I quite understand your situation. I'm 41 and I was "retired" 5 years ago from the Air Force after recurrent complaints about the safety policy in my unit. Now, I have the civilian licences but, nobody wants to hire a pilot with a "complaining" record here. You know. 2000+ hrs and you are not flying? something must be wrong with you...
First thing I thought after loosing my job was that I had ruined my life. Then, a helicopter in my ex-squadron crashed. 4 death. One year after this, another mishap. Three death. I know that probably I won't fly a helicopter any more. So sad. But I'm alive.
It's a difficult decission but perhaps my story can help you. Regards.