|
........SAR don't go to the scene of a downed aircraft because "it's the will of god"
.......SAR is initiated fron SA, because THEY noticed the ELBA. not the country the aircraft went down in (even the operator didn't notice they were an aircraft short) (thankfully no fatalities in either 'incident') .......You crest the hump of the runway on takeoff, and come face to face with two vehicles parked on one side. After scraping paint off their roofs with a rapid rotation, getting a “sorry, I did ask them to move” from the tower…..who can clearly see they hadn’t What fun we had there :ok: |
...when a C310 involved in ostrich-egg smuggling (remember when that was all the rage?) prangs on takeoff out of an unlit strip at night and is then literally hacked into pieces, stuffed down an old well and the hole camoflaged with branches, so's to avoid blowing the whistle on the lucrative little sideline business :}
|
When on short final, a different aircraft is cleared to land.
When radio traffic gets too busy, ATC simply don't say anything. After receiving taxi clearance, ATC asks you to repeat number on board, destination, level and fuel because they missed ALL of that information the first time you gave it. You have been delayed because they have no receipt book. Having not been cleared to land, you fly the flare right down the runway while ATC have a long-winded discussion with another aircraft 100nm away. Buzzing the strip to clear it of animals you count at least 4 species. All in the last 2 weeks :) God I love africa! |
When radio traffic gets too busy, ATC simply don't say anything ....When ATC screw up your call sign, every call. Over, and over, and over again - usually when there's a similar call sign on freq, then when it's all totally screwed up.....all attempts to control cease.....and then silence. |
Going into Angola
Tower:"Join overhead for a right downwind 27" Us overhead runway:"Just confirm runway 27 is in use. Windsock (like an iron pipe) is indicating 09" Tower:"Yes yes, I say again 27!!! Windsock unserviceable" Us with no traffic (well reported anyway) around for miles:"Negative sir, cannot comply, request 09" Tower:"Eeeeahhhhhhhhh....." Us after long silence:"Tower ZS-ABC......Tower ZS -ABC....." Silence.... |
...when your license comes back from the Authorities with your name and details but someone else's photo... :ooh:
...4 days before writing your ATP exams you still don't know whether or not you have been accepted to write... :eek: ...the Air Law suddenly changes and the Authorities say it has been that way for 6 months already... :bored: ...when quering why you have been given the totally oposite and definately wrong information about your exams, the excuse is "they are new here"... :confused: How boring would African Aviation be without all variable, day to day suprises... ;) |
Flying in Africa can even silence noisy Americans !
Years ago flying back from JHB to a city called "Salisbury" in a country named "Rhodesia" in an Air Rhodesia Viscount just a couple of weeks after one had been taken out the sky by a Sam7, I was sat next to a very mouthy American.
"Godamn place this Africa, only here because my company sent me, how you can sit on an old crate like this is beyond me" At this point all the cabin and nav lights go out. My American friend pushes attendant button. Air hostess arrives "Yes Sir may I help you ?" "Why have the godamn lights gone out, fuse blown I suppose ?" "No Sir it is a safety procedure to make us less vunerable to a terrorist guided missile attack" American looks at me "She takin' the p***" "No she is dead serious - they got one of these two weeks ago" Silence all the way home !! :D:D |
To renew your licence you send off all the necessary paperwork and logbook. When renewed you receive the licence and logbook back but the logbook has a wonderful coffee cup stain on the inside last page!
|
Good Vibs
Lucky to get yours back! Many licences have been seen under the table legs to keep them balanced. Whatever happened to the goog old sticky bun deposits and coke stains that all our documents came back from CAA with. You could identify the person handling your licence by the deposits!
|
Received my Botswana licence with the following:
Night Rating (Aeroplane): "The holder of this licence is entitled to act as pilot of command of a helicopter carrying passengers by night" |
..the street lights are on all day but switched off at night...
..ILS in Beria works fine for the 364 days of blue sunshine,- the 1 day there is fog or heavy rain its off the air... |
Three aircraft (same type) crash on same field in 3 days and for the same reason - shock-cooled engines trying to haul gross overloads of Chat into the sky.
Overloaded dope flights continue unabated. Pax ask, "Why don't you go to sleep like your colleague does? We'll wake you when we see the coast!" Pax ask, "Why does the red light not come on when you get 20 miles from the airfield. It always does when *** is flying..." Flyer states, "Fully insured, properly maintained British Public Transport aircraft for hire". Aircraft referred to is on a private C of A. (It ain't just Africans doing this...) |
Flying a C401 into Masvingo (Fort Vic) on Christmas Eve MANY years ago.
Me "I'll orbit 15 miles north of the field and let the thunderstorm (that's sitting right on top of the runway) clear, then I'll come in for 18" Tower "Aish, it's ok, come in and land, the wind is ahh SH1T..." Me "Masvingo, what's the problem?" Silence.... Again Me "what's the problem?' Tower "Aish, the tower has been hit by lightning and it came up the telephone and hit me..." Me "Like I said, I'll hold north of the field 'til the weather clears.." |
You hold the tech log of the aircraft hostage for pay and ticket home!!!!
|
...you are on short final at night and some of the flare pots move slowly off into the jungle; being carried home by the local children.
|
Mostly in Angola.....some of my experiences.....
- You wonder why you were shot at by the local police and get told that you were driving down a one way street. Street signs? Nada - You get pulled over by the cops at two in the morning and the competition is to see who is more pissed the cop or you.... - You are stopped by a 10 year old kid wielding an assortment of weapons who demands "Cigaro" from you...and you think he shouldn't be smoking at his age!!! - You get told not to walk off the paved surface at an airport including the "International" one as it's mined. - You rescue a whole lot of 'UN' personnel in your Kingair that has room for 10 or so...and you end up taking out 18 - You leave an airstrip the day before Christmas with 20 or people in your Grand Van as noone wants to stay in the war ravaged town over this time.And you get pressured to take more! - The UN forgets to tell you that there is a battle going on at the airfield of intended landing. You fly overhead in your van to witness full scale 'war' and artilllery shaking the van from its rivets! Thanks guys! - You hear of a UN C130 doing a spiral decent only to have 50 rounds put in it from soldiers on parade asdjacent to the airstrip...!!!!:ok: - You spiral decend your Kingair into Saurimo only to have an Antonov 32 suddenly fill your windshield. Radio calls....what radio calls! - You sit on the tarmac for two hours due to imminent landing of VIP then get told the VIP has not even left his point of departure yet...aaargh! -The security guard employed to guard your house can sell you an assortment of weapons for $100 - Tracer bullets fill the night sky whilst on final approach into Luanda at night.... - At one of the outstations you get told that a braai is being prepared and whilst braaing what looked like meat you get told that the pig you are about to eat was slaughtered just behind you and the goat met his end where you were standing. Not a meter or so away from the braai :ok: - You pay $500 to turn the runway lights on and $500 to turn them off again... - You walk through the streets of Kinshasa (crazy!!) with your jeans around your neck as they're slightly wet and get acosted by a local cop demanding why you have no clothes on. You go around the corner to witness street kids with less clothes on than you have! - Kids begging at your aircraft with both engines running. - Russian Ilushyians flying the wrong way round in the holding pattern and then stating that you were in the wrong. - Walk into an IL76 to pay crew their salaries and get offered Vodka to drink 1 hour before they and yourself are scheduled to fly. - Your UN rep on the ground sells tickets for your flight to non UN affiliated locals because he can. - UN staff in the city get danger pay for sitting in an office. You have to visit war ravaged towns with not even a flak jacket!!!! - Calved up goats horses and pigs lie next to your aircraft wating to get loaded. You say no to the loading and a boxing match ensues. - Half the bags you load into your 'Executive' Kingair stink of fish. You yell 'Nao Peche nao peche" and wonder why they look at you in total amazement! |
...when it's such a great way to see a wide variety of Russian military equipment, most of it wreckage (Angola). BMP's, Mi24's, Mig 21's cut to pieces with machetes and axes for metal. Awesome! Just watch the unpaved surfaces, you gotta love those little mines.
Edit: OK, I removed the one ' but the others are staying, dammit! :) |
Heard of two guys going through Africa in their Lear. Upon asking for the latest weather at their destination they were given 10 oktas of cloud at 5000ft. Puzzled the two pilots looked at each other..:ugh:"Confirm 10 oktas at 5000ft?"
"Affem" said the controller. "Yesterday it was 8 oktas but today..eh..its much worse, it is now 10 oktas." You gotta love it.....:rolleyes: |
You know you're in africa when -
- "Station calling Kinshasa!"
- "next report over the pool" later figured out it was the river - $700 landing and Nav fee for a helicopter (Douala) - Paying landing fees is more of a negotiation - ATC goes quiet with more than 1 aircraft approaching Benguela - 'Pothole' is a loose term, describing mountainous terrain used as roads - you're not used to driving faster than 40km/h - your stomach needs time to adjust to the food at home... :ooh: - all your clothes are paper thin from being stone-washed - all your clothes have several room numbers written on them and scratched out, cause you been to so many different places - you only take enough luggage, so you can carry it all yourself - you carry all your money hidden on your person, at all times... - you carry 20 photocopies off all your documents - your yellow fever card is stapled to your passport - land a helicopter in a deserted spot, and 10 minutes later there is a crowd around you(kinda tough when you landed due to last night's stew) - there's more aircraft wrecks around the strip than ever visited the apron - the local CAA inspector doesn't understand why there's no clearly marked emergency exit on a small helicopter Some good ones comming through. A sense of humour is a must for this line of work... PS. - you carry a toilet roll in your flight bag |
BMP's, Mi24's, Mig 21's cut to pieces with machete's and axes for metal. Africa, reliable but never consistent! |
Hey, they've got us taking our shoes off to be searched for (...something) at LHR these days. Idi Amin was ahead of his time.
|
One pax too many ( apparently weighing 119kgs ) turns out to be a pregnant cat in a basket. 119kgs ? well, obviously weight of one adult and one child added together !
|
The Air Force of Zaire charters tired old Boeing for troop transport, domestic flight, all seats, galleys, and anything else removable unbolted, and chucked onto ramp at KIN in a torrential downpour. Airplane that previously seated ca. 150 is now loading 250 fully kitted out and armed troops on board, sitting on the bare floor of the cabin. Operation normal so far. Just a little crowded though.
In Africa, insult invariably follows injury, it’s just another way of maintaining life’s essential continuity I guess, different strokes come to mind. Perhaps it’s where the expression originated. In any event, the General of The Air Force is requesting to personally fly the aircraft, he won’t take no for an answer. With lots willing and able firepower just behind the cockpit door, we are obliged to agree. Student pilot, very high ranking one, at controls for takeoff, the old girl groans off the very last inch of available tarmac, with a little help, mostly unseen, from us. Having proven beyond doubt his stick n’ rudder moxie, General of said Air Force smiles that all-knowing smile that only rank can confer, gets up out of the seat, and goes to discuss things military with his troops in the back. We have not yet reached 1000’ AGL… |
SACAA inspector grounds a Kingair 200 because the pilot was refuelling with "the wrong fuel, this aircraft has propellors so it must get Avgas" Yep, happened right here in SA!
|
NAF Base, Port Harcourt.
Official memo stating that turning left during a go-around will cause the anti-aircraft batteries to open fire.
Probably the safest place to be. |
Official memo stating that turning left during a go-around will cause the anti-aircraft batteries to open fire. Probably the safest place to be. |
Loki had a similar setup. A piston DC3 was used for a while as the turbine number was in for maintenance. We heard later that the AAA folks in the nearby mil base almost opened fire on it in the circuit as it "didn't sound right".
|
A Van and a Dak decided to do a formation running break at Loki, and broke left over the army camp, despite it being perfectly well known that this was strictly verboten.
I'd landed inmmediately before and saw the ill-advised event. Five minutes later, as the miscreants were shutting down a bunch of green jeeps came roaring onto the apron bristling with weapons and very angry soldiers. The Lieutenent began screaming at me in an apopleptic fury, spittle flying, eyes like organ stops until I managed to point out that my prop had stopped but the naxt Van in the line's hadn't. They only avoided being shot because they were too close for the missiles to lock on or something like that, and the guns didn't fire at point-blank range because the gunners argued about which to shoot first, by which time they'd gone. It was impossible to tell if the Lt was so furious because he'd damn nearly wiped out a civvy aircraft, or that his soldiers hadn't performed as they should have. Either way those two aircraft had a very very close call. |
When any fee you pay is only slightly over a full amount, requiring change which they do not have. You are expected to walk away politely without your change.
|
Even after being out of LOS for 25 years, you still think 'Guinness & Gulda mix' immediately before ordering a pint of 'Nigerian' in the pub!
|
You file a flight plan for a prof check (training flight) only to be told there is another aircraft doing training you may not fly...
NO problem file a "test flight" flight plan and away we go! |
This has happened three times this month in Luanda, once not even for the president, just his brother.
The BA flight was also delayed for nearly an hour 6 weeks ago as the president's office called to say 2 VIPs would be arriving late. BA had already op-upped 2 people from WT to WT+ then WT+ to CW, CW to A etc Had to come along and tell them that they were being bumped back down. What a hassle, but as the pilot put it "when the president calls, we listen" |
...when you ask the tower controller for the lastest surface data...
Tower Controller : the clouds are alright ! safe to land, just be carefull ! :ugh: ....thanks just what i wnated to hear !!!! :{ |
Can you believe it? Only in Africa!
Just when you thought it was safe to have......
Couple die while having sex Kinross - A woman in her late 20s and an unknown man died at about 23:30 on Friday night, when they were hit by a train while having sex on a railway line. The possibility that the man was raping the woman is also being investigated. Mpumalanga police spokesperson Superintendent Abie Khoabane said they didn't know who the victims were, as they had no ID documents or any possessions on them when they were hit by the train. There were also no cars or houses nearby. "The train driver couldn't stop in time when he saw them in his way," said Khoabane. "The train was only stopped later and the train driver went to investigate. He found the two victims and immediately called the police." Khoabane said it was not clear if the woman was being raped or if she was having intercourse out of her own free will, but that the investigation would help shed light on the matter. |
Yesterday in South Sudan the visibility was reported by ATC to be "less than 10".
Gotta love it. |
planecrazi wrote
Honestly planecrazi, what exactly is people killed by a train while having sex have to do with aviation ???? Come on man let's stick to the subjet of aviation here. |
Pagak - skankus maximus
Wors't and best load I ever carried was out of Pagak on the Sudan/Ethiopia border a little over a year ago. I think we had had four live goats, a few live chooks, a brick sh*thouse full of eggs in proper egg trays surprisingly, four or five sacks of charcoal and best of all two sacks of Ouzo which was the only spirit drink we could find in Southern Sudan unless there was someone flying in from Nairobi to join us. Not to mention the five or six pax, our loadmaster, all our refuelling gear and the four empty drums of JET A1 we had spent the last half hour pumping into our LET 410.
Hell of a party that night with the crews share of the Ouzo, 2 bottles! I miss the scene in the South terribly. Great friends, great crew. |
You land and have two marshallers giving different instructions and when you finally park (after spending 10 minutes trying to negotiate with tower) and ask baggage handlers for a baggage trolley, they bring you a wheelchair... or better still, try being asked to report over a non existent point :D
|
is that you Art
|
classic thread guys.. and gals!
makes us appreciate...., in a weird way, the uniqueness of our contract experience! |
| All times are GMT. The time now is 06:28. |
Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.