Place: North German Plain.
Time: Cold War, early 1980s.
Scenario: Field exercise, Berlin Regiment.
On the final day, impending "coup de gras".
Mad Major, running exercise, stated that he wants to be on the bridge to observe proceedings (all Army coups de grace seemed to involve a bridge). Unfortunately, he also wanted to be in the valley to the south to see the troops set off so he needed rapid transportation.
He announced to me (a fairly junior squadron helicopter pilot) that he wished to be transported sitting in his Land Rover, as an under slung load! He said that he would wear his seat belt, goggles and will be able to help us find the bridge by pointing the way!
While my senior officer (the late George Blackie) creased up, I pointed out three things:
Firstly, we already knew how to get to the bridge.
Secondly, Land Rovers, when carried as underslung loads, tend to spin round and round, so pointing would be totally meaningless and in any case, the pilot cannot see the underslung load from the cockpit.
Neither of those two things seemed to faze him.
Thirdly, I told him that in the case of an engine failure, the first thing I would do was to press the load release button....
He then said, sincerely, "In that case, maybe I'd better drive...."
He drove.