Very late in the day, and tucked up in bed this morning with my tablet, waiting for my morning "cuppa", and looking for something to see on iPlayer, came across "Last Post", which I had never previously watched, being inherently allergic to 'Redcaps'. Now it struck me that, as this Thread seems to have strayed in that direction, that an input from
Geriaviator (qv) might be a good idea, as he does not appear (after very cursory flick through nearly 500 Posts) to be aboard this Thread so far. But he is a busy man, so I've taken it upon myself ..........
Of course he's here ! Mea Culpa ! (Danny pleads Senile Decay)
After (predictably) drawing a blank with "Pilots Brevet - Search this Thread", I fell back on Google, which did the business and turned up these two 2013 Posts from Geriaviator. Now I am defying all normal conventions, and reprinting (without having previously asked his permission - but he is a good chap and I'm sure he won't mind) them in their entirety. I think that the majority will find them as hilarious as I did - and still do. (The first is necessary to fully understand the second).
And I beg the Moderater's infinite forbearance !
Danny.
Geriaviator.
19th Feb 2013, 12:56
https://s1.postimg.org/7yn7hgkr27/Dunera_and_75_W.jpg
RAF KHORMAKSAR in 1951 is a wonderful place for a precocious 10 year old, with lots of exciting things to discover, not least in the Medical Officer’s surgery which I am visiting for an ear infection. On the wall is a huge poster bearing the interesting legend: GUARD AGAINST VD!
“Mum, what’s VD?” I pipe up. “Just be thankful you haven’t got it, son, you’ll find out soon enough”, she replies. “Yes, but how can I guard against it if I don’t know what it is?” Mother looks imploringly at the MO, Flt Lt Powell, who has bowed his head and is shuffling papers on his desk. “That’s right, you don’t have to worry about it. It’s something that only affects grown ups”. “How do you catch it, sir?”, I persist. “Is it something like the flu? Why don’t children catch it? Do you get it at home, or just out here in Aden?” “Well, it’s not quite like flu, but you don’t need to worry, only grown ups catch it”. “Have you had it, sir?” I ask.
Then I notice that the MO is in some distress. His face has turned red, his eyes are watering and he has his hand over his mouth the way my little sister does when she’s going to throw up. That’s enough, says mum, show the doctor your sore ear. No swimming for another fortnight, he says, exchanging glances with my mother. There’s something going on here, I think, but there’s no further discussion as I am marched schoolwards at the double despite the heat that hits us like a wave as we emerge from the cool sick quarters.
Our house is on the corner of the married patch, overlooking the RAF school and only 50 yds away. This can be a mixed blessing, as my best friend David Brindley and I found last week when re-enacting She Wore a Yellow Ribbon after its premiere in the Astra Cinema. We gallop into our livingroom ahead of the Seventh Cavalry to find Miss Buckle our teacher has popped over for tea with my parents. Miss Buckle is very old, I overheard Mum tell Dad she was about 38. Like a cobra, she reacts instantly to any sudden movement by small boys and impales us with her basilisk stare before she remembers where she is and bares her teeth in a terrifying smile instead. It gives me quite a fright while David is so shaken he doesn’t come near our house for a week.
Mum leaves me to the classroom door, I slip into my seat and tell Miss Buckle that I won’t be able to swim in the school contest. “That’s a pity, is your ear still sore?” Yes miss, but mum says I should be thankful I haven’t got VD”. “She said WHAT?” I wilt under Miss Buckle’s terrifying glare, and fear I’ve said something wrong. “Please miss, it says about VD on the MO’s wall and when I asked him what it was he said it’s a grown up problem and I’m not to worry because children can’t catch it”.
Miss Buckle’s face turns red, her mouth twitches, she lifts her desk lid and rummages around inside it, head down. What’s wrong, I wonder? Miss Buckle is not well, maybe she has caught ... an awful possibility crosses my mind. I hope that Graham hasn’t caught one of the four-inch locusts that drift across from Ethiopia. He likes to hide one in her desk so it flies out with a mighty whirr when the desk is opened, because Miss Buckle gets very excited when this happens and while it’s most entertaining to watch in normal times we are in an unstable situation here. Robert pokes me in the back with a ruler and asks what it’s all about, while David is muttering something from across the aisle. We don’t notice Miss Buckle racing down the classroom until the crack of ruler on close cropped head and yelps of pain end further discussion.
When school ends at lunchtime we head for the pool and spend our afternoon discussing this mysterious illness. We can’t think of the answer ... but we know a man who can.
Tomorrow: our mystery deepens as the Khormaksar Kids fall under the icy shadow of the Cold War.
c
Geriaviator
3rd Mar 2013, 16:44
https://s20.postimg.org/92s21sgbx/church.jpg
1. In the beginning the Lord created the Heavens and the Earth, and the light, and every living creature that moveth. And He created that place which is called, Aden; and for some it was heaven, and for some it was hell.
2. And the Lord created His servant which He called, Padre Ashe; and He made his servant’s voice of the booming thunder, and the people feared the voice for it boometh for many hours. Or so did it seem to the people.
3. And it came to pass that the Padre Ashe did summon to the House of the Lord all people that did dwell in the place that was called, Khormaksar. And the people did enter the House two by two and in their proper order: behold the Group Captain in his Great Headgear of Gold, his Officers, their Ladies, the Sergeants in their raiment of Best Blue, their wives, their Kids, and all manner of lesser creatures, yea, even onto the lowly Erks that did creep upon the airfield.
4. And the Lord’s servant Padre Ashe gazed upon the assembled multitude, and it was good in his eyes; and he boometh on and on and on and on before them, yea, even above the mighty blasts as of a brazen trumpet; for Flt Sgt Smith did partake of the juice of the grape the night before, and the mirth of the people did fall upon him as he slumbered.
5. Now the child Graham was of the Kids, yet not of the Kids, for he was of the Israelites and so attended not the Church Parade, and he did wander abroad that Lord’s Day morning. And lo, the devil appeareth before Graham and sheweth onto him that portal in the House which they calleth, Emergency Door. And the child Graham fell into temptation and did open that portal, and did place therein certain of the Lord’s creatures, that is to say, the locusts which destroyeth the land, and his great land crab which he had named, Abdul; and the child Graham closed that door and crept away as a thief in the night.
6. Then did the twenty and two locusts rise as one to perform low-level circuits at full boost and max revs, and the House was filled with the mighty whirring of their wings, and the Ladies cried out in their fear. And beneath them the great land crab which the child Graham had named, Abdul, did run across the bare toes of the Ladies, and they called out in their terror, and Mrs. Edwards did fall to the ground with the vapours.
7. Now the tumult awakened Flt Sgt Smith from his slumbers, and he cast his hymnal upon the great crab which was named, Abdul, and did smite him thereon: and in his alarm the great crab named, Abdul, did seize the toe of Mrs. Evans, and in her fear she leapt up and did spill the Communion wine upon her finest raiment of Dior white, and her cry of woe rose to the heavens, where all the while the twenty and two locusts did orbit in furious formation. And the Padre saith Behold, the plague of locusts is upon thee for thy sins, and the people milled about in disarray.
8. Then did the Padre’s voice of thunder arise above the tumult, saying, Suffer the little children. And the people replied, saying, Thou bet they will suffer. And the mummies and daddies seized the Kids by their necks and bore them from the House while in vain the Kids piteously cried out their innocence; for well the people kneweth whence came all pestilence in their midst.
9. And as the weeping Kids were borne past him, the Group Captain did turn from them his countenance, for it was red as of the setting sun, and his eyes watereth, and his hand was before his mouth, and he uttereth a gasping noise. And thereby the Kids did learn that the dread Russian plague of VD had fallen upon their station commander, for he guardeth not against it as the MO did warn.
10. And behold, the wrath of the Lord did fill the right arms of the daddies, and verily the Rod of the Lord did fall mightily upon the backsides of the Kids, and they were cast into the darkness of their bedrooms without any supper: and the Patch was filled with wailing and lamentation.
NEXT THRILLING INSTALMENT: In a little-known chapter of Cold War history, RAF Khormaksar converts to Judaism.