Capn S,
Disagree almost entirely with your ideas. However my comments come from flying 3/4 engine heavy jets, with a Flight Engineer.
Have never ever asked a First Officer if he minded if I hand flew the aeroplane, just disconnected the a/p and got on with the job.
Likewise, have never had a First Officer ask me if I minded if he disconnected the a/p and decided to hand fly, and would not expect him to do so.
In addition, have had First Officers hand fly the aeroplane in the London TMA (as well as other very busy locations), and have had absolutely no problems whatsoever. This included line training new First officers on the equipment.
Having said this, most of these folks decided to leave the a/p engaged, on most occasions.
Low visibility approaches are, of course, a horse of a different color.
Old-fashioned ideas?
Others may think so, but they served me well for over thirty years.