The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Charter Pax/Customers.

[RobinB]

Yanks once asked me:" does Impala hunt in packs?"

Only after they sign up for SAAF No2 Squadron

[Charliesjc]

Yank climbs into the right seat of the BE58 I was flying out of Lusaka and says, "Do you use both engines at the same time.?"

I pretended not to hear him.

[GULF69]

yanks

heard a few myself...

* What's the capital of Africa?
* Do you have motorbikes in South Africa?
* Do you play golf in South Africa?
* After landing in CPT, (very famous music artist) pax asked me to tell him bout CPT. i said sarcastically "well as you might have noticed, there are no cattle on the runway". His response was: "yea what's up with that?"
* After landing in CPT, my pax were staring at our (white) FBO handlers in awe. my colleague, who had had enough of them decided to pipe up and ask "did you expect everyone to be black?"...after a few seconds of silence the pax replied ..."well yea!"
* after landing in CPT: "where should we go to avoid the lions?" which doesnt make sense on so many levels...
* Whilst travelling in the States, i met a lady who asked me where i was from. i replied South Africa. She got this "i know exactly where it is" look and said: "oh yes, that's next to Morocco"
* Also in the States, someone asked me if i knew their friend who stays in Kenya...yes lady there are only 50 white people in Africa and we all know each other.

[GULF69]

i hope you were honest and told him "no"?!

[chuks]

Yes, well...

I had a German tell me to meet him for drinks in Farmingdale, Long Island on Friday when I had just said that I was in Salem, Oregon on the previous Sunday. I had to explain that if I left on Monday morning I would just get there on Friday afternoon but yes, we Yanks are bit slow when it comes to the Dark Continent and geography in general.

I used to get questions about the wildlife in Lagos, elephants on the runway or something. What, you mean bush dogs? And my dear old grey-haired mother would read about trouble in Soweto and ask me if everything was okay next door in Lagos. I told her to check the map to see how far apart these two points were.

[greenslopes]

Septic tanks

I once had a Charter to pick up a large Yank heading a drilling team who was about to be lynched by the locals. When I arrived he announced there was no way he was gettin on board as "there was no F/O and the contract requires two crew....or don't you know that", I responded that this aircraft was leaving in two minutes..with or without him. You guessed it he got onboard and proceeded to piss and moan about anything and everything. Unbeknowns to him I had slipped an Oxygen tube into the corner of my mouth and steadily climbed to 16000 Ft. Slept like a baby and stayed that way till POM.
Thank goodness for un-pressurised aircraft.

[Juliet Sierra Papa]

Septic tanks

Greenslopes,

I don't think thats the kind of stunt you should be admitting to here or anywhere for that matter !

[Leftpedal]

Not quite pax but a mate of mine went to America and told someone there that he was from South Africa. The reply - "Where's that then?". (He pointed out to them that the clue is in the name, but they still looked blank). The he said (to someone else) that he was born in the UK. "Oh yeah, east coast right?". He also told everyone he met that he had a pet Elephant. Not one person doubted him. BTW if any future pax are reading this, the next time you get into a helicopter, don't forget to tell the pilot the one about the rotors being a fan because the pilot sweats when they stop turning. If I had a Zimbabwean dollar for every time I've heard that one I could buy a chicken......

[chuks]

Miami, my last place of steady work before Lagos, was just a laff riot. We always got:

Do you have to wind up the rubber bands to make it fly? (Beech Travel Air, Piper Aztec.)

Are you our stewardess? (Single pilot.)

Who is controlling the flight? (I am, you moron.)

They are watching us on radar, right? (Heading out into the middle of nowhere in the Bahamas?)

The airconditioning isn't working right. (Must have forgot to install one, I guess.)

Joo wan' some cocaine, mang? (Not all Colombian Mafia types are rude and selfish; some are willing to share.)

I have been lucky in Africa not to fly tourists, mostly, so that I have been left in peace with the dumb stuff. I can see that you guys in southern and central Africa might have a problem, yes.

[Lammers]

2 Engines

A guy once asked me, do you use both engines for take-off?

I replied, no but if the one fails we switch on the other one!

Wasn't to happy when he realized the sarcasm after take-off!