, and the experience lasts a career!


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ChickenTrainer

[Sensible]

I had a female instructor teaching me for a few hours, I have to say that I felt a bit awkward because it was very hot weather, it was a 152 and I am not exactly slim built and we were both wearing shorts. I made every (unsuccesful) endeavour to minimise body contact which diverted my attention from flying.

[Tallbloke]

I have flown with two female instructors and one male in the last 3 months and I find I am actually a lot more comfortable with females. There is less of the must do, and a lot more awareness of the students needs. The more the merrier I say. As to how to put students at their ease, I would say that just by being your professional self you should be OK.