This is unbelievable ineptitude on the part of your bureaucracy.
When I got my Australian PPL some years ago, I took all the paperwork to the regional office of [whatever our issuing authority was known as that week], paid the money over the counter and had the licence issued on the spot. The whole exercise took no more than 15 minutes.
The more I read about the bureaucratic hassles and political bull!!!! you British pilots have to endure, the more I admire your dedication to aviation.
And we thought things were bad here.... (well, they are getting worse)