But I am not sure why crash is so anathema
Possibly because it implies a smoking hole in the ground. Regardless of what the OED says, that's what generally peoples first impression is when you hear the term. Lots of bits of aircraft, smoke, blood, limbs etc. Its human nature (unfortunately). Nothing more than morbid curiosity.
The media hype we find ourselves surrounded by is nothing more than sensationalism to sell column inches. People wouldn't look twice if the headline said "Passengers safe and well after well trained crew do their jobs".
This was in my opinion nothing to write home about.... an emergency landing resulting from the abnormal operation of an on board system. With all due respect to the two up front and the girls and boys down the back - these are the situations where we earn our money as pilots and cabin crew. It's what we're paid to do - our primary function - to keep those in our trust safe.
I am guessing he sprained his thumb in his panic trying to text his lawyer
Not quite...grabbing his bag from the overhead locker. (apparently)