Sticky mike

[MIL80C]

A couple of years ago at a military helo training base, a number of small helos were conducting circuit training and one in particular was having PTT problems, each transmission was followed by a period of carrier wave before the switch let go. Tower decided to alert the crew...
TOWER
XXXX 046 cleared to land and be advised you are transmitting about a five second carrier after every call.
HELO
XXXX 046 Cleared to land, roger..... (pause of about five seconds) fu%#ing piece of **** (carrier breaks)
TOWER
XXXX 046 er... you'd better make that 8 seconds
HELO
"Doh"

[HEATHROW DIRECTOR]

At Kidlington in the early 70s, two students were off on a cross-country and were having headset problems. After two or three calls to ATC with the mic jammed on the lady pilot said "It's much better when you push it right in". Obviously she meant the jack plug.

[expedite_climb]

INSTRUCTOR: "Damn, I think we have a radio failure here, ATC are not answering our calls."

STUDENT: "Oh dear"

INSTRUCTOR: "Can you remember the squawk for radio failure then ?"

STUDENT: "Ummm, errrrrrrrrrrrrr. no - what is it ?"

INSTRUCTOR: "ah. sh***"