Cheese

[Banjo George]

I fully recognise the seriousness of this forum and was about to ask a question re. the impending Olympic games. However, it occured to me that more importantly, 'cheese' seldom features in these pages.

Does anyone have any advice re. the consumption of cheese and biscuits whilst flying eg what kinds of cheese, biscuits etc are favoured by rotary pilots ? Indeed, does anyone consume foodstuffs whilst flying, and how do they manage it ?

I expect, and deserve, a lot of abusive language.

[RobboRider]

Don't be so silly.

Everyone knows you shouldn't eat cheese and biscuits while flying. Especially not Brie or camembert or for the more refined person especially not pate, cos you need both hands to use those little blunt knives to spread it on the bikkies.


Me... I like meusli bars. But you have to get ones who packet can be ripped open with one hand and a good set of teeth!
Washed down with good ol' H2O in one of those bottles with the suck tops!

[Banjo George]

Ok, but what's your feeling about Blue Stilton and water biscuits. Are they more or less dangerous than cheddar for eg ?

Also, is it important to dress for the occasion ?

[diethelm]

Not being British, at least not for the last 220 years, and staying within Banjo George's theme,

Should you put cheese on your Spotted Dick? And if so, would it be called Dick Cheese?

[Banjo George]

Can I have your green card in return for 220 yrs of Britishness please ?

[mike papa delta]

Loosely to do with cheese and flying... As a teenager I once threw a piece of stale edam down the garden and smashed a greenhouse window.

I'll bet no one else can boast of cheese-related vandalism. (Or, thinking about it, would want to.)

[Whirlygig]

BG,

I've told you about eating Danish Blue late at night but you obviously wouldn't listen ;)

Having a little snackette in some of the larger helicopters is fine but you ain't gonna do it with a PPL and a R22/S300/F280/B47 etc. You don't take your limbs off the controls for anything more than a few seconds!

Also, imagine you have a monthful of, say, Wensleydale and ATC want to talk to you. Now talking with your mouth full isn't very polite and you might get crumbs over your mouthpiece.

If you can't go for more than hour without cheese then please seek help ;)

Cheers

W

[Banjo George]

Dear Whirley,

You're absolutely correct. I eat blue cheese and then have dreams of being a nice, correct pilot who earns a reasonable crust, never makes mistakes and when he does, never makes them again.

I'm wondering if cheese should be banned. It seems quite dangerous, especially with a smorgasborg, if that's how you spell it. Do smoked meats lessen the danger ?

BG

[CRAZYBROADSWORD]

If you like flying and eating try instructing cause once you get the student past the hovering stage you can leave them to it and eat what you like. leaving the door off is also an option should you spy your CFI and need to get rid of the evidence, and back to cheese I prefer to have a bottle of red wine to hand as well as this smooths out the vibrations in helis like the R22.

PS only joking..................... nothing smooths out an R22:)

[CyclicRick]

I got caught eating an apple by ATC once, bloody silly question he asked me aswell.
I think a nice tupperware bowl full of Cheddar chunks is good, doesn't crumble like Cheshire and doesn't melt either at 35°C in the cockpit. I quite like St.Agur aswell but I would only eat that in a 205 (more room for the fresh crusty baguette).
:ok:

[Lu Zuckerman]

Eating cheese in a closed cockpit is one thing but cutting the cheese in a closed cockpit is totally another thing.


:E :rolleyes: :E Which one is guilty?

[John Eacott]

Hmmm, shades of North Sea lunches: the best (worst?) was a full plate of rice & curry, straight out of the window of the 212 once safely airborne :rolleyes:

Irish rig support smoked salmon sarnies. More salmon than bread :ok: :D

Cheese and bikkies? Soft crackers would be too crumbly (crumbs in the flight suit, yuk), hard biscuits a tad difficult with only one hand. Cheddar leaves a residue on the survival knife, Brie doesn't get soft enough at this time of the year ( -5C today in the snow.....).

Obviously Cheshire and a suitably crusty piece of bread for the refined aviator :cool:

[Gomer Pylot]

Whirly, you obviously haven't learned to fly properly. One of the first things I learned to do, after hovering, was how to light a cigarette with 'gofer' matches while flying a TH55. It just requires frictioning the cyclic and throttle, and flying with your knees, while using both your hands for whatever is necessary. My instructor used to hover, take off, fly around the pattern and do an auto to the ground, then pick up and hover off to the side, while never touching the cyclic with his hands, and seldom the collective. I saw that it could be done, and had to learn for myself. :ok: If you can't fly with your knees, you're not using anywhere near all your capabilities - sometimes it's absolutely necessary, and if you don't practice first, you'll be behind the power curve when you need to.

As for cheese and crackers, we just get them out of the vending machine. Standard pilot's lunch over here. I prefer peanut butter, though.

[[email protected]]

Eating cheese in the cockpit - are you mad? you might spill the port!

[Whirlygig]

Thank you Gomer, but I can only just hover and talk at the moment ;)

I once knew a chap who could roll a fag (cigarette to some of you!!) whilst driving his Triumph Spitfire round a roundabout by steering the car with his knees.

I will try and practice when my hours get into three figures!!!!

Cheers

Whirlygig

[Whirlybird]

Whirlygig,

You and I won't manage it however many hours we get; we're not tall enough! You need long legs if you're going to fly with your knees. :{

That's why I'll stick to eating muesli bars when I'm flying, and keep the cheese and wine on the ground. :ok:

[Banjo George]

This really is top class advice. I'm especially impressed with the full plate of curry and rice despite any obvious connection to cheese. Were the popadums cheese flavoured or was it something in the chutney / naan bread ?

Some astonishing 'how did they do that ?' style tobacco stories too. Somebody will be saying next that they have managed to have meaningful sex in a heli. Still, it's all about pushing the boundaries.

Hugely impressed,

BG

[John Eacott]

Ah, so you know Leading Seaman Edge, he of Wessex fame ;)

[Hilico]

DANNY!!!!!

We need a Rotorblast forum. Soon.

[Whirlygig]

Whirlybird,

Sad but true. How about, though, I manage to fly that ol' Hughes with cyclic gripped betwixt calves?

Re - meaningful sex - I nearly had an episode just after my trial lesson, trying to get out of said Hughes and misjudged position of collective. Then fell out of the helicopter :O

Back to cheese - one problem is that most forms of cheese which are in easy-to-eat, packaged forms are 'orrible. Cheese Strings? What are THEY!?

Cheese

Whirlygig

PS - I don't know about Leading Seaman Edge - pray, tell

[Whirlybird]

BG,

I know I'm ever so young and innocent and naive and don't understand about these things, but.....will someone please tell me the connection between cheese and having sex in a helicopter. :)

[evod]

Theres a guy in Oz who some of you might know, he goes by the name Dick Smith. Now Dick was rightly a bit upset a few years ago by the volume of imported products appearing on the shelves in Aussie supermarkets so he introduced his own brand of groceries. Many of these products were named after their maker, what should have they called that cheese?

:ok:

[Banjo George]

Me too Whirly, but I think it's something to do with the agitating motion. If you agitate curds and whey, you get cheese eventually.

I think it's probably easier to just buy some and break it into snack-ette pieces.

A cyclic in the privates is fairly egregious. Bet you had to lie down and have some cheese. I know I would.

Can anyone beat rice and curry ? I'm not sure it can be. Wonder what the fishing boat thought when it landed on the deck.

Oop, sorry, it was a collective. Does a collective hurt more than a cyclic ?

Top of the door in a Hughes 500 bloody hurts I can tell you.

BG

[Whirlygig]

Now George, I am getting worried about you and your cheese fixation because, I for one, can think of something more satisfying to do lying down than eating cheese. .... and guys, I know what you're thinking; don't even GO there ;)

I have to admit that i have never eaten or drunk anything in a helicopter whilst I was the pilot - I haven't the mental capacity yet to fly and chew at the same time.

Mods - perhaps this had better be moved to JetBlast before curfew; the serious pilots might get upset at this frivolity :p

Cheers

Whirlygig

[Banjo George]

It's a fair cop Guv. I'm about to be made redundant however, so I'm feeling kinda frivellous.

No more cheese.

Re. the lying down thing, I'm assuming you're talking about camping, which is indeed, a lot of fun.

Bee Gee

[NickLappos]

One lesson learned a while back is that McDonald's vanilla shakes triple in volume at 8,000 feet, and spill all over the suede leather console, and the excuses you have to dream up to explain the stains can make you a hero to everyone except your spouse!

[detgnome]

I know for a fact that Tel Aviv provide smoked salmon and cream cheese platters for in-flight - and very nice it is too. Oh the joys of a fully coupled autopilot and/or LHS to fly for you!

As for meaningful sex - I have it on good authority there was a bored student crewman in the back of a darkened sim abusing himself whilst the rest of the crew were fully absorbed by an enthralling procedural IF trip....

[vaqueroaero]

I have always liked the cheese that comes in a tube. No crumbs. No mess. It comes in all sorts of exciting flavours aswell. All you have to do is remove the cap and squirt directly into your mouth. The tube sits rather neatly in the drinks holder aswell.

[Flypro]

Hi John.

I don't remember Leading Edge (what a name for a helo engineer!) but I do recall a P.O. Wren who was partial to a fun 5 minutes on the flot bag in the back of the venerable Wessex - but that was definately when said Wessex was on the ground!. The change in C of G when airborne does not bear thinking about!.:ok:

As far as cheese is concerned, I reckon some of the new 'Light' brands should be acceptable

[Ascend Charlie]

Meaningful sex while flying - do "thoughties" count as "naughties"?

We had a crewman (whose IQ varied with the room temperature) who was told that he wasn't a man unles he had ... err.. had an episode while airborne.

While ferrying a load of grunts around Shoalwater Bay, the crewy in the back quarter compartment decides to do it himself, and got so involved in it that he didn't notice that the helo had landed, the grunts had departed the machine, and were lying on the ground, looking back at him and wondering what the heck was going on! Luckily the downwash saved any of them from a stray shot.:ugh:

[John Eacott]

Flypro,

Leading Edge was a crewman of ill repute: his Wessex "incident" started after he asked the driver to let him know when the budgie was >6000ft, at which point he unplugged from the intercom. Pilot took a few marching paces to work out the significance, then went full auto/full power/full auto/full power, etc.

After landing, Edge & baby Wren (invited passenger) were sort of fully kitted in Mk 1 Goon suit, and Edge was invited to remove the flot bag and clean it :O

One of his other claims to fame was to "check in" as a "newly arrived officer" in the Wardroom at Culdrose one Sunday evening. He'd have got away with it if he hadn't tried to nick a painting as proof that he'd been there :rolleyes:

Cheeses me orf to think about it..........

[rotaryman]

God, i love reading Johns stories,,LMFAO :ok: :E

[John Eacott]

Another Leading Edge story was a dark and stormy night, with the Wessex 3 sitting in auto hover at 30 feet, all was quiet but for the "pingggggg" of the sonar, and the drone of the turbine, and the pilots gently dozing, when "BANG BANG BANG".

Heartbeats eventually returned to near normal when Edge's ugly grin was seen outside the driver's window, where he was clinging to the outside grab handles, casually knocking to get someone's attention, .....

No, fortunately it wasn't me driving :ok:

Back in the days of stale cheese sandwiches and a flask of ACRB coffee, just to keep it all on topic ;)

[eagle 86]

Ascend Charlie,
Accidental discharges in the Oz army are a very serious offence. What punishment was metered out to the culprit?
GAGS
E86

[DBChopper]

Nick,

Great story about the McDonalds milkshake - is there any film of the "experiment?"

There is a theory that if everyone in a McDonalds sucked on their milkshakes at once the windows would implode. I think it has to be worth bunging a few Rotorheads into a heli and trying this out, for purposes of scientific research.

I'm feeling a tad left out as the only thing I've ever eaten was a piece of chewing gum and even that took some of my hovering ability away. I do, however, know a female pilot who ate something in flight, but that's likely to get the whole thread moved very quickly...

:E

[rotaryman]

Hot Dogs! Hot Dogs No bark no bite!! :0

[Flypro]

I once spilt a cup of Coffee onto the interseat circuit breaker panel of a SeaKing whilst in a 40ft night hover over the 'Oggin.
Scary?.....just a little:eek: :ooh: :eek:

[Capn Notarious]

What concerns me is the viscosity of peanut butter.
You are in the cruise, left hand looses control of sandwhich and both slices stick to the visor. Shaking the head will cause the shoulders to move and the hands will shift accordingly.
Explain that to the adjutent at the board of inquiry.

The hands may move when playing the accordian, but only on the ground. The duty of the crew is to fly and not entertain the pax.

[SASless]

Smoked Salmon sammies....and the Ox loved his boiled ham and white bread...months of flogging out to the Ekofisk out of Teeside....and day after day...hearing the Ox muttering about "Smoked Salmon again....hey Skipper why can't they get yer order right.....here you can have mine!" "All we get is crabmeat and smoked salmon....don't they have any proper food?"

If dear Ox ever finds out what I was doing....he will rightfully murder me!;)

[Hughesy]

Refering to Lu's one, you can always ask the student " do they smell avgas?"
:E
Hughesy

[Ascend Charlie]

Eagle 86:
The crewman's airburst wasn't an accidental discharge, more of a dishonorable discharge!

Inflight lunches in the Huey could be entertaining - wait until the PNF was raising the cup of drink to his lips, and suddenly encounter turbulence (read: waggle the cyclic) to see it all on his lap.

But make sure you had already finished your own drink first!

[MD900 Explorer]

Those of you who have been to the Norwegian Oil Rigs and had tasted some of the finer quisine there will no doubt have come across "Raspeballer". I believe the english community seem to love these delights from the scandinavian world, because everytime i seem to stop for lunch at a rig and there is an english rigger there, we always get to hear the same response. "Not these effing glue balls again" :{

As for cheese, you can eat all you want when the AP is on in an L2, but i have to say that stilton rocks and the more mature the better (reminds me a bit of the old wife really.. :yuk: ) but if it aint mature enough, it crumbles and gets stuck every where and that is not good. because hidden stilton in the fabric of your nice helicopter is a big no no!! :{

But smoked salmon sandwiches and crab pate is a big yes, but eating on an ILS approach is also a big no :E

Safe eating whilst flying

MD :ok:

[rotaryman]

Reminds me of the time i was out flying and after approx 1 hour i was busting for a pee!

Seeing a open field i landed and got out, standing next to the aircraft with the frictions on and my passenger sitting patiently.

Not wanting to be away from the aircraft with rotors turning etc i was just near the engine area pilot side (R22) Pheww that feels good!! looking around and taking in the scenery etc as i give the BIG fella a shake. i notice something move some were over my right shoulder!

HOLY sh%& bat man!!! sitting some 50 metres away was a Male Lion!! yes i said Male Lion,,,,LOL :)
:uhoh:

Fastest take off you ever seen...
:ok: :O

[moosp]

Rotaryman, noting your location as Australia it is probable that it was not a lion at all but a dingo in a wig.

But back to the thread, doing a cheese toast in the jetpipe works after landing. Melts it down nicely, but don't get distracted by the phone and forget it. The smoke is enough to cause alarm in the tower :uhoh: :ooh:

[SASless]

We used the aft tranny on Chinooks for cooking our cans of C-Rations....but leaving one on too long without punching a wee hole in the top could be interesting.

Trundling along over a bad neighborhood near the Cambodia/Laos/Vietnam border....a very loud report issued from the rear of the aircraft. I immediately initiated a Chinook version of evasive action....usually begun with both pilots shrinking up to just boots and helmets while hiding behind a couple of very small pieces of armor plate....and inquired what damage we had and if anyone in the back had been hit.

Crewie hesitated a few seconds...confirmed no damage....and no one hurt....to be asked...in very cool, calm, measured tones...(translated....words rattling out like a modified machinegun....in a very high shrill pitch...) just what the heck was that?

The reply....as the crewie walked up to the cockpit licking his fingers...."Beans and Franks, I think, Sir!"

[rotaryman]

G-Day! Moosp:

Rotaryman, noting your location as Australia it is probable that it was not a lion at all but a dingo in a wig.

You assume to much,, it was a Lion, left behind along with a few others from the days when they used to run a Lion park in a area here in NSW called African Lion Safari at Wallacia.

I believe that a few still live out there....

;) ;)

oh now pass the Cheese and Bickies.. thats a good chap!